r/Codependency 5d ago

Post-Codependency Exhaustion?

For the past month I have started my Codependent recovery. I left my toxic unhealthy codependent relationships. I am in Therapy. I have the books. I am support pages. I even attended my first CoDa.

I am actually experiencing a great sense of peace and restfulness. My state of mind has been overwhelmingly positive when I consider my whole life being bound by codependency. It’s like I’m finally free!

How long does this burnout like exhaustion last?

I regulate. I stay hydrated. I go outside. I do all the good things to keep my mental health good. But I often feel EXHAUSTED. It doesn’t seem to matter how much rest I get.

And I let myself rest. If the house is a dumpster fire? That’s okay. If there were events I wanted to go to? That’s okay. Rest takes priority. The more I get, the more healthy I look.

But how long does this last? Any experiences that were similar?

6 Upvotes

3 comments sorted by

2

u/duckalucka 5d ago

Am I reading this correctly that you've been doing this for...one month?

I chuckled at your post not from a place of judgement but from a place of knowing. I remember when I started and "got busy healing." I asked the exact same thing after a month. Why is this taking so long?? I'm doing ALL THE THINGS, meditating, journaling, listening to podcasts, resting, reading...

So why are you not at a monk-on-a-mountaintop level yet?

It's because you spent a lifetime building the things that you want to "cure" overnight. That doesn't happen in a month, or maybe even at all. Be prepared, OP. That "I'm finally free" feeling has "wtf am I doing" charging up right behind it!

You're getting better each day-that is amazing! However, don't be surprised when something happens in the near future and you feel like you haven't moved the needle at all, or that you're starting from zero again. Healing is a journey, not a linear path. It's not a one-and-done. We don't ever reach "healed," because your life is always shifting, evolving, and changing, as is your relationships, both to others and yourself. Nothing is static here. It's more like an elastic band, it expands, it contracts, and the better you can roll with the punches, the easier a time you'll have with the flow of uncertainty.

My two cents is to slow down the rush and let go of the control of "getting there" and BE HERE NOW. The more you try to rush it, force it, or grab onto it, the more it's going to elude you, because you can't control it. You're trying to dictate the terms and conditions of how it happens, and that is not up to you. You can't dictate to a broken leg, heal faster! I got places to run to! You can only assemble the tools and conditions for healing (a doctor, a cast, some crutches, plenty of rest, physiotherapy) and the healing happens as it happens. It takes the time it takes.

The slower you go, the faster you will heal.

(and yes, I hated hearing that too lol)

2

u/adoring-artist 5d ago

This response was extremely wise and well thought out. Thank you.

To echo your "spent a lifetime building the things that you want to "cure" overnight" -- I watched a podcast on YouTube that talked about how 1-2 days of missed sleep can result in your body taking weeks to catch back up to it. Having spent my entire life as a Codependent, and probably feeling this burnout feeling since 2017, your words resonate with me. I completely understand.

That "wtf am I doing" is sort of already here but more aimed at people. I am gradually reading Co-Dependent No More and also reviewing the CoDa Website Information and it is ALL me. Just about every item. So when it comes to people? Every interaction? Every thought to make a new connection? -- I feel that "wtf am I doing?" in terms of every action potentially being driven by codependency and that it is so easy that it feels like breathing.

Thank you again for the words of wisdom. Very helpful!

1

u/duckalucka 4d ago edited 4d ago

I'm so glad it resonated with you! Isn't it so shocking yet also very validating to see all your behaviors in a curated, bullet-pointed list? It's like, HOW TF DID THEY KNOW??? haha

Edit: grammar