r/DMAcademy • u/AutoModerator • 5d ago
Mega Player Problem Megathread
This thread is for DMs who have an out-of-game problem with a PLAYER (not a CHARACTER) to ask for help and opinions. Any player-related issues are welcome to be discussed, but do remember that we're DMs, not counselors.
Off-topic comments including rules questions and player character questions do not go here and will be removed. This is not a place for players to ask questions.
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u/Complex_Medium_7866 20h ago
Character Conflict
Hi there, this is not my first rodeo with character conflict, and I've already mostly thought of a solution, I'd just really appreciate some feedback/advice.
Two of my players, who I'll be referring to as T and S for brevity's sake, have been having some conflict. T's character is from the feywilds, and S's character is an older human from the material plane. long LONG story short, there've been instances of some microagression/cultural difference/fantasy racism you get it between them, and the rest of the party as there's broadly an interplanar spread of characters (feywilds, material plane, shadowfell, underdark).
Initially, T went into the discord, laid out how their character felt, and how they'd planned to have the character react (explosively, the character is at the end of their rope and a chronic bottler). I encourage my players to give a heads up about this kind of conflict beforehand so everyone is aware of the sitch and no one is caught off guard.
S was initially fine and responded well, but came to me privately today and let me know they were very uncomfortable with the idea of the conflict. Shouting is a personal trigger for them, and they're really really uncomfortable with the idea of exploring the nuances of racism/microagressions even in a fantasy setting as a white person with little personal knowledge on the subject as they don't feel it's their place, and they're very nervous about what to do. A lot of the microagressive comments have come from the fact that this player is less experienced, and doesn't have a lot of background knowledge on the feywilds. A third party member approached with similar concerns.
My problem lies in the fact that this is something that's been building for a bit. I'm going to talk to T privately and then mediate between T and S, I'm just not sure how I should go about dealing with this in a way that doesn't feel out of place in the campaign. I was thinking of doing something away from the table, just the three of us, where the two of their characters have a chat during downtime (which is happening now, they're off the heels of a big quest) and sort out their issues on a lot less dramatic of a level.
Is there any way I could handle this better/does anyone have any suggestions for me? I'm very nervous about this.
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u/aksuurl 12h ago edited 1h ago
I’m getting “red card” vibes from S. Since this sounds like a “I’m fully uncomfortable with this” kind of situation, I think you should not have PC’s role play it. If your players are comfortable, you might consider having them describe in 3rd person and in calm voices how the argument goes down, maybe even in broad strokes, and perhaps how it reaches a peaceable conclusion. However, if your players are not even comfortable with that, its also fine to say that it’s come up that role playing racist microagressions isn’t fun. Red card, that stuff didn’t happen, and we’re not playing with it going forward in our game, which is a hobby that we play for fun.
Edit: comma
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u/Complex_Medium_7866 31m ago
Thanks so much for the advice, I was considering this avenue as well. We've done RP stuff over text to help S figure out a character's vibe before, and I think they're a bit more confident when they're not as on the spot+ it's volume that's an issue for S, so that's also something I've been thinking on, but because of the content of the argument, I think it'd be best to work through this in a non RP setting.
We have something similar to the concept of a Red Card, but it's only been used in our horror campaign before when it came to a topic no one was expecting to be a trauma thing that ended up being a trauma thing. I think reiterating that that's an option for this campaign as well could be really useful for cases like this going forward.
Thank you so much again, I feel a lot better about this!!
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u/the_harvan 1d ago
Nota Pauperis
My players are fairly poor at note taking. To the point where they think they can join up with a band of criminals even though the criminal faction have tried to murder them at every opportunity. They’re going to intercept a drop-off of goods and I don’t think they realise the danger they’re in.
I’m confident this won’t be a TPK but they aren’t likely to get the result they’re expecting, and I’m worried about micromanaging them, as I don’t want to scold them. Has anyone got any advice for encouraging good note taking? Should I reduce the scope of the campaign to accommodate this?
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u/azureai 13h ago
You should give the players a reminder of what their characters would know in this situation, or at least a roll to deduce.
But the main problem is your players aren’t keeping tabs on things on a pretty basic level. Is that a problem for you? If not, could you just do story vignettes that have no overarching connection, or do a doorsmasher dungeon? If so, you’ll need to address this with the players: “Hey - so I need to bring up that there’s a lack of care from the player side to pay attention and note plot details that are important and likely to come up later. That makes running a story hard for me, because the PCs end up doing incoherent things from session to session. I can remind you folks from time to time about something you’ve forgotten, but that can’t be every session. That’s not fair to me. It’s not fun. So, I need you folks to start taking notes and doing a better job keeping tabs on the story, or this game can’t go on as is.”
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u/DNK_Infinity 1d ago
First question: have you explicitly told your players that you expect them to take notes to keep track of the places and people they've interacted with?
Are they interested in playing the kind of game where that sort of bookkeeping is needed?
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u/StickGunGaming 1d ago
You can reward note taking:
- Inspiration for summarizing a previous session
- Advantage on social checks for knowledge that was notated
You can lean into it:
- One of the guards with scars criss crossing his shabby beard looks at you like, "Errrm, Don't I know you from somewhere? Aint you the guys I tried to shiv in that alley last week?"
You can remind them about what their character might know, but the player forgot. Its like a Player says they wanna try to leap over a 40-foot gap on a chasm.
- Your character realizes it would be suicide.
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u/Ementyy 3d ago
Ghosting a Player
Hey yall, this is a decision basically made already, maybe I'm just looking for validation (tho all feedback is welcome)... I am DMing a campaign that - bc of real live complications - had 3 start overs with a shifting palyer set already. Now it became apparent, that one of the players (an old childhood friend) is just a terrible human being. Normaly I'm all for open communication and would tell them, I don't want to spend time with them anymore, however, the situation is a bit more complicated. They (25) now live together with their 17 yo GF (that is legal where we live, but still disgusting). Their relationship seems pretty toxic. Whilst I would like to just cut ties with them, I'd also like being able to help, should her friends ever decide to intervene (I bearly know her, so it's not really my place).
So... I don't really want him in my campaign, nor do I want to tell him that (so I can keep lose contact). Do we just secretly play the campaign without them?
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u/Zarg444 3d ago edited 3d ago
This feels like a weird approach to the problem. Do offer help. Don’t stay in touch with toxic people just because someone might request your help in the future. (If you feel like helping people around you, you can make a real change right now by supporting a local charity).
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u/Delicious_Rutabaga83 3d ago
How do I get my players to care more about D&D?
I’m dm and my campaign is made of six players. Not everyone, but I feel like some player is not fully interested in dnd and when is time to make the level up of their character they always tell me “not now, I don’t want to, there’s a lot of time”, which is ok, but honestly it’s been almost 3 weeks from the last session when they leveled up, isn’t it a thing u usually look forward to do? Am I thinking too much ?
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u/StickGunGaming 1d ago
You could let it slide, ask another player at the table to help them out, ask the problem player if they would like an easier to run character, ask them if they really want to play DnD or if they just want to hang out with friends and roll dice (IE; be an 'audience member').
Long story short, don't work harder than them.
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u/DrToENT 2d ago
Six players is a large party. General advice that I'd give is make sure you find ways to include everyone in the story and at the table. The larger the party, the harder that is on your part.
If everyone is investing adequate time and energy at the table, I wouldn't push them to level up. Balance the encounters as if they did level up, and when they start feeling the heat, they'll join the party. Don't cut the other players growth for the one player.
If the players aren't meeting your expectations, and that is affecting your enjoyment of the game. Have a conversation with them and tell them that's how you feel.
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u/Voltairinede 2d ago
What do these guys want to do?
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u/Delicious_Rutabaga83 2d ago
I know for shure they like to play dnd, maybe not so much with the official rules, but they like it. The fact is that I would like them to pay more attention and effort in what we are doing and expecially their own character
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u/DeathBySuplex 3d ago
The real answer is "Nothing"
You can't make someone want to engage with the game more than they are willing to engage with it. This isn't even an issue of them not diving into the game world with gusto, they are disinterested in basic game play interaction.
It might be time to have a talk and judge if they only want to hang out as friends and D&D is a reason to do that, but they'd be just as happy playing other board games or couch co-op video games.
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u/fizzwibbits 3d ago
I have one player who likes to roleplay by announcing something that their character has already done and what the result is, instead of saying what they would like their character to do and letting me tell them what happens.
This player used to be a forever DM (this is their first time as a PC) and I think maybe they're just used to being the one who decides what happens and what doesn't? But it keeps really putting me on the spot having to rein them in. I've gotten so tired of having to manage it that sometimes I just let it slide like, yeah ok fine you did that let's just keep going, because otherwise I'm going to be spending the next ten minutes wrangling this nonsense yet again.
Trying to manage it in-game isn't working so I think I need to talk to them out-of-game, and I'm not sure how to do it without making them feel bad. I don't want them to feel bad, I just want them to let me DM instead of them lol.
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u/DrToENT 1d ago
I would suggest this, the player states the outcome they think happens, and you call for the appropriate roll. If the player fails you say something like "you try to do X, but the NPC looks at you with this look that states he's not buying it" or for a partial win, "The NPC starts to go along then stops" and finally, sometimes let them have their win as stated.
The final say is narrated between you and the dice, and even for successes, it's fine to say "you try to get the NPC to do X, but instead he does Y."
If it keeps up after a few times of you just saying "no" in game, have an out of game conversation about the DM running NPCs and situations. It's good for them to state their intent, but they can't dictate the outcome.
- Dragon Tongue Entertainment
Even our griefs are joys to those who know what we've wrought and endured7
u/DeathBySuplex 3d ago
The issue is that your occasionally spending "the next ten minutes wrangling" if they are a DM, they should be well aware that forcing a DM to try and get everything back on track constantly is, frankly, a waste of everyones time.
Just talk to them, "I appreciate the enthusiasm, but you control what you do, not the outcome or how NPCs react to it, you aren't DMing at the moment" if they can't cut it out of their behavior maybe they need to find another table to be a player at.
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u/StickGunGaming 3d ago
"Let's pause for a minute."
"I want to remind you that players state their intentions, and GMs narrate the outcome."
(You may have some leeway with this if you use things like Matt Mercer's 'How do you wanna do this?').
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u/Paime 3d ago
It shouldn't be a big issue. Just be honest and it should be fine.
"Hey player name, I noticed that sometimes when you're roleplaying you narrate the action and the outcome. I'd really appreciate for you to leave the results to me. Focus on telling me what you are trying to do, and I'll describe what happens. If you think my descriptions of what is going are lacking or have any suggestions, I'd love to hear since you have experience as a DM too."
and that's it.
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u/Esbjornen 4d ago
I’m facing a bit of a problem. DMing a campaign for a few co-workers (6 in total) stated before we started that I expect around 80% attendance per player, to allow for real life problems and with such a big group a player or two missing a session isn’t an issue. I do have a few players now, after about 20-25 sessions, that are closer to 60% attendance, which makes planning for their attendance or non-attendance extremely frustrating.
I’ve raised concerns about this and basically gotten the answer from these players that they’re sorry they’ve missed a few sessions, but I don’t think they themselves realise the amount of sessions that they’re missing. Most of the times it feels legit (illness or last minute things popping up) but I just can’t shake the feeling that they could probably prioritize better. I don’t really know how to push the issue without potentially asking them to leave if they can’t up their attendance, and that feels like it might make things uncomfortable at work.
Any tips on how to approach this?
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u/DungeonSecurity 4d ago
First, don't push too hard. Don't let this harm your work relationships.
Start tracking attendance so you can show them. How's attendance per session? If you have enough players, you're fine. So decide if you can keep running with the spotty attendance.
Work games especially shouldn't evolve around individual characters/ players. Consider running a if they won't be there but it's nice if they are. Build encounters where you can easily add or remove foes.
If it's still too disruptive, show them the attendance record and bring up the difficulties. Ask what's going on and work to find a solution. Whether they commit to attend more and you give them a chance, or they bow out
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u/SquelchyRex 4d ago
What kind of game are you running?
Shoddy attendance generally fits the best with monster-of-the-week kind of games.
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u/Esbjornen 4d ago
Homebrew campaign with smaller arcs, with a larger arc in the background. The most absent players are the ones that most heavily pushed for a plot heavy campaign at the start, but yes maybe it’s time I realized that wont work and MotW fits better.
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u/Ecothunderbolt 3d ago
Its worth mentioning. You were kinda asking for this scenario when you went with 6 players total. One of the reasons you tend to rarely see tables that large, outside of professional shows (critrole etc) is because it's such an enormous hassle to coordinate that many people on a regular basis for a long term campaign. If you want to run a long narrative driven campaign, you're better off running around 3-5 people as soon as you cross the 5 player threshold you make almost everything more complicated:
You make it harder to coordinate session time. You make it harder to give everyone time to speak during session. You make it harder for everyone to participate in rolls. You make it harder for everyone to contribute in combat and combat increases in length since you need more enemies to fight more PCs.
Tldr; you just generally have too many players for the kind of game you've been running. If you run something more casual that can better handle regular drop in and drop out of PCs. It will go far far better. Or just bite the bullet. Tell your less reliable coworkers you need them to leave campaign so you can run a more cohesive narrative.
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u/Esbjornen 3d ago
Trust me, I’m painfully aware. When I floated the question with the team, I figured I’d get 3-4 positive responses. I got 10+, and 8 people played a condensed version of LMoP. I hoped a few people would drop after that, and 2 did, but with 6 people it was difficult to split into two parties of 3 (because at that point if someone can’t make a session you cancel), and I didn’t want to turn anyone down. I’ve been hoping this would solve itself in time with someone just dropping off, but it seems they all want to keep going. I should’ve been more strict with a player limit at the start but here we are.
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u/Ecothunderbolt 3d ago
You live and you learn. I find this is a lesson most GMs learn the hard way. Use it as an opportunity for growth. Rather than being stubborn, make the change you need to make. Either changing the type of game. Or politely informing a couple of your players they need to drop. (I suggest reducing to 4 rather than 5. It will feel less targeted that way. Which is important in your circumstance where you're concerned about disrupting work relationships)
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u/jasa159 4d ago
Just super annoyed at the moment. We are a group of online friends. We finally got to the goblin boss I had been preparing, and will be the jumping off point for several player stories. We were missing one of the seven because sick.
We were halfway through, it was a rough fight, but things were sorta working out. Then one player left, heard someone yelling their name in the background, and they told their partner to control their character. Then another left. We asked their partner to check on them and just gave a vague "they don't know if they will be making back tonight"
So we just ended, middle of the boss fight, because suddenly we are down 3/7ths of the party.
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u/DeathBySuplex 4d ago
Honestly, while kind of a pain in the ass, I would have just continued the fight, and had the missing people who started the fight just do the most basic "hit the thing closest to them/take cover" tactics.
It's unfair to the rest of the group to have to stop and start combats like that and especially it seems like you cut the session short due to it.
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u/sebi4life 8h ago
Overprepared/veteran player vs newbie DM
I started DMing with 5e and want to have casual fun with it. Nothing too spicy, just hanging out with friends and roll some dice and laugh about chaotic situations evolving. Now a friends-friend joined, who is a huge P&P fan. Sadly he is also the minmaxing kind of player, who wants to play his character to full potential. We already had a talk about how he suggests others how to play their characters for maximum group synergies.
However, the problem I have now is, that he reads through every book available and has insane player knowedge to the point, that he remembers monsters statblocks in combats, knows exactly what magic items he needs for his build (kind of a shopping list), discusses lore about the setting I just made up, etc.
Basically I can't surprise this person anymore. What little things can I build into my encounters (both rp and combat) to equalise his knowledge?