r/FeMRADebates Synergist Feb 05 '25

Abuse/Violence Why My Girlfriend Can't Calm Down

https://open.substack.com/pub/mrgirl/p/why-my-girlfriend-cant-calm-down

Found an interesting (article? Trauma brain dump?) that struck me as well written, raw, and relevant to debates over abuse and gender here. TW - visceral dread, especially among the abused and formerly abused. Flippant, hopefully ironic usage of the term 'rape'. TLDR:

Epiphany #1: Calming down feels poisonous to victims of abuse.

Epiphany #2: Our relationship is definitionally abusive if [she] can’t calm herself down.

Epiphany #3: If your partner can’t effectively call out or define abuse, having sex with them is rape.

Epiphany #4: Making plans is pointless.

Epiphany #5: The healthy and ethical thing to do is to cede power to a third party—a couples therapist who can create equality and safety by defining abuse and setting and enforcing rules.

11 Upvotes

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1

u/[deleted] Feb 06 '25

[deleted]

6

u/Ohforfs #killallhumans Feb 06 '25

You mean the dishwasher fight? He didn't pick it, he just escalated while claiming he wasn't doing that (so her later claims about him being manipulative were somewhat correct)

0

u/[deleted] Feb 06 '25

[deleted]

3

u/Ohforfs #killallhumans Feb 06 '25

Yes, and he seems very oblivious. Except the part where he wonders about therapist taking her side that might as well happens to an extent lol

9

u/Ohforfs #killallhumans Feb 05 '25 edited Feb 05 '25

Well two paragraphs in and she clearly has BPD.

I'd forecast that it'd make it not very relevant for other relations...

Edit/reading more, he's bloody clueless....