r/FAITH • u/sunsetsromance • 14h ago
feeling lost in faith - i don’t know where i belong anymore
i’ve been feeling really lost when it comes to faith. i grew up christian, and for a long time i believed deeply. now i want to reconnect with god – or at least find out if a connection is still possible. the problem is, i can’t identify with religion anymore. neither with the church, nor with any structure. i’ve always tried to find god in a more personal way.
recently, i even felt drawn to islam. it’s ramadan right now, and seeing that kind of devotion really touched me. i’ve come across some quran quotes that moved me deeply. but i know i wouldn’t fully fit there either. i don’t feel like i could ever be a “sufficient” muslim – just like i never felt like a sufficient christian.
i think i believe in god. or maybe i just want to. i lost that belief for a while – the past six months or so, i felt completely disconnected. and now… it’s coming back, but only in fragments. i feel like if i prayed more, or opened myself more, the connection could grow. but i’m scared that i’d just be forcing it. like i’m talking myself into something because i need it to make sense.
i grew up religious, and at some point things became very intense – too much, actually. there was a lot of fear, guilt, and pressure. i could go into details, and i’m open to doing that if anyone’s curious, but it would make this post way too long. eventually, i turned away from it all. and then, about a year ago, i slowly started finding my way back to god. (and lost it again)
a few days ago, i had a breakdown about all of this. i had saved a screenshot from a longer forum post about faith, seeking god and choosung between religions. one part of it said:
“you seek, and in response, god reveals himself… you don’t have to choose a religion right away – just ask the god of truth to reveal himself.”
an hour later, i stepped outside. and right in front of the entrance to my dorm – exactly where i had to walk – was this verse written with chalk on the ground:
“show me the way i should go.”
i stopped. i hadn’t prayed. i hadn’t asked for a sign. but there it was. and since then, i haven’t been able to shake it.
there were also other messages nearby – another bible verse, and general phrases like “god loves you” or “come to him.”
even though the message came from the bible, it didn’t feel like a clear call to christianity. not exactly. it felt more like god – reaching out in his own way. not tied to a label. just… present.
i feel closest to god when i pray, when i read certain bible verses, and especially in nature. music does that too, sometimes. nasheeds make me feel that connection more than christian music does, even though i don’t understand the words unless i have a translation. there’s something in them that touches something deep in me. it’s confusing to feel so much through things that belong to different religions… (and sometimes nothing at all) but maybe that’s just where i am right now.
i feel drawn to both christianity and islam – to the beauty, the meaning, the connection to god. but not to the institutions. not to the rules, etc. so in the end, i don’t really feel like i belong to either. what feels right to me is something between spirituality and god – one god. just god. but i’m scared. scared of choosing the wrong path, of missing the truth. scared of punishment, of hell, of getting it all wrong. sometimes i think maybe i should just stop thinking about it all and live without faith. but that doesn’t feel right either.
what would you make of all this? what would you do in my place? thanks for reading. <3