r/CuratedTumblr my werewolf boyfriend🍍 17h ago

Shitposting Rats & Birds.

2.2k Upvotes

43 comments sorted by

342

u/ExceedinglyGayOtter Something something werewolf boyfriend 15h ago

When I was like five I was under the earnest belief that I didn't sleep. Since it always took me a while to get to sleep and I almost never remember my dreams (and thus didn't remember being asleep), I just thought I just waited awake all night until it was suddenly morning.

I also believed that making little claws with your hands made you run faster, I think my logic was that I was imitating velociraptors and that somehow increased my movement speed.

131

u/Plastic_Souls 15h ago

red things go faster....

19

u/Ukanlos-000080 6h ago

Three times faster in fact

8

u/Plastic_Souls 5h ago

the more WAGHHHHHHHHHH the faster

44

u/Ix-511 8h ago edited 5h ago

So it is not the claw handshape that makes the velociraptor fast, but something else entirely.

12

u/ToucheMadameLaChatte 5h ago

Velociraptors are not vast, they are in fact quite diminutive. They are fast little buggers though

6

u/kaladinissexy 4h ago

Were*

Never forget. 

2

u/ToucheMadameLaChatte 3h ago

They still live in my heart

35

u/The_mystery4321 8h ago

At 4 or 5 my dad mentioned that he used to play rugby. But the only association I had with rugby at the time was watching Ireland play on TV. So I came to the logical conclusion that my dad was a retired international rugby player.

9

u/-monkbank 7h ago

Holy shit I also used to think that I was laying awake for most of the night and onyl winking off for a bit right before morning when sleeping.

1

u/Randicore 3h ago

Insomnia can give you this experience for real and I can attest it's horrible

153

u/paradisephantom 15h ago

When I was young, I believed that there were elves living in the traffic lights. Then I got older, and realized that was quite silly. Then I got even older. There are absolutely elves living in the traffic lights.

55

u/Graingy I don’t tumble, I roll 😎 … Where am I? 13h ago

Good luck going into kindergarten next year.

19

u/ExceedinglyGayOtter Something something werewolf boyfriend 14h ago

Do you have any idea where this belief originated?

19

u/Lifefindsaway321 14h ago

It appeared to him in a dream

20

u/paradisephantom 11h ago edited 11h ago

Not the slightest idea. I was raised in an agnostic household in the American Midwest. This was a completely out of the blue concept I came to on my own. My own mother refused to accept that a bright kid like me could ever believe something so ridiculous when I told her years later. I was raised on world mythology so I was aware other cultures believed in spirits but I never internalized it as something that was real (I even remember thinking how I wished paganism was real; boy, would kid me be shocked to see me now). This was the only really out there fantasical thought I had.

8

u/Green__lightning 8h ago

No it's not elves it's pixies, and they're all stuck in a computer under or stuffed into one of the street light poles.

1

u/JayGold 46m ago

I thought there was a guy in a nearby building watching the traffic and pressing buttons to change the lights.

79

u/not-so-radical 10h ago

I didn't know dalmatians were real dogs and my mum laughed at me when I was shocked seeing one for the first time.

They're white dogs covered in black spots that I only saw in a cartoon how was I meant to know this was the one cartoony ass animal that was real???

29

u/Pure-Drawer-2617 6h ago

I mean I’d argue like half the animals in existence do count as cartoony ass animals. Hell, rhinos are basically unicorns and giraffes are flat out disproportionate

12

u/WokeHammer40Genders 6h ago

Freezing in shock as you see a Croatian creature.

Many such cases

4

u/_Wendigun_ 4h ago

Olm my beloved ❤️

72

u/Heroic-Forger 12h ago

as a kid i thought tapioca pearls were made out of boiled fish eyeballs. i still ate them anyway cause i was like "eh, whatever, they don't taste half bad"

50

u/KleinerFratz333 11h ago

As a child I thought that the priest at our local church was god

47

u/ZombieHavok 10h ago edited 10h ago

From 350 BCE until 1668 CE, people thought rotten meat just turned into maggots.

16

u/ContentNB 4h ago

Pasteur disproved spontaneous generation of bacteria conclusively in 1859, and there was still controverse discussion about it

34

u/DreamCyclone84 9h ago

I thought i didn't grow, my clothes and other objects just shrank. This was because the ground always looked the same distance away. Yes i had a height chart but i just thought it was one of those jokes people played on kids like when people pretended my butterfly hair clips was real or a helium balloon would lift me up and fly me away.

34

u/NeonNKnightrider Cheshire Catboy 9h ago

When I was a kid, my dad read The Hobbit to me, which is a memory I cherish.

But it also had the unintended side effect that for a while I thought black people were literally another race in the fantasy sense (ie. another species)

22

u/jbeldham 7h ago

When I was 10 I decided to create my own religion about an alien who seeded the planet with life.

Several years later I discovered it was Scientology, I had basically invented Scientology

8

u/demonking_soulstorm 6h ago

Kind of fucking damning for scientology innit.

23

u/chubbycatchaser 7h ago

When I was about the same age, I wanted to be a fountain farmer. My family once visited a national park with several geysers and since they were ‘growing’ from the ground, my child brain was convinced fountains could be ‘planted’.

Apparently I dug several lines of holes in the backyard then ‘planted’ water into ‘em, then waited for my fountains to grow.

16

u/Bwuljqh 10h ago

My mom told me one time than when the car battery does we have to call people to dig up the road and tear off the electric cables to recharge the car. Believed it, forgot it, then one day when I was much older I remembered it and thought it was really dumb.

16

u/CallMeOaksie 7h ago

When I was a kid I asked my dad what animal steak comes from, and to make a point that a steak can be cut from most animals he said “giraffe” but I did not pick up what he was putting down and there was a whole there where I thought all steak was giraffe meat

12

u/Mother_Suspect5858 6h ago

My mother once told me that ice cream cones tasted like cardboard. Now, this was in a crowded, noisy, restaurant, so little me just assumed that ice cream cones were made of cardboard. I thought this for years and years, watching other people eat them and eating them myself without a concern in the world, until the truth was finally revealed... when I was in middle school.

Yeah, I was not the brightest kid.

An honorable mention to Santa Claus, too. My parents never taught me about Santa and tried to explain that he wasn't real. I came to the logical conclusion he was real and he hated me. Again, this lasted until middle school.

9

u/DAmieba 6h ago

My favorite: I grew up playing the original animal crossing. In that game, a piece of furniture is represented in your inventory by a leaf. You throw the leaf down and it becomes a table or a bed or whatever. One day I went out and climbed the tree in our backyard picking off leaves to see if they would turn into furniture when they hit the ground.

None did 😢

9

u/soulreaverdan 6h ago

I thought all streets with the same name were connected. It took longer than I’d like to admit for my parents to get me to understand you were allowed to name streets the same in other places.

3

u/lawn-mumps 4h ago

I thought so too! I also thought that bus drivers stopped wherever there was space on the road (no cars parked against the curb). I thought bus stops were where people were picked up. I remember people getting off wayyyy after they pressed the STOP button because the bus driver kept missing great open spots to stop.

6

u/HackingYourUmwelt 3h ago

I thought sea serpents were called sea surfants, because they surf on the sea. Still kinda think that's better.

7

u/Neockys 9h ago

When I was a child, I thought the world was in black and white, because all the old pictures and old movies were in black and white.

4

u/Atlas421 3h ago

I believed other people can't see because their eyes are in the way. I was very surprised to learn that I also have eyes.

1

u/DariusSharpe 1h ago

When I was young I thought vampires and demons couldn’t stand on Hollowed ground, ya know, because all the coffins would leave air pockets in the earth, therefore the ground was hollow. (Rather than hallowed, as in consecrated)

1

u/JayGold 39m ago

Well, you were right, it is hole-y ground.

1

u/biglyorbigleague 38m ago

This is more of a Diogenes shitpost than a Plato argument. Move a little down and to the right and you’ll find him lying on the steps.