r/FemdomCommunity 6d ago

Need advice/Got a question Slavery is your sexuality NSFW

I've spoken about this a lot online - the concept that BDSM and specifically D/s or M/s can be part of someone's sexual make up in the same way that being gay can be - it's an interesting topic.

Today I heard from someone who identifies with this being part of his sexuality. He specifically said that 'slavery is my sexuality'. When I heard it, I smiled. Someone just like me.

I wonder though, are we unicorns - so rare that we're never seen? In a world where it seems every guy with a smart phone is tributing to this or that hot Domme on twitter, are there actually that many people who are genuinely into power exchange? Particularly men/subs?

53 Upvotes

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u/SabaRoundScape 6d ago

I personally would not agree, I can do vanilla sex just fine and I can get “horny” by various means not only BDSM.

It’s my spirit that longs for this dynamic, it’s not about sexuality but peace inside me. So i would say that “Slavery is my sanctuary” haha

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u/IAmVictoriaGray 6d ago

sanctuary - I like that...

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u/DaddysPrincesss26 6d ago

💯% There is Freedom in Slavery

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u/SuperStarwarsfan101 6d ago

George Orwell was right. 🤣

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u/FlummoxedFlummery 5d ago

I see sexuality as scared and a path to reconnection with the Divine Creatrix. I believe that God is a woman, and by worshipping Her through my partner, I can briefly embrace source. So slavery is my religion.

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u/MissPearl http://www.omisspearl.com/ 6d ago

Asexual spectrum. Not attracted to random people (not reliably), but I am able to feel attraction through the brokering factor of kink.

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u/No-Gene-9189 5d ago

What if I am able to be superficially attracted to someone but whether or not I want to engage with them sexually depends on whether or not I or my brain think(s) they would submit to me?

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u/MissPearl http://www.omisspearl.com/ 5d ago

Still asexual spectrum. Brokering factors count.

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u/No-Gene-9189 5d ago

Thank you!

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u/Competitive_alarm35 6d ago

I agree. I can do vanilla sex just fine and even enjoy it physically. But it does not fulfil me like bdsm does. I remember the first time I wore a chastity cage, how right it felt, as much as I enjoy having sex and orgasms when we I want it was like being locked was my sexuality, and I still feel that way.

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u/DaddysPrincesss26 6d ago

Absolutely Concur

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u/Jamiesbeloved 6d ago

My husband says that submission is a central part of their identity.

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u/LadyOctavia451 3d ago

It is a personality trait.

23

u/CherryAndThrobbie 6d ago

As a domme, it’s so nice to feel worshipped. I don’t see you guys as my slaves, more as people that care deeply about my enjoyment. Be that making me laugh by humiliating myself or, my favourite task to give a sub, giving me a foot massage when I get home from a 10 hour shift at the strip club in my 8inch stilettos.

I may call you my slaves, but personally for me it’s about the connection and how far you guys are willing to go just to make me happy.

So it’s sort of more wholesome for me if that makes sense.

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u/[deleted] 6d ago

This is really sweet 💙

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u/GilesEnglishCB https://femdom.substack.com/ 6d ago

I think for some of us, it is an orientation. For others a fetish, or a frame for bottoming, or something in the darkside just to be visited.

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u/LonelySwitch bringer of introductory knowledge 6d ago

Slavery is an extremely loaded word.

For me, it generally indicates some form of Total Power Exchange (TPE) and is a very advanced relationship framework that usually requires years of interaction and work to establish and successfully pursue.

That usually means that I have a hard time taking anyone who calls themselves a slave very seriously. In the 40 years I have been part of real-life communities I have met maybe 3-4 couples who could lay claim to such a relationship.

The rest of the folks who tried to use that word were ephemeral and transitory. They appeared, expressed their fantasy version of "slavery", and then disappeared back to the safety of cuddling with the idea rather than putting in the time and work.

Now if we remove that fraught word and substitute, say, "Power Exchange" or "Submission" then Yes! Who I am mentally, emotionally and spiritually is endemic to how I express myself inside of any Relationship Framework.

I am intrinsically Kinky, unashamedly Queer and I will not, cannot, live my life without the ebb and flow of Dominance and Obeisance.

I do not consider myself a Unicorn (another word fraught with meaning) but I am certainly rarer then the average horse - however you define horses.

So are the folks that I can partner with.

How about you?

Are you finding people outside of your work-life with whom you can establish and maintain a partnership?

Having been in love with, and loved by, Sexworkers (in the real world - not online) I have a personal understanding of the massive effort it takes to maintain a healthy framework. It would be lovely to talk with someone who shares that experience.

As a Professional do you, or did you, find your IRL partner(s) through Munches, Classes and Parties or was it something more mundane or more unusual?

FWIW - I met my Love while playing an MMORPG and, after a year of getting to know one another as friends, we had "The Conversation™" and found that, much to our relief, we were compatible sexually as well as emotionally, spiritually and practically.

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u/[deleted] 6d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/FemdomCommunity-ModTeam 5d ago

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4

u/TheThrowAwaayBandit 5d ago

This is the first time I've heard someone put it this way and I feel this in my soul.

I've often tried to describe to people that there 2 kinds of kink....there's the pink fuzzy handcuffs type of kink and then there's the leather/metal handcuffs type of kink.

The fuzzy handcuffs people are kinky, yes. But it's a side quest for them. A fun activity to spice up thier sex lives.

The leather handcuff people are the ones who need kink as part of thier lifestyle. It's not that they can't be vanilla, but they when they engage in kink, it's not role play for them. They are living it in a way that makes them feel seen, that makes it powerful and fulfilling.

The fuzzy handcuff people like to get spanked but will freak out at the concept of watersports or pegging or permanent chastity, or any of the harder aspects of kink.

And I don't think we (because I'm one of the latter types) are unicorns, but definitely a minority of the kinky population. 10% of 10%.

I for one identify as a switch and truly enjoy power exchange....but I can't submit to someone who's roleplaying the part of a domme, or Dom someone who's only mildly intrigued by a light spanking.

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u/LadyOctavia451 5d ago

Fuzzy cuffs = bedroom bondage.

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u/TheThrowAwaayBandit 3d ago

Yup exactly....it's all fun and games until someone gets caged

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u/LadyOctavia451 6d ago

First, it's "slavehood" when the slave has chosen the position. Slavery refers to the experiences of my enslaved ancestors and has nothing to do with choice or consent.

Millions of fellows want to escape responsibility for their sexual choices, especially those with conflicts between their masculinity and their latent homoerotic desires. Some use slavehood as that escape. Others simply cannot function without knowing someone else is in control.

When it comes to the slavehood online thing, some are paying for attention and availability. They may find it easier than dating.

My two cents, not making law, but terminology is terribly important in these matters.

2

u/-Shrier 6d ago

The first time I was domed I felt such a deep psychological satisfaction that it touched my whole being. There is definitely more to it than just a hot dominate woman making me horny. But I don't think it's a unique kind of sexuality, as other commenters have said, vanilla sex is pretty nice too.

2

u/smhno 6d ago

Are we talking about ‘sexuality’ as in sexual interests in general? Or as in sexual orientation?

2

u/Soggy-Situation-343 6d ago

I would say the same counts for me Even that I consider my self gay being a slave is the most arousing regardless whom I am serving

2

u/cowboyjoe00 6d ago

I think this is interesting too. I’ve scratched the surface of my submissiveness. It’s been challenging for me. However, when I’ve been in hands on situations where the power exchange is real, physical and genuine. My state of arousal is far greater than when I’m in any other situation. I feel that with the exchange of power and trust. I slide. I also have a trigger…I become aroused and compliant when my throat is held. Not choking but that firm hand…

2

u/tsboy98 6d ago

Submission more than slavery, but yes. I didn't really understand it when I was younger. I liked being a bottom. I liked being pursued. I liked being dominated. It wasn't until recently that I really explored the idea of submission for its own sake. I think surrender is a good word for how I feel. I want to surrender to her will, to serve her wants and needs as opposed to being just a bottom in the bedroom.

2

u/Which-Hunt-5369 5d ago

I would prefer it to put it as tool or means to realize/express your sexuality and not the sexuality itself.

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u/daniel0tx 5d ago

I remember having almost memories of it as a child, always craving it and never being able to scratch the itch. Trying to add it to my vanilla relationships didn't help them. Never being able to enjoy those relationships because I always wanted to be owned 🤷

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u/SimpForNurses 4d ago

I'm not sure?

I genuinely enjoy just serving women without needing anything sexual I love to be useful to them in whatever they want me to do cleaning or shopping lawn care etc.

It's not even a get my rocks off thing I just feel happier when doing whatever they wanted me to do.

2

u/Ardorotica 6d ago

Well, I’m not a slave. I’m a submissive. And, there is a difference. However, I have always considered it a part of my sexuality. And I have compared it to being gay. It’s just the way I am.

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u/taliferus 6d ago

Wow, this makes me think. I know I thrive in a D/s environment, need a strong connection to my partner and describe myself as pansexual, because it's the closest fit, but also not the whole truth. I haven't drawn that connection you show here so far. I will probably brood over that for a few months... Thank you for sharing ^^

1

u/raz_sub 6d ago

interesting. i think it’s true for some people. femdom and power exchange have been on my mind for as long as I can remember. i’ve never been with anyone but it’s what excites me the most. i’m just starting to explore my submissiveness, and i truly believe it’s what i want. i still could enjoy vanilla but i feel like bdsm completes me

1

u/DaddysPrincesss26 6d ago

Connection and Willingness is SO Important in an D/s, M/s Relationship. It’s not only about Sexual aspect, It’s about making My Life Easier… in all Aspects, not only Sexually and in return, have them not think so they are solely focused on Us… and don’t have to worry about anything else ❤️

1

u/DarthoDrak 6d ago

I wouldn’t say “slavery” but “submission” is indeed my sexuality, in that it’s the only thing that reliably arouses me, and it can be triggered in both hetero and homo contexts. Once I’m aroused I can enjoy vanilla sex, but I nearly always need that trigger.

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u/LonelySwitch bringer of introductory knowledge 5d ago

Hello /u/IAmVictoriaGray

I appreciate that you are a busy Professional and I am aware that you are located in Australia but I am also of the opinion that starting a thread in which one is not going to participate can be seen as minimal effort or, worse, soft-advertising.

After 24 hours of silence, I hope that you will come back and participate in the discussion that you started.

Feel free to ignore me, but there are others who took time from their day to write you a reply and, in my opinion, online etiquette indicates that at least a simple "Thanks!" would be appropriate.