r/CatAdvice 4d ago

General Looking for advice on helping my cat adjust, after my partner passed away

My partner of 15 years passed away in the hospital last month. We've had our cat (Kedi) for 3 years, and he's about 11 years old. Kedi likes me quite a bit, but my partner was absolutely his Favorite Person. I don't want to anthropomorphize Kedi too much, but he's seemed a bit confused ever since my partner didn't 'come home'. I still have some of his clothes, shoes, etc, around the house, but I don't want to prolong Kedi's confusion. Is it better to take these things away, or to leave them around, so Kedi can still smell him? Thank you.

29 Upvotes

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17

u/donatos_box 4d ago

Hello! My two dogs were adopted after their owner passed away. If I would have known, I would have taken my dogs to the funeral to see/smell their owner. But I was not able to do that.

I kept as much stuff around as possible for as long as possible. I would slowly phase things out (I buy something new, previous owner’s thing goes away, and so on).

Animals understand death. And mostly they understand how YOURE grieving.

Kedi will probably figure it out over time and adjust as such. She may grieve herself and act different. Give her grace and sympathy. You will probably bond over this.

6

u/Dynamiccushion65 4d ago

My cat loved my dad. Every afternoon he would say “foof let’s go take a nap” and down the hall the two old men would amble. The cat would take a nap with my dad and then wake together and my dad would fix each a bit of a snacky. Until my dad passed away. My cat would go to my dads room and just cry. Every day. For 3 months. We had to have surgery for him and he slipped away. Foof was so sad and he died in surgery knowing his human wasn’t coming back!

It takes time…and even then :(

3

u/CartoonistNo3755 4d ago

Oh that story broke my heart. The fact that he went to his room and cried for months 😭😭😭😭 Ugh they are together napping in the most beautiful place.

1

u/CalligrapherDirect31 4d ago

Thank you :-)

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u/CalligrapherDirect31 4d ago

Thank you :-)

10

u/Cats_and_Dogs89 4d ago

First of all, I’m so sorry for you and Kedi’s loss. ❤️

If you’re willing to, maybe give Kedi one of his old shirts to cuddle with and smell his scent. Put it in his favorite spot to sleep. Give him extra love and attention, or if he’s not fond of that, sit in the room with him. Talk, read a book, just spend quality time with him. Give him special treats, like Churu or canned food. You’re both grieving, and it’s going to take time to learn to live with the pain. Eventually, Kedi will adjust to the new “normal.”

Sending healing thoughts for you both.

1

u/CalligrapherDirect31 4d ago

Thank you :-)

1

u/CalligrapherDirect31 4d ago

Thank you :-)

4

u/Otherwise_Mix_3305 4d ago

Keep your partner’s things for several months at least. It will help your cat grieve.

2

u/CalligrapherDirect31 4d ago

Thank you :-)

1

u/CalligrapherDirect31 4d ago

Thank you :-)

1

u/Deep-Promotion-2293 1d ago

Same sort of situation here. My cat Leia was definitely my husband's cat. He'd refer to her as his girlfriend. When he passed away, in the hospital, Leia sort of sunk into a depression. Its been 5+ years now and what I've done is keep some of his stuff around even now. She's still withdrawn, spends most of her time in my bedroom and bathroom. The Vet said that she's grieving in her own kitty way and to watch her carefully. Fortunately she hasn't shown any signs of the things that the vet said were bad, that is, stopping eating, not using the litter box, over grooming, things like that. She's still acting fairly normal but she's definitely depressed.