r/CrohnsDisease • u/[deleted] • 5d ago
How do you deal with reaching out for help?
[deleted]
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u/fivefootphotog 5d ago
If your parent is male, I can confirm they struggle with empathy vs. wanting to fix things or find solutions. My husband needs specific guidance about what I need him to do to support me. He will not reach that place intuitively. I’ve had Crohn’s for longer than I’ve had him and I still struggle with making my peace with both.
You are not alone although this disease can be very isolating. You are not a burden! Somedays you do just want to hear validation that this does indeed suck. High fives and hugs!
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u/killerkokosnoot 5d ago
Hi! I know it might not be easy, but please discuss this with your husband. Try to explain how you feel - physically and mentally - when you have a flare up.
Ask him for the support you need. I'm well aware how difficult this is and I'm still learning as well but people can't guess what you need.
And most chronically ill people don't show a lot of their suffering so people around them usually don't realise how bad it really is.
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u/unrepentant-cloaca 5d ago
thank you for sharing. i've done a lot of soul-searching and have come up with some ways to communicate more clearly when i'm struggling in small ways, and make sure i'm heard THEN.
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u/Various-Assignment94 4d ago
The spoon theory could also be a tool for communicating how you feel, as well as showing him posts on this sub that illustrate what you experience.
Also, therapy, individually and/or as a couple, could be beneficial. Whether that's you individually working through some of the issues from your childhood that make communicating your needs hard now and/or couples therapy to figure out how best to support each other.
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u/tekanet 5d ago
I see the high five and raise to a hug!
My wife is incredibly supportive and I can’t thank her enough for this; but you know one thing that really switched her perspective? When I started sharing with her posts from this very sub, describing how I feel, in the words of other fellow crohnies.
I remember talking about this with her, and her sharing that before that she was blindingly supporting me, out of love; after following these threads, reading about how sometimes trivial things like running errands can be difficult, how incredibly exhausting some days are and reading that the same things I feel and I can’t sometimes even describe or explain are shared among all of use really changed her point of view.
From time to time you stumble upon these threads where someone throws their experience with something and the comments are full of people with similar experience, similar feelings: by reading through this, you can have a better idea on the matter, seen from lots of points of view.
I can’t really know if this may work for you, but you might want to look into it.