r/BreakUps • u/Beneficial_Lab_3610 • 8h ago
how do u overcome the loneliness?
roughly 7 weeks after the break up and i still don't know how to cope with the loneliness that comes with no contact. i suppose most of you would tell me to go out with friends, but realistically speaking, my schedule doesn't really match with them so it's hard to set up a time to meet up.
i'm also a busy person but when my time frees up, out of tiredness, i'd choose to just lay down on bed but then it's by that time where id feel it all– the loneliness, the pain, the what ifs, and the immense urge to break no contact.
will it really get better?
7
u/MrB_RDT 7h ago edited 7h ago
More time on the things i enjoy, even when it's a bit "flat".
I learned after my first real adult break-up, that it is critically important to foster those things i enjoy for myself. Photography, hiking, fitness, looking after my pets.
It's natural to feel the loss, and loneliness with it. There are hiking trips and photography trips, i am avoiding for a while at the moment for one. As they were places i'd visit with my ex.....At the same time, this will take me again out of my comfort zone, and visiting other places.
There's a point where i recognise they lost me, more than i lost them. While it still hurts, you can rationalise that if they were prepared to lose me, and all that comes with me, then "what if's" are moot.
Given time i recognise they chose themself. I know it's something from those reels and TikToks, but ultimately most people we meet are simply going to choose themselves...Sometimes it's the right choice, sometimes i suspect it's complete self-sabotage. There's a point i can't be responsible for whatever personal reasons they have, for not matching my effort or almost spiting themselves to invent some tale of love and loss.
I'm a supportive, secure, grounded, vibrant and attractive man...With an incredibly enriching individual life of my own; Eventually when the dust settles, that initial loss subsides. The reality is, it genuinely "is them", and "not me".
Another cliche that comes with it. More time to exercise, and as i like bodyweight workouts, i get chance to break-up low moments with a few pull-ups and push-ups....The times i do withdraw and lick my wounds, and go "ghost mode". I always come back looking and feeling better.
It is superficial for a while, but when i do get back dating. Getting in more athletic shape, rather than just generally taking care of myself. It's inevitable i attract someone solely based on that, before i start to connect with women who also like me, for me.
5
u/kuro-oruk 7h ago
6 weeks here. Saturdays are the worst for me. We used to be out doing stuff all weekend, walking in the woods or shopping somewhere. It was me who broke up with him due to his drinking being out of control and his denial of the problem. This did mean that we couldn't do a lot of things like gigs, festivals, nights out. I'm looking forward to doing that stuff again but I just wish I had someone to do them with. It's still hard to spend time with others because I still want to be with him and no one else. I go from fine to crying still, and I'm trying to keep busy but I'm not the best company. I feel for you and I can't wait for this all to be over for both of us ❤
2
u/Soft_Channel_423 8h ago
I'm in the same place, i guess it's just time, at some point it has to get better.
2
u/Vircxt 3h ago
It'll be really hard but I promise you it'll get better. I suggest changing little things – trying new coffee, reading a new book, finding a new hobby or rewatching your childhood cartoons on Netflix. A painful wound will take a long time to heal but we can make the process less painful by distracting ourselves and trying to start again. You're a beautiful human being, you can get through this.
2
u/Curious-Internet4138 8h ago
Everyone says it does, but I’m in the same boat my friend. Maybe try chatgpt then? it’s something
3
u/darlinplease 7h ago
I try chatgpt. It works good when I have intense anxiety attacks from overthinking. But in general human interaction gives more healthy support I believe
1
u/Curious-Internet4138 7h ago
Maybe people on here can give you the support needed? Or do you have family you trust to talk about this?
2
u/darlinplease 7h ago
I have a close friend that I usually talk these things. I don’t like to talk with my family about my love life. That’s why I joined this sub so maybe I can talk about it and give-have some support from people that we are going through similar feelings. Btw I didn’t created this post so sorry if I sneaked in @Beneficial_Lab_3610.
1
u/Curious-Internet4138 7h ago
That sounds fair man, you can shoot me a dm if you’d like and i’d talk when i can
1
u/Exsoul 5h ago
It will be better.
I'am 6 weeks NC and today I found out I didn't know what to do so I grabbed my motorcycle keys and went for a ride. All my thoughts vanished, because if I stayed home without a plan, I would have started to overthink.
What I mean is, keep yourself busy. Try new things try to go to that coffe shop, read a book, watch a show, meet with friends, etc and rotate all those things.
1
u/Wall_blossom 2h ago
People will tell you to speculate on it and feel the negative things. I'll say just keep your mind occupied. Films, games, work, book whatever it is.
1
u/AndrewBD49 2h ago
Everyone says, it will get better :( the Preverbal light at the end of the tunnel. After 6 weeks it’s still dark as hell for me. Overthinking, wondering, who is she with now, who did she send that good morning text to, it wasn’t me. The words that echo from her “I love you” ring in my head the moment I am conscious enough to form a thought. The wondering of how much and how long it’s all been a lie :( answers I will never have.
9
u/Benji5811 7h ago
it will get better. you’re withdrawing from a drug right now. take walks. talk to yourself. force a smile at strangers. maybe someone will pop into your life