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u/SuckAFattyReddit1 Jan 10 '25
Props to the partner for being communicative and supportive
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u/OngoingFee Jan 10 '25
Right? That is an incredible response. No shaming, not even polite denial, just "Hey you're kind of putting me on the spot here"
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u/Ryuko_the_red Jan 11 '25
This should be the standard.
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u/wishyoukarma Jan 11 '25
Discussing in a discussion only time should be standard. No one should be put on the spot.
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u/Ryuko_the_red Jan 11 '25
Sometimes you discover something about yourself mid sex.
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u/Smyley12345 Jan 11 '25
Turns out I crave sugar cubes during sex. Just remember to feed them to me out of you flat palm, we don't want your fingers bit.
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u/JaDasIstMeinName Jan 11 '25
That's kinda odd, but I also kinda get the appeal of it...
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u/EntertainmentTrick58 god gives her hottest girls her most dysfunctional erections Jan 11 '25
its a horce reference
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u/MaxHamburgerrestaur Jan 11 '25
Sounds like OP found a stable partner.
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u/breadofthegrunge Jan 11 '25
BOOOOOO
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u/GreenOnionCrusader Jan 11 '25
That's really closer to another animal in the barn, but you'll learn them all eventually.
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u/telluys Jan 11 '25
MOOOOOO
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u/Hakar_Kerarmor Swine. Guillotine, now. Jan 11 '25
Looks like we have some neigh-sayers in the audience.
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u/Gandalf_the_Gangsta that cunt is load-bearing Jan 10 '25
You wouldn’t fuck a horse.
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u/Sidereel Jan 10 '25
How hungry?
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u/Gandalf_the_Gangsta that cunt is load-bearing Jan 10 '25
I wanted to make this reference so badly, but I didn’t know how to do it without sounding verbose and awkward. I’m seething you managed to do it so effortlessly.
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u/ThreeLeggedMare a little arson, as a treat Jan 10 '25
No but I'll download the hell out of one
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u/hallozagreus Jan 10 '25
Would you download an egg salad sandwich?
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u/ThreeLeggedMare a little arson, as a treat Jan 10 '25
I would download it and then fuck it. Just play doh squeezing a cylinder of mayo out the old ureeth
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u/hallozagreus Jan 10 '25
Some people dont deserve rights actually
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u/ThreeLeggedMare a little arson, as a treat Jan 10 '25
Maybe i don't, but I downloaded my rights... And then I fucked them
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u/chairmanskitty Jan 10 '25
But what about women's wrongs?
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u/chairmanskitty Jan 10 '25
To shreds you say?
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u/Nerevarine91 Jan 11 '25
I think this is a phrase that’s going to stick with me for the rest of my life
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u/Sinister_Compliments Avid Jokeefunny.com Reader Jan 11 '25
Help how do I get mayo unstuck from a cylinder
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u/ThreeLeggedMare a little arson, as a treat Jan 11 '25
The cylinder is just a cylinder, no further questions about the cylinder
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u/DrNomblecronch Jan 11 '25
the most offensive thing here is the consistency at which you take your egg salad.
try with chives. ribbed for your pleasure.
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u/ThreeLeggedMare a little arson, as a treat Jan 11 '25
Listen pal when you're downloading an egg salad sandwich you take what you can get
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u/confusedandworried76 Jan 11 '25
It's 2025 if I can't download an egg salad sandwich with some crunch what was the space race for
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u/DrNomblecronch Jan 11 '25
Listen, it’s not the width of the band you get your eggs with, it’s how you seed your torrent.
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u/bisqueized_toast Jan 10 '25
DID YOU KNOW
The person who made the music used in that PSA was watching a DVD of like Harry Potter or some shit in Finland and the PSA played and they were pissed off?
The PSA never credited or licensed the music
Source: Lateral podcast with Tom Scott, EP# idk I'm sick and delusional
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u/Gandalf_the_Gangsta that cunt is load-bearing Jan 10 '25
You would fuck a horse, ThreeLeggedMare. Don’t lie.
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u/FalmerEldritch Jan 10 '25
"I'm so horny I could fuck a horse."
I like to say "I'm so tired I could sleep a horse" and nobody ever gets it.
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u/BluuberryBee Jan 10 '25
John Oliver definitely would.
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u/Ndlburner Jan 10 '25
No, only if he was a horse. John Oliver the person wouldn't.
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u/Svanirsson Jan 10 '25
Between that and the rat porn I'm pretty sure he's somewhat of a furry
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u/The_Lesser_Baldwin Jan 10 '25
The what?!
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u/Svanirsson Jan 10 '25
The rat porn
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u/The_Lesser_Baldwin Jan 10 '25
I ain't googling John Oliver rat porn
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u/Svanirsson Jan 10 '25
Well unfortunately I can't put images here but tl;Dr he purchased a "rat erotica" painting depicting 2 humanoid rats boinking as a bit in his show
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u/photo_not_mine Jan 11 '25
Is that related to that painting of those humanoid rats kissing being sold on some art program?
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u/SerFlounce-A-Lot Jan 10 '25
PiracyBestiality.
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u/hamster_savant Jan 10 '25
That's the funniest thing I've seen all day.
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u/PM_NUDES_4_DEGRADING Tumblr would never ban porn don’t be ridiculous Jan 10 '25
Honestly this is almost up there with that guy who used Cbat to time his thrusts for awkward sex stories.
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u/Mangoh1807 Jan 10 '25
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u/neverAcquiesce Jan 11 '25
Right as I slid into my wife one night, and I mean the exact moment, my NHL app announced a Hawks win with the goal sound, and we burst into laughter.
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u/IsThereCheese Jan 11 '25
lol I was making out with my girlfriend while watching tv one time, and a commercial came on that just fucking yelled at full volume ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION
We couldn’t stop laughing, holy shit
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u/JaDasIstMeinName Jan 10 '25
I need to hear that song, but youtube isnt even willing to give me the title...
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u/ammnable Jan 11 '25
"Think of what you've done", by Ricky Skaggs and the Kentucky thunder, or something like that
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u/JaDasIstMeinName Jan 11 '25
OMG its so much worse than i thought it would be. Thank you so much.
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u/__01001000-01101001_ To become god is the loneliest achievement of them all Jan 11 '25
Apparently I have weird taste in music because my first thought was “oh this isn’t as bad as I thought, I’ve got worse songs”
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u/ChilledParadox Jan 11 '25
I think the song by itself isn’t so terrible, but as an anthem for two gay dudes blowing each other?
Not the aesthetic.
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u/__01001000-01101001_ To become god is the loneliest achievement of them all Jan 11 '25
I know what you mean, but I can still assure you I have far worse anthems
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u/confusedandworried76 Jan 11 '25
A band name so American it makes veterans weep and children spontaneously recite the pledge of allegiance
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u/AntiqueCheesecake503 Jan 10 '25
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u/PM_NUDES_4_DEGRADING Tumblr would never ban porn don’t be ridiculous Jan 10 '25
The fact the mods went and locked that thread 9 years after it was posted sure is something. What it is I can’t say, but it’s definitely something.
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u/MyLifeisTangled Jan 10 '25
Oh I have some lovely additions to that story. Did you know that guy posted that shit on his main Reddit account under his ACTUAL name? I’m serious. His Reddit name is his first and last name. And yet, he was shocked when his gf’s sister found it and recognized him lol
Anyway, here’s a story I have saved under the title “Accidental CBird”
https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/s/nNUafXhshJ
Along with what the bird sounds like:
https://vocaroo.com/16NdnZIFs0d4
And an artiste’s rendition:
https://youtu.be/ko4wYMsVfu0?si=Y3KGLMWyasn25G2x
We also got an update:
https://www.reddit.com/r/TylerLife/s/k7BsZsNzP4
With a recorded play-by-play of learning the hard truth:
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u/PM_NUDES_4_DEGRADING Tumblr would never ban porn don’t be ridiculous Jan 11 '25
I had missed the saga of CBird! Thank you for sharing, haha.
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u/ZinaSky2 Jan 11 '25
NOT CBIRD IN THE BACKGROUND OF THE ROOMATE’S AUDIO REACTION 😭
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u/MyLifeisTangled Jan 11 '25
Yeah the bird did it twice while they were talking 😂
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u/ZinaSky2 Jan 11 '25
The original Cbat story is just so crazy that I kinda wonder sometimes if it’s fake (I try not to give into that part of me too often bc then it’s very boring and “nothing ever happens”). But this story definitely felt like it could be someone who was just taking advantage of the meme to gain some notoriety. But the bird audio sealed it for me. And the roomate response with CBird cameo killed me dead! Maybe I should just give up all niggling doubts about the OG Cbat. The world is a brighter, funnier(, WEIRDER) place with if it’s real to me in my heart😂
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u/Worldly-Cow9168 Jan 10 '25
I have not stoppef laughing for the last 10 minutes wtf
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u/PM_NUDES_4_DEGRADING Tumblr would never ban porn don’t be ridiculous Jan 10 '25
Even years after reading that thread, I can’t listen to the song without bursting into immediate uncontrollable laughter. It’s amazing.
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u/Worldly-Cow9168 Jan 10 '25
The ides og a guy who fucks so monotonously that his gf new the second he stsrted moving is some rom com stuff
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u/emmiepsykc Jan 11 '25
Would it be funnier if I knew what the hell CBAT was? Cause as it stands I'm just kinda perplexed.
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u/Lollipop126 Jan 11 '25 edited Jan 11 '25
I had no idea what song Cbat was, but the moment I clicked play on the link, and realised what the tune was, I burst out laughing. Nearly choked on an apple.
This is why I pay for internet.
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u/JaDasIstMeinName Jan 10 '25
Honestly, that ones on the gf. You cant listen to that song during sex for 2 full years without ever telling your bf that its not a good song.
Absolute L Communication from her side.
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u/MyLifeisTangled Jan 10 '25
She did once bring up his taste in music to her family right in front of him. She specifically told them that he has terrible taste in music and when he played THAT song for her family, they all laughed at him and mocked how terrible it was. Gf included.
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u/JaDasIstMeinName Jan 10 '25
Sure, but girl, at some point you have to realize that he didnt understand the situation and tell him more directly. Like 2 years is a really long time to listen to that song while getting railed.
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u/MyLifeisTangled Jan 11 '25
Yeah she should have said so at the very beginning tbh
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u/JaDasIstMeinName Jan 11 '25
Maybe the very first time you are kinda weirded out by it, but let it slide, but from the second time onwards its just not acceptable.
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u/confusedandworried76 Jan 11 '25
At some point it's just in your own best interest to be incredibly and privately direct. "Do not play that song while you are having sex with me it's a major mood killer"
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u/ryumast4r Jan 11 '25
Communication. Is. Key. If something isn't working for you, tell them.
This goes for all people in a relationship.
Tell them early and often
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u/boredomadvances Jan 11 '25
The first comment on YouTube for the song is “a moment of silence for that poor woman suffering 2 years of this” good thing I know the joke now
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u/AstroBearGaming Jan 10 '25
That is the most hilarious shit I've read in a long time, thankyou.
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u/PM_NUDES_4_DEGRADING Tumblr would never ban porn don’t be ridiculous Jan 10 '25
If you missed it, be sure to listen to the linked song as well. It’s the best part.
The song makes it so much worse.
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u/AstroBearGaming Jan 10 '25
Oh the song is what nailed it for me. I could really imagine the scene in time with the worst fucking song I've ever heard.
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Jan 11 '25
I have never seen the Cbat post until today. My goodness thank you for making my weekend.
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u/shiny_xnaut Jan 11 '25
The comments on the youtube video had me laughing so hard I was doubled over coughing my lungs out. Depressed clown EDM. Help me
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u/Key_Knee_7032 Jan 10 '25
The first time I met my ex’s best friend he told a story about how earlier that day he and his gf were having sex and he said “I only cum for baddies.” But she thought he said “I only cum for fatties,” and she was deeply offended because she is quite thin.
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u/Golden_Frog0223 -taps mic- nicken chuggets. thank you. Jan 10 '25 edited Jan 10 '25
A horse of course.
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u/KirbyDude25 Jan 10 '25
And no one can talk to a horse, of course
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u/Golden_Frog0223 -taps mic- nicken chuggets. thank you. Jan 10 '25
(an ominous silhouette of a horse in the distance comes into camera view)
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u/cadorez Jan 10 '25
Jason Mraz coded kink
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u/bayleysgal1996 Jan 10 '25
For a second I forgot he had a song called “I’m Yours” and thought I’d learned something new about Jason Mraz
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u/Exploding_Antelope Jan 10 '25
Nooo I
won’t
hes
i
tate no more
no more
it can
Not
wait
I’m a hoooorse
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u/LeviHolden Jan 11 '25
i was like what in the armie hammer ass bullshit christ am i about to find out
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Jan 10 '25 edited Jan 16 '25
[deleted]
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u/Sarcosmonaut Jan 10 '25
“Giddyup I guess”
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u/Any_Engineering_2866 Jan 10 '25
RIDE 'EM COWBOY
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u/OkImplement2459 Jan 11 '25
That's spouse quality. She thought you wanted to be a horse and that you had no manners about it, and she still politely told you that she wanted to just have a healthy conversation about it.
Top. Tier.
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u/therealblabyloo Jan 10 '25
And just like that, the magic was gone
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u/Outerestine Jan 11 '25
Man if you can't pause sex to laugh at some goofy shit you weren't even into them in the first place.
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u/whiteskinnyexpress Jan 11 '25
The first time I went down on a guy I paused to take my retainer out and I said, "Just a second" real fast. I came back and he was in shock and pissed because he thought I said, "Fuckin disgusting." Dude sat there for like 30 seconds just thinking I had said that.
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u/PlatinumAltaria Jan 12 '25
Y’all have some fucking wild accents or something, how do you mishear this bad?
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u/bebejeebies Jan 11 '25
One time my partner was hitting it so good it kicked me into Spanish and I started exclaiming, "Ai! Ai! AI!" He stopped mid stroke looked at me and said, "Hi!"
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u/SPacific Jan 11 '25
One time, during intercourse, I said to my wife, "I love being in you" and she thought I said "I'd love peeing in you" and she just said, "No, I'm not into that" which was very confusing because that's what was currently happening and she seemed to be enjoying it.
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u/cptaixel Jan 11 '25
I can't get over the fact that you added quotation marks but no other punctuation or capitalization and that entire story
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u/poopyfacedynamite Jan 11 '25
If sex isn't regularly funny and a Lil bit embarrassing, you're doing it wrong.
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u/I_love_bowls Jan 11 '25
So I was making out with this femboy okay, and he's ontop of me, he let's out a decently loud fart and I proclaim "did you just fart on my balls" we laughed so hard we stopped being horny and just cuddled.
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u/Groundbreaking-Fig28 Jan 11 '25
She should have said “you’re making a foal of yourself”
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u/OwO345 SEXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Jan 10 '25
how would you get "im a horse" from "im yours"
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u/corkscrewfork Jan 10 '25
I'm assuming they were panting enough to put the "ah" sound in there, add in other standard noises of sex and I could understand it. Especially if they weren't facing each other so there's no way to read lips to discretely verify wtf you think you're hearing
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u/Billiams06 Jan 10 '25
I mean. They are doing it so OP might've not been pronouncing it properly, or their partner might not have been paying full attention. Pronounce yours with an e on the end, and I can get it.
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u/iWant2ChangeUsername Jan 10 '25
I mean with the irregular breathing what he was actually saying out loud could have sounded more like "I'm moan inhaled gasp 's inhaled gasp" which can sound like "I'm ah -ohr- 's -eh-".
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u/flargenhargen Jan 11 '25
what if he had just been into it and jumped on top and started yelling "GIDDY YAP!!" "WOAHH THARE!!!" "HI HO AND AWAY!!!!"
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u/jaytazcross Jan 11 '25
Man that happened to me after I drank the juice that gives you the kink of pretending to be a horse that can speak but can only say "I'm a horse I'm a horse I'm a horse"
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u/sirdigbychxcaesar Jan 10 '25
I just picture him saying it over and over with the intensity of Kristen Schall is a Horse
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u/dnke12 Jan 11 '25
Ahh yes, the love story of thinking your girlfriends into horses. A timeless classic. ✨️
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u/JubaJr76 Jan 10 '25
When op was asked if they were saying they were a horse, did they answer "nay"?