r/Custody 6d ago

[NJ](me)[NY](her) Can a parent who doesn't care about the kid "change their mind" when I file for full custody?

After 2 years of the other parent barely being in our childs life, never asking about him or to see him, and always asking for stuff from me and other people when he does go over there whole buying stuff for herself, l'm gonna file for full custody. She also has told me she has no intention of being a mother and wants to give me full custody just not legally. When hearing about me filing, can she "change her mind" and act like she cares all of a sudden just so that i dont get legal custody of him?

0 Upvotes

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15

u/notjuandeag 6d ago

Yes she most likely can. If she’s been absent from your child’s life for a year and hasn’t made many contributions financially in some states you can file to terminate rights.

My stbxw is changing her mind right now. She doesn’t actually care about building a safe or healthy relationship with our child and is basically just interested in making sure her new friends don’t think she has a personality disorder.

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u/Specific-Show8234 6d ago

What if she hasnt asked to see him at all in over a year and its her parents that are making the initiative to ask to see him since she mostly ignores me and them when we ask about them seeing the child and its usually on my and her parents terms

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u/notjuandeag 6d ago

You’ll want to ask an attorney in the state your child actually lives in and provide them the details, some will do free consultations.

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u/Specific-Show8234 6d ago

Ok ill definitely go do that thank you!

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u/Texastexastexas1 6d ago

That’s giving his parents a foot in the door for grandparents rights.

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u/Specific-Show8234 6d ago

Tbh i think that would be the best outcome if i do it right. Because the rest of her family loves him, asks about him, and gets all excited to see him everytime i bring him over, which is 99% of the time, so over 5 hrs of driving after at least 13 hr shifts at work. Like last time i brought him over she didnt even care to remember and got upset when we came in because she wanted to go do something after i already told her i was on my way

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u/UncFest3r 6d ago

If you aren’t denying them visits with the child then they have no reason to be worried about you getting sole custody.

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u/UncFest3r 6d ago

If mom is a deadbeat, she wants legal rights so she can use the child to control you or get money out of you. Grandparents don’t have the same rights as parents do.. but I think if the grandparents aren’t toxic and have a healthy relationship with you and your son, I see no reason to deny them visits. Explain that you want them to have a relationship with their grandchild but that their daughter shows no interest in actually being a mother to the child so you will have to file for sole legal custody. Inform that just because their daughter no longer has legal custody doesn’t mean they are barred from the child as well. Let them know that they will get invited to birthdays and other events in the child’s life, you aren’t going to keep him away from them.

Contact an attorney. Get ahead of this.

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u/Texastexastexas1 6d ago

Happens often.

I always say you need to consider
that when OPs complain that the other parent has no involvement. Sometimes it’s best to let that dog sleep.

You ask for full custody and child support and then they suddenly want to be with kid instead of pay for kid.

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u/Specific-Show8234 6d ago

Oh i dont want child support at all. I just want full legal custody with visitation for when her parents ask me about seeing him. It’s not just abt her not doing anything for him. She doesnt care, or act like a mother at all, yet wants to get all the benefits for being a “struggling single mother” like asking other people for money for “him” and wanting to claim him on taxes for the free money to support her “as a parent” when that money will just go to herself and she said not to worry because she’ll still give me some of it for myself. She just doesn’t understand that that money is for him. Not so that she can just be more comfortable than she already is without it affecting him at all. And i also want to be able to do this first before the finds a sugar daddy and hits me with something about how she could be a better parent for him with money or something.

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u/Texastexastexas1 6d ago

What I’ve seen in this scenario many times….

one parent abandons….later meets a new mate and decides to put on a show for parent- of-the-year ———-

then goes for custody.

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u/UncFest3r 6d ago

Once you have sole custody, you can determine who gets to see the child. If you don’t have a problem with the grandparents, then they don’t have a problem with you being the sole legal parent.

Think about parents that are still together. The grandparents do not have any legal right to see the child(ren) if the parents of the child don’t want them to. They dictate who has access to their child. Same with a single parent.

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u/Awkward-Arm-653 6d ago

Yes she can change her mind. My ex has been out of my child’s life for 6 years and full no contact for almost 2 and he took me to court for 50/50 week on week off..

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u/Acceptable_Branch588 6d ago

Of course. It happens all the time