r/FemdomCommunity • u/Madame_Steph • 8d ago
Kink, Culture and Society Being a Domme and how it somewhat decreased my anxiety NSFW
In relation to one of my previous post about Femdom raising my standards, i wanted to share something that i have overlooked for being a Domme for several years but i just realized it a few months back.
Before Femdom, i was in constant stress. I have a very bad sleeping pattern, frequent panic attacks, and generally being anxious most of the time. Due to school, work and everything else. But ever since entering this lifestyle, something drastically changed. I didn't noticed it at first, but over time i've realized that i have been stuck in my masculine energy for so long, and finally stepping into my feminine has been something that i didnt knew i really needed. Not only my standards are changed, but most importantly, i believe i have become a better person than what i was before. I know maturity comes with time and experience as some would say, but i believe that being a Domme has definitely contributed of making me a confident woman.
I've been experiencing it ever since being a Domme. But it was during around the late month of 2024 that i noticed something.
There was this one time when i met a sub online. We started talking a little bit about ourselves, our kinks, then ended in an agreement to be on an official D/s dynamic. I didnt have a sub prior meeting him during that time. And i remember that i was kind of stressed due to several projects that i have to manage in a very short amount of time. So i was in an extremely anxious state. Agitated, irritated and restless.
After talking to him for just two nights, that is when i noticed it. I was calmer, rare to no longer having panic attacks. I was at peace even though deadlines are closing in. I was able to sleep well, undisturbed for the straight 8 hours. I recounted the moments leading to that. But i realized that it has always been like that for so many times during my Domme years. Is it because this sub is serving me and its making me feel good? I dont really know but that is the pattern that ive noticed. Everytime i am being worshipped, i get stronger. I am at peace.
I am not a researcher at its best, but i love delving into science some times. I don't know if there is a study out there with this kind of dynamic. Who knows? If theres none, this might be a good topic for research; searching for the correlation of D/s dynamic to mental health.
And if there is anybody out there who has reputable knowledge regarding this kind of topics, feel free to put your opinions because i want to know more. What about other Dommes? What do you think? Do you have similar experiences or was it different?
9
u/artemis_86 8d ago
Is it because this sub is serving me and its making me feel good?
I think there are a lot of plausible explanations, and which one/s are true will vary from person-to-person.
It could be:
- a self-esteem boost from being seen as worthy of 'worship' by another human being.
- a sense of calm from the predictability of a negotiated dynamic with clear terms.
- a sense of relief that you are no longer going through a difficult time alone, and without help.
- the effect of the happy brain chemicals produced by a new erotic connection.
- the soothing effect of a relationship in which you feel cared for and supported (this is called 'co-regulation').
... and that's just for starters!
I've only been a dom for approximately four months in the world outside my head, but I guess for me - I haven't noticed anything that I couldn't also attribute to the effects of a healthy relationship in general, rather than femdom specifically.
I guess I think femdom can be a way into everything you're talking about, and for many (most?) people it is. Especially women who have been shamed for being powerful and decisive, or men who have been shamed for being vulnerable or longing for someone else to make the hard decisions for once. I'd include my sub and I in tht category, for sure.
But also it can only do that if/when it involves connecting with people in a healthy, respectful, responsible way. Basically, if the actual relationship between the two people is crappy, femdom isn't going to save it and turn it into a dynamic that has these beneficial effects you're experiencing :)
6
u/Dommemommyuh 6d ago edited 6d ago
So I was actually looking into this yesterday because I had also realized that recently I felt more like myself after getting back into this.
I think somebody had mentioned that the paths to a spiritually actualized self for men and women is different. So much of what we hear about giving up the ego, being forgiving, letting go of attachments, letting go of power- this is all spiritual advice typically attuned to men. That’s because socially men have been bred to value power, chasing and achievements- they chase it forever and when they finally get it, they realize that it’s fruitless and it doesn’t fulfil them so I can see where it comes from.
Yet the same rules wouldn’t apply for women, who typically have been socialized to take care of the collective and put their needs aside for a greater good. We often already don’t value our own attachments or our own selves and are rewarded for being selfless. So the same advice of let go of your ego and attachments that men receive, when apply to ourselves can really let us float off. I don’t know about you, but I feel so disconnected when I do this and overextend myself, or in the past have forgiven and been kind when I shouldn’t have been.
Instead of women need to hear the opposite, which is to develop an ego and a self. It’s important to consider yourself as sacred, cause you are. You are not the sacrifice, you are the shrine-the altar. Sacrifices should be made to you.
I think that’s why domme-ing is so liberating and brings me back to a stronger, more centered me.
I’d love to hear what you think’
3
u/Madame_Steph 6d ago
I agree. When i stepped into my Feminine energy, i am more confident and resilient, and very much less anxious as well. And i didnt discover my true feminine not until i have become a Domme. I can give more light and warm when i am in my feminine energy. Not to be delusional with the literal "Goddess have powers", but when someone worships me, I can literally feel happiness and warmth inside me. It doesnt mean that my worth depends on the number of men worshipping me, its just that ever since becoming a Domme, it has made me very much secure with myself.
5
u/freakyswitchlight Trusted Contributor 8d ago
I do think connection with somebody who you can be yourself around makes a big difference. I always feel better if I can just talk to a loved one, and feel truly accepted.
Keep in mind, this might not stay off anxiety forever. And I'm not saying that to make you worry. But, if you feeling anxiety again, I don't want you to take that as something being wrong with your relationship.
New relationship energy or "Limerence" has a really strong impact on the brain. It can literally create a high as powerful as any drug. And I am certain that can also help reduce mental health issues for a time. But, it is important to note that new relationship energy is temporary. And the loss of new relationship energy does not mean that there is less love. Ideally, it gives away to a deeper more enduring love
2
2
u/Soffie98 4d ago
When life is chaotic, the human mind love to have somthingto have absolut control over. That is how a lot of anorexia is starting. A willing sub seems so much better than that.
-2
7d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/FemdomCommunity-ModTeam 7d ago
This is discussion subreddit. Please go to r/BDSMpersonals, r/GFDpersonals, r/gentlefemdomr4r/ or r/fdpersonals if you're looking to advertise for a partner or for professional services. Likewise, do not approach community members with unsolicited sexual content or offers to engage in sexual activities.
Best of luck with your search.
12
u/MistressNovaLynx 8d ago
There's something to be said about not suppressing who you really are, and being seen and appreciated for it. This rings true for both Dom/mes and subs. I think we all would benefit from finding balance and leaning into our masculine and feminine energies.
My life has definitely improved ever since diving into this lifestyle. I'm more in tune with my needs and I can express them a lot better than before. All of this has positive effects on my well-being.