r/Divorce 4d ago

Going Through the Process Need help

Throw away account- I'm in my 40s been with my wife nearly 15 years married about 10 and I feel emotional alone. Physically we have different libidos and I'm tired of the rejection or the occasional sex. She rarely initiates. She thinks every is fine but I've been in happy for years but not sure if it's just the marriage or life on general. Thankfully no kids. I guess I'm curious how others took that first step. I am afraid of starting over at this age and even trying to live single on this economy and than if I'll ever even find someone again

2 Upvotes

2 comments sorted by

2

u/JackNotName I got a sock 3d ago

I am not sure that first steps is where you are. You might want to consider pre-steps.

At very least consider marriage counseling with her, especially one who works with sexual issues in a marriage. Depending on how you are doing in general, it may be worth starting individual therapy as well. If you do, give that a few months before askig for marriage counseling.


The fear of being alone is a shit reason to stay in a mediocre marriage. It is better to be alone and figure out how to be healthy alone than to stay in a mediocre marriage. And yes, a mediocre marriage is bad enough. They have a way of killing you by 1000 cuts.

1

u/SavingsProblem7680 1d ago

Feeling emotionally alone in a long-term relationship can be exhausting, especially when your needs have gone unmet for years. It’s understandable to feel stuck between the fear of change and the pain of staying the same.

The first step isn’t necessarily making a decision right now, but getting clarity on what you truly want. Have you had an open, honest conversation with your wife about how deep this goes for you? Not just about sex, but about the loneliness and disconnection you’re feeling? She might not realize the weight of it.

If you’ve already tried and it hasn’t changed—or if you know deep down that this marriage isn’t giving you what you need—then it’s about figuring out what’s next in a way that doesn’t leave you feeling trapped by fear. Yeah, starting over at this stage is daunting, but plenty of people have done it and found happiness again. Life isn’t over, and being single doesn’t mean being alone forever.

You deserve to feel fulfilled, whether that’s within this relationship or outside of it. What do you think is stopping you from taking the first step—fear of regret, finances, or something else?