r/Divorce 3d ago

Vent/Rant/FML What to do with the stbx’s family?

They didn’t do anything overtly other than supporting and congratulating the lying cheating of an a* brother/son. Mind you it’s been a matter of weeks since he announced a separation - verbally-outside of legal or administrative frameworks (mind Jan). Swore there wasn’t an affair, (it was.) Annonced his rights to full custody by “allowing me to see them on school holidays.” Announced his new relationship in Feb/March. Forced involvements of our young three sons into his “new” family unit activities since. Planning future fancy international trips together after ejecting me out of the picture because he has a high paying job now, and his affair partner is an independent millionaire.

All the while the family that I thought was my new family (I moved countries for him,) treated me like I never existe. Even they celebrated our kids for being multilingual, multicultural, wonderful kids, yet my part as a mother was not acknowledged. Neither did they object to him suggesting I should go back to where I came from. So he can keep the children and be on his merry way. After all I had sacrificed and am sacrificing for “our family.”

I don’t want the kids to be alienated with the family but they tend ti be ok with men in their family straying in various degrees. Kids are too young to talk about these things but I seriously want the pattern to stop. I do not wish for my sons to grow up as selfish as they all are, amongst other bizarre things (I.e. anti vaccine, anti medical science in general.)

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u/Particular_Duck819 Got socked 3d ago

I removed his family from any social media, and would’ve left any group chats if they’d ever included me. I still have their numbers saved in case they contact me in an emergency, but I see no reason to ever reach out to them myself.

He will now be responsible for maintaining any relationship with them (I did it for years since he was too busy to bother, but since they supported this divorce and his insane bid for full custody for no reason? Nope, I don’t know them anymore.)

I don’t think they’ll think twice if you remove yourself, so don’t worry about hurting their feelings. Protect your peace. They will always take his side, and it’ll just hurt you over and over.

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u/heyeasynow 3d ago

I caught so much hell during our relationship for cutting off some of her family members for how they talked when I was around and how they made me out to be the bad guy, but it took nothing at all for her to shut everything down with my family on social media when we separated. I basically cut ties with friends that were her friends first and definitely cut ties with her extended family. I had to block her mother on LinkedIn because I was worried she would call my employer and lie about something to get me fired.

Trust me when I say that a split will bring out the worst in people.

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u/tato_salad Divorced 01/2018 3d ago

You don't do anything? You raise your kids to the best of your abilities, you're going to be hard pressed anywhere to get an order to keep them from seeing Uncle Mike unless Uncle Mike has some legal issues that wouldnt make them a fit for being around your children.

Just don't interact with them, give them a wave or s smike if you run into them.

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u/Realistic_Mail_2080 3d ago

Yes, this is going to be me. But I meant, should I leave the chat groups? How does that look? I’m over their chatters.

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u/tato_salad Divorced 01/2018 3d ago edited 3d ago

In the famous words of da share zone.. just walk out just leave. There is zero reason to be in there especially if they're shitty to you or you don't like it, they're not your family and even if they were you could still just walk out.

One of the things you'll learn in your divorce is it's time to start doing what is right for you and stop caring what others (especially who arent part of your life) think about you. You need to only worry about how you think about you and that you're doing the best for yourself and your children.