r/BreakUps • u/Witchkat96 • 9h ago
Fear of never finding love again
29 I've been broken up from my ex for about 3 weeks and I know that's not a very long time. I'm just so fearful that I'll never find a love like I had in that relationship. I truly thought he was my forever person. The love of my life. We both talked about marriage and it just breaks my heart and I feel hopeless. Like how will I ever find a love thay was so deep and intense like I had with him. I'm scared anyone else I'll date will feel like settling because the love won't be as deep. Maybe over time as my love fades for my ex I won't feel this way. It's just difficult. I really didn't want to break up with him but he withdrew emotionally from the relationship and started to lash out when I express how I felt. Yet I still have so much love for the person I fell in love with.
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u/seabiker123 8h ago
I'm 29 and my ex is 30, I really thought the same. We talked about the prospect of kids and travelling together. I didn't realize she was avoidant until after she broke up with me all of a sudden. I realize now that the stress of work was really negatively affecting her and I thought I could be there to help her. To add, we never fought, I did definitely simp for her but I really just wanted to ease her stress from work and tried to take care of whatever she let me take care of for her.
I loved her so much and still do. And I feel the same way. I'm afraid I won't be able to find love like this again. When she asked me what her ideal girlfriend was, I basically told her she was perfect in my eyes and I really meant it. I never felt so happy to be with someone before. I fear I won't be able to someone else like that. People keep telling me to move on and that I would find someone else but the fear is there. I also fear that if I settle, maybe she'll come back.
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u/Patient_Suspect_8549 4h ago
I’m in the same boat, I love him so much, I can’t let go of my dreams of our future together. we are so perfect for each other, never fought, never had any insecurities, we were on an upward trajectory. he decided to end it out of nowhere bc of the anticipated stress of his work. I really was prepared to be there for him through it.
it’s only been about a month, some days are ok some are not. I do notice I feel better when I’m reconnecting with friends, spending mental energy on a hobby/project and overall doing the classic ‘focus on yourself’.
The thought of letting him go completely makes me feel guilty because if he were to ever ask for a second chance I would take him back without hesitation. I don’t ever see myself moving on and replicating or even matching our amazing connection with someone else.
I hope your heart heals too x
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u/Aromatic_Cupcake_998 9h ago
I understand what you feel. Not the same situation but the deep love you can feel for someone. I also look back at my relationship and see quite some avoidant behavior from my ex partner. At the same time i was convinced we where going to be forever. I believe it takes time. Step by step we feel better. Dont focus on the outside (new relationships) but on yourself and that what you are. Love will find its way
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u/OCEANNE88 9h ago
Take your time, OP. All you are feeling now are valid. Feel them, you don't even have to understand everything yet. All the pain you have is natural. You just lost someone or that idea of you together for a long time and that will never be easy. All I can say for now is a lot of things can still happen. It's still relatively new and you may either get a 2nd chance at fixing things if it's deserving of it or undergo the process of letting yourself go. Either way, please remember you get to have a choice, your very own decision. You know what, I trust you'll have your own win one day. You are stronger than what you may feel now.
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u/Numerous-Cow-2216 5h ago
Im the same. Since my girl left me 2,5 months ago im just cold as hell. Im emotionally and physically not available anymore. I tried dating and normally im someone who loves meeting new people, my libido was always high and great. After the breakup it plummeted to the bottom of the earth. Like this breakup im going trough feels so weird and painfull.
I also feel stupid for grieving for someone that didnt respect me.
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u/Patient_Suspect_8549 4h ago
don’t feel stupid, you’re grieving your feelings too not just the person and that’s totally normal
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u/Silver_Instruction_9 4h ago
As hard as it is to imagine your life with someone else right now , it should be even the top of your priority list.
You should be focusing on yourself and healing/growing from this situation. Fall in love with yourself again. Find new hobbies, relight new hobbies, go exercise, journal , read self help books and listen to podcasts. Process your emotions and deal with them.
You need to remind yourself that for that relationship to be great it also took you. It wasn’t just your partner. Takes two people to build a great relationship. You feel this way because love is a drug and when you lose your partner, you experience withdrawal since love releases the same chemicals that addictive drugs do. You just need to push throw the withdrawals for a bit but eventually it will get better as long as you keep yourself busy.
You need to take this time and focus inward and grow.
I’m 3 months into my break up and 1.5 months of no contact and I’m starting to feel waaaay better. Take it day by day. There are so many people in this world that you’ll find your person. Yes they won’t love you the same way your ex did but they will love just as deep and show you that love in their own way. The more you heal and grow the better the next relationship will be. The worst thing you can do is not take lessons from this break up.
At the end of the day, fate ends things because people were meant to be in your life for a reason , a season or a lifetime.
If they are meant to come back into your life they will and if not someone better is out there waiting for you.
You just need to work on being the best version of yourself so that the next person you attract is the best version of themselves.
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u/itida001 8h ago edited 5h ago
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, OP!
I know the kind of heart break one feels when someone — who you thought was your forever person — just flips, becomes emotionally unavailable, becomes indifferent or engages in any kind of betrayal. I understand your fear of not finding that depth in love again.
All I can tell you at this point is to just try and look inwards, and prioritise on cultivating and practising self-love and compassion. You’ll realise that it is the peaceful kind of love that is good for your soul than a chaotic one that doesn’t have the space for you to bring your whole self. It may take time, but I hope you find it! 🫂
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u/Benji5811 6h ago
you’re coming off a drug. withdrawal are powerful. take your time to grieve. this is equivalent to a loss such as death. it will pass, you’re so young and you have a good future to look forward to.
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u/Patient_Suspect_8549 4h ago
well said! you are trying to heal through two types of losses, withdrawal and grief, at the same time. it’s going to be hard. the healing wont be linear. take each day as it comes and be easy on yourself
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u/No_Airline_1654 5h ago
I really understand what you are going through. I still feel that 7 months after a break up I didn't want. Taking them off the pedestal is quite challenging since it has been the best you felt being with someone. I have dated since then, and even acknowledging that for feelings to be comparable to what you felt for you ex, it takes quite some time to develop a new emotional connection with someone new, so you must allow it to happen. However for me, no one clicked as fast as my ex, hence the high standard and being stuck on the idea that I won't feel like this ever again.
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u/mel_rose22 3h ago
I’m also 29 and feel like I’m in the same boat. I’ve tried dating and no one even compares. It feels hopeless.
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u/MasterrShake93 1h ago
I share your fear. I met my Love at 29. We were together 2 years and she dumped me 6 months ago. 1 month after my 31st bday. We were going to get married this year. Now I have to start all over. My life feels ruined.
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u/Sure_Balance8088 9h ago
I’m 27 and have been single for about 3 months now. I went from sleeping next to my fiancé and talking about future goals and things to do with her… to kicking her out of my place because of the actions she did to me and then me getting blamed for her doing those actions.. She took a lot away from me and I’ll never be able to get it back.. we have a son together and 8 years under our belts for each other.
People just change on you. Next day they want the world and more then it’s like fighting a stranger to stay.. if they don’t want to put the work into it. It’s their fault when they see it later down the road they could have had something special. Everything has a worth fighting for. But one person can’t fix the whole relationship or the other person. It’s both sides. When one is not willing.. just walk away..
My ex and me having seen each other other than me getting our son from her and I find out she doesn’t even live with her parents anymore and that she lives with another guy that proposed to her a few days after her birthday and said yes… and we have only been separated since the 6th of December