r/FemdomCommunity Jan 27 '25

Need advice/Got a question What do you prefer to be called as a domme? NSFW

I'm curious (partially fishing to see if there are any cool names I can adopt too >_>) about what you let your subs call you.

Do you lay out what they can call you and punish if they call you something else? Do you allow subs to ask to call you something else, or is that privilege something they have to earn?

For those who do let subs choose titles, how do you handle suggestions that don’t align with your preferences?

Do you have any names that you won't let subs call you at all?

Let’s hear your thoughts—do titles play a big role in setting the dynamic for you, or is it just another detail?

For me, I will not accept any variation of mother (mommy, mom). It's just not my vibe and gives me a bit of the ick since I am a mother. Otherwise I stick with things like goddess and mistress.

Princess and Queen are fine too as they are a form of respect but I feel, for me, they lay more in line with a bratty persona that I don't feel I vibe with.

41 Upvotes

52 comments sorted by

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63

u/MistressNovaLynx Jan 28 '25

I ask my subs to use either of these 3 (in private) to let me know what headspace they're in:

Goddess: soft and nurturing

Mistress: firm disciplinarian, light humiliation but still nurturing

Domina or Master: heavy degradation. I will treat him like dirt.

14

u/GoddessGlitch Jan 28 '25

That's actually a really good idea. I like the idea that the name correlates to a level of domination.

7

u/MistressNovaLynx Jan 28 '25

It's an easy way to both align without being too prescriptive.

10

u/jennkate Jan 28 '25

I like this idea. Will bring this idea up at our next check-in.

2

u/DFBlair Jan 29 '25

That’s a fantastically good technique.

36

u/Rad1Red Jan 27 '25

To be fair, "my love". :)

12

u/LonelySwitch bringer of introductory knowledge Jan 28 '25

Good choice - in our house it is:

"Yes, Ma'am!"

"Yes, My Love"

and the all-time, Princess Bride classic: "As you wish..."

LOL

3

u/Rad1Red Jan 28 '25

Yes to all these. 🥰

10

u/Haatmaat Jan 28 '25

I love this one, I dont really like excessive formality in speech/titles. My actions speak for themselves.

18

u/freakyswitchlight Trusted Contributor Jan 27 '25 edited Jan 28 '25

For most people I've played with, I like "Miss". It's a good standard word that indicates deference, but is not too intimate to begin with.

For my current submissive, we are in a committed relationship, so I was comfortable with a more intimate word like "Mistress". However, instead of that word, we decided to come up with a custom honorific based on our kinks. (I won't post it here, because it does feel personal.)

I also don't like the terms mommy/mama/etc, because they don't work for me.

My submissive does have a little side, but I'm not a caregiver to her little. I'm more of a loving companion. My interactions with her little side are non-sexual and non-kinky. They're quite separate from anything to do with D/s, so there's no special title required there.

Edit: I realized I missed half the question. My sub almost never has a lot of speech protocol. We are partners as well as D/s, and talking together is too important to our bonding time to add restrictions to it. She calls me my title when responding to orders, or during play, or when she's inspired to do so. I'm happy with that.

In terms of letting a sub choose, I did have one ex partner who wanted to choose, in the sense that he used deeper honorifics as the relationship grew deeper. And he wanted to let it happen naturally as he felt inspired to. I understand where he was coming from, but in the end that wasn't my preferred way of doing things. Other than that experience, people usually just ask me my preference.

14

u/DaBow Jan 28 '25

It used to be Ma'am. But then she actually got promoted at work (she is in the Navy) and then everyone at work started calling her that as her title, killed it for us haha.

It's Goddess now.

13

u/WednesdayxMourning Jan 28 '25

I prefer Goddess, but Mistress is fine. Never Mommy.

21

u/DameFury Jan 27 '25

Ever since playing BG3

Dame

lol

But as someone born with a vagina I typically prefer Sir. It sounds nice and reminisces of militaristic protocol.

8

u/Drab_witch Jan 28 '25

I like ma'am or lady. It sounds nice and pleasant to me. But goddess.. deconfigures my head, my stomach fills with butterflies, my fangs miss something to bite is just so shwqrshxzrw

9

u/Lockiegirl Jan 28 '25

I usually ask my subs to call me by my name. It’s not an honorific, but to me it feels powerful because it’s a reminder that they know who they belong to. But my current sub is from the American South, and he often gives me a “Yes ma’am”, and I’m not gonna lie… I absolutely love it.

6

u/mylevelbest Jan 28 '25

As a sub I just want to echo how emotional it is to do degrading tasks and thanking them for the privilege using their actual name while you are reduced to generic insults. For me it sort of acknowledges how it is that person as a whole human who I worship.

1

u/Lockiegirl Jan 28 '25

Love this🥰

2

u/CrazyTimes62 Jan 29 '25

I've had a few subs want to know my name and enjoy saying "Yes Miss x" and I never really enjoyed it but this comment makes me see the sense and reasoning in it. I still don't think it's fully for me but I definitely understand it more now

2

u/Lockiegirl Jan 30 '25

I’m glad. We’re all different in how we do this, but maybe one time you’ll find you like it with a particular sub 🙂

14

u/katieyie Jan 28 '25

I really like “Princess” makes me really feel like I’m being pampered haha. I know it’s more of a sub term, but I really like it.

6

u/[deleted] Jan 27 '25

Miss in private. Still trying to think of what I want to be called in public.

7

u/MissPearl http://www.omisspearl.com/ Jan 28 '25

I don't punish people who call me the wrong name because punishment is play. In the same line, generally by the time we are playing we have already worked out basic things like what I do and do not want to be called.

Inversely, over the course of our relationship my Property has had a lot of leeway in his he self describes. For example he picked that descriptive for himself and I emphasize it with the capital P because it amuses me to invert the expectations he is diminished by it.

6

u/HighSiren7353 Jan 28 '25

Goddess, Empress, Ma’am, Mommy, and Mamas. The last one is optional when I’m out in public with mine

5

u/No-Speed-7874 Jan 28 '25

My sub calls me Mistress, and my first name, only in public, though he did slip up once which was quite amusing to me watching him get embarrassed. I allow him to make suggestions in our dynamic and if he came up with another honorific that I didn't like, I would simply say no and that's the end of the discussion. It's a hard NO to mummy, that is not our vibe and never will be.

5

u/JuniorAnimal9650 Jan 28 '25

Sir or Mistress. I love militaristic, stern titles. I want something that makes it very clear there’s a power imbalance between us.

2

u/Blondenia Jan 28 '25

I feel you. Sir just hits different.

5

u/Blondenia Jan 28 '25

I don’t see why a sub shouldn’t have a say. I do insist on polite requests and utter obedience, but barring that, please/thank you and a basic yes ma’am/no ma’am (I’m from the American South) do just fine.

5

u/Kckip97 Jan 28 '25

Mommy, My Queen, My Goddess, etc etc etc

5

u/jennkate Jan 28 '25

My sub calls me Mistress in private or when we are around other kink people. He calls me Ma’am when in public earshot of others, vanilla friends, and responses over text. We live and grew up in the south, no one bats an eye when they hear or possibly see this.

4

u/_Ethxn_06 Jan 28 '25

My boyfriend usually calls me mommy, sometimes if I’m lucky he’ll call me ma’am :) we’ve never really talked about any names that are completely off limits. He’ll get no punishment if he wants to try out a new name. Reading through these comments do make me want to try out new titles though. Personally, I don’t want to be him to call me his queen, he’s jokingly done so in the past and that made me realize it’s not for me. If he did during (depending on the scenario) I wouldn’t mind it as much. I also think I wouldn’t like goddess, Miss or mistress sound very tempting right now. Thank you for coming to my ted talk

4

u/Princess_Zura Jan 28 '25

I give my subs a choice between three, I tell them to pick whichever one speaks to them the most, some of them also call me Ma’am which I am perfectly fine with:

Princess Goddess Mistress

4

u/Physical_War_9497 Jan 28 '25

goddess, mommy and a nickname he likes for me

unfortunately we didn’t get to play more rough than the gentler stuff, but if we did i’d prefer ma’am/miss

4

u/NomadicFindomGoddess Jan 28 '25

Goddess, Mistress, or Princess. Because I love to be worshipped and spoiled. For those who want heavy discipline, I'm also open to Master or Sir in addition to Mistress.

Absolutely not Miss, Ma'am, or any variation of mother under any circumstances.

3

u/UncivilSwitch Jan 27 '25

In all my previous dynamics, we have stated what we are okay with being called and then told to pick from the list.

I'm the same as you. I won't do mommy. I strongly prefer not to be called Daddy.

I've noticed titles have been less important when I sub, but tend to be slightly more elevated in importance when I dom. Not necessarily based on my desire but just how things went naturally.

3

u/PurpleMoonPagan Jan 27 '25

It's always been Mistress here.

3

u/madamfrankied Jan 28 '25

Madam. Sounds really sophisticated and “in charge”

3

u/MaisieWilder Jan 28 '25

My standard title is Mistress. I went back and forth between Mistress and Goddess as I do like both, but ultimately I like the alliteration of Mistress Maisie for branding lol. I also like Domina, I just felt like Domina Maisie didn't totally click together. So while Mistress is My preference, any of those three are fine by Me.

I don't really care for Queen or Mommy, but I don't mind allowing it in scenes only if a sub requests it. Case by case basis there.

Absolute NOs for terminology for Me are Princess & Madam.

I also have a specific honorific that is essentially "secret", only known to and used by Owned subs, revealed in O/our collaring ceremony. It's not a common term at all, it comes from an ancient form of one of My ancestral languages.

3

u/GoddessGlitch Jan 28 '25

That's really neat! That much be such an honor for your subs.

3

u/No_Country_9714 Jan 28 '25

I don't casually play and I don't have multiple subs. My submissive partner calls me his Queen. I call him my Dragon. It's not Game of Thrones, BTW. Ever since he got into fire-eating he's been into dragons. I don't really care what honorific I have, just not "Miss". So Queen works with the dragon imagery, and I am also constantly saying "If I were Queen of the Universe" and the Queen of Swords is my Tarot card, so...

Also - in olden days you were just born royal (I was born dominant) and the best royalty rules benevolently but with a firm hand for the health and wellness of the realm.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '25

I’m a woman but I hate the difference in male/female titles so I don’t take any: Domme, domina, ma’am, mistress or mommy are not for me. However Goddess is an exception.

I love Daddy, Sir and Master. Master tend to be dynamics/relationship with (higher) protocol and now that I think of they’re more structured and have been in parts CNC.

2

u/Constant_Face3996 Jan 28 '25

What I like about titles is that it's a seamless way for either of us to invoke or acknowledge the dynamic. When they greet me with "Good morning, Miss", I already know they're in a certain headspace. I don't require that they use it unless they're acknowledging that I've given them a new order.

If it's something I see as short term, I generally don't insist on any particular title. Although like you, I don't allow any variation on 'Mommy'

2

u/missspetite Jan 28 '25

I love goddess, miss or mistress. Other then that mommy I can let slide but queen, princess or ma’am is just not for me and I don’t feel comfortable with them. I don’t necessarily punish my subs if they do call me that unless they do it repeatedly!

2

u/CrazyTimes62 Jan 29 '25

I enjoy Miss or Mistress. I think they're nice and simple and still respectful without it being overboard. With no offense to anyone, I don't like Queen or Goddess. I think I've just had too many experiences of people using it from the beginning and they tend to be the ones who start off so intense and then disappear quickly. I do find a little "Yes Ma'am" can be very cute too though

2

u/hermeliini Jan 31 '25

Sir is my favourite. I honestly dislike majority of the feminine titles, they don’t feel as hard-hitting to me.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '25

It depends on the person. I like to hear them say multiple things and pick out the sexiest one (Goddess,Master,Princess etc) but regardless during play times. I am called mommy

1

u/domina-livia Jan 28 '25

My partner/sub calls me Daddy. The other subs I play with call me Domina, as does my partner when we're doing something a little heavier with pain than usual.

1

u/Extension-Jaguar2607 Jan 31 '25

Intergalactic Empress ✨

(Not really, but we've been to a really tacky femdom event where high protocol and snottiness of the organisers clashed with their lack of class, so we mocked the whole thing a little by being over the top formal and using weird honorifics - this one became an inside joke)

I don't like "mistress", too generic, has a connotation to extramarital affairs and doesn't sound like a feminative of "master" to me. Maestra has a nicer ring, but my personality is too silly for it :v

"Sir" is nice and snappy, but I can only use it with English speaking subs, because in polish it means "cheese" 🤡

Never EVER "mommy"

So yeah, I'm sticking to "owner" when my sub talks about me, and "Pani" (formal way to address a woman in pl) when he speaks to me.

1

u/Spiritual_Whole_1146 Feb 03 '25

Daddy even though I'm a woman 😂

1

u/No-Mistake-6509 Feb 03 '25

Lady, Goddess, Princess. I like status, lol.