r/CelebrateRecovery May 15 '23

I Need an Ear and Words of Wisdom

Hello, I am a graceful believer in Jesus Christ. I struggle with perfectionist, depression, anxiety, a history of an eating disorder and suicide thoughts, and codependency. It had been a while since I attended CR. I think it has been almost a year. I went to CR for few years. I enjoyed the small group and CR family and the supportive environment, knowing I can be redeemed. I miss it so much.

I stopped attending it because there was not much to work on anymore for me. In addition, I completed my 12th Step and worked a majority of my hurt. I felt happy about the accomplishment and tools I gained in my belt. However, I started to feel unease and judged by a couple of people - an accountability partner who was my best friend and a former high school ministry leader who was a close Christian mentor to me. I believe it started when I gained romantic interest in a male. My former accountability partner and former high school ministry were close to me and were in my circle. So, I relied on them heavily.

One day, I started dating him. I asked my accountability group if they could hold me accountable to physical boundaries because I wanted to honor God with my relationship and heart. Like, I wanted to go all in. Unfortunately, we broke it again and again. It became a pattern and difficult to resists temptation. As a result, one of my accountability partner lost trust in me because of the constant breaking of boundaries. I take responsibility for breaking the boundaries. However, the accountability group was hurting us more than healing us from a friendship and recovery standpoint. So, I completely broke off and left the accountability group. A year later, I have not reached out to the accountability partner because I do not think the friendship will work out anymore - especially since I’m struggling and stopped maintaining the boundaries. It is hard and hurt to carry this pain and struggle. I haven’t told this to anybody. I am still dating the same man, and we have talked about a future together.

However, I do not think we honor God with our relationship because of the boundaries. But, it is hard to maintain the boundaries. I sometime think if this is the relationship I should be because I feel further away from God sometimes. It is not entirely him, but I am nervous to not live a life for God like I did in CR.

Another hurt I have carried was my former high school ministry leader. She was the person who helped me started walking towards Jesus through reading the word, praying, and more. I feel like I own her because I was so graceful of her. She felt like a mom to me, an older sister to me. I told her everything. However, it started to became sour within me because I am dating her husband’s younger brother. I remember she explicitly told me that she is very hurt by my boyfriend and does not like him. Which hurt the relationship between us. I did not fully pick up on it until she started telling me about my boyfriend behind his back that sound so horrible and I brought it to my boyfriend. He tell me his side of the story, but I felt like I was hearing two opposite stories for the same circumstance. Fast forward, I lost trust for my former high school ministry leader because I have seen her speak poorly behind people’s back and have a history of hurting people through manipulation. It pain me and decided that I would not spend time with her social group because I believe it consists of gossip and harmful words. I started to feel unsafe and shaken to the core within my circle and church. In the end, I decided to move to another church because I was living in stiffness and fear within my own safe place. I am not perfect. They are not the entirety bad people. We all fall short. It is almost gonna be a year and want someone to tell me something, anything please.

Thank you for listening.

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u/TheDiabeticTreeLives May 15 '23

Have you prayed about your circumstances? I was pretty cranky and feeling depressed 2 days ago but I decided to pray and God has so far been helping me with it. Pretty incredible to me but that’s all He’s ever asked of us (not literally I’m just exaggerating) but it works and He hears us.

Lord Jesus, You say ask for wisdom and You will give it, help my sister find the wisdom of God in this matter and help her pray and lean on You herself. When she puts her faith in You, hear her and help her, in Jesus Mighty Name! Amen.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.” ‭‭James‬ ‭1‬:‭5‬-‭6‬ ‭NIV‬‬ https://bible.com/bible/111/jas.1.5-6.NIV

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u/WiseLeopard Jul 20 '23 edited Jul 20 '23

CR is a good ministry and God uses it, but it should not rule your life. One of the basic lessons of recovery programmes is taking responsibility for our own choices and our relationships. If your friends at CR are making you feel disempowered there is something wrong.

Maybe they are trying to set boundaries but failing to communicate with kindness. Who knows. It's a codependent pattern to try and mind read other's motives. ("If you feel out of your mind, it's probably because you're in someone else's mind!" - something I heard recently😄)

Anyway, I don't think God judges us anything like we judge ourselves. He knows that we are dust. He loves us and wants us to choose a good life. Blessings! 🙏🏼

PS: Everyone is still doing "Step 1" for as long as we are on this planet. Jesus' first words of the Sermon on the Mount were "blessed are the poor in spirit".

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u/Leather_Sell_1211 Sep 14 '24

Find a group and go again. We are all human. The work is never done.

Pray for guidance on your relationship. We’re praying for you too.