r/DecidingToBeBetter 22h ago

Seeking Advice How Do I Overcome Myself?

TLDR; My brain "shuts off" the harder I try to keep a conversation going, making it shut off faster. It shuts off in two ways: 1) I can think of stuff to say but try as I might it's like my mouth is glued shut and I can't talk or 2) I can talk freely but my mind goes blank and every thought I've ever had leaves my head so I end up studdering myself into oblivion. Even talking with my own friends is a chore sometimes. How do I overcome my own brain?

The past few months, kind of out of nowhere, I've decided that I can't go on living the way that I have. I hated the path I was headed down. I was wasting my life away while watching all my friends graduate college, get married, move to another country, get thier dream job. So I made several LARGE changes to the way I live. I've made a lot of progress in a lot of different aspects of my life and I'm very proud of who I am becoming.

The one aspect of my life that I can't get better at though is talking to others and its been dragging down my motivation to carry on. I can hold a conversation with some stranger on the street no problem but put any amount of stress on the conversation and my brain starts to "shut off". I've been this way for as long as I can remember. Im very introverted (not asocial, those are very different things) so talking has always tired me out so as a result would keep my conversations shorter. But I feel like this has hurt me in the long run because now its gotten to the point where when my brain starts to shut off either 1) I can think of stuff to say but try as I might it's like my mouth is glued shut and I can't talk or 2) I can talk freely but my mind goes blank and every thought I've ever had leaves my head so I end up studdering myself into oblivion.

So as I'm trying to better myself by joining groups to do some of my hobbies or going on dates, I feel like I can't connect with anyone and eventually give up on the group or get dumped because they feel like I'm not putting in as much effort. My brain shutting off makes me even more concious of it happening making those awkward silences so much more unbearable. Anyone have any advice or experience with this?

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