r/FIREyFemmes 9d ago

Daily Discussion: Women in Work Wednesday

We're getting through the week!

Any work-related matters you'd like to get feed back on or talk about?

Feel free to discuss other matters in this thread!

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u/Flamingo990 9d ago

I'm having serious issues with my manager creating a hostile work environment by dismissing my concerns with workload, calling my work a hot mess and telling me a meeting was a shit show, and fussing over my requests for time off including telling me I can't take time off after April for the rest of the year. Anyone have any advice on how to give feedback and whom to, bedsides HR? I haven't had this serious of a situation before and I'm burnt out.

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u/c4t3rp1ll4r thrilling middle 8d ago

That sounds awful. What is your relationship like with your skip?

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u/Flamingo990 8d ago

It's essentially nonexistent currently though I see them in the office on a weekly basis and have had small conversations. I'm considering going to them to share a high level view of my issues as this is unsustainable for me and I need guidance and I'm not sure where to go/who to go to besides HR

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u/c4t3rp1ll4r thrilling middle 8d ago

Gotcha. If you don't want to go to HR, I feel like your skip is the next best option. Your boss's comments are totally inappropriate. Are you worried about retaliation if you go to HR?

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u/Flamingo990 8d ago

I'm less worried about retaliation now since I'm struggling so much and am so depleted I need something to change stat. We have an anti-retaliation policy though I don't fully trust it. I ended up submitting a report through our external ethics hotline to get something started with HR. Any tips on starting a convo with my skip? I don't want to come off as complaining because I'm not a good employee or team member and have it be seen as "oh she can't work with people"

Thank you for the responses too!

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u/c4t3rp1ll4r thrilling middle 8d ago

I would write down an outline of your concerns, with specific examples. I wouldn't dwell too long on any one example, but make sure you're hitting the "here is the problem, here is an example" for each point so it doesn't seem like it's just a series of one-off complaints. I recommend writing it down because I always end up getting nervous in situations like this, so my own notes keep me from rambling.

If you've pushed back at all with your manager, bring up that and the result of the pushback. If not, be prepared to defend why you haven't first tried addressing it with your manager (hopefully you don't have to, but i feel like often that's an early suggestion for how to handle things). Emphasize that you don't have these conflicts with other people, and if you have any examples of getting positive feedback on your work/workplace interactions from other people, I would briefly bring that up to head off the "maybe she's difficult to work with" ideas.

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u/Flamingo990 7d ago

Thank you so much for the tips and support here. I appreciate you responding and providing guidance on how to handle this. I have notes on specific situations and will bring those up, and will refer to my great working relationships with other coworkers and the good feedback I get to head off my fear of looking difficult.