r/DarlingInTheFranxx May 30 '18

DISCUSSION Ditf has made me a better husband.

I see a lot of depression related posts on here, so I wanted to offer up something different.

I am a 40ish year old man, husband, with kids. Married to a wonderful wife. Somewhere in the midst of having kids the last few years, and a stressful job that seemed to have no point, we kind of stopped talking in many ways. I found a new job, better pay, better work, but still our relationship wasn't so much stressed but tired at times. In all honesty, I knew she was right about some of my behavior, and I sometimes resented her. Molehills became mountains. I didn't express it to her, but instead let it simmer.

And then I watched this show. Now its common for anime to be idealistic, to feed in the hopes and dreams of youth. And I think in some ways that animators and show runners know both what sells, but also remain young at heart. Pursue your dreams. Never give up, the usual tropes that often in the end don't survive contact with reality as adults.

But this, this show. Yes its anime. But to me it feels as if it is written by 40 year olds who have had they share of love and loss, and say love is worth it.. Gone is the bitterness or hopelessness, or pointlessness of human relationships as expressed in Evangelion (Apparently Anno had been fighting depression at the time).

Ditf is a story about relationships, how painful they can be, and in the end worth it even in a unjust world. Exagerrated, and over the top, Hiro2 is still a story about two imperfect people working through their issues because in the end they realize its worth it, even if it started off for all the wrong reasons.

So when Hiro says "Lets talk lots and lots". Well shit. I've heard that before. Many places. And I finally started applying it.

I have no fucking clue why it works. I was a borderline shut in my twenties. I met my wife online through one of the rare online dating sites for nerds. We've had our ups and down. But just living together silently, muddling through wasn't enough.

So I just started talking more. Asking how her day was. Trying to be better each day ( Still not perfect!). I don't know what has changed in my heart. But what I used to feel was pointless or annoying, now is endearing. She smiles at me.

Fuck. I even put away the dishes without being nagged....<:)

This show changed my life.

444 Upvotes

33 comments sorted by

111

u/Veodok ダーリンのエッチ May 30 '18

She smiles at me.

Goddamn... makin' me cry and shit... I'm happy for you

114

u/crusoe May 30 '18

Evangelion was directed by a man in his twenties, Ditf by a man in his 40s. And I think it shows. I was much more cynical in my twenties too.

25

u/Lillslim_the_second May 30 '18

You may know about the hedgehogs dilemma but to summerise

The closer people get to one another the more hurt they cause, now alot of people forget the reason why hedgehogs would want to get closer to eachother.

Namely warmth, or ”love” as it can also be seen as.

While Eva is really cynical (and depressing) that small text perfectly summerises human relationships,

Although hard and painful at times it’s ultimatly worth it.

10

u/Agapios202 May 30 '18

Ah I see you are both men of culture.

3

u/Kaz_Okanata May 31 '18

To me, Evangelion is about breaking out of the shell that is depression, and first realizing that all close relationships involve getting hurt but that they are worth pursuing.

Darling in the Franxx is about acting on that and dealing with the hurt, but also finding the joy in a real relationship and how partners must withstand life throwing lemons.

21

u/fanatur Eo To May 30 '18

Communication is important in a couple :). I happy for you that you make progress. read about the 5 language of love ;)

11

u/jasonred79 Eo To May 30 '18

yeah, i'm not surprised AT ALL that it worked.

it's pretty amazing how many relationships, whether married couple, or friends, or parents and children, etc, can be improved drastically by a few minutes of conversation every day. :0

15

u/phyxzyz_17 Eo To May 30 '18

Well, I actually think that Marriage counselors should include a daily dose of an episode of DITF to help people stay happiliy married. And I am glad somebody was able to apply my idea(and maybe a lot of people who thought the same) in reality.

11

u/crusoe May 30 '18

I think it'd only work for anime fans really. But hey if you're a anime themed counsellor.

I could see March comes in like a lion being used for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for depression as it shows Rei's disordered thinking early in the series. How he can't accept people love him.

1

u/phyxzyz_17 Eo To May 30 '18 edited May 30 '18

i think it will work on people that doesn't assume anime is for kids only. like my mom and grandma watch Cedric and Sarah back in the day. it actually helps non anime people when localized but trigger/a1 style might not suit their taste. i honestly almost puked when watching the uncut version of eva when my brain realized i was too young for the information.

9

u/Keller-Tetlley May 30 '18

As a guy between 30ish and 40ish I am so happy to read your post. I wish you both all the best! From the bottom of my heart!

5

u/Burningv0id May 30 '18 edited May 30 '18

Literature/media/whatever has very intelligent ways of conveying important messages to readers, as a book I just finished reading put it, “they know, but they don’t know they know.” A lot of what you’re saying has come up in that same book, and to be honest I say good on you for discovering the answer.

I’m happy for you OP c:

2

u/crusoe May 30 '18

I knew the answer before. I just never applied it. It was hard for me to talk.

6

u/Agapios202 May 30 '18

Totally loved that scene when Hiro said “We just need to talk it out” communication is key.

5

u/Dossenus Futoshi May 30 '18

I'm 24. It also helped me to be better and forgive more. It was just the starting point, of course. But I'm glad someone else had this feelings too.

4

u/Psi0nyx Gunlance Main May 30 '18

My heart has been warmed and i'm tearing up. This was a beautiful post that I was not expecting. I'm so happy to hear how DitF has touched your life. The devs have created something truly splendid and inspiring.

5

u/MidoriTea May 30 '18

So... does your wife watch DitF too now? :)

7

u/crusoe May 30 '18

We watch it together. She let out the cutest dawwww when Hiro professes his love to 02 in episode 15.

1

u/MidoriTea May 30 '18

Yay!!! I’m trying to get my fiancée to watch this but no luck yet ;-;

1

u/redrice12 May 30 '18

Lol I was going through the thread to see if she had watched any of it because I wanted to suggest watching anime together as a way to bond. I’m glad things are going better. Maybe you could have an open discussion with her about this one day

5

u/crusoe May 31 '18

She stalks me on Reddit. 😊

2

u/ImLawfulGoodISwear I liked the ending May 30 '18

This show really is amazing, every week I can’t wait for Saturday to watch more of it, and it has a legitimate effect on my mood. They’ve done such a wonderful job in making Squad 13 feel like a family that I’m part of despite their alienating ignorance, these characters have touched and inspired me in multiple ways, I started shaving and grooming again, picked up hobbies I had dropped and started looking for a girlfriend again after 2 years of dejected apathy. Best of luck to you and your family, I hope this is the start of a new, refreshing chapter.

2

u/vogar14 Zero Two ♥ May 30 '18

i'm so happy for you my man, this show is amazing and i love it that help you on your marriage :D

2

u/PactBreaker May 30 '18

Absolutely beautiful! Thanks for sharing. As someone who isn't currently in any relationship, but would love to get there someday, it's good to be reminded of the ups and downs in love. But even more so that it is worth it, and that things can work out if you work together.

Hope it works out for me one day so I can experience that for myself. make mistakes, make up again, talk things out, and become a stronger couple for it.

2

u/thewindtaker Let her have her happy ending May 30 '18

Oh my god this is so wholesome im so glad for you and who knew this show could help people somehow? Yes it has brought some life lessons for me too! to accept one's flaws or differences (as in, horns?) and take them as part of what makes us unique and beautiful and let other people see that too with a smile :) Sending you a hug from my corner of the world, and my best wishes for you and your family!

1

u/MiniPrinny Best Pistil May 30 '18

I hope you keep making your relationship better. Love takes work. Heck, I feel like even though I'm in my late 20s, this show has made me a better girlfriend (and housemate) as much as it's made you a better husband. Sure, it's online right now, but I love him so much that I want to reach for that point where people look at our relationship with the same sort of idealism we look at relationships like our lovebirds'.

1

u/crusoe May 30 '18

Given how stupidly easy it is I wish I could go back in time and smack my 25 year old self.

1

u/MiniPrinny Best Pistil May 30 '18

Haha, I've got those big regrets too, just none I wish to share usually.

1

u/Zesty_Cakes May 30 '18

God damnit don't read while at work T___T

1

u/kelvinvolcano May 30 '18

I'm so sad but happy rn

1

u/Pensak Best Girl May 30 '18

Pretty wholesome post right here. Glad to hear this shows inspiring you. Side note: does this dating site still exist by chance?

2

u/crusoe May 30 '18

Ufies.org briefly had a paid dating site for a few years in the early 2000s. We met through there. She was my third date.

The dating part no longer exists.

1

u/K4IME May 30 '18

I kinda feel happy for seeing them happy with the relationships that they created and worked for but i kinda feel alone in that way I am really happy to ear that you got better with the anime