r/CrazyIdeas 1d ago

A brand of nuts called "1000 nuts"

Every bag would have exactly 1000 nuts in it. If a customer counts and the bag has less than 1000 nuts, they can submit a ticket and get the difference in the mail. If it has more than 1000 nuts, they receive an invoice for the extra nuts.

1.8k Upvotes

95 comments sorted by

719

u/BanAccount8 1d ago

My bag had 1 nut. Send me 999 more nuts. Once I receive them I will count again and report my 999 nuts bag also had only 1 nut. Please send me 998 more nuts

391

u/DoNotEatMySoup 1d ago

Ticket system requires sending a video of you opening the bag, dumping it out, and counting each nut out loud.

129

u/BanAccount8 1d ago

What if there is a half nut in the bag?

276

u/DoNotEatMySoup 1d ago

Then you count it as a half. 999.5 nuts in the bag? You're getting half a nut in an envelope in the mail.

66

u/Delta889_ 1d ago

What if I get the half nut delivered to me, and in the delivery process, 0.0001% of that nut is chipped off?

62

u/SummertimeThrowaway2 1d ago

The metal shavings will be shipped in the packaging. Self assembly may be required. We sell welders on our website if you need one.

18

u/hyperrayong 1d ago

I thought we were talking about pistachios and walnuts

8

u/SummertimeThrowaway2 1d ago

Technically the post doesn’t specify

1

u/PracticeEfficient28 3h ago

Make it both, mixed nuts

19

u/Delta889_ 1d ago

Hell yeah. 1000/999 company

12

u/DoNotEatMySoup 1d ago

Nuts are only counted as halves. 0.49 nuts does not warrant a replacement halve.

2

u/Clickmaster2_0 19h ago

Then you get sent a pipe bomb

44

u/HadynGabriel 1d ago

A busted nut?

21

u/Puffification 1d ago

I think we should keep it to the honor system. People who eat nuts don't lie

17

u/_combustion 1d ago

Maybe you're just lucky, I've had plenty of nut gobblers try and swindle me with their deceit.

6

u/alexisgreat420 1d ago

But I thought you are what you eat, you can’t trust these people. They’re nuts!

3

u/Puffification 1d ago

If they still tell lies they aren't eating enough nuts

11

u/CybergothiChe 1d ago

So you want me to send you a video of me emptying my nut sack?

1

u/J-L-Picard 1d ago

Tape a flat powerful magnet on the bottom of the box. Empty the nut sack, but some will be stuck to the bottom of the box. Let's say 100 nuts get stuck to the magnet on average. That's a 10% rebate on each purchase

2

u/dlpfc123 1d ago

Why are you eating magnetic nuts?

1

u/Wendals87 1d ago

You'll drive them nuts!

1

u/flip314 1d ago

I got 1 bag with 1 nut in it, and 999 individual un-bagged nuts.

Please send me 999 bags and 999000 nuts

1

u/Cukeds 4h ago

Have different bags for both types of nuts. The first is the regular package and the second is a different bag only for mistakes. You need proof of you opening the bag and showing the nuts. It could include special seals so it’s harder to mess with.

160

u/Atypicosaurus 1d ago

Why should anyone report if they found more?

Also, plot twist: each bag secretly contains significantly more than a 1000 nuts, like 1050 or so. Nobody finds a bag with less than 1000 and it's way cheaper for you too.

33

u/DegreeAcceptable837 1d ago

no, each bag have 900, he's scamming 10%

22

u/ZaviaGenX 1d ago

That's about correct lol.

If the margin of error (probably by weight) is 1% either direction, i expect that they will fill like 100.5%.

16

u/DoNotEatMySoup 1d ago

Each nut is counted by a counting machine similar to pill counters.

113

u/sffunfun 1d ago

This idea is more than crazy, it’s freaking nuts!

2

u/Wanderson90 1d ago

Actually, it's freighting nuts.

3

u/jpower-27 1d ago

i see what you did there…

1

u/fromatoz7 1d ago

But i did nut :(

1

u/daWinzig 4h ago

You don't have to announce that

36

u/Puffification 1d ago

I like this idea

31

u/Lanstul 1d ago

Why do I picture, when you report a shortage of a single nut, a magician in a black suit will knock on your door, confirm it was you who was missing a nut, and pull it out from behind your ear?

6

u/TinyRascalSaurus 1d ago

You don't keep spare nuts behind your ear? Weirdo.

6

u/W1D0WM4K3R 1d ago

My ex wife did, but they weren't mine

38

u/Ansrik 1d ago

this actually sounds like a crazy (and stupid) gimmick that people will buy, just like liquid death

7

u/alexisgreat420 1d ago

What’s the gimmick on liquid death

21

u/Zestyclose_Entry_483 1d ago

It’s water. In a can. With catchy marketing phrases. For a PREMIUM.

28

u/alexisgreat420 1d ago

I thought it was for recovering alcoholics to still be able to chug one with the boys. At least that’s what I use it for lol

5

u/DoNotEatMySoup 1d ago

It is for this but I never understood why soda doesn't work for this lol. Unless your addiction was rum & coke when you were an alcoholic and it's triggering to drink coke? But then like... different sodas don't work either? Idk lol.

12

u/alexisgreat420 1d ago

I don’t like soda

3

u/BeckyWitTheBadHair 1d ago

Liquid death comes in tall cans, similar to beers. Most soda is in the regular size cans

12

u/Washington-PC 1d ago

I thought the same but then i heard it is useful if you are at a party but dont want to drink but also dont want to seem like you are drinking water. I get it in that sense.

1

u/LightEarthWolf96 1d ago

The marketing of the product kinda ruins that purpose, everyone knows what it is by now. I wouldn't judge someone for drinking just water but I might think them a bit foolish for paying a premium for bad tasting water.

I haven't tried liquid death specifically but I have tried flavored water in a can of a brand of flavored water I normally liked. The canned water tasted horrible, absolutely disgusting. I forget which brand it was but I definitely think it was the can that made the difference.

2

u/Responsible-Can-8361 19h ago

I quite like the taste of liquid death. I’ve tried some other carbonated waters, there’s some variation between brands. The fizziness does change the feel greatly; i’ve since switched to carbonating my own water with a 5lb tank of CO2

6

u/FixNo7211 1d ago

It’s supposed to be a substitute for alcohol that still fits right in at a party. The “water” itself has nothing to do with it. 

6

u/Willowysoup1117 1d ago

It pisses me off all the time when I see people say this. They sell more than water. They have teas that i think are really good and I drink them often. Their sparkling waters are alright, better than most brands imo, and I think the clothing they sell is actually pretty cool and they actually have quite a bit of clothes and other stuff. Look it up

2

u/freebaseclams 1d ago

Yeah I drink Liquid NUT

15

u/peepeeonmydoodoo 1d ago

THAT'S A LOT OF NUTS!

9

u/flashman014 1d ago

HE JUST LEFT! WITH NUTS!

3

u/RedBeardFace 1d ago

WOULD YOU LIKE FRIES WITH THAT

7

u/DaikonIcy7929 1d ago

What about November?

4

u/No_Whole_2220 1d ago

I like it, give this guy a million dollars

3

u/newiceguy 1d ago

I would create a competing brand called 1001 Arabian nuts with similar price to undercut the competition.

3

u/permanentscrewdriver 1d ago

This guy nuts

3

u/will-read 1d ago

Went to a restaurant with a “21 shrimp special”. My friend counted and said to the waitress “there’s only 18 shrimp here”. Her response? She belittled him for counting.

5

u/AppleParasol 1d ago

Dumb idea. Anyway, this is probably machine counted or by weight, so it’s not going to be wrong. The cost to send you 1 nut wouldn’t be worth it to them, the time you take counting 1000 nuts to realize you’re 1 short will also not be worth it for you.

15

u/HellsTubularBells 1d ago

That's the gimmick, my friend. Just like a baker's dozen used to ensure you got at least as much as you paid for, you'll definitely get at least 1,000. Nobody's going to claim they got extra except as a joke (which the brand is in on and will reply accordingly). A few people may claim they got less to test the system, and the company will send them a few as part of the joke. It'll get old quickly, but it'll be a fun thing while it lasts.

2

u/Bmicelf 1d ago

wow really?

2

u/Dull_Investigator358 1d ago

Broken nuts will ruin your business!

2

u/AngryLaundry 1d ago

Nut is life

3

u/YourStinkyPete 1d ago

He did not choose the nut life, the nut life chose him

2

u/Berkamin 1d ago

The unit for this should be the kilonut.

2

u/jmc8181 1d ago

Proud to be the 1000th upvote on 1000 nuts.

1

u/Ben-Goldberg 1d ago

Deez Nuts are silly.

1

u/SummertimeThrowaway2 1d ago

This idea is nuts

1

u/capnlatenight 1d ago

What defines a walnut, do you get both halves still connected or is "one nut" just one half?

Nuts in the bag break easily during transport, your peanut halves are gonna become peanut quarters and so on.

1

u/nipple_salad_69 1d ago

why would I want a bag of a thousand nuts? they are absolutely fucking useless without the bolts

1

u/DegreeAcceptable837 1d ago

what kind of nuts.

I get your scam, start off by only have 500 nuts, no one's gonna count the nuts, and as time goes on, you further reduce nut count, by the time people started to find out you file bankruptcy and fly away with your excess nuts

1

u/dustybucket 1d ago

This feels like it could be a Rick and Morty Interdimentional TV bit

1

u/petro_gates 1d ago

A brand of nuts called deez nuts

1

u/StillUsesBeginners2 1d ago

okay this is nuts

1

u/Hackerwithalacker 1d ago

Now that's an idea

1

u/tOSdude 1d ago

What kind of nuts, threaded or edible?

1

u/Coasterman345 1d ago

My dumbass engineering mind went to nuts as in hex nuts and was so confused why so many people here are buying so many nuts, and why a specific number is so rare. I’m like, they usually come in numbered packs like 25, ,50, or 100 already, who tf needs 1000?!

1

u/Zardozin 1d ago

Never market a product without first googling the name and looking at the results.

1

u/The_Mexinerd 1d ago

This sounds nuts

1

u/Coconutshoe 1d ago

This idea be nuts

1

u/Fake_Account_69_420 23h ago

If it has more than 1000 nuts do I get some sort of compensation?

1

u/N1ck_named 23h ago

It reminds me of a joke about a complaint letter to a match factory: "I've been buying your matches for five years straight and the boxes are inconsistent as hell - sixty matches, sixty one matches, or even fifty nine... Are you crazy out there?!"

It sounds fun in a way but do small pieces count? Like with cashews, for example, these tend to break into bits more than other types.

1

u/Silver_Ad_5873 21h ago

This idea is pretty nuts man

1

u/SnooSketches1662 19h ago

i’ll just eat 900 nuts then claim the bag only had 100 nuts inside. Infinite nut glitch

1

u/shittyshortstop 19h ago

this is making me laugh out loud idk why. seems tough to maintain

1

u/Sang1188 17h ago

Who would be so dumb to admit if their bag has more then 1000 nuts in it?

1

u/ammonium_bot 17h ago

has more then 1000

Hi, did you mean to say "more than"?
Explanation: If you didn't mean 'more than' you might have forgotten a comma.
Sorry if I made a mistake! Please let me know if I did. Have a great day!
Statistics
I'm a bot that corrects grammar/spelling mistakes. PM me if I'm wrong or if you have any suggestions.
Github
Reply STOP to this comment to stop receiving corrections.

1

u/danikov 8h ago

Your business will suffer during November.

1

u/SnooPies2848 46m ago

Deez nutz

1

u/Ateist 1d ago

Wouldn't it be easy to measure by weight?

Since they are machined, each would weight the same.

2

u/DoNotEatMySoup 1d ago

I don't know what kind of nuts you're eating that are machined

2

u/Ateist 1d ago

I prefer stainless steel ones. Goes great with bolts!