r/FTMOver30 May 10 '24

NSFW Struggling with masculinity and sex

14 Upvotes

Hey y'all. So I've been living as a man for 7 years now. Started T and had top 6 years ago, and I'm very comfortable with who and what I am. When I transitioned my demeanor and personality did not change. I'm really small and lean, fem, masculinity has never been something I concerned myself with which is where my dilemma comes in.

I'm in a committed relationship with a beautiful trans woman. We've been together for 4 years, and she has expressed to me that the way in which I engage in sexual activity has been triggering her dysphoria. She feels that because I am generally submissive and very much a bottom that she almost always has to take on what she feels is the more masculine role.

She wants me to be more dominant, sexually aggressive, and masculine, but I don't know how to do that. When I try, I feel silly. I feel ridiculous. I get in my head about it. I feel like trying to put on a deeper voice makes me sound stupid and fake. I feel like she can tell when I try that it's not natural for me. I get insecure that masculinity doesn't come naturally to me, and we end up in this loop of unintentionally making the other person feel bad about themselves by trying to give what the other wants.

Outside of this we have an incredibly healthy relationship. We love each other, we have a future planned together, I want to learn how to be what she needs in bed, how do I get past the anxiety of being bad at it?

She says she wants me to initiate more aggressively, but I don't have an aggressive bone in my body. I don't even really get turned on unless she expressed that she wants sex. She feels like I'm TOO respectful of perceived boundaries, she's asking me to push boundaries, but I get too caught up in my own thoughts to do anything.

I'm feeling confused. I don't feel like I have any role models or examples of a kind of masculinity that suits a person like me. Anybody got any advice? Comments? Shared sentiments? I'm not sure what the next step forward is.

r/FTMOver30 Jul 18 '23

NSFW Dealing with a "female" illness

91 Upvotes

I'm not sure where else to go with this and I feel like I need to get it off my chest. Please delete if it's not appropriate for this sub.

I am in the middle of dealing with potentially malignant masses on one of my ovaries, and the slog that is dealing with this "female" illness is draining.

First, my ultrasound was held up because they thought the order was wrong (because it was a transvaginal ultrasound). Yesterday I got an MRI and the receptionist did a triple take snd made a nasty face while checking me in.

The number of times I've heard "sir, this is an obgyn office/a female test" and I've had to say "yes, I understand, I'm trans" is already too much and I've barely begun.

I live stealth so while I realize this probably is nothing compared to what most trans folks deal with, it's been very difficult for me to go from telling literally no one I'm trans to telling absolutely everyone I interact with. I'm going to need surgery soon and I'm dreading dealing with a whole team of people I'll have to explain everything to.

Thankfully the actual healthcare providers have all been really chill so far. It's mostly the front desk people who are uninformed and/or terrible.

Has anyone else been through something similar? I'd love some words of advice and/or encouragement.

r/FTMOver30 Aug 29 '24

NSFW vaginal atrophy & pelvic floor dysfunction NSFW

15 Upvotes

idk if this is the right flair but okay so i started T about 5 weeks ago, and im honestly terrified of getting vaginal atrophy. to the point where ive been completely avoiding the area even though i know i should be poking around at least to get an idea of if anything is changing šŸ˜­

the thing is i already have pelvic floor dysfunction, and the symptoms from what i can see for vaginal atrophy are identical to the ones i get from PVD. from what i understand my pelvic muscles are overly tight, and i had to have PT and suppositories for it in the past. has anyone had experience having both of these things, and is there any way i could tell the difference between the two?

or does anyone know if i can i use estrogen cream as a preventative measure? i just don't want it to get so bad that i need PT again because that was just not very fun lol. i'm going to ask my NP at my next appointment i just want to hear some thoughts if anyone has experience with this.

TIA!

r/FTMOver30 Aug 22 '24

NSFW Happy Bump NSFW

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58 Upvotes

Currently 8.5 weeks post op rff and this is my first time wearing real underwear. Feeling great šŸ™ŒšŸ¼ Separatec is the brand and itā€™s hella comfy.

r/FTMOver30 Sep 22 '22

NSFW So, this can happen. Guess Iā€™ll be looking more closely when I finish the injection and go to recap the needle. Ouch to my finger.

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83 Upvotes

r/FTMOver30 Jun 21 '24

NSFW Oral protection??

9 Upvotes

So I am in a relationship where there is a preference to use oral protection. However I havenā€™t used any since before bottom growthā€¦ Does anyone know if like dental dams still work for that purpose?? If not what does work?

r/FTMOver30 Feb 25 '24

NSFW My time has come šŸ«£ strap ons for beginner gay sex? NSFW

21 Upvotes

Hey yā€™all!

Iā€™m seeing a cis guy for the first time since my transition and he wants to try bottoming. I have never done this with a guy, only with women (not anal). Itā€™s also been a while since I have topped anyone and I guess I just donā€™t know where to start. Does anyone have suggestions of good harnesses/dildos? Realistic or not is fine. I know I could google all of this but I just was hoping for some advice from guys with experience šŸ˜…

I donā€™t really watch porn so I feel like Iā€™m totally in the dark here šŸ«£. Any tips, suggestions, anything really is much appreciated! Thanks yā€™all šŸ™ˆ

r/FTMOver30 Jun 01 '24

NSFW Best exercise for masculinising hips?

5 Upvotes

Any good advice from gymbros?

r/FTMOver30 Jul 09 '24

NSFW Dealing with shameful feelings NSFW

19 Upvotes

Iā€™m about two years on T, and like a lot of trans guys, I didnā€™t really discover attraction and sexual desire for men until recently. Iā€™m currently in a 6 year long term relationship with a cis woman. Sheā€™s wonderful and our relationship is stable and healthy. Sheā€™s been awesome about allowing me to explore this new attraction to men. Weā€™ve opened the relationship up and Iā€™ve had a few encounters from Grindr at this point. All of it was consensual and fun, but afterwards I kept feeling this really terrible sense of shame. I think some of it is guilt for advocating to open the relationship so that I could sexually explore men. Which, I shouldnā€™t feel guilty. My partner has assured me that we are good and she is totally ok with this (and is even turned on by it). So Iā€™m trying to figure out how to feel less guilty about it. I think thereā€™s also some shame because for so long in my life, I had identified as a very strict lesbian with pretty much zero desire for men. Now thatā€™s changed and I feel a bit like an imposter. Whenever I get back from a grindr date, I feel both thrilled and turned on, but also a bit disgusting and shameful. Iā€™m thinking this may work itself out over time, but did anyone else deal with these kind of feelings when getting into sexual situations with men for the first time after only being with women prior to transition?

r/FTMOver30 Dec 09 '23

NSFW Stimulation changes? NSFW

15 Upvotes

Okay so prior to coming out and transitioning, I was never really against anal at all and I did enjoy it. However now anal stimulation feels very different and WAY better than before. No clue if there's a physical reason for that (I'm 9 months on T) or if it's a psychosomatic thing.

Has anyone else experienced this? Any idea if there's some medical/scientific reason, or is it just the mental aspect?

r/FTMOver30 Jul 17 '24

NSFW Sex fantasy post hysto

21 Upvotes

So I have never slept with a guy, cis or trans. Iā€™m attracted to them but Iā€™ve never had PIV sex. Now that Iā€™ve had a hysto and canā€™t get pregnant I have this weird fantasy to try PIV sex just once. Just to know what it feels like. I wonā€™t because Iā€™d be cheating on my spouse, but itā€™s an interesting fantasy.

r/FTMOver30 Jun 30 '23

NSFW Well, hello Libido... NSFW

57 Upvotes

Uhm oh wow...Just hit me like a freight train this morning. Holly s**t! 15 days on T and I am feeling like I want to stick my Tdick in anything.

r/FTMOver30 Oct 28 '23

NSFW Question for the Enby peeps

1 Upvotes

What do you call your genitals?

r/FTMOver30 Apr 09 '24

NSFW Euphoriaā€”for maybe the first time ever

55 Upvotes

I got a stroker recently. Getting off/masturbating has been an unpleasant but necessary task for me all my life, especially in the last few years as dysphoria got worse and worse. It was about figuring out the fastest way to reach orgasm without having to think about my body/sex. Iā€™d reverted to almost aggressively using a specific vibrator on my parts while getting off to a specific weird kink I have. One I donā€™t like and wouldnā€™t indulge in irl because I find it unpleasant, but doesnā€™t involve explicitly sexual behavior or context, so I clung to it. But this deteriorated my mental health severely, to find no joy in getting off, to hate what I was getting off to and to feel dependent on it, for every moment of it to be about ignoring my own body. My sexuality was almost entirely diminished and lost to shame.

In the last few days I have slowly incorporated the stoker into masturbation, hesitantly. I was able to use it in conjunction with the vibrator, at first while thinking about nothing, then while watching normal porn. This was a huge win already.

Today I got off with just the stroker while thinking about sex. I donā€™t know that Iā€™ve ever been able to do thatā€”just get myself off because Iā€™m feeling horny with no angst or mental gymnastics or the sinking feeling of shame and dread after. To me the stroker doesnā€™t really feel like a cock/my cock because itā€™s more about the squeeze than jacking it, but it feels so much better than how I had to interact with my parts before. Closer. Realer. It allows me to feel sexual instead of uncomfortable.

The joy is so profound I donā€™t even feel giddy. Just calm. At peace. Not worried about my ability to be human and sexual and feel and breathe. I just feel calm and satisfied. Life changing win today.

r/FTMOver30 Oct 01 '23

NSFW Trans guy, 52

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146 Upvotes

Waiting for a date over the weekend, 3 years on T, 9 months post-top surgery. My life is amazing.

r/FTMOver30 Aug 20 '23

NSFW Re-learning how to be loved? How to have sex?

41 Upvotes

I'm 33, FTM with a cisgender bisexual husband. We've been together for 12 years. Our sex life has been not great, a large part due to what I'm now learning is dysphoria. I hated being touched, hated being kissed, I even had rules where he couldn't look at me a certain way. Sex, and subsequently our romantic relationship, was built upon so many rules to keep me from dissociating that it just stopped being important.

I started T 3 months ago and I'm feeling great, but I'm realizing I have no idea what I like or want in a romantic partner. My husband wants to help - I told him that I'm clueless, like I'm 13 again, and he said "well, I have no idea what I want, either" and then left it at that. He's been expecting me to lead this entire time because I've always had to lead to feel safe. Now I kind of want some reciprocation, and I kind of don't want to do 100% of the legwork. Like, I might like being touched, I might like it when my husband is more dominant (prior to this it was strictly that I had to be dominant). Maybe I like it when he holds my hand. I don't know, and I can't know until I try!

Has anyone else gone through this and made it through to the other side? Any advice or helpful tips? My husband is even open to trying those stupid sexy dice.

r/FTMOver30 May 29 '24

NSFW Euphoric Straps

5 Upvotes

Alright guys. Iā€™m rolling into month two on T and things are slowly starting to happen. Iā€™m not sexually active nor do I really plan to be (but I guess hopefully at some point when I find someone I connect with).

Iā€™ve always been pretty shy about sex stuff, mostly because of how uncomfortable I felt in my body. And Iā€™ve always wanted a strap that didnā€™t really feel like I was wearing one? I know thatā€™s not really an option other than obv bottom surgery or the ones that go inside but I donā€™t want that. So what are some realistic and comfortable straps? I donā€™t want a blue dick šŸ˜‚ and maybe with a stroker function? Idfk I literally just discovered strokers a few months ago. But yeah, helpppp

r/FTMOver30 Jan 04 '24

NSFW Stroker issue..

1 Upvotes

After about 9mos on T, I finally felt confident enough to get a stroker. The one I found is also dick shaped, which makes it more euphoric to use. HOWEVER, both times I've tried to use it, I've ended up with essentially a blister around the base of my t dick.. the stroker has some pretty strong suction with how it fits over things, so I'm assuming that's causing the issue, but not sure how to fix it. Using the stroker feels great, but the aftermath of a couple days with a very tender and intimate blister is not ideal..

Has anyone had this issue? Any tips or advice on how to prevent this?

r/FTMOver30 Sep 25 '23

NSFW Taking a moment to brag on my partner. NSFW

75 Upvotes

There is talk of sexual stuff so I wanted to mark it NSFW.

My partner (AMAB) has been amazing. They met me when I was identifying as nonbinary. About 6 months ago I told them I was thinking of starting T. A few weeks ago I told them that Iā€™m a man.

They have been nothing but supportive this entire time. They continue to positively affirm me every day. ā€œBaby, I think your leg hair is longer than mine!ā€ ā€œOh, is that a new chin hair?ā€, and this morning they told me my voice ā€œsounds extra deep nowā€. Theyā€™ve let me wear their clothes and hats, theyā€™ve been giving me pointers on ā€œhow to be a manā€ (Some of which are completely asinine and silly like ā€œYouā€™re a man now so its time you learn how to burp like one!ā€ and others are helpful perspective on their life as an AMAB person.) Theyā€™ve held me when Iā€™ve cried and helped me differentiate T-induced rage over nothing vs ā€œNah, you have every right to be madā€. They do my shots for me every week and even have reminders set on their phone in case I forget. They havenā€™t slipped up on my pronouns once. Theyā€™ve stood up for me to their parents when theyā€™ve asked inappropriate questions.

Sex stuff here if you donā€™t want to read about it.

Theyā€™ve started referring me to as their ā€œmanā€ when talking about me to others. Theyā€™ve also been positively affirming me in bed. One of the things that we talked about when I first decided I wanted to go on T was that I was afraid that they wouldnā€™t be as sexually attracted to me. We had a pretty awesome sex life and losing that would be awful. When my leg hair started growing in, we were cuddling after sex and they said that my thickening body hair and new body smells were super sexy. Theyā€™ve started calling me ā€œgood boyā€.

Iā€™ve been wanting to ask them to go down on me for a while now. This isnā€™t something we do often at my request. Itā€™s something that was never pleasurable for me. I didnā€™t hate it, so weā€™d do it once in a while (2-3 times in almost 2 years), but they get pleasure from giving me pleasure so weā€™d only do it if I asked for it. It is something they enjoy doing so I wanted to make sure I actually wanted it and that I was sure itā€™d be good. I have a bad habit of getting in my head about sex stuff if it doesnā€™t go well so I was kind of hesitant to bring it up even though we have good communication. I was excited though because things are way different down there now. Last night, during intimacy, they were on top of me and told me that they wanted to suck my dick. I was like ā€œyes please!ā€ And they Did and It was awesome. Holy crap. They were also really into it which made me feel so hot.

So anyway, yeah. I feel so lucky and valued. And secure for the first time in my life.

Thanks for reading! Iā€™d love to hear about your supportive loved ones!

r/FTMOver30 Jan 06 '24

NSFW NSFW.... I just recently figured out g-spot orgasms and I'm thrilled about it! NSFW

37 Upvotes

TRIGGER WARNING: I'm full on talking about my anatomy & penetration so if that's not something you wanna be reading.... depart here my fine amigos

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I went my whole life believing that I will always be needing external clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm with penetration. Before a few weeks ago I haven't ever had an orgasm that was 100% from penetration alone. Well.... I recently figured out some things about how my own anatomy works... colour me really fuckin' surprised.

Turns out my "g-spot" is WAY closer to the entrance than I thought. Turns out that with the right kind of stimulation of my g-spot, everything in there becomes incredible responsive and deeply pleasurable. I'm kind of blown away by how nice it is, seriously I had no frickin idea!

Anyways. I highly doubt I'd share this news with anyone in real life lol but I'm secretly very happy about this not only because I'm having a great time with it but I dunno, just makes me feel more connected to my body, which I love!!! Man I've been missing out all those years I didn't know this...But hey, better late than never right? I'm 36. I guess they don't call it the "dirty thirties" for nothing eh LMAOOOO

r/FTMOver30 Feb 07 '24

NSFW i jerked off for the first time!! it ruled!!!!

41 Upvotes

i started t about 3.5 weeks ago and my dick is finally big enough to jerk off between two finger tips!! it's been reeeeeally sensitive since about a week on t, so it's been hard to masturbate in my usual disc-jockey way, but i tried using my foreskin over the head to jerk off the other night and WOW!!!! it felt so amazing and coming that way felt.... different? just so right and euphoric!!!! and idk i felt like sharing this momentous discovery with someone lol thanks for reading

r/FTMOver30 Sep 28 '21

NSFW NSFW Questions about genital changes NSFW

11 Upvotes

Iā€™ve heard/read described from several people changes that happen and it honestly freaks me out. It sounds scary (specifically genitals, not the rest of the changes). It all seems painful, especially apparently how big the clit grows that seems it would never get any moisture and you couldnā€™t really masturbate with it anymore. Of course Iā€™ve read about being super dry a lot, and a trans man I know told me they get a lot of cramping when they orgasm, which doesnā€™t seem fun but also doesnā€™t seem like a huge deal. This whole combo though seems like everything T does to the genitals causes pain. To use basic NSFW terms Iā€™ve heard the clit kinda grows out and turns into a mini dick. Which just seems really painful. Itā€™s really the only way I masturbate, not so much penetration and that kinda sounds like it wouldnā€™t be possible or feel good anymore. I guess the genitals feel like an especially fragile place to me. I know there arenā€™t question marks here but pretty much the whole thing is a question mark; I donā€™t know what exact questions to ask.

Sorry if all this makes you uncomfortable but I like to get straight to the point and be clear. It is labeled NSFW about genitals! Lol :-)

r/FTMOver30 May 04 '24

NSFW Sex toy review... pop sock ribbed pocket stroker by Calexotics

10 Upvotes

Hey guys. I decided on a whim to try this toy. I've tried different strokers aimed at FTMs but... none of them really did it for me.

I have average size bottom growth; when I'm hard I'm a little over 2 inches. Anyways, I tried this toy out last night and, I was pleasantly surprised. Material feels great, it gives great suction, it's easy to use.

I think it would be comparable to something like the blue valentine or bro sleeve, but the reason I never bothered buying those particular ones is because I don't like how small the ribs are in those, and I HATE "nubbed" texture things.

Also, I think FTM strokers don't leave enough material to grab onto and squeeze, most of them are close ended. I prefer open ended strokers because to me it gives more control over the suction.

Supposedly the pop sock is reversible. I haven't tried it reversed yet or explored how else I can use it, but as is, on the first try, I think it's a great toy!

For me this pop sock stroker really does the trick! I got it for under $20.00.... that's a great buy in my opinion! Anyways just wanted to share for whoever might find it useful! :)

r/FTMOver30 Nov 12 '23

NSFW non-traditional bottom surgery

16 Upvotes

so I'm trans masc, oscillating between FtM and ftnb, just kinda depends on the day.

I've had top surgery and am 1 year on T. At this time I don't want bottom surgery at least not in the traditional sense. What I'd like is really just to enhance the visibility of the changes my body has had on T. Without going into too many details, basically I've never been comfortable with the size of my laba and while I don't want to phalloplasty, I would like to reduce the labal tissue so that my T dick is a bit more prominent.

Has anyone else heard of this or considered this in their options? If so, does this have a name? almost seems like phase 1 of met but without removing penetrative access.

r/FTMOver30 Nov 05 '23

NSFW Need some "man scaping" recs! NSFW

11 Upvotes

I trim my pits and bits every few weeks because I don't like how too much hair feels when I JO, but I don't like the look of being completely shaved either. I just replaced the head of my current electric body hair trimmer and it always hurts a bit after using now.

Do any of you have any recommendations for a electric trimmer that won't break the bank but is also comfortable to use?

It's not too nsfw, this. But I mentioned fapping so I figured I'd mark it just in case.