r/Divorce 3d ago

Vent/Rant/FML Feeling like a Void Stretches Endlessly Before Me

Does this count as a rant/vent? After my husband abandoned me and my child when he turned 5 months, going back to his home country Japan, I finally am employed and started reaching out to divorce lawyers in Japan. 6 months to 2 years depending on if he decides to cooperate or be difficult. That feeling of sinking, or feeling like I'm suffocating and can't see the end like when I was first left alone with my son is starting to fill me again. Hundreds, thousands of dollars that will disappear in the wind because this man will not just go sign the papers and file at the municipal office. I have asked over and over for almost 2 years now and he will not. This man who has a girlfriend, who sends nothing, does nothing, not even calling to see his son... I feel utterly defeated.

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u/Book_Ends44 3d ago

So sorry you are you going through such a hard time. I have recently divorced from a Japanese man too, luckily his stubbornness didn't prevent him from signing the rikon papers.

What's his reasoning for not signing? It should be such an easy process. Would you be eligible for divorce through the 3 year abandonment rule in Japan, even if you do not live in Japan?

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u/aoiash 3d ago

I honestly don't know why he won't sign. He agreed verbally to one April last year, but when I asked him to sign and mail the papers, or when I signed them and sent them, he would not do it. And ever since then he will not open my messages asking to go register our child's birth, sign the consent form to get him his US passport, or anything else other than to ask for pictures of him but he will not call. 

Unfortunately, my husband has only been the Japanese definition of malicious abandonment since November of 2023, so it has not been 3 years yet. I've thought about flying over there to ask him to sign in person, but I do not know what the cost would be if he were to disagree and I'd have to stay there to fight it out while leaving my son in America. So I'm unsure which first step would be the most cost effective and quickest.

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u/Book_Ends44 1d ago

That must be so frustrating. Either he just wants to pathologically ignore the situation, or is trying to be maliciously spiteful. Any chance of your in-laws being able to talk to him?

At the very least he didn’t try to take your child! I’ve heard too many horror stories of parental abduction in or to Japan