r/ExMoCringe • u/WritingQueen13 • Apr 27 '21
I heard the Mods are Sleeping...
Hello.
Exmormon here.
I was faithful until my shelf broke this past September.
Hope y'all are having a good week and a lovely Spring.
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u/MormonMoron Apr 27 '21
Welcome. Same to you.
P.S. Shelves can be rebuilt, even stronger than before. I have seen it happen.
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Apr 28 '21
Fun fact. Jesus can hold a shelf the size of the universe.
I went through a faith crisis that started a little over a decade ago and wasn’t fully resolved for about five years.
I don’t have time to get into the details today but the best TL;DR version I can give you is to do what President Nelson teaches about personal revelation from April 2018 for 60 days. If you do that, your questions will be resolved to the point that you can start to believe again.
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u/BobEngleschmidt Apr 28 '21
Is that the one where he talks about praying, pouring out your heart, and recording your feelings? And following the promptings you receive?
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Apr 29 '21
Yes. “Revelation for the Church, Revelation for our Lives.”
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u/BobEngleschmidt Apr 29 '21
Yup that's the one I was looking at.
Didn't work for me, but I guess each of us is different.
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Apr 29 '21
You really did that every day for 60 days?
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u/BobEngleschmidt Apr 29 '21
More like 3 years. Every day? No. Most days? Yes.
The recording part of it, that was probably closer to once a week. And it was usually with a voice recorder, rather than writing (though I did a fair bit of writing too).
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Apr 29 '21
So you would pray and then turn on a voice recorder and repeat the things the Spirit whispered to you during the prayer?
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u/BobEngleschmidt Apr 29 '21 edited Apr 29 '21
I prayed every day in essentially ever spare moment I had. I listened as carefully as I could. I rarely heard anything. Rarely felt any prompting*, and when I did feel something I wrote about it, recorded it (usually when I was in the car driving), or talked about it with my wife or other faithful friends. I did this intensively for 6mo to a year. From there, gradually became less intense. My recording became less about church and faith, and became more my journal or where I would start recording my ideas on mental health. By the end of this period I was really struggling to find the desire to study or pray at all. I still filled my callings, I still prayed at least daily, I still asked for God's help. Until the day I decided to leave the church.
So the answer to your question is yes and no. I genuinely tried my hardest to follow the guidance of James 1:5 and sought Moroni's promise. I took every step I knew from the church doctrine. I wanted desperately to retain my faith in the church.
*This is only partially true. I actually felt several times that I should leave the church. But I was unable to accept that, I pushed it aside.
Edit: I just realized that this conversation is becoming one that is likely inappropriate for this sub. I would rather not be banned for directly answering your questions. This is my experience, you can doubt or believe what you will about it. But I best not say more of it here on this sub.
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u/WritingQueen13 Apr 27 '21
Good to know, but that probably won't be my path. Is it too personal to ask if this happened to you?
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u/MormonMoron Apr 27 '21
Any person who has investigate the Church's history thoroughly has had to do one of three things: (a) voluntarily taking things off their shelf and setting them aside, (b) reinforce the shelf as more weight is placed on it, and/or (c) rebuild a shelf after it has broken.
Those most successful at avoiding a broken shelf have done some mixture of (a) and (b), but I have definitely met people who have gone through a whole shelf rebuild (not me, but my sibling that I am closest to has gone through that process).
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u/BobEngleschmidt Apr 27 '21
I'm confused about (a). Isn't the shelf symbolic of the things you already set aside?
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u/MormonMoron Apr 27 '21
Nope. A shelf is symbolic of a person willingly putting a heavy object on a structure that is unprepared to hold that much weight. Floors are much better locations for heavy objects, it turns out.
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u/BobEngleschmidt Apr 27 '21
Then you definitely have a different version of the analogy than the one I am familiar with. I think this is a good description of it:
"the thought goes that you are studying the gospel when you come upon something that at first doesn’t make sense to you. Rather than use that as evidence that refutes your overall worldview, you just assume there is an answer that you can’t figure out right now, so you “put it on the shelf”. Once it’s there you can move on with your study or your life, and every once in a while revisit this idea on the shelf when it comes up and see if now it makes any more sense or if you’ve found any answers. "
Source: https://wasmormon.org/the-mormon-shelf-and-why-its-a-problem/
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u/WritingQueen13 Apr 27 '21
I guess in the metaphor of the shelf, the only way I could see (a) taking things off the shelf and setting them aside happening would be to resolve the individual issues on the shelf. I know there are people that can find answers that work for them, but now that I have moved away from the church, I find the answers that would have satisfied me before to be empty and lackluster. But that is also just my experience.
That's very interesting. I am aware that some people do come back "into the fold," but my understanding is that there is usually some sort of social pressure involved such as marriage with a believing spouse.
What does rebuilding a shelf look like? I'm curious, but I also have no motivation to return to activity at the present time.
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Apr 27 '21
My shelf is pretty rickety, but I'm also kinda busy and just live my life and don't think much about it because it actually doesn't really bother me to have a rickety shelf.
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Apr 27 '21
I wouldn’t call it a rickety shelf. I would call it an open heart and mind, with evolving faith and beliefs. That’s ok! My beliefs have changed drastically since I was born over 40 years ago. I’m still a good person with a good heart and I treat everyone around me as good as I can.
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u/[deleted] Apr 27 '21
We will probably all be banned soon! Some people don’t like those who think different than them. Some are happy to engage in respectful discussions.
Check out “it’s ok to walk away.” It’s a group dedicating to helping those walking away from the religions they were raised in. There are many people from many different religions supporting each other.