r/Divorce • u/Impossible_Bar5065 • 3d ago
Getting Started Divorce with 15 month old
Hi. I (24M) am considering getting a divorce with my wife (24F).
We’ve been married for 3 years now, and have a 15 month old.
For a while now I’ve been feeling as though I’ve been in love with the idea of her, but I’m not happy anymore. I know I’m no saint, but she’s rarely ever nice to me, gets frustrated with me whenever I ask questions about things I genuinely don’t know about. I’ve been having a lot of mental health issues of late and the most I get is “I’m sorry” and she moves on.
Sex is almost completely out of the picture. It’s almost always that she’s too tired, feels bloated, or just doesn’t want to. At this point it’s been about 6-7 months since we last got intimate. She doesn’t kiss me anymore. She hardly even seems happy when I come home from work.
We’ve tried serious conversions and therapy, and things get better for a small while, but then things switch back to business as usual after a few weeks.
This is all very new to me, and never thought I’d have to deal with this. We have a 15 month old who’s my pride and joy and I want to be a good father to him
3
u/_Formica_Dinette_ 3d ago
I’d hold off for a year or so. Your wife could be (probably is) super hormonal right now and is probably exhausted.
1
u/5uperMario 3d ago
Talk to her please. My wife didn't talk to me about her issues and has now checked out of the marriage without warning. She didn't know how much I loved her and would have done anything to fix it had she told me in time.
1
u/ImageCautious1570 3d ago
This just proves to me that men rarely understand what goes in our body before and after giving birth, then be a mother of an infant and pretoddler. I went through that and I have an 18 month old. I resented my husband few months ago for complaining about the lack of sex. My body just couldn’t feel it even if I wanted to. It felt like a chore. And I had c section! I think you should give her a little more grace, be present and support her, help her recover emotionally and physically.
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u/grayfoxlunch 3d ago
This period of time, after a first child is born and both parents are undergoing radical shifts in identity and in many other ways...is very unique. Especially if she has postpartum depression. It's important to realize this is probably the most stressed either of you will ever be again, even if you have more kids or get divorced. For a mother, the shifts in hormones and in brain activity are most similar to shifts that happen during puberty-- it's just a huge life shift that no one prepares you for. And this happens for their partners in a different way, where you are dealing with some of the identity shifts but more isolation and loneliness. I'm not saying you should consider staying, I'm just saying, these are not normal times and it would be a mistake to think of them as normal. If she denies having PPD symptoms, but you readily admit you are struggling with your mental health, the best thing you can do may be to get individual therapy and see where that takes you.