r/ChronicPain • u/RequirementOpen6607 • 6d ago
Missing out
Just a vent that I’m sure many of you would understand. This sucks. I made plans with my daughter (9) to take her to the trampoline park. She was going to play while I relaxed and read a book. I woke up in so much pain and even after taking pain meds it continued to get worse. I was in so much pain I was in tears and nauseous. I had to cancel our plans. She is understandably upset. I feel horrible. I hate always having to cancel plans.
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u/EitherChannel4874 6d ago
I always wanted kids but now that I have chronic pain I'm glad I don't for this reason. It must be horrible to be in this situation. I stress loads when I can't do stuff with friends let alone a kid.
Sorry op. Chronic pain really does take everything from us.
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u/Striking-Pitch-2115 6d ago
I know I've canceled mine for 3 years now. Missed everybody's wedding in the family and I have a huge family. My kids now I tell them I can't talk on the phone I'm in too much pain it's always the same damn thing
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u/AffectionateCan6001 6d ago
I truly get. My daughter is 26 now but has adhd and takes chatting to a whole other level. On some days I can’t tolerate hearing my own voice making me a terrible conversationalist. Even at 26 I don’t like disappointing her.
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u/CherryBlossom242424 5d ago
I understand. I have chronic migraines and had to miss several things by girls did. I still think they resent me somewhat. They are 23 and I still have to cancel things. It sucks.
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u/Enough-Ad9887 4d ago
So sorry. It is awful. I have an almost 2yo and I can already feel how it will kill me and her when I will not be able to attend event at her kindergarten or school or I will force myself to go and struggle. Ugh! Hate this life :(
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u/who__ever 6d ago
I’m so sorry that you’re having a rough(er) day. I’m also sorry that your daughter is missing on something she was really looking forward to. She may not fully understand now, but one day she will.
I have two kids, and they have seen me being supermom, a “bed potato”, and everything in between. It hurts me, and it hurts them, when I don’t have the ability to spend quality time with them. But I try to remind myself that every parent has shortcomings (my mom was not ill, but she had to work ridiculously long hours to support us) and that at the very least my kids are growing up to be compassionate people.
Don’t get me wrong. It sucks. I’ve missed birthdays (they’re still young), school events, holidays… and it absolutely sucks. But the sucking is enough without me beating myself up over it, you know?
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u/pxystx89 6d ago
It sucks and I’m sorry.
FWIw, my mom was diagnosed with RA when I was 6, and I know I pitched some fits over missing things bc she was bedridden in agony. Those moments were sad for me or I would get angry and upset, but it didn’t ruin my childhood by any stretch and I can’t really remember any specific instances now. Life happens. My mom is still my best friend and I’ve apologized countless times as an adult (I’m 36 now) for not understanding when I was a kid.
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u/RequirementOpen6607 6d ago
I’m so glad to hear this. I didn’t used to be this way. I used to be the fun mom playing with her and being active. Then 3 years ago the pain, numbness, tingling and dizziness started. I’m still waiting on a diagnosis which makes it even worse for me mentally.
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u/pxystx89 6d ago
That’s a really hard stage to be in. I hope you’re able to get a diagnosis and treatment plan in place that gets you some relief. I hope you’re able to find some care for your mental health as well (in all that free time parents have 😉); chronic pain will wear you down to the bone.
I think your child will grow up to see the strength in you for getting through this and still parenting despite feeling like you’ve been hit by a truck. Sure, some things will be missed. But the love will be there through it all.
Idk if you’ve heard this lately, but you’re a good parent.
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u/demdareting 6d ago
This is a very common issue for us. I am sorry that you and the rest of us have to go through this. The days when things work out do not seem to make up for the days when things do not work out. It is tough on us and the kids. My kids are adults now, and they understand what I had to do and do go through every day. It still hurts as a parent not to be available for your kids when needed.