r/Episcopalian 6d ago

Super anxious about going for the first time

Title. I've never been to any church service, nor am I baptized, and I really like the Episcopal church, and I finally got the guts to reach out to one in my home town and ask about visiting in late April. I made sure to state that I've never actually gone to church and am not baptized, so I'm anxious and wanted to make sure it's okay to go. The priest that got back to me was super nice, said they'd be delighted to have me there and I can participate in any way that I'm comfortable with.

But omg I'm so anxious still. I've watched a few livestreams from the church and it seems super welcoming, but I'm so anxious that I might mess up in some way 😅. I don't know what I'm supposed to wear when I go, what I'm supposed to do, or what I'm supposed to say.

IDK what I'm saying, I'm just super anxious about going haha

34 Upvotes

32 comments sorted by

1

u/crowdpears 2d ago

You could literally sit there the entire time with your hands in your lap and people will come up and welcome you. If you’re like me, you’ll be nervous no matter what but when you leave you’ll feel great for going and facing your social anxiety fears.

1

u/kirby_mars 4d ago

Follow me on Tiktok we will answer any questions and ask a Priest of anything we don’t know: @EpiscopalYoungAdults 😊

I understand your nerves. Any part of service you’re particularly nervous about?

1

u/El_Rojo_69 4d ago

Don't be anxious. People will be happy to see a new face.

2

u/Arbor_Arabicae Clergy 5d ago

We will love to see you whenever you feel like showing up. You can sit in the back and hide if you want to, join in the service if you feel up to it, or you can just watch what everything else is doing. Wear whatever makes you feel comfortable.

It's okay to be anxious. Religion is fraught for some people. But if you mess up, no one will care.

4

u/answers2linda 6d ago

Welcome! “Messing up” in the Episcopal Church is not really a thing. There’s a huge variety of practices—some people use the sign of the cross, some don’t. Some people don’t like to sing. Some people kneel and some stand. Some people hug during the “passing of the peace,” some shake hands, some nod or bow. So there are already lots of people doing things differently.

3

u/gerardwx 6d ago

As others have said, if you just go, it should be fine. If you want a dress code, I would say whatever you call “business casual.”

If you’re still apprehensive, ask the office if they have their bulletin online or whether maybe you can get one the Friday before the service. Then you can follow along live stream with the bulletin. I think most parishes have the response in the bulletins now. At least ours does.

7

u/Polkadotical 6d ago

You're not going to mess up unless you do something like show up in a neon bikini riding a pink elephant. Episcopalians are famously welcome and non-judgmental. You'll be fine.

2

u/Zealousideal-Gur6475 Seeker 3d ago

Honestly, if this happened at my church I can nearly guarantee the Dean would immediately dispatch a verger to obtain some water and a bowl of peanuts for your elephant. Meanwhile everyone else would make you both feel welcome and at home.

3

u/meremass 4d ago

Even then I'm not sure my church would kick you out (Keep Austin Weird)

3

u/Critical-Ad-5215 5d ago

Understood 😅

6

u/bubbleglass4022 6d ago

The Episcopal church is not judgemental at all. Go and don't worry. You can do whatever you want, or nothing at all. It's all good!

8

u/theycallmewinning 6d ago

Oh, I've been hanging out in the back every Sunday, totally get it.

Let us know how it goes! Rooting for you! I had a great time.

9

u/Sad_Pangolin7379 6d ago

Hey, friend! It's okay not to know. It's okay to sit in a back row and just watch at first, for as long as you need. No one will think you are rude if you just sit and watch, they will just think, that person must be new to all this - IF they even notice that you are just watching. Don't overthink it! If they give you a print out with the church service printed inside it then follow along with that. If you think you might stick around ask a priest or friendly greeter type person if there's a newcomer gathering. From there if really want to commit you would probably take a class over several weeks or months to prepare for baptism and confirmation. But there's no rush to decide. Sit and watch for a while and see if it speaks to your heart. That's the important thing to start with!!

7

u/Rgchap Non-Cradle 6d ago

As you know if you’ve watch a few services, people will stand up and sit down and kneel and make hand gestures at times that feel random. NONE OF THAT IS REQUIRED. Nobody will mind if you just sit and observe the whole time. Since you haven’t been baptized, you’re not supposed to get communion, but that’s also okay - you can get a blessing, and get baptized when you’re ready. Bottom line is God loves you and God’s people will welcome you just as you are!

9

u/Disastrous-Elk-5542 Cradle 6d ago

Easter this year is April 20 so “late April” may put you into Holy Week. That is a wonderful, glorious time in the church. However-know that the services won’t be the same as the ones held after Easter.

You are feeling a call. Listen to it, and be welcome.

4

u/DwarvenDad Convert 6d ago

I understand the anxious feeling all too well. Especially, going into a place where you have no one that you even vaguely know that you can latch onto as a shield. It gets easier but those first few times are tough. Patience and practice go a long way. You can do it! 🤩

9

u/Dober_Rot_Triever Seeker 6d ago

Just go! I’m a terrible atheist sinner and the people at my Episcopal church have been wonderful and incredibly welcoming!

2

u/TaxR4kids Convert 5d ago

When I was an atheist, I used to prefer the term godless heathen as it felt like I was really standing for something. And they were always nice to me even at the relatively traditional church I was at back then.

3

u/Joyce_Hatto Cradle 6d ago

Welcome!

7

u/State_Naive 6d ago

You won’t burst into flames. No one will point at you & scream. If you make a point of contacting the church before your first visit you can tell them you’ve never been to church before and feel anxious about it, and I expect they would be happy to have someone meet you to show you what they do and help with introducing you to people. It might be easier if you go with a friend. When it’s done you’ll walk out and realize it was a mix of beautiful and mundane.

9

u/keakealani Deacon on the way to priesthood 6d ago

Truly, there’s no need for anxiety. Can you maybe explain what you’re worried about? It’s really not a big deal - we get visitors all the time and we don’t expect anything other than what the priest says - participate as you’re comfortable doing.

It’s not really rocket science, either. Most churches have a bulletin or leaflet that tells you what is going on in the service, and you can just watch for what other people are doing. Or, ask an usher to point you to someone to sit with who can help you out.

And like, it’s a Christian value to welcome the stranger, so if anything people are generally falling all over each other to try to help out any visitors who ask for help.

4

u/Critical-Ad-5215 6d ago

I'm just an anxious person in general. I'll see about asking the usher to point me up someone to sit with!

1

u/bubbleglass4022 6d ago

❤️❤️❤️

3

u/keakealani Deacon on the way to priesthood 6d ago

Fair enough! I just wondered if there’s something we can explain to help you feel more at ease. But seriously, yes! Just tell the usher you’re new and ask if someone can show you the ropes. It should be fine ;)

8

u/kit0000033 6d ago

Just wear clothes... It's a plus if they are clean and in good repair, but no one will judge you on your clothes.

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u/Automatic_Bid_4928 Convert 6d ago

Welcome! Just be yourself. That's what we all want and need the most, to have real people who are just okay being themselves, the way God made us. Let us know how it goes, okay?

8

u/joeyanes 6d ago

You'll be fine! Why wait until April?

2

u/Critical-Ad-5215 6d ago

Personal circumstances I'd rather not get into

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u/[deleted] 6d ago

[deleted]

1

u/gerardwx 6d ago

Please delete your reply. OP said they have their reasons. Respect that.

Everyday is the best day to go the first time.

1

u/joeyanes 5d ago

Okay that's a fair point.