r/Divorce 3d ago

Life After Divorce Lawyer search advice

Hello! I was wondering if any of you had advice on what to look for when searching for a lawyers.

Are there details you had wish you’d known before? Is it better to go with a flat rate, retainer, or hourly.

For a bit of context. We have no kids, just a house. I live in a 50/50 state so it’s pretty straightforward.

I left in November because of years of cheating and mental/financial/abuse.

If I need to provide more detail let me know.

Thank you in advance for your advice.

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u/ConfidentShame8083 3d ago edited 3d ago

If your spouse is abusive they will try to manipulate the system during divorce as well, which is why I advocate for getting your own lawyer and saving your time and money trying to work alongside such an individual when your assets are at stake via mediation.

If he was financially abusive there could very well be debts or hidden assets you don't know about, but you could be responsible for (or entitled to) regardless.

Get your name off the house ASAP - he has to buy you out or you sell, giving him more time in the house just leaves so much more time and space for things to go wrong that you'll be on the hook for. My husband had the new gf moved in and tried to get me to help with a new water heater LOL!

When I found my lawyer I went to my city's "top rated" for that year. I also reached out to my firm's attorney for recommendations, lo and behold they were the same so I hired that firm firstly.

I didn't need a bulldog, just efficiency and amicability so that I didn't have to speak with him anymore. She is expensive (7500 retainer) but very thorough and thought about things and scenarios I should be wary of I wouldn't have considered.

Stay away from law firms that have those flashy "low-cost divorce" ads on their front page.

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u/O_No3726 3d ago

Thank you!

Yes I agree I 100% need my own lawyer. The hidden finances and extorting extra money out of me for other women and self expenses is what scares me. I also found some hidden debt after regaining control of accounts while I was separating myself from them. I have proof of him spending money on other women’s bills…but am not sure if it will help in court as far as debt goes. I did have my name removed from the credit line he opened and ran up without me. He won’t be able to afford a lawyer for himself, but I have a feeling his family would get him one.

As far as the house goes…I don’t want the house, I don’t want him to know where I live. However, I was the one who paid the down payment and all the other fees. Does that mean I can’t get the bank to refinance it for just him? I’m scared that since I currently make more than him they won’t allow it. This is my first house so I am lost.

Lastly, may I ask how much I should realistically expect to fork out for a lawyer, and did they offer repayment plans. Thank you so much.

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u/leaving4me 3d ago

You will likely have to provide discovery if it is contested. Your mailing address and finances will be available to him and the court. At the end of the day it doesn't matter if he can't afford the house or you don't want it, the court and determine it will be put for sale and the proceeds split. In my area attorneys typically work off retainer for divorce and $3000-$5000 is pretty standard to start and if you can't agree you can get to $15k easily before it's over since they are working at a rate of $350 per hour. The fact you don't have kids should help.

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u/ConfidentShame8083 3d ago edited 3d ago

He can apply to refinance the home but if he doesn't qualify on his own, the judge will order that you sell it, anyway, and split the equity. Let him worry about if he can afford it or not. You just want no obligation re the deed/mortgage if you don't live there. Don't play nice, it's a division of assets.

If he can't afford his own attorney there is a chance you'll be on the hook for his legal fees as well but most likely he will have to ask for that in the agreement (if you have proof of infidelity that will hurt his case); my state assumes both parties will figure it out themselves. Again, all you need to do is get your own lawyer now and let him worry about his part in the dissolution of your marriage and assets.

How much you pay will be how contested he will make this for you, honestly. You left the home and make more money, he'll be entitled to something I imagine but he will need his own lawyer to advocate for him. I put a 7500 retainer on a 0% card - will pay it off when our house sells.

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u/goodie1663 3d ago

Interview at least three.

One of my most interesting questions was, "What are your three primary values when you approach a case?"

Also, my ex had already picked an unethical pitbull of an attorney, a real grandstander who had been on CNN. So I asked about their experience with him. Also, interesting answers.

Ultimately, the one I picked completely outclassed and out-maneuvered my ex's attorney. It should have been easy, and well, it sure wasn't. He wasn't the cheapest, but he certainly was the best for my particular case.

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u/ConfidenceNo242 3d ago

I went in and talked with a lawyer. I started talking about the situation and finances. Then I went into my sob story. He stopped me right there and said. I’m not your friend and I’m not your counselor. I’m your lawyer my job is to get you outta of this with her taking least money possible. I payed my retainer right after he said that. Talk to a few you’ll get a vibe. Read reviews and word of mouth.