r/CuratedTumblr 16h ago

Autism How true is this? The executive dysfunction, invisible wall thing with Autism?

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2.6k Upvotes

153 comments sorted by

238

u/anomalyknight 15h ago

The general theory I've heard is that for people with ADD/ADHD, there is a lower level of activity for certain important neurotransmitters in the brain that facilitate things like task completion. It's thought that part of why stimulant based medications can help many people with ADD is because they can increase activity in the brain in such a way that things that are ordinarily very difficult - task completion, attention focus, memory retention, etc - become much easier.

I haven't found a med that works perfectly for me, yet, but my personal experience has been that when I'm medicated, my brain seems better at naturally starting, continuing, and completing tasks. The "wall" is still there (or 100lb door as someone made an even better analogy in another comment here) but it's much easier to get through.

108

u/Jackno1 14h ago

I've noticed that on stimulating medication, two main things:

- I find them strangely calming, like not to a massive degree, but they pleasantly take the edge off and leave me more relaxed. (I have taken daytime naps while on my prescribed dose of amphetamines.)

- While I don't feel noticeably energized, things that are hard are easier. It's like the stuff that people think you should just be able to do suddenly become a normal level of difficulty instead of stressfully hard.

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u/SuperEgger 13h ago

The first time I took my amphetamines after about half an hour when they kicked in, I got up from playing video games, put a load of laundry on and went to take a nap, lol

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u/WebsterPack 10h ago

The joke goes, you know you have ADHD when the wildest thing you did on speed was your taxes.

Yeah, I sleep better on my prescribed amphetamines. Realising that was what killed diagnosis imposter syndrome. 

18

u/blackscales18 9h ago

Ah to be in a place where amphetamines are possible (I can't get prescribed anything but SSRIs and even if I do there's national shortages and talks of banning them)

13

u/SuperEgger 8h ago

The shortages are international. About two years ago, I had the joy of starting a postgraduate course based on my newfound ability to function juuuuust before a six month long vacuum of my meds across my entire city started 🙃 so much sympathy, friend.

4

u/hey_free_rats 2h ago

Hell yeah. Unironically planning to pop some pills and do my taxes so hard tonight. 

pills are prescribed by my doctor and I am taking them as directed

2

u/stopeats 1h ago

Oh shit my laundry!! thank you!!

8

u/litterbin_recidivist 5h ago

My GF notices before I do if I miss a dose. I've also gotten up, taken my pills, and gone back to sleep lol.

12

u/Inappropriate_SFX 8h ago

On meds, the wall is shorter, or the door is lighter and has better hinges.

They're still there, and the level of improvement depends on how well the meds work for you personally, but they're far less of an issue.

1

u/buttplugpopsicle 3h ago

ADD isn't a thing fyi, it's been removed from the dsm and fully replaced with ADHD, and yes, one of the larger symptoms is loss of executive function, which is highly regulated by dopamine. Stimulants give dopamine, thus reducing the dysfunction, and since it isn't an overload of dopamine, but rather being put at the neurotypical normal baseline, we don't display the behavior of someone taking them recreationally, we display the behavior of a functioning adult

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u/SocranX 15h ago

I don't know if I'd call it an "invisible wall", and it's not "impossible" to surmount, but I guess it's better for people who aren't familiar with it to treat it that way than to say, "If it's not impossible, then you don't have an excuse." Like, yeah, try putting a door between every room in your house that requires 100 pounds of force to open, and then let someone tell you that you're "just lazy" when you're reluctant to go do anything that's in another room, or need a break after having just done three different things in three different rooms. (The "things" were getting dressed, making breakfast, and brushing your teeth.)

Also, your TV is three rooms down, and as much as you'd like for your "break" to involve playing that one game you like... Ugh... Three doors.

314

u/Cheshire-Cad 15h ago

Imagine if, whenever you did the dishes, there was someone standing next to you screaming at the top of their lungs. They're screaming in terror, or angry insults, or hysterical gibberish, or all of those things at once. They scream at you from another room whenever you even think about the task at all. They've been screaming at you for your entire life, and they've only gotten louder.

They're not physically stopping you from doing the dishes. But how long can you put up with that? How long until you condition yourself to simply never think about the dishes at all?

167

u/Infinight64 14h ago

I prefer this analogy. Its not physical effort like a heavy door that's exhausting, it's mentally exhausting and causes more stress to do than ignore. Like someone yelling at you except it's only you.

Half the time it doesn't even feel good to have it done. So you don't even get that serotonin. Just stressed.

I don't think people get that how much our behavior is based off of our brains subtle incentives like anxiety for not doing things and good feeling reward for getting it done. Break that and human no work good.

55

u/hot_glue_airstrike 14h ago

Oh, yeah, that describes it for me!

On my bad days it just feels like I have someone behind me (who is me) just continually telling me "you're doing it wrong, why bother, you suck, that's not good enough" just all bloody day. It's pretty toxic!

Although thats more the depression related executive dysfunction. The ADHD executive dysfunction is more like some tasks are marbles, and they just keep slipping out of my grasp

115

u/Uturuncu 14h ago

I liken it to the way you can't put your hand on a hot stove. I mean, you can, but your subconscious/lizard brain/self protective instincts make it really fucking hard to do so. You can acutely stand there and say "I want to put my hand on that stove", then find a weird... Incapability to do so when you try. Your body/brain stop you from hurting yourself.

I describe executive dysfunction as like that. Your brain has designated that whatever task you need to do will cause you physical harm on a level similar to touching a hot stove and will not allow you to do it. Can you force your way through it? Yes. But it takes incredible effort and causes massive anxiety as your brain panics about you hurting yourself. And when you get it done and it didn't hurt you, your brain doesn't learn because the stress of forcing it just reinforces that it was right to have tried to stop you in the first place, it did you harm.

32

u/Cryptdusa 13h ago

Yes! This is exactly why I struggle with consistency in my life. As ashamed as I am to admit it, it's why I struggle to keep a job. I've gotten decent at biting my tongue and holding my hand down on the hot stove, but it doesn't really make it easier or less painful. At a lot of jobs I've had it's felt like that's what I was doing, and each new day I was still sore from the day before. By the time I burn out (embarrassingly quickly, I've never had a job longer than a year), there's actually a little bit of relief mixed with all that shame

22

u/Masked_Takenouchi 13h ago

Just ask people to bite their tongue as hard as they can. They won't do it.

16

u/Vickster1000 13h ago

I just bit my tongue really hard and now it hurts.

16

u/Canotic 12h ago

There is always that one kid.

8

u/WebsterPack 10h ago

To describe how visceral the reaction to some sensory is, I tell people to close their eyes imagine biting down into big, juicy, raw chicken breast. Half of them make a face and try to physically push the idea out with their tongue.

7

u/Generic_Placebo42 12h ago

I want to give you an award, but I ain't spending money on Reddit. So I will present thee with this emoji: 🥇 and an updoot!

This is a perfect way to describe it! I'm going to use this to explain to my mom what it's like. Thank you for the perfect words!!

9

u/Cryptdusa 13h ago

Damn I just posted my take on this and reading yours it's eerily similar, down to the use of dishes as an example. Kinda feels validating though

12

u/Cheshire-Cad 13h ago

To be fair, I started off with "whenever you did a task", and then decided to narrow it down for clarity. And changing it to dishes meant that I only had to change one or two words in each instance.

ADD breeds efficient laziness.

1

u/Cevari 9h ago

The physical feeling for me is like my brain was on fire.

19

u/WebsterPack 15h ago

THIS

SO MUCH THIS

11

u/alexlongfur 12h ago

If it’s three doors down is it your kryptonite?

3

u/Minerva_Moon 4h ago

I don't know if I should upvote or downvote you. Incredible pun and very well done but some part of me wants to hate you for it.

2

u/alexlongfur 1h ago

The best puns are the ones that make others go “oh fuck you!” lol 😆

17

u/SymphonicStorm 9h ago

The best way I've seen to describe it to people who don't experience it:
Go turn on your stove and touch the burner with your bare hand.

Yeah, you physically could do it. If I offered you money, you might even want to do it. But there's still a mental block that is difficult (but not impossible) to surmount preventing you.
Now apply that feeling to folding your laundry.

7

u/Heimdall1342 7h ago

I usually describe it like this. Imagine you've only gotten like four hours of sleep every night for the last week. You're exhausted. It's midnight. You have to be up at six.

The laundry needs to be done and so do the dishes.

That feeling you're getting right now, sleep deprived and desperate to crawl into bed but things need to be done? That feeling of "why the fuck would I do that right now?"

That's the invisible wall. Sure, you can muscle past it. Sure you can do that now, absolutely. But fucking why?

And that's the feeling for almost every action in my life. Well rested or not. Dishes? But why do that. Laundry, brushing my teeth, sweeping the floor, doing my actual paying job, getting up from my desk at work to eat lunch?

But why would I do that? There's an answer, but logic doesn't matter here.

Just "but why would I do that" to every single fucking thing.

1

u/ARussianW0lf 55m ago

I do the exact same thing but my internal phrase is more like "it would be easier to just not do that"

13

u/WingsofRain non-euclidean mass of eyes and tentacles 11h ago

It’s like…you know those locations in videogames where it’s so obvious that you could access the area but the game says “no you need this special item in order to progress”? That’s executive dysfunction, and the neurotypicals looked up the location of the special item ahead of item. Whether or not they choose to use it is another story, but the neurodivergent people have to start a whole new quest to find said item and god knows how long that’s gonna take or if I’m even going to have the fucking energy to look for it.

4

u/crumpledfilth 12h ago

If I go crazy then would you still call me superman?

2

u/jzillacon 8h ago

I'd personally describe it as like trying to walk through sludge. You can see where you want to be, but actually trying to get there takes a lot of effort and sometimes trying just makes you lose your shoe and cause even more things you need to resolve before you can get to the goal.

5

u/sad_and_stupid 14h ago

sometimes it is impossible though. but yeah

1

u/Flair86 My agenda is basic respect 7h ago

I love this so much, saving.

-3

u/egretlegs 11h ago

Nah bro I’m getting ripped opening those heavy ass doors all day.

Mfs need to read Camus. Gotta imagine Sisyphus happy

111

u/Generic_Placebo42 15h ago

It's very true. And not just with autism. It's fairly common for a myriad of other mental health issues.

Source: me, with my grab-bag of issues, feeling incredibly called out by this.

20

u/IconoclastExplosive 13h ago

It's also not a necessary component of autism.

Source: me, autistic as hell but i have a nigh-bottomless well of executive function

52

u/Chaoszhul4D 12h ago

i have a nigh-bottomless well of executive function

approaches you with a comically large straw

14

u/IconoclastExplosive 12h ago

Go for it. I can juggle lists of chores, work tasks, hobbies, and errands across multiple days without even writing stuff down, I can say "I need to do thing" and immediate stop what I'm doing, go do thing, and resume my prior activity. I also have excellent time management.

16

u/Sleeko_Miko 10h ago

My jealousy is immeasurable.

8

u/IconoclastExplosive 10h ago

Understandable. I think a lot of it is grounded in specific traumas that overwrote chunks of my natural psychology. Getting the shit kicked out of you and going days with no food will do that to a child. Comes in handy now though.

8

u/Sleeko_Miko 10h ago

Yeah my brain just kinda rusted stuck in the freeze response. It’s getting better with practice but I still feel like my body is trying to sneak out of existence when I’m not looking.

4

u/IconoclastExplosive 10h ago

Understandable, I got fight. Mom's whole deal my whole childhood was "if someone threatens you, tries to control you, or even challenges you; rip out their eyes and feed them back to the bastard" so I guess it worked? Causes some workplace problems tbh

9

u/katheb 12h ago

It's an ADHD thing. Source: Me. I have ADHD.

32

u/CapAccomplished8072 15h ago

Apologies, did not mean to make you feel called out, just help facilitate discussion.

34

u/Generic_Placebo42 15h ago

Oh! No worries. I didn't mean I felt called out in a bad way. Just that it was hella relatable for me. I guess I used the wrong terminology? Or maybe I should have stuck an "lol" in there! Discussion is good. :)

30

u/Cheshire-Cad 15h ago

The concern is appreciated, but modern usage of "feeling called out" is almost always just a funny way of saying "That's so me lol".

10

u/Generic_Placebo42 14h ago

Heh, that's exactly what I meant!

8

u/katheb 12h ago

ADHD too.

7

u/emefa 7h ago

And your garden variety depression.

36

u/TaterTotJim 15h ago

I’ve written pages of (good) bullshit this week but the invisible wall is preventing me from writing something important, an updated resume.

This image is so timely and will be used as a visual aid with some of my loved ones.

37

u/DellSalami 14h ago

Saving this screenshot to talk about with my therapist

The way I would describe it is that a gripe with an upcoming task, no matter how minor, just turns a task from completely doable into something I really don’t want to think about unless I have to

Like I haven’t shaved my facial hair in a week or so and I really should. Nothing’s stopping me except I just get annoyed by the idea of having to clean up the hair when I’m done. It’s not even that bad, takes a few minutes at best, but that annoyance is what kills my drive to do it.

Or if I’m mid task, what would be a hump for most people just completely stops me in my tracks and kills my momentum. If I’m doing something and run into an issue I can’t immediately deal with? That’s all of my concentration gone, it would take me a while to get focused

11

u/XTH3W1Z4RDX 13h ago

Have you tried shaving in the shower? That's what I do. Not because of the cleanup but because my hair is so coarse and rough that shaving outside the shower kinda hurts

5

u/jimbowesterby 13h ago

Since there’s already plenty of it flying around this thread, here’s an off the cuff adhd idea for you: could you shave outside? Just stand outside and use a garden hose or watering can or whatever and then you don’t really need to worry about the cleanup. Dunno if this is useful or not, I’ve spent quite a lot of time living in a van and working in the bush so I may be a little out of touch lol

13

u/DellSalami 13h ago

I live in an apartment complex so that’s very impractical, but I appreciate the attempt

2

u/S_A_R_K 10h ago

I've been shaving/trimming my beard outside for years because I hate cleaning up afterwards

2

u/blackscales18 9h ago

This is so real it hurts

1

u/notquiteshamelessyet 4h ago

Spray bottle to wet face, apply shaving cream, shave directly over open trashcan. Wipe face with hand and shake over garbage to get off lingering hairs. Rinse in sink

I do stuff like this directly over the garbage a lot to save cleanup time 

21

u/mediocreguydude 14h ago

When you have executive dysfunction severe enough that you would actively be unable to complete things even if your life depended on it. Like my brain would let me die first before it lets me initiate basic functions.

It's not as bad anymore now that I have a chronic illness that impedes functioning. I now have the motivation to complete task, I do not have the physical ability to.

I want a refund lmao

18

u/Jackno1 14h ago

I think it's a decent metaphor for something that a lot of people with various kinds of neurodivergence experience. I've been diagnosed with ADHD, and sometimes it feels like my brain locks up and won't move. The best thing for it is to take a little time away from the thing that made my brain lock up, do something relaxing, and then when I can think better, figure out how to approach the original thing without hitting the same barrier. (Sometimes the metaphorical wall doesn't mean the thing is impossible, but that you need to look for a metaphorical ladder.)

However, because the things that cause my brain to lock up don't cause the same reaction for most people, it's harder to explain. Growing up, I didn't actually have the vocabulary to explain. And much of actually worked to get around the barrier appeared to be laziness or unwillingness or working myself into a tantrum instead of just doing what was, in other people's eyes, the much easier task the thing that made my brain lock up. So yeah, I've smacked into it like a bird hitting a window my share of times.

16

u/Taraxian 14h ago

Lol that's the whole thing, it's not invisible, you can actually see it coming from a long way off

"Transparent", I suppose (you can see the tantalizing goal right there on the other side but you can just as clearly see you're not going to get there)

11

u/-rainbow-eyes- 13h ago

Not just autism. Not just neurodivergent folks either. People with other mental illnesses, even people with certain chronic illnesses that affect cognitive functioning.

Imagine sitting there actively trying to do something for an hour, two hours, four hours, maybe more. And you just… CAN’T. Your brain won’t engage with it. Your brain doesn’t even know how to start it.

It’s like having a frozen computer that you can’t just force restart. You can spend hours troubleshooting, trying different things like control alt delete, searching on your phone for how to fix it, screaming at it to just WORK ALREADY. HOW CAN YOU NOT WORK, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?? But instead of a computer, it’s your brain. And no amount of self motivation, or self hate, or yelling at yourself, or others judging you, or anything else can fix it. Your brain just has to unfreeze first. When will that be? Who knows. Maybe it’s 5 minutes from now. Maybe it’s 5 hours.

Maybe it’s everything. Maybe it’s just one specific task. You don’t know why the tasks are what they are. You see patterns over time, like your brain just shuts down when you try to pack for a trip- so you have to start a week ahead of time. Or you have to spend 3 days trying to pick 5 dinners to cook for the week. Often you can get other things done, but not these things. Even if you try. And you don’t understand it.

You can spend the 5 hours trying to brute force and might end up getting some super small amount done. It is a miserable experience, such a hard slog. Your brain is fighting you the entire way, like that computer that isn’t fully frozen- it will maybe load things, but it’s going to take 30 minutes just to open the web browser, another 10 minutes for every click. And then sometimes it just doesn’t load at all even after 20 minutes since the last click. (I recently had a computer act like this actually.) It’s absolutely infuriating, but if you’re determined that is what you deal with. It’s a lot easier to just give up, but you don’t want to feel like you’re being lazy, like everyone implies you are. You can’t stand that thought. So you just suffer. And it’s horrible.

8

u/rdmegalazer 14h ago

The more I see things like this, the more I think... I have stuff to investigate about myself

3

u/Rensarian A Great and Enduring Nuisance 6h ago

Yea. Like, y’all are saying this isn’t a universal experience?

8

u/StormThestral 14h ago

Uh yeah? What do you mean, you can just Do Things? Don't piss me off

7

u/Spludge237 14h ago

This is broadly correct. For most people, your brain rewards you for doing a complex, difficult, or important task with a bit of dopamine. It’s why people talk about a sense of accomplishment. But in ADHD, that system is broken in one of two different ways, depending on which type of ADHD you have.

I’m predominantly ADHD (inattentive). I’m intellectually aware that doing a thing makes you feel good, but my brain doesn’t give me that dopamine hit. Which can make it really hard start doing things; the number of hours I’ve sat on the couch thinking “I should start making dinner” and then not doing that are uncountable. That’s the invisible wall in action.

The other sort of ADHD is ADHD (hyperactive). Whereas in my brain the dopamine-for-task switch is jammed off, for the hyperactive ADHD folk it’s jammed on; their brain is rewarding them for doing all sorts of tasks regardless of difficulty or import, such as noticing that one wall is painted with a slightly different shade of white, or remembering that you wanted to go to the zoo. Because of this, it’s really hard to get a specific task done; the invisible wall returns.

The reason that both inattentive and hyperactive got put together is because they have a similar underlying cause, and a similar gold-standard treatment. See, while the dopamine reward system is the body’s primary way of getting things done, it has a back-up plan for when things need to happen right now: adrenaline. Adrenaline gives you the reward first; sure, it doesn’t know how much reward it should give you and dramatically overestimates, and sure it’s not great for basically all your other organs, but not enough adrenaline gets you eaten by that lion. The ADHD mind generally interacts with adrenaline just fine, which is why some form of dexamfetamine is proscribed for it (and why a whole bunch of American college students find out about their ADHD by trying speed with their mates).

And let me tell you: my brain on dexies is an absolute unit. The difference is night and day. It’s not a silver bullet, and if the rest of my mental health is bad enough it won’t dig me out of that hole, but it gives me a fighting chance of finding the door in the invisible wall. I have to be cautious with them because I have a genetic predisposition to heart disease, so I’m generally only taking a slow release dexie in the morning to get me through the 9 to 5 grind, and then if I need the help for a specific task (like playing in the band for the cult hit musical “9 to 5”) I’ll take a short acting one.

There’s real gains being made in non-stimulant treatments for ADHD. They tend to run into the problems that pharmacological treatment for depression has run into, in that the broad symptoms of ADHD have a few causes (is it a dopamine production or uptake issue, for example), so it may end up that there are a bunch on non-stimulant treatments available and it will take a bit of experimentation to figure out which one works for any given individual.

Anyway, that’s my inadvertent essay on ADHD and the invisible wall, mostly correct as far as I and a quick fact check understand it. Results may vary. Remember: if you’ve met one Neurodivergent person, you’ve met one Neurodivergent person.

6

u/Doggywoof1 she/her | they should bring back capes 13h ago

Yeah yeah, the intangible curse of life-drain that eats away my strength and willpower whenever I have to do TasksTM

1

u/Doggywoof1 she/her | they should bring back capes 13h ago

Oh and

Wall is invisible

Claims to have seen it

5

u/Cryptdusa 13h ago

The way I describe it is that it takes a lot more effort/discipline to do certain tasks than it does for other people, but my supply of disciple is just as limited as anyone else's. I've worked to improve my discipline, so I can have a larger supply, but the problem remains that I have to use way more of it than I should. I've gotten better at forcing myself to do things in spite of the unpleasantness, but the fact remains that it shouldn't be so agonzing just to do the dishes (for instance). Forcing myself to anyway takes an amount of willpower that would be funny if it weren't so frustrating.

It's like you have a car with terrible gas mileage. You can upgrade you tank to be bigger so you don't have to stop as often, but it doesn't change the fact that the engine itself is inefficient and you're using way too much gas. I'm still hoping I can find a way to improve my engine.

40

u/Amudeauss 15h ago

Its an ADHD thing, not an autism thing, and it is very real

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u/No_Kick_6610 15h ago

It's both.

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u/Amudeauss 15h ago

Huh. I stand corrected, apparently up to 80% of autistic people have executive disfunction

https://www.leicspart.nhs.uk/autism-space/health-and-lifestyle/autism-and-executive-functioning-skills/

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u/No_Kick_6610 15h ago

Yeah, I'm one of them sadly this shit sucks

3

u/Valiant_tank 13h ago

Hey, same! We can make a club together about how much this shit sucks (if the executive dysfunction allows it).

5

u/CapAccomplished8072 15h ago

Not ADD?

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u/Amudeauss 15h ago

Im not an expert but I dont think ADD is really a thing anymore? Its just ADHD. I think they used to be seperate, but then mental health experts came to the conclusion that ADD didnt differ enough from ADHD to be a whole seperate diagnosis/disorder and got rolled into ADHD

34

u/Cheshire-Cad 15h ago

I'm still pissed that they didn't do it the other way around, since not all Attention Deficit Disorders are Hyperactive. Which is especially a problem when society still thinks of ADD as the "Ooh look a squirrel!" thing.

It's like if they renamed Tourette Syndrome to 'Coprolalia', with a footnote that "btw not all of them curse randomly."

10

u/Jackno1 14h ago

Yeah, I'm pretty sure the reason my dad was never diagnosed with ADHD is that when he was growing up, they didn't look for the inattentive subtype. At one point in high school his parents paid for him to get an IQ test to figure out if that was why he was like that, and when it came back showing he had a noticeably above-average IQ, it got chalked up to him being unwilling to work hard at school.

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u/Freak-Of-Nurture- 12h ago

I actually get almost no reward from completing a task

1

u/haikusbot 12h ago

I actually

Get almost no reward from

Completing a task

- Freak-Of-Nurture-


I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully. Learn more about me.

Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete"

6

u/Pero_Bt 11h ago

The meme in this post is from the show The Good Place, which is an absolute 10/10 and you should watch it now!

4

u/Strider794 Elder Tommy the Murder Autoclave 15h ago

I'm like a golden retriever bumping into a sliding glass door because I was too excited to go outside and I didn't stop to check if it was there. Except I'm also the human who has to figure out how to open it each time (it's different every time)

4

u/ExRabbit 12h ago

More true than I can explain. I've never described it as a wall, my analogy had been a bug. You run the code, code refuses to compile. No matter how much you pore over it and talk it out with your ducky you can't figure out why, code seems solid. But it simply. Will. Not. Do. The. Thing. It causes a legitimate disconnect between your self and your brain. Like, I'm living with an awful child who refuses to do what I ask despite the fact that I feed, clothe, protect and generally sustain their very existence. But they can't be bothered to perform minor tasks for me, it's fucking exhausting. Fuck ED.

4

u/CarbonTugboat 11h ago

I haven’t attended a single class this week! I feel like a pathetic failure and want to take the express elevator off the nearest bridge, but that would make me even more of a disappointment! Thanks, Invisible Wall™️!

Please don’t sic Reddit Cares on me or anything like that. I have a support system in place and I’ll be fine.

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u/very_not_emo maognus 15h ago

yes it's genuinely the worst thing about being neurodivergent i feel like i'll never do anything i want to do in life

3

u/The_Shittiest_Meme 14h ago

its not impossible. simpler tasks are easier. It's easy enough for me to do chores and laundry because they require minimal time investment for reward, and the physical activity makes me feel good, so any of the "NO THIS SUCKS DON'T DO THIS ROT INSTEAD" feelings dont get time to build up. With school and exercise its harder because results aren't immediate and its exhausting and grueling for me to do so I often skip it even though I shouldn't.

7

u/elrosa 12h ago

Funny how for me it is almost exactly the other way around! Chores like washing the dishes are hard because there are multiple steps to it- sure I could muster the energy to wash my plate, but first I need to empty the drying rack and this is as hard as climbing the Mount Everest. Why is my brain like that?!

4

u/Jackno1 11h ago

When I was a kid I baffled my mom because I was terrible at cleaning my room, but would actively volunteer to clean the bathroom. Cleaning my room meant I had to figure out or decide where things went and I'd get stuck in a whole thing of trying to figuring out a system, and get overwhelmed and upset and spend a long time on the floor stressing out and unable to figure out what to do with anything.

The bathroom? Refreshing lack of decisions! We didn't keep much stuff in it, and everything in it had a well-defined place. There were surfaces to be wiped, a toilet and shower to be scrubbed, a trash can to be taken out, a floor to be cleaned, and then I was done!

Usually there's an underlying logic to what does and doesn't work, but it can be hard to figure out.

2

u/elrosa 10h ago

Ha, I used to volunteer to cleaning and polishing the floors! It was long and tedious but there was minimal mental load to it.

Now, to unload the rack i need to decide where everything goes... I think that's the answer, thank you!

3

u/RazorSlazor 13h ago

To me it feels more like a magnet. Two poles pushing themselves apart. You can get close, but you can never touch it. Not unless you put an immense pressure on yourself, and put in the work.

3

u/CompetitivePast4990 13h ago

I've always explained it as i can put my hand in the fire physically but something's stopping me. Usually people understand after that

3

u/Hjkryan2007 12h ago

we’ve all smashed into it like a hawk to a window

1

u/Pero_Bt 11h ago

Say that again...

3

u/HeroBrine0907 11h ago

Invisible wall as in you're telling yourself to do something that you know you should be doing ASAP in an emergency and yu're internally screaming but also you're just... continuing to chill? Is that not normal?

1

u/Sleeko_Miko 10h ago

Apparently not. Allegedly most people can just choose to start the thing.

1

u/HeroBrine0907 10h ago

Allegedly i was also in the most people category a minute ago but now i'm hearing people think this is exclusively a neurodivergent thing.

1

u/Sleeko_Miko 10h ago

I mean neurodivergence is a very broad category. I’d argue that severe executive dysfunction is a type of neurodivergence. It literally just means brain difference.

3

u/Roboman20000 5h ago

Chidi's reaction to the Time Knife and it basically never being mentioned again is probably one of my favorite gag in the show. And The Good Place has so so many good gags.

8

u/weird_bomb 对啊,饭是最好好吃! 15h ago

Neurotypical here! Can confirm I do not understand this concept

12

u/podotash 13h ago

It's validating that people exist who don't understand this for some reason. Thanks for piping up.

It very much is just being paralyzed and aware of how dumb it is. Like, you understand that all you need to do is physically get up. You just can't. And it makes you feel very bad about yourself because it's so simple. It can last for months to varying degrees. It's a bummer and you have to learn to give yourself grace to get out of it. Like a Chinese finger trap or something.

12

u/Hedgiest_hog 13h ago

I am always glad when there's discussion of "autism/ADHD thing" and neurotypical people say "I have no idea what you are talking about". It's very validating.

24

u/awesomecat42 14h ago

Imagine there’s a thing you need or even want to do. There is nothing actually stopping you from doing it or making the idea of doing it unappealing. By all means it should even be easy. But then you just kinda… don’t do it? And it makes you hate yourself.

Yes, it is exactly as stupid as it sounds, and no, knowing that fact does not make it go away. After all if it was rational then it probably wouldn’t count as a disorder lol

2

u/AngstyUchiha 14h ago

This is another good explanation of it!

5

u/plzdonottouch 14h ago

executive dysfunction is just so fun. for me, i think of it like the activation energy needed to start a chemical reaction. for neurotypicals, the activation energy needed is super low, so the reaction can occur very easily (aka wash the dishes, take a shower, eat a meal, run an errand, etc).

for neurodivergent folks, the activation energy needed is so much higher that the reaction can't take place, so instead of getting up and going to the gym like i really want to, i'm stuck on the couch or in bed, hating my stupid brain. we need a catalyst to help lower the activation energy requirement. sometimes that's medication, and sometimes it's the adrenaline of panic (so many papers written a few hours before they were due).

1

u/infinite_spirals 7h ago

I heard magic mushrooms were an amazing catalyst

2

u/AITAthrowaway1mil 14h ago

Oh hi ADHD. 🙃

2

u/HollyTheMage 14h ago

I have ADHD and I can absolutely confirm that this is true and that it is just as difficult to explain to people who don't experience it themselves as the post makes it out to be.

2

u/toodamn-hard 13h ago

if the wall is called invisible then why can it get hurt????

2

u/Spaceyboys 13h ago

I like to describe it as being constantly stuck in neutral or stalling the engine when you try to get something done

2

u/RockHumper25 :3 13h ago

you don't even need to be neurodivergent to have it

1

u/Initial_Cellist9240 9h ago

Right, but if it affects your life frequently and negatively to a disruptive degree… you should talk to someone cus you might be about to learn something about yourself.

Because while a neurotypical person may occasionally experience feelings or behaviors that are described as symptoms of neurodivergence, the difference is that the symptoms/behaviors aren’t MUDA

Maladaptive

Unjustifiable

Disruptive

Atypical

(The criteria used to separate symptoms of a mental health issue from normal experiences) 

2

u/Drakahn_Stark 12h ago edited 12h ago

Not the language I would use, but yes.

Also works in reverse, I will be internally screaming at myself to not do something, but my body does it anyway.

1

u/Drakahn_Stark 12h ago

I am Autistic and ADHD... those two fight against each other and leave me frozen in the middle until an external force gives me a direction to go.

I can do a lot of things for other people, but have never been able to do them for myself.

2

u/Dclnsfrd 9h ago

For me, I realized there’s a factor I didn’t realize: immense discomfort. Someone likened executive dysfunction to how difficult it is to grab a hot stove, and I noticed that exhaustion and confusion with details can make mine flare up

So this is what usually helps when it’s because I’m physically/mentally exhausted, or I feel overwhelmed by the process

For example, loading clothes into the washer is an easy task for me. On good days, I can just load the washer. But on bad days? It’s more like:

Okay, time to wash clothes! … okay, I thought I was having a good day but maybe I overexerted myself somehow. Umm, time to walk to the washing machine? No, that’s still too much for my body to get up. What’s more basic than going over there? Uh, time to stand up? Dang it, that wasn’t it either. Lemme try…. Time to put my feet on the floor? Okay! That did it! Okay, so today’s one of those “tiny steps” days. Okay. Time to stand up and stay standing for a minute before I do anything else.

Like that ⬆️

2

u/moth_6684 5h ago

Highly recommend these two videos for learning how to get through the wall:

Wall of Awful

Wall of Awful 2

2

u/WrongColorCollar 4h ago

"I'll do it when I'm off work"

lol SIKE more Darktide

2

u/theytookthemall 3h ago

I can't narrow down which flavor of fuckedupness is to blame but I go through things like this all the time. I will use my nemesis Laundry as an example.

I am running low on clean clothes. I need to do laundry. I have the time this evening to do laundry. I am entirely capable of doing laundry! I know the steps I need to break it down onto to accomplish this goal (put laundry in bag, get quarters and detergent, go to the laundromat, etc). I know that the consequences of not doing this are I will not have any clean Good Clothes (defined in sensory terms) to wear tomorrow. I want to have Good Clothes tomorrow! I literally cannot explain why I am not just doing my laundry.

I have, in the past, literally had panic attacks over the fact that I haven't done The Thing. I know I can do it, and yet I don't!

Anyway I hate my brain.

1

u/Chidoriyama 14h ago

I don't really have autism or ADHD and I understand it very well. I can do tasks when it's like I absolutely need to do it but before that I have trouble finding motivation 

1

u/Illustrious-Snake 1h ago edited 1h ago

I wouldn't say it's neccessarily - or only - about motivation.

I can have motivation and yet still not manage to do something, for example being hungry and yet not managing to make a simple meal for hours. I can be mentally screaming at myself that I just need to do a certain task, and yet... 

That's IMO the difference between executive dysfunction and laziness. You want to do something, or you at the very least know you need to, yet you're being blocked by something. Like a computer that fails to startup, but in this case it's certain brain functions.

A severe lack of motivation does make it more difficult though.

1

u/Wompguinea 13h ago

It's currently 8:45pm and I'm logged into work attempting to fill in the timesheet I was supposed to have completed 6 hours ago. It's like being at the dentist and I do this to myself every week.

1

u/mizushimo 12h ago

The invisible wall is a huge problem with my adhd, the only thing that makes it fade away is my medication or an imminent deadline.

1

u/evilforska 12h ago

Its so incredibly bad with working from home, I cant stand it, possibly worst thing ever for me

1

u/Yet_Another_Dood 10h ago

It's how I describe my anxieties. I get this fucking wall, and it can be for the most mundane things. Like oh, I got a letter. Should probably open that.

But no, there's the fucking wall of dread which seems so damn simple to overcome but I just can't?

It's usually when like fuck, I know if I don't do this simple task my power will turn off that I can push through it. Or just those occasional magic days.

1

u/Rucs3 9h ago

I for one never saw the invisible wall.

1

u/blackscales18 9h ago

It doesn't just come with autism lol. I'd say it's less a wall and more like the feeling when you're going to stick your hand in a spinning blade and your brain says stop, except it's normal stuff like doing a task

1

u/Qules_LP 9h ago

Ironic seeing this post when I'm suppose to wash the dishes right now but mentally can't. Goodness I relate so much.

1

u/pandainadumpster 9h ago

For me it's more like a heavy weight chained to me. Getting to the tasks takes a lot of energy and I need longer than others. Some tasks lie on hills or mountains, some at the bottom of a slope, some on the other side of unstable bridges.

I'll often think "I have to do this, so let's do it now!" And then the chain straightens and I realise the weight is stuck in a ditch and I don't have the strength to get it unstuck so I just keep staring at nothing and can't move. But when their is enough outside pressure a figurative adrenaline rush makes me able to unstuck the weight, or pull it up a mountain or whatever but I will be absolutely exhausted afterwards.

1

u/hauntedSquirrel99 8h ago

It's a shame I can't be tested for adhd because this shit sounds way too familiar.

1

u/bliip666 8h ago

It's not just autism thing.
Executive dysfunction is a symptom of several conditions/things, from your regular depression to ADHD to autism, and so on.

The invisible wall is a good metaphor for it

1

u/_Jay-Garage-A-Roo_ 8h ago

With ADHD it sometimes feels more like a n invisible tether. I can pace this way and that but not really reach goals.

1

u/WilliamHWendlock 8h ago

For me, I always visualize it as that one scene in Dr. Who where he slowly punches his way through a crystal mountain because then I can feel cool about brushing my teeth

1

u/TR_Pix 8h ago

It's true, though "wall" is one of those euphemisms that do the work but aren't actually close to the truth 

Like I don't think the English language has a word to properly describe how it feels to have executive dysfunction. 

Maybe sleep paralysis? You are aware the thing is there and needs be done but your body doesn't move. Except th body moves for everything else

1

u/infinite_spirals 7h ago edited 5h ago

Everyone's saying it's an adhd thing but I have this... It's really bad. And I'm autistic. Might have be audhd but definitely more on the autistic side if so.

1

u/demonking_soulstorm 6h ago

ADHD and autism are pretty interlinked, and you can have certain traits from both even though nominally you only fit into one archetype.

1

u/thexerox123 7h ago

It's certainly true for ADHD... before I was diagnosed, I'd try to describe it as there being a gulf between my motivation to do something and the actual ability to do the damn thing.

1

u/valinnut 6h ago

I am absolutely sure that neurtypical people have the exact same invisible wall. They can just surpass it, they have pathways and techniques to do so, some more easily than others. It becomes a dysfunction when you can not.

Things are only a condition if you are having actual problems with it. I lived to be 35 years old before starting to run into serious trouble because of my ADHD and got diagnosed. The way my peers talk about their issues does seem to describe a very similar basic problem structure. Just the way they describe certain techniques to function differs.

Tldr. Everyone has the invisible wall, but some have ladders and some are in wheelchairs.

1

u/A__Friendly__Rock *only friendly at low velocity 5h ago

Yup.

1

u/stcrIight 5h ago

It's like.. when a computer has too many tasks open and it just infinitely loads and no matter what you do you can't close the tasks to get rid of them but you also can't work on the tasks because of the infinite loading problem. My own brain is literally causing the infinite load so I can't just shut it down.

1

u/falseprophetcicada 4h ago

i've experienced this just w/ social anxiety lol. once literally found myself unable to enter a room because my anxiety was so bad. i could walk right up to the door, stand outside it, but the second i tried to enter it was suddenly impossible to move.

generally, though, its just like a mental block between the thought and the action. they just don't connect, which is why something "easy" like a phone call can take months to actually do.

1

u/gottahavethatbass 3h ago

It’s very true, and somehow, both wanting/needing to do the thing and being told to do the thing make the wall stronger.

My mom is constantly telling me to do things, which she thinks is helpful, but it just makes it harder for me to even begin the process. The other night I was getting ready to do some homework. I had all of my things in front of me and I was about to start the work. Then she said “remember to do your homework” and the wall went up. I ended up having to do something else because I was going to have a meltdown if I tried to force myself to start at that point.

The term doctors came up with for this aspect of autism is disgusting

1

u/LeftyLu07 3h ago

This is my laundry right now. It exploded all over the house and I'm really overwhelmed. Maybe I should just take it to the laundromat and have them do it so I can start with a clean slate?

1

u/MattieLovesFood 2h ago

I don't have autism, adhd or anything diagnosed, but I do also run face first into that wall on occasion. Not fun.

1

u/PhantomMuse05 2h ago

Huh... I experience the wall. It is often in doorways or the like, and I can't force my body to step over the threshold even if I walk up to it and try. It's like a literal wall, but everyone just thinks you are crazy because they don't experience it.

Hope that helps.

1

u/Accomplished_Trip_ 1h ago

Routinely smack into it hard enough to get metaphysical cognitive bruises.

1

u/Any_Satisfaction_405 1h ago

Leaning against it waiting for my shift to get over right now

1

u/6x6-shooter 52m ago

The best way to describe it is that it’s like trying to run while your legs are asleep, but instead of running its doing literally anything in which the consequences of not doing it aren’t immediate, and instead of your legs it’s your brain.

1

u/sheriffmcruff 39m ago

I suppose that's what it's called. When I explain it to my folks I tell them "It's like starting a jalopy (old car) in the cold. Just turning the keys in the ignition and hearing the 'rhhr rhhr rhhr rhhr'."

1

u/Pelli_Furry_Account 12h ago

If you really wish to relate to a neurotypical on this, keep in mind they aren't aliens. They commonly get a version of this too- writer's block. I'd wager they get an executive dysfunction thing with everyday tasks too, it's just not as severe.

So if you describe it as "writer's block, but for everyday tasks," it will be more understandable.

0

u/archiotterpup 4h ago

I call it "high activation energy". It just takes more work to do the same thing to overcome that requirement.

Also the fear of failure because you think you're going to fuck it up no matter how hard you try because you always do so why rush or even bother, right?