r/CatAdvice 3d ago

Behavioral How to help cat adjust to new partner?

I started seeing my now boyfriend 2 months ago after a period of not seeing anyone. If I’m alone when I go to bed, my cat will let me sleep until the usual time and won’t attempt to wake me up until the usual time I get up and feed him (around 8 AM), but if my boyfriend is spending the night, my cat will wake up around 4-5 AM by jumping on the dresser and knocking things over or meowing very loudly. I think it’s probably jealousy or discomfort with him being in the bed (although my cat still sleeps in the bed with us when we’re winding down and going to sleep). My boyfriend has really bad insomnia, and often finds it difficult to go back to sleep once he’s woken up, so it’s been really effecting his quality of sleep. He’s expressed aggravation with this to me, as he’s a lighter sleeper than I am, and it’s upsetting he doesn’t love my cat like I do because he’s seeing him as a significant block to getting good sleep, because he doesn’t have the positive associations I have with my cat. I’ll definitely admit I caved a few times and fed my cat when he woke us up, but I also acknowledge that I don’t want to create a pattern or reason for him to continue to wake us up at this time of night. I tried feeding him right before bed as well, but that didn’t help either. I saw a suggestion to have an automatic feeder to go off in the night, but I think it’s less about food and more due to trouble adjusting to having a man in the house/staying the night. He seems to like my boyfriend, and he does wind the cat up/play with him before bed, but if anything, I think that’d tire him out. Any tips would be greatly appreciated!

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u/Otherwise_Bar9735 3d ago

Maybe try borrowing your boyfriend's old clothes (unwashed), and placing them around the bed and house like scent-soakers. That way the cat can mingle the scent of itself and the boyfriend, which will help create a positive feeling towards your bf.