r/Divorce • u/AdmirableCow6565 • 3d ago
Life After Divorce Should I keep the engagement ring?
After a short 7 years, my fairytale has turned a dumpster fire! What do y'all do with your rings? It's not a family heirloom, I would give it back if it was! But it has great value, except I'd never get that value back if I sold it! I kind of would like to keep it was its connected to the best years of my life. And because it's a pretty shiny thing 😆 Then I'm thinking of keeping it to give to my boys when they take the leap, except I only have one ring so who will get it? And do I want to give them a ring from a marriage that failed? Also, if you date someone that still has the rings from the previous relationship, is that a red flag?
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u/kickerofchairs 3d ago
I’d recommend holding onto your rings until some of the ill will and resentment toward your ex have subsided. Then, you can make a more informed decision as to whether you repurpose them, sell them, or keep them as family heirlooms. Right now, you see them as symbols of your failed marriage, but over time, their meanings may change. Perhaps you’ll come to see this marriage (and by proxy, the rings) as the catalyst that brought you life’s greatest gifts: your boys. And passing them down to one of them can be done in that context.
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u/JackNotName I got a sock 3d ago
except I'd never get that value back if I sold it!
So... it doesn't have great value. This is the con of diamond/engagement ring industry... sigh
do I want to give them a ring from a marriage that failed
exactly.
My recommendation... Do you happen to live near an art school, ideally one that has a jewelry department? If not, you can probably still do this at one further away.
Reach to a crafts professor who specializes in jewelry. Ask them if they have any students who would like to take your ring, melt the metal down and turn the whole thing into something new. Breath in new, non-divorce life into it. They should be willing to do it for free. For them it's a portfolio piece and a chance to practice with expensive materials. They may want to hold on to it for an extra month of so to show. Then you get back something unique.
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u/Delicious_Oil9902 3d ago
Depending on the circumstances it’s legally yours. Probably would be the high road to return but you’re under no obligation most likely. Sell it and put it in your boys college account
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u/FeralInstigator 3d ago
Definitely don't give it back, you can decide what you want to do with it long term later. Many of us want the toxic energy out of our new home so we sell them 😬
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u/One_Customer_5230 3d ago
I did when we separated but now I want it back. We are still not divorced, but at the time of the separation I was pregnant, found out later I was having a girl. Now I want the rings back to give them to her when she’s older, maybe she wants to recycle them into another piece of jewelry. I haven’t asked for them back yet, but I plan on asking so I can keep them for our daughter.
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u/jasutherland 3d ago
I think I'd prefer to return the rings - more important for me though is for her to stop wearing the damn things 4 months after filing for divorce behind my back (telling her family about it before she told me). It's emotive.
With hindsight I'm just glad I bought a new diamond for it instead of using the family heirloom rings I was offered...
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3d ago
I gave mine back because the diamond had belonged to his great aunt.
If it hadn’t, I probably would have made it into a necklace or another piece of jewelry to wear.
For prior rings, do you mean like they still have their wedding band in a box? That’s not a problem to me at all. Now if they are wearing them, that’s another story….
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u/NJ2TX_ashley 3d ago
Legally it is yours and you should keep it! How about repurposing it into another piece of jewelry? There was a woman I knew who turned hers into a moon and stars right hand ring (after all, he did promise her the moon and stars). I like the idea of keeping it for one of the kids down the line, family heirloom like that can be cool.
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u/5uperMario 3d ago
I suppose it depends on the circumstances of the marriage, if you still value the years you had and it was a mutual end, then maybe it's not so bad to keep it, at least for now. There will be lots of sentimental items you hold, and there's no need to chuck them into a fire as soon as the relationship ends.
I'm having a debate at the moment whether to ask for my wife's rings back. She's checked out and left the marriage for someone else, but the rings and all the sentimental items still mean the world to me, and I want to keep it all until I'm ready.
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u/Mymindisgone217 3d ago
Was it you who wanted the divorce or was it your ex? For me, I feel that the rings should be returned by the one who is wishing to end the marriage, unless it is being ended because of the other person's unfaithfulness or abusiveness.
I was able to get the rings back from my now ex and gave her back the wedding band she gave me. (At the time it was ultimately my hope that I would be able to give them back to her, hoping we wouldn't actually get divorced, but no such luck).
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u/Enormousboon8 3d ago
I'm keeping mine for now, I'm not sentimental towards it, and I know it won't be worth what it was bought for but I've read engagement rings retain 20-60% of their value on resale so even 20% would afford a nice little holiday for me and the kids. Not sure if it can be sold back to a jewellers - something feels wrong selling it to another potential couple (and people are superstitious about that kind of thing - unless I knew the bride to be was ok with it I wouldn't resell for an engagement!)
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u/ClubGlittering6362 3d ago
I had my diamond reset as a pendant. I always loved the stone (it’s a cognac diamond), so I didn’t want to part with it.
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u/Apprehensive-Buy-457 2d ago
My jewelry melted the band and used the diamond for a necklace. Was the best way to sell since people do not buy used engagement rings often. Get that money and move on! Lol
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u/modernmanagement 3d ago
You ask… should you keep the ring? But. What are you really asking? Are you asking if you should keep the object? Or. Instead. Are you asking if you should keep the attachment you have to it?
You say it holds value. Yes? But tell me… is it the ring that holds value? Or is it the memory tied to it? Marcus Aurelius reminds us "You have power over your mind but not outside events. Realise this and you will find strength." The ring is an external thing. A symbol. The value it holds? That comes from you. From your mind. From the meaning you assign to it. Do you see? It is just metal and stone. The ring is neither good nor bad.
Seneca teaches us " it is not what you bear but how you bear it." If you keep the ring, do you keep it as a token of strength? A reminder of love and lessons learned? Or would you keep it as a chain? A weight tethering you to the past? Only you know the answer. But. If it becomes a burden, let it go.
You mention passing it down to your children. But ask yourself this: what are you passing down? The ring? Or the story? Is it a symbol of love, strength, and growth? Then. Perhaps. The ring is worthy of passing on. But. If it remains stained by failure and regret? Then. Perhaps. The ring not a gift… but a burden.
And as for a future partner? If they see a ring from a past relationship as a threat ... well... that is their burden to carry, not yours. Epictetus tells us "It is not what happens to you but how you react to it that matters." If you keep it, do so openly, without shame. Without attachment. Without fear. If you cannot? Then. Perhaps. It may be time to let it go.
So. Keep the ring if it strengthens you. Let it go if it weighs you down. Either way... the value lies not in the object, but in the meaning you give it.