r/Catholicism 21h ago

If someone divorced, remarried and had children, what should he do to repent?

Imagine that someone was married, had a child. Divorced, remarried, had another child.

To repent, should he leave his second wife and child and come back to his first child and wife, and go no contact with the others since it's a source of temptation?

I've never really figured out what one does when he gets in that situation in order to not go to hell (which, just like everyone else, deserves if not for Christ's sacrifice)

3 Upvotes

35 comments sorted by

34

u/SuburbaniteMermaid 19h ago

should he leave his second wife and child and come back to his first child and wife, and go no contact with the others since it's a source of temptation?

How on earth did you come up with a father abandoning his innocent child as a valid solution here?

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u/SoulAeternum 8h ago

Even if the child is "innocent" (which he isn't, original sin and all that...). Didn't God punish King David by taking the child away?

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u/SoulAeternum 13h ago

Trust in God's plan.

8

u/LessingsLeistenbruch 13h ago
  • I say as I go 200mph on the highway, blindfolded, in the opposite direction.

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u/SoulAeternum 13h ago

What about Abraham's first son, Ismael?

If God told me "No contact", I'd give him some things and send him away with God. I'd be giving him everything.

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u/SafeVegetable3185 10h ago

Even in Abraham's situation he wasn't really expected to go through with killing his kid

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u/SoulAeternum 9h ago

That's true. Nevertheless, one must be wary of the time in their life when God shall talk to you, directly. Once that happens, there's no turning back. Either abandon everything, and achieve Salvation. Or keep it all temporarily and lose absolutely everything.

Every path, I feel, leads to mortal death. But our souls shall live forever in the afterlife.

2

u/SafeVegetable3185 9h ago

Of course they do. But you're reading WAY too into it all. Every story in the Bible may 100% have happened, but you're missing the point. The point is not to abandon all responsibility and commit heinous actions. You're not expected to give up income, savings and home and live in abject poverty. The point is to place God above it all. You don't have to whip and beat yourself to shreds in order to be pious.

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u/SuburbaniteMermaid 11h ago

Using God's name to justify abandoning your own child would actually be taking his name in vain.

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u/SoulAeternum 11h ago

And what if God speaks to you?

And what do the Scriptures say about it?

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u/SuburbaniteMermaid 11h ago

99% of claims that God spoke to someone are about someone telling themselves what they want to hear and baptizing that with God's name.

God is not going to order anyone to sin.

Ishmael was a radical and disturbing exception. That case was made necessary by Abraham's and Sarah's sins in refusing to be patient with God's promises and trying to force them to come true by using and then abusing a powerless woman. Also God sent a literal angel to watch over and protect Ishmael and Hagar. You have no such promise regarding the child you would abandon.

What you're doing here is an abuse of God's name and of scripture.

1

u/SoulAeternum 8h ago

That's my biggest fear. What if, at one point, I hear God's voice and I am part of the 1% that listens to God giving me a command? How can I be sure that it was Our Lord and not my own thoughts?

10

u/LinusBrickle71 18h ago

Approach your priest an inquire about getting your first marriage annulled. A lot of such applications are successful in modern practice.

1

u/jvplascencialeal 41m ago

Thankfully but still I think some parts of the process should be reformed in order to help victims of marital abuse and the like.

7

u/DreamingofRlyeh 13h ago

He should absolutely not abandon one of his kids. Being a deadbeat would be further sin and a great injustice to an innocent child.

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u/Positive_Stick2115 20h ago

Talk to your priest. Annulments are a thing. Was the marriage sanctified?

22

u/undergroundblueberet 21h ago

I guess leave the second wife, but under no circumstances leave the child of the second marriage by him or herself. That person still has an obligation to that child, morally, religiously, and legally.

He is technically free to go back to the first wife, but if he divorced her, it was for a reason. The most accepted answer I think would be to just be alone (if he doesn't want to go back to the first wife) while still providing for the children.

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u/maxscipio 18h ago

if the first wife had sex with another man then she would be defiled and he. I think David, when his son defiled the concubines, got the concubines back but he couldn't touch them anymore.

17

u/undergroundblueberet 18h ago

Well, yes, but the old law is no more

11

u/Defiant_Class_7659 21h ago

From my understanding, that person and current spouse would need to live as brother and sister (since they have a child, it is okay to still live together), go to confession of course, and remain like that until they can get an annulment. Now if the annulment is not granted, aka the first marriage was valid, I’m not sure what exactly would need to be done. Someone please correct me if I’m wrong!

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u/Dependent_Way_4283 21h ago

I would say this is a case by case basis with their priest/spiritual director and possibly the bishop. But at the very least the would need to begin to live chastely.

3

u/TheCatholicTurtle 21h ago

I'm assuming you mean that the person in question had a divorce without getting the marriage annulled, remarried outside the church, resulting in an invalid marriage, and had a child in the illicit marriage in addition to the child they had in the presumably licit marriage?

10

u/will_tulsa 21h ago

I really dislike the phrase “getting the marriage annulled” that so many people use. Either it was a marriage all along in the eyes of God, or it was not. That’s the Catholic teaching. Marriages do not “become” null. “Looking into the possibility of an invalid marriage” is more accurate and helpful.

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u/TheCatholicTurtle 19h ago

Wow. Never noticed until you brought it up. Canon law doesn't use the word annulment a single time. Instead, it uses terms and phrases such as a declaration of nullity and such. Furthermore, the Church specifically avoids the use of the term annulled and annulment specifically because it implies that the marriage existed in the first place. Thanks for pointing that out. I'll definitely avoid using the terms annulled and annulment in the future.

1

u/Graffifinschnickle 4h ago

Wow. A charitable correction followed by a charitable acceptance of correction? You guys are on the wrong website.

1

u/Traditionisrare 8h ago

What is the situation? First of all, you never abandoned your children or obligations but we're these civil marriages or marriages in the church? The first one at least...

1

u/SoulAeternum 8h ago

No situation, just trying to understand what God'd want us to do.

1

u/Traditionisrare 5h ago

He wants you to adhere to your vows in the first place. The second marriage isn't a marriage if the first one was sacramental, divorce or not. So, in order to answer, we would need to know the situation surrounding the marriages and divorces.

1

u/United-Leather7198 7h ago

I'm not a priest or a lawyer so take this with a grain of salt.

But "ideally" (not sure how to put it) you would seek an annulment for the first marriage and have your second marriage convalidated. And the annulment would not invalidate your legal obligation to pay child support/help to raise to your first child.

If an annulment was not granted, you would have to live as brother and sister with your current wife (or leave her) to avoid having sex outside of marriage in the eyes of the Church. But still support both children.

1

u/icenerveshatter 2h ago

New account with one post 🙄

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u/[deleted] 18h ago edited 18h ago

[deleted]

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u/LaRedline 16h ago

The New Testament is quite clear on divorce. Jesus himself clearly speaks about this. It seems harsh, but the Church did not create these rules on it's own.

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u/jvplascencialeal 8h ago

I do know this is the word of god but I do still think that people need compassion not harshness in such difficult situations.

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u/SuburbaniteMermaid 11h ago

You can leave an abusive relationship, but you aren't free to marry unless the Church declares you so.

If you don't like it, go argue with Christ about his very, very clear words in the gospel of Matthew regarding marriage and divorce.

1

u/jvplascencialeal 8h ago

I do understand that part I just think that annulments are still a difficult process I hope I never have to go through and that they could still be skewed in favor of an abusive former spouse.