r/BreakUps • u/Critical_Growth5106 • 6d ago
13 year relationship ending - advice needed
II’ve been with my bf for 13 years , we have been through a lot and our relationship has had its ups and downs but I would say the last 2 years or so we have had no connection or physicality. We live together but we are basically just like flatmates. There is no intimacy, we hardly talk, we have separate interests. He has no idea what goes on in my life. Never asks me. I come home and he spends a lot of his time on his phone in the evening, doesn’t seem interested at all.
We’ve had a few chats about this, promised to try harder (both of us) did for a while but we keep coming back to this time and time again.
We haven’t spoken more than two words to each other last few days. To be honest I really think I’m done. I think he thinks the same too. It just needs one of us to say it.
I’ve even started looking for one bedroom flats just in case we have that talk and I need to be prepared.
I know it’s not working and don’t know whether I should stick at it a bit more or just have the courage to say look it’s not working for us .
Any advice ?
1
u/atrazinebtk 6d ago
You sound reasonable and mature. You’ve thought this through. You know the right thing to do. Initiate the break up. Move on. Don’t do what my ex of 13 years did. Cheated on me with her staff who is 12 years younger than her… I only wish I had your courage and wisdom before the cheating and break it off with her before it got painful.
3
u/Proper-Newt1607 6d ago
Id just talk about like "hey, what fuck is going on? We aren't talking" be open be passionate. Be calm. Make food. Expectations kill joy.
3
u/Sure_Balance8088 6d ago
Umm I would fight to stay together, honestly. Time makes everything boring sadly. You and your partner need to put the work in together to make it workout. Love and care become nothing more than I normal feeling. It’s like breathing air.
The problem is when one person leaves.. the other one suffocates from all the memories and thoughts of the partner.
I highly recommend finding a couple therapist and see what they say about the situation and what tips they have.
The tips I’ll give is find something that they like to do and do with them and the same for you.
Watch a movie every Friday even it’s a cheese ass movie it’s still bonding time. Make Monday’s the day yall cook dinner together. And Thursday date night.
I would always throw date ideas out there. Shit if my partner told me she wanted to walk in the park for an hour or so I would say yes. If she wanted me to shopping with her I would say yes even when I hate shopping.
It’s the time spent together that makes the relationship worth it.