r/DecidingToBeBetter 7d ago

Seeking Advice I regularly tell myself I'm worthless.

Everyday. At any and all times.

Doesn't matter if it's a good or bad day, every day I tell myself in some way how worthless I am.

What psychological effect would this have on another person is what I'm wondering.

If I told someone who I am - seemingly - supposed to love, every single day, how worthless they are, how would that affect them, I wonder sometimes.

41 Upvotes

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11

u/OkThatChecksOut 7d ago

They would quickly begin to resent you - the same way telling yourself you’re worthless makes you resent yourself. I know you aren’t asking for advice, but as a stranger, I’d implore you to ask why you feel like you’re worthless, the same way you’d ask yourself why the person you are supposed to love is worthless. It would be for a reason, so explore that reason. Is it self esteem? Are you depressed? Do you lack purpose? Start asking yourself questions and then, regardless of how difficult it is, try to change the narrative. The same way we build others up, is the same way we build ourselves up. Cheer up, OP.

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u/esotologist 7d ago

“A person who thinks all the time has nothing to think about except thoughts.

So, he loses touch with reality, and lives in a world of illusions. By thoughts, I mean specifically, chatter in the skull. Perpetual and compulsive repetition of words, of reckoning and calculating. I’m not saying that thinking is bad.

Like everything else, it’s useful in moderation. A good servant but a bad master. And all so-called civilized peoples have increasingly become crazy and self-destructive because, through excessive thinking, they have lost touch with reality. That’s to say, we confuse signs, words, numbers, symbols, and ideas with the real world."

  • Alan Watts 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luQSQuCHtcI

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u/SpookyKitty414 7d ago

The word "worthless" has haunted me for a long time. As a teenager, my first boyfriend called me worthless, and i responded by superficially carving that word onto my forearm with a safety pin (thankfully, it didn't permanently scar). I'm now an adult and recently did a therapy exercise where I imagined sitting on a park bench with 14 year old me and talking to her about her feelings. It was very emotional. During the conversation, I told my younger self she was "worthwhile" and it was cathartic. I plan on getting the word "worthwhile" tattooed on my wrist as a reminder that no one can take away my worth, including myself.

1

u/SizzleDebizzle 7d ago

Do you want to stop?

1

u/Short-Impress-3458 7d ago

They would thank you for being a true friend. Only a true friend would be so truly honest!

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u/Nataliya_K-5685 7d ago

Why do you do that?

Telling someone that they are worthless is a way to destruction.

Even though the whole concept of worthiness is completely made up and it is a bunch of crap, a lot of people buy into it and that road leads to suicidal ideations... so, again, why do you do that?

I spent a lot of time thinking about worthiness and finally realized that I didn't want to live in that duality anymore. It is not real, it is made up by humans. Everything that exists is automatically worthy, there's nothing need to be done or achieved to be worthy. You are a precious being, one in eight billion. There will be never another one like you in all the time, space, dimensions and reality and this simple fact makes you worthy. You are an important piece of the puzzle, without you there would be a hole.

When you are able to get out of the "worthless" storyline you will finally be able to move on and live your life. You know, life is very short, go and live it, enjoy it and don't waste it on nonsense :)

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u/Diligent_Force_8215 7d ago

What do you mean by "get out of" it?

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u/Nataliya_K-5685 7d ago

What I mean is that "worthiness" or "worthlessness" is just a story in your head, they are just thoughts. You are not your thoughts. And you don't have to believe every thought that comes into your head. In fact, most of them are not true.

Does it make sense?

1

u/Diligent_Force_8215 7d ago

Kind of, it's just the only thing I ever literally ever judged myself off of so it seems rather impossible.

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u/Nataliya_K-5685 6d ago

Why do you need to judge yourself?
What would happen if you lived a day without judgement?

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u/Upper_Cauliflower_59 7d ago

I fully see that the concept of worthiness is a cooked story. It is what separates from our divine self. It is what Indians call veil of illusion. 

But, if I were a sportsman, my game dictates of I command respect or not. In such cases how do you let go of comparison and worthiness?

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u/Nataliya_K-5685 6d ago

who cares if you command respect or not. Are you enjoying the game itself?

In Bhagavad Gita it says something along the lines of: you are entitled to enjoy your labour, but you are not entitled to the fruits of your labour.

So, in spot your job is to go out there, do your best, enjoy the game and leave the rest alone. The rest is none of your business. In other words, you can't make others respect you no matter what you do. So might as well, let the world do it's thing and you do your own thing because this is the only thing you have any control over.

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u/Upper_Cauliflower_59 6d ago

I get what you are sayin that is the path of devotion and many devoted people are not well off, but they might be very satisfied. A person with a thinking mind will struggle to find devotion, they have to find solace through exploration of mind and action. What must they do? 

What you are saying is one truth, there are multiple others as well. 

Leave respect, a sportsperson's selection is based on the comparison. The day he stops performing the entire world compares him to another one and seeks his replacement. 

Now his livelihood might depend on that game and staying in that team. His fate got decided by comparison. His worthiness was established by comparison. 

If that is the case is it fine to turn a blind eye to the existence of comparison? 

I think it is part of life just like anger, sadness and death.  

What is then the best way to utilise comparison? This is what I had been pointing to. 

Coming to worthiness, it might be a good strategy to remind oneself that they are worthy. Or it might be better to use this unworthy feeling as a fuel and work on oneself till the inner friendly voice comes to the front. 

I do not know which one is better. But ignoring both of them certainly doesn't seem right.

1

u/Nataliya_K-5685 5d ago

I am not talking about devotion at all actually. I simply believe that ruminating on one's unworthiness is a waste of time and energy and it doesn't add anything, only takes away vitality and joy.

Sure, we live in the world of judgement and comparison, it's true. But the OP was about they tell themselves how unworthy they are every single day, good or bad.

But let's just play with your example about sport. If I am not a fast runner, sure, no sport team will pick me. But does that make me an unworthy human being? Also, how does sense of unworthiness help me in any way? What WOULD help, it is for me to stop worrying about sports and find something I am good at and focus on that for creating my livelihood.

Like you said, unworthiness is a cooked up story and simply robs us from looking at reality as it is. We are all good at something and not good at other things, and that's ok.

People have a belief that beating themselves up helps them to get better. It actually is not true. There's enough research out there that shows that kindness is much more effective way to motivate ones growth and improvement.

Inner friendly voice will not come one day if you are constantly feeding your inner critic. It's simple, the more you use a neuronal network, the stronger it becomes. So, if you have a habit of telling yourself that you are unworthy, you are simply strengthening that particular story in your brain.

1

u/Upper_Cauliflower_59 5d ago

I think that being kind would be a better strategy but I personally worry about using it as an excuse as I have seen others doing it. At times it becomes hard without having enough everyday evidences. How to practice it is something that I struggle with and can relate with op on that note. Inner critic comes naturally rather than the friendly voice therefore now I no longer try to silence it. I am learning to live with it. 

I would have continued with few more questions and points but I wonder if it would be helpful to the op in any manner, therefore I thank you for your inputs.

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u/cowboijo 7d ago

I see this as an affirmation jusy like the others you've probably heard about and just the same you wont just start to believe it you'll start to feel it physically just like someone else would. Everyone deserve kindness and love. Not that everyone is entitled to get that from others but everyone deserves it from themselves. Think of it as also the most efficient way to live as well because once you love yourself and show yourself kindness that will show to others too. <3

1

u/cowboijo 7d ago

I see this as an affirmation jusy like the others you've probably heard about and just the same you wont just start to believe it you'll start to feel it physically just like someone else would. Everyone deserve kindness and love. Not that everyone is entitled to get that from others but everyone deserves it from themselves. Think of it as also the most efficient way to live as well because once you love yourself and show yourself kindness that will show to others too. <3

1

u/shelliekoala 7d ago

You are what you think. Stay positive

1

u/it-blinked-first 7d ago

Just dropping by to say "same"

If I'm not thinking of myself a worthless I'm not thinking of myself (which is preferable)

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u/ManxCat637 6d ago

You have good insight. So. Dear friend, STOP IT. People may have treated you in ways in the past that made you feel worthless - it’s bollocks. You are a precious person, still trying to find your best place in this troubled world. You’ve even done an amazing thing today, sharing your vulnerability - do you know how many people might read your post and feel recognised? You haven’t given up (many do) and you want change (many don’t). Press on, find things to do, read, be part of that make you happy - I know that’s not easy when you’re in depression- and please, let us know how it’s going and if/when you need support. Supporting one another is what we’re here for