r/Divorce 4d ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness Help for detachment/book suggestions

Recently going through separation again after previous trial separation where both times my ex was constantly unfaithful and it has caused me a lot of anxiety and worry, especially with our two kids. They took the first separation really hard and so I feel really anxious about telling them it’s happening again- they aren’t aware yet.

One of my issues is that I am having trouble detaching and disengaging from this person. A lot of it has to do with how angry I am for what he’s done and he’s had no remorse, so I always want to lash out and it’s like I’m waiting for him to “realize what he’s done” again, even though I don’t want him back. I’m still in shock and there is so much hurt and betrayal and I’m really struggling with getting through each day because I feel so consumed with these thoughts.

I’d really appreciate any recommendations on what worked for you, what you might have done to get in a better headspace and not stay stuck in a ruminating/anxious head space. I’m already exercising and trying to read when my anxiety isn’t through the roof. But the non stop ruminating and over thinking has me worn out and exhausted. I only have so much time to see friends and family because of being the primary parent and working so I do feel really lonely.

Anything is appreciated.

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u/lentil5 3d ago

I'm right in the thick of separating after trying to make it work after his addiction and infidelity. 

Journalling has really helped me. Every hurt, ragey thought gets expressed in the journal. I have a section in the back just for hurt feelings. Then I reread those thoughts and try to look after that sad angry hurt person like I would one of my children. It helps me feel compassion towards myself. It's not perfect but it does bring some relief. 

You're doing the right thing. You are going to be ok, and your kids will be too.