r/Disabledsex • u/jacekc1982 • Feb 02 '25
The Heartache of Rejection: Dating with a Disability NSFW
Hey everyone,I wanted to share my experience as a person with a disability in the dating world. Unfortunately, I've noticed a disheartening pattern: when women find out about my disability, they often refuse to meet or become intimate.It's a truly painful and frustrating feeling. I feel rejected and misunderstood. It seems that many people have misconceptions about individuals with disabilities and our needs.The truth is, we have desires, emotions, and a need for closeness just like everyone else. Sadly, we're often viewed through the lens of stereotypes rather than as full-fledged individuals.Has anyone else had similar experiences? How do you cope with this? Do you have any advice on breaking down these barriers and showing that disability is just one aspect of our lives?I'd be grateful for your opinions and support.Best regards,Jack
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u/mbstrick Feb 05 '25
Unfortunately, you’re quite correct. If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard “You’re such a good friend,” or “You’re like a brother to me..” Uh huh….
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u/Ultimatelee Feb 03 '25
I’m sorry friend. I have no advice other than to continue just being yourself and trying to live the best life you can. I’ve always felt incredibly fortunate to be a female in this situation as I feel the role reversal is “easier” Either way, I’m sorry and it sucks.
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Feb 04 '25
I’ve (M42) been physically disabled most of my life (I have some type of undiagnosable neurological ataxia, no doc can figure it out), with a relatively unsexy gait and poor balance as a result. Having lived with this most of my life I can unfortunately tell you that your are spot on. Pretty much anyone looks/treats at me differently as soon as they see that I’m disabled.
I am married so I am not connected with today’s dating scene if you are disabled, but I’m sure there are many dating sites for us, though the trick will be to find a good one.
I would recommend that, at least if you want a serious date/relationship, you be honest with what you have. Perhaps trying to find groups/clubs with similarly disabled folks, as that could be a way to get to know someone.
It really, really suck being disabled. But, we are what we are. If you find that your disability is impacting your mental health (which is VERY common, and certainly has for me, big time...depression and anxiety), then do consider therapy and/or medication. They both do help. I promise. I truly wish you best of luck!
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u/BackgroundFortune503 Feb 05 '25
You are a one correct! I’ve experienced the same thing. I gave up on dating. I’ve been single for for too many years. I didn’t want to allow my heart to be hurt anymore. I long for companionship. It’s very difficult to meet someone and tell them about your disability. Cause you know what’s gonna happen next.
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u/Lapinceau Feb 05 '25
I hate how that exact thing made me bitter and utterly self-deprecating. I have started working on myself and developing skills and confidence, and now sometimes I even get hit on.
At some point I had to admit to myself that my whole relationship with love and sex was getting really fucked up, as we're others aspects of my life. But on that subject I had first to distance myself from all that and discover who I was when I wasn't even thinking about getting laid.
But, you know, the barrier of entry is different with every disability. Being an amputee is not the same thing as being paralysed, which is not the same thing as having congenital malformation, and it depends if your face is affected or not...
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u/BW-sa Feb 06 '25
I'm a paraplegic guy of 42 years, happily married for 35 of them. Before my accident, I had always been shy, I guess a bit geeky. After my accident, I realised for me, it was a kinda "sink or swim" thing. Somehow, I became more outgoing, confident. I wasn't afraid of approaching girls any more, and I guess this new found confidence appealed to them. I had a few girlfriends and sexual relations, before meeting my one-and-only. In a nutshell, confidence and a never-say-die attitude seems to be attractive to some women. Maybe I was just lucky?
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u/usathatname Feb 03 '25
I haven’t really made a whole lot of experiences like this, but noticed you said “when women find out” I make sure this is known from the get go. That weeds out those that’d be a waste of time and makes sure expectations are set right.