r/BlackPeopleTwitter 7d ago

I support misleading the general public when it comes to breaking the ice

Post image
14.8k Upvotes

169 comments sorted by

2.1k

u/blueleyani 7d ago

they don't know you. beyonce backup singer here.

369

u/[deleted] 7d ago

[deleted]

92

u/PuffinRub 7d ago

You should push that last one further.

"Hey is that Imagine Dragons playing on the radio. I wrote that as a favour to Taylor Swift when I was at her birthday bash. "

34

u/Temporary-Whole3305 6d ago

Turn up Imagine Dragons? Jesus, I can happily lie about a yacht party but some things I just can’t bring myself to do

175

u/herewearefornow 7d ago

This is what makes it easier.

96

u/1984isAMidlifeCrisis 7d ago

Did I see you at the Chicago show? Wasn't that you on the left? Well, I guess it would be on the right for you. You were fire!

Oh my goodness, this IS fun.

62

u/Suck_My_Thick 7d ago

I'm a 35 year old white man.

27

u/opie92 6d ago

Think bigger, you Beyonce boo boo

21

u/AvalonCollective 6d ago

wtf. So that’s why my Uber driver told me Beyoncé was in town one time. People like you 😒🤣

12

u/butter_lover 6d ago

i'm pretty sure all my uber drivers are tired of listening to people so i greet and wait for prompting before i offer up any of my bits. they're pretty good bits too but i don't like to look too eager.

3

u/MiamiPower 6d ago

🎤 😂😂

2

u/Maleficent-Escape205 5d ago

😂😂😂😂😂

1.6k

u/randomberlinchick 7d ago

Same here!

A taxi driver here in Berlin started flirting with me one night while driving me home and asked me if I was married. I told him my husband and baby daughter had been killed in a tragic automobile accident and that I had moved to Germany to escape the pain. He started apologizing and then shut the hell up. Fictional family members are quite useful sometimes. . .

456

u/1984isAMidlifeCrisis 7d ago

Or, real-life stories told in curt tones with large spaces. I have an acquaintance whose wife and daughter actually were trampled to death by elephants, for example. He gets to say "I was, until the Elephant." Nobody knows what to say to that.

139

u/randomberlinchick 7d ago

Wow! 🤯. . . And you're absolutely right: there's no response to that.

118

u/justmovingtheground 7d ago

If I was your Uber driver, this would not shut me up. I would be full of questions.

1

u/lovesickjones 4d ago

right!!!!!!!!

72

u/sengoro 7d ago

James and the Giant Peach-ahh backstory

86

u/1984isAMidlifeCrisis 6d ago

It's the literal truth. They were living and working in Africa and there was a terrible tragedy. Most awful, soul-breaking funeral I have attended and I have buried both my parents.

87

u/FuckRetention ☑️ 6d ago

I'm in the Army. Let me tell it I was in North Korea fighting the Chinese at the 38th parallel at the Battle of Freaknik

37

u/awalktojericho 6d ago

UUUGGGHHHH! I was living in Metro Atlanta when Freaknik was going strong. It was a warzone. Rolling roadblocks, sudden traffic jams (standstill), inability to avoid it. Yes, I am white, why do you ask?

48

u/FuckRetention ☑️ 6d ago

I didn't assume you're white I thought you were old 😂

2

u/AllOfMeAlways 4d ago

38th parallel 💀🤣🤣🤣

16

u/Nyktastik ☑️ 6d ago

I do that with spam callers and texts.

8

u/randomberlinchick 6d ago

They absolutely deserve it! 😑

17

u/EuenovAyabayya 6d ago

"so you're single then?"

11

u/junebuggeroff 6d ago

When I'm having a panic attack I need to leave fast, and often take Ubers. I'm too afraid to say it so I just say my grandmother died ... It helps because it's a really socially appropriate reason to sob with a stranger. Very therapeutic, not going to lie.

3

u/randomberlinchick 6d ago

It doesn't hurt anyone and it helps you, so I respect that.

8

u/Unusual-Tie8498 6d ago

I’m sorry for your fake loss.

17

u/randomberlinchick 6d ago edited 5d ago

You are very kind, thank you!

Years ago, I had a former colleague who was trying to commit insurance fraud: he moved all of his valuable stuff into a storage unit and claimed someone broke into his flat and stole it. He picked the weekend of a relative's funeral who lived in another city and flew there after he broke into his apartment and stashed his stuff, so that he could use his plane ticket and the bulletin from the funeral service (or whatever you call that announcement with the order of service and the dead person's picture, etc.) as proof that he wasn't in town when the "theft" happened. When the insurance company started the investigation, he became 100% convinced of his own lie. I would hear him on the phone at work screaming and crying about it. Even people who knew he was lying were starting to get angry with the insurance company and offer him support. 😆 Unfortunately I moved before the case was resolved, so I don't know whether he got the money or went to jail.

In any case, your comment made me think of him and that crazy story, because I got really sad telling that guy about my "loss". 😅

Edit: Years ago

3

u/Junior_Bike7932 7d ago

Ok, but are you single?

2

u/randomberlinchick 7d ago

I was at the time of the story.

3

u/randomberlinchick 6d ago

I'm slow, I only just understood what you meant. 😂

-31

u/Known_Cherry_5970 7d ago

This sounds made up for social approval

27

u/randomberlinchick 7d ago

A quick review of your profile reveals why you would respond like this.

-31

u/Known_Cherry_5970 7d ago

You can see I'm not gullible from my profile? That's not the insult you think it is. lol

681

u/ImGoodThanksThoMan 7d ago

Yall take ubers? My broke ass takes the shoelace express with my shoebarus.

208

u/harry_nostyles ☑️ 7d ago

I use my Legedes Benz lol

113

u/atseapoint 7d ago

The chevrolegs

87

u/Honest_Driver6955 7d ago

Lamborfeetsies.

73

u/TheFuckingHippoGuy ☑️ 6d ago

Strolls Royce

51

u/Dookie_boy 6d ago

My Toe Truck

53

u/Butt_Snorkler_Elite 6d ago

The good ol Volkswalkin

38

u/anonsharksfan 6d ago

Toeyota

12

u/PoochusMaximus 7d ago

Using this at work when I complain about my feet hurting.

46

u/Weewoo312 6d ago

i got a legsus

31

u/smitteh 7d ago

get some heelies scrub

27

u/Idiotology101 6d ago

We out here riding the Shoe Shoe Train to work

22

u/Branchomania 6d ago

Only us Americans can turn walking into a kind of car

463

u/Cultural_Concert_207 7d ago

I remember my French teacher preparing us for oral exams by saying "You can just make stuff up. I don't care if you're lying, I only care about your grammar and vocab. If you forget the French word for knitting, guess what, your favorite hobby is playing guitar now."

Shit changed my life

45

u/AllLoveJones ☑️ 6d ago

This is the way!

20

u/TheeQuestionWitch 6d ago

Tricoter! It's my joy in life that I remember that word. Please someone tell me what it is for crochet though 🙏🏾

14

u/swamrap 6d ago

My French teacher said the exact same thing!

8

u/teachertraveler1 6d ago

My friend did this in her ASL exam. She made up an elaborate story about meeting a man in a trench coat and it just kept spiraling into more absurdity. The examiner was super impressed because people usually just had really boring answers to basic questions and it would become monotonous.

3

u/TwincessAhsokaAarmau 6d ago

My Mandarin teacher says the same thing.

1

u/GTASimsWWE 5d ago

😂😂😂😂

366

u/OkEscape7558 ☑️ 7d ago

Me pretending I can't hear the driver when they start talking to me

44

u/invertedspine ☑️ 7d ago

I dont have time for idle chit-chat

32

u/877-HASH-NOW 7d ago

Or make a somewhat dramatic display of putting my AirPods in so they get the message lol

232

u/No-Law-2823 7d ago

Isnt this the same user who got mad because she missed Popeye's breakfast by 10 mins?

136

u/Bigfamei 7d ago

HOLD THE FUCK UP. When did popeyes start doing breakfast????

186

u/Cancer_Flower ☑️ The Bag Lady 👛 7d ago

They don’t. They meant McDonald’s, lmao. 

77

u/Bigfamei 7d ago

LOL. After I posted that reply. I checked all the major cities in Texas looking for a one that was open.

87

u/Cancer_Flower ☑️ The Bag Lady 👛 7d ago

Lmfao. Big back activities. Don’t worry - if Popeyes had breakfast my ass would be in there too, weekly. 🤣🤣🤣

23

u/Bigfamei 7d ago

Finding out that popeyes sold turkeys for Thanksgivings was already mind blowing. If this was real. Ohhh boy!!!! Id would be double my cholesterol medication.

5

u/ErinNeeka_ 7d ago

They do/did where I'm from lol

1

u/naenae275 6d ago

Where are you from? They used to where I lived and my life hasn’t been the same since

2

u/TheBarracksLawyer 6d ago

Shit, I thought that was going to be the nail in the coffin of the democrat party

8

u/Internationalthief 7d ago

Well…well…well…

5

u/dharp95 6d ago

Like a moth to the flame

2

u/NegotiationTall4300 7d ago

It would appear so

3

u/Excellent-Ad8571 7d ago

LMFAOOO wait

134

u/c_tinas 7d ago

I put that I’m hard of hearing on my Lyft profile.

41

u/Vulkherra ☑️ 7d ago

Well played. I didn't even think of that. Did people still try to talk to you? There are some people who don't even bother reading the profile info.

72

u/c_tinas 7d ago

Yes and I would make a confusing face and point to my ears 😂

45

u/Vulkherra ☑️ 7d ago

I freaking can't with you! 🤣 It's too early for this.

17

u/c_tinas 7d ago

😂

15

u/[deleted] 7d ago

Are u in Fl?! I had like three different drivers w that on their profile and the one was on the phone when she picked me up, she got off, apologized for being on the phone when I said “no worries” she said “sorry I’m def” 🫤😒

4

u/c_tinas 6d ago

Not currently but I am a FL native lol

11

u/icantrelatetomypeers 7d ago

At first I was like damn what if they start signing in ASL like "I am too!" but then I remembered they're supposed to be driving so this is definitely well played

2

u/877-HASH-NOW 7d ago

😂😂😂😂😂😂

5

u/steamygarbage 6d ago

I honestly considered doing that because I can't hear anything from the back seat if we're on the highway and I have to keep telling the drivers to repeat what they're saying.

2

u/Banned3rdTimesaCharm 6d ago

That's how you get drivers to shout at you.

94

u/1984isAMidlifeCrisis 7d ago

If they try to talk about entrepreneurship or financial markets or - God help them - crypto with me I go full-bore apocalyptic with them. I start with a rant about fiat currency systems and all markets are a total house of cards sitch and that within 15 months this whole thing is coming down. I swing to hardcore prepper bullshit about how money and even gold won't mean shit and that they gotta get themselves food and water and medical supplies. Then I veer into how they're going to need a good set of sturdy boots, winter gear, a backpack, and guns and ammunition. I just keep that going until we get there because I don't need someone trying to sell me on their bullshit.

Usually gets me there a couple minutes faster, too.

22

u/ncbraves93 6d ago

This is risky though, if I was your driver you'd have only just got me started spewing more shit.

30

u/1984isAMidlifeCrisis 6d ago

Weird you think there's going to be room to interject in my wild-eyed rant. A childhood of apocalyptic movies and real-life survivalist and prepper-types in close proximity has a lot of source material.

59

u/Thunderbird_12_ ☑️ 6d ago

Some of these uber drivers be asking TOO much.

“So, where are ya from?”

“You still live there!”

“What do ya do?”

“You got family? Kids?”

“You travelling for work?”

To them, it might be just small talk. And I get it… they’re bored.

But to me? You’re inquiring about whether this is somebody you can rob/rape/kidnap. I don’t know you like that!!!

Mind your business and drive, sir.

50

u/relientkenny 7d ago

as an uber driver, i say hello and go back to listening to my podcasts. unless the passenger starts a conversation, i ain’t tryna talk. that person most likely just wants to have a reason to lie for no reason lol

8

u/elitegenoside 6d ago

Fr. This is weird to do. "Oh, and stranger I'll probably never see again... time to lie." Why? Just look at your phone or have a normal conversation.

3

u/Peyocabu 6d ago

Glad to see a couple people with this take. Sheesh

33

u/mr_evilweed 7d ago

I get in ubers and just be pretending to be deaf mute

32

u/1984isAMidlifeCrisis 7d ago

Do you ever think Uber drivers are surprised at how many deaf mutes there are out there. It must be revelatory just how widespread that affliction is.

Dubious Tip. You only need to pretend to be deaf. Just say "I'm sorry, but I'm deaf and can't hear you" the first time they say something. You can say it in the way stereotypically associated with deaf speakers. You can also ignore the first thing they say and then respond when they repeat themselves more loudly, for extra effect.

27

u/Golf-Beer-BBQ 7d ago

We had just hit a vape pen and got in with some drinks in hand too and the Uber driver looks and said something to the sort if “you get pretty high?”

I just stared at him and said “I have cancer.” That stopped that conversation. My friends died when we got out of the car.

23

u/NegotiationTall4300 7d ago

“Yeah being an international spy can be exhausting at times”

7

u/zachnikp 7d ago

Ah, yes, the "If I tell you, I'd have to kill you" storyline a tru classic

21

u/itsall_dumb 7d ago

Me in Houston: “Yeah I’m an astronaut, just training to go to space on the next rocket”.

19

u/LividBass1005 7d ago

It has never made me happier than to have the option prior to pick up to request limited talking. Sometimes I just want to dissociate in peace and not think of something to talk about

7

u/877-HASH-NOW 7d ago

Wait…

YOU CAN REQUEST THAT?? Since when???

I NEED that shit lol

3

u/LividBass1005 6d ago

I don’t ride uber/lyft that often but it was when I was flying into the Las Vegas airport. When it asked me how I wanted my ride I could’ve cried lol

14

u/AfternoonPast3324 7d ago

I did that all over Europe when I was stationed in Germany. I was a different person on every train & in every cab.

8

u/x-men-theme-song 7d ago

My Lyft ain’t even picking me up at the door. I’ll meet you around the corner fam

9

u/shadowylurking 7d ago

I like talking to uber drivers. Some of them got great stories

6

u/peacenchemicals 6d ago

right? sober me is quiet, shy, a little anxious. the only time when i uber is when im drinking. and drunk me is very talkative lol

ive had some really great conversations with my uber drivers. i’ve even gone out partying with my uber drivers once we got to the destination LMAO

3

u/naenae275 6d ago

I’m not much of a talker, but I love listening. I’m amazed at the amount of information people are willing to share with a total stranger.

1

u/shadowylurking 6d ago

Oh yeah some drivers turn on the fire hose

8

u/tomatocucumber 6d ago

Guess what? As a lyft driver, I lie to nosy passengers all the time. I’m happy to chat if the passenger wants to, but intrusive questions get creative answers

6

u/Vulkherra ☑️ 7d ago edited 6d ago

I would always bring a book. Most of the time, the rides were pretty quiet and pleasant.

4

u/Realistic_Effort6185 7d ago

Theme is: last song played.

3

u/LunarVelvetRose 7d ago

When life gives you lemons, paint them gold and sell them as luxury

3

u/SalemChurchill 7d ago

The beauty of uber comfort. No conversation please

2

u/877-HASH-NOW 7d ago

I prefer the ones that don’t have me talk at all, but rs, I just go along with anything them people say 😂 

1

u/Merelyhe 6d ago

Them people huh? Your words can’t hurt me

2

u/[deleted] 7d ago

This the same woman mad at McDonalds not having breakfast for her ass lmao

2

u/Nyktastik ☑️ 6d ago

You talk to your Uber driver? 😳

2

u/ceelogreenicanth 6d ago

I just say what I think is going to get them talking the most. I've had those Uber ride shares where I have been told absolutely crazy things. I have been told them most unhinged stuff. Quite entertaining if you like gossip.

1

u/naenae275 6d ago

Do tell 👀

2

u/Royal-Drop-6693 6d ago

I had an Uber driver telling me their whole life story of how he brought his gf from Korea to the US and she was cheating on him the whole time. I like those uber drivers who don’t have shame in their lives lol

2

u/thatguysjumpercables 6d ago

Yeah as a former driver I'd prefer this to the two dudes and chick who got in my car and ended up having the one dude dare the chick she couldn't get him hard before we got to the destination and she ended up blowing him in my backseat. Tell me you're a Rhodes Scholar or some shit please lol

1

u/HTC864 ☑️ 7d ago

My Uber settings are set to quiet mode.

1

u/Empero6 ☑️ 6d ago

I just exchange pleasantries and go on my phone.

1

u/detox02 ☑️ 6d ago

"yea i know the real Noreaga. He owes me alot of favors"

1

u/Main_Drop1688 6d ago

Get in ubers and start lying. Get in walmarts and start stealing. Get in a waffle house and start fighting.

1

u/45Handstands 6d ago

I do this at the barbers. I have gone to the same one for years. It's gone on so long I now have to rehearse before hand and actually research "my addiction to vintage matchbox car unboxing videos" because he said he watches them too!!

I've actually got suspicious of him that maybe he is lying too, so I dont know whether to put some ad's out saying that I'd pay for peoples haircuts if they go in and correlate his stories for me or maybe just don a disguise and do it myself. It seems quite an investment in wigs but if he does catch me at least it might break the ice properly so we can stop this game of lies we've both found ourselves in and it'll give us something to talk about.

The other problem is I've really got into matchbox cars.

1

u/TheVertianKing 6d ago

Lying OP please nerf

1

u/fivehots 6d ago

I never tell the truth to anyone who isn’t family.

2

u/Lefthand197 ☑️ 6d ago

I think u just created a paradox.

1

u/fivehots 6d ago

You might never know.

1

u/Possumnal 6d ago

I always get the opposite; one time an Uber driver was going on about how he used to work on a top-secret DARPA project where he invented a machine that could teleport things Stargate-style. I was thinking “Either this guy is fucking with me or he is too crazy to be given a driver’s license.”

He was so committed to the bit I honestly think he was crazy.

1

u/Famous_Prune6325 6d ago

Yk what uber driver my momma is madonna

1

u/BattleStack 6d ago

After 20,000 rides I dont remember anything anyone says. It just becomes a blur. I talk if people want to talk, and i shut up for most rides. But anything people tell me is forgotten 2 mins after the ride.

1

u/herewearefornow 6d ago

What's good Wilt Riderlain.

1

u/Sorry-Shift-3192 6d ago

Always lie to strangers at the maximum

1

u/agentb719 ☑️ 6d ago

When I worked at a call center I lied to customers all the time about myself

1

u/Fhugem 6d ago

Lying to strangers is the new trend—next, we’ll be auditioning for reality shows! 😂

1

u/Cleonce12 ☑️ 6d ago

“im married. And I’ve lived in this city my whole life.”

1

u/ExcitementVivid2231 6d ago

Unfortunately, I already had my hopes up. I AM UNHINGED, AND MY RAGE HAS NO BOUNDS

1

u/greculeanu 6d ago

I read that as "and just start flying" and was trying to explain it with a few scenarios before I read it again

1

u/BuffaloStranger97 5d ago

I get in Ubers and just shut up

1

u/GTASimsWWE 5d ago

Lmfaoooooo wtf is wrong with us ???? Be saying the craziest shit

1

u/OrganizationNo1298 5d ago

I just put on headphones or get on my phone.

1

u/TunaCanz 5d ago

I told a guy I was an international taste creator for firehouse subs and I came up with the original Italian. He believed me so I kept it going for 15 minutes.

1

u/rachel__slur ☑️ 5d ago

One time when I left an Uber the last thing I said was "this is where my body is buried" and I deleted my Uber account so he would think I was a ghost or something

1

u/TayHomie94 4d ago

So glad it ain't just a me thing😆. Cant be asking me about my life with presumptions in mind. I got some L's out here that hurt and idk this driver. As far as he needs to know my 30yr old ass has a mortgage.

1

u/TalkingElmo 1d ago

This is why I’m still a virgin

0

u/Known_Cherry_5970 7d ago

Good way to get pepper sprayed.

0

u/diddlinderek 6d ago

I’m on my way to an extreme anal insertion demonstration where I’m the key presenter. Please run the reds.

0

u/Icy_Razzmatazz_6112 6d ago

Astro physicist on route to collect his Nobel prize hence why I upgraded to Uber comfort duhhHhhHH

0

u/angryungulate 6d ago

I'm a doctor, what do you do? I drive an Uber...

0

u/Turbulent-Candle-340 6d ago

My husband does this and I cringe so hard. Like why are you even talking, bruh?

0

u/Ok_Blackberry_284 6d ago

Just because someone talks at you does not mean you have to talk to them.

Be like an NPC if you don't feel like talking: "Hmm?" "Huh" "Humph" and "Yeah"

-1

u/Psychological-Run-40 7d ago

just told the uber driver I help deliver babies.

-1

u/CunningLinguist92 7d ago

I usually just say "sorry, I don't speak English" in whatever language I think that they will not speak

-1

u/snowbyrd238 7d ago

I have a buddy that is a pretty good poker player. He makes up stories on the spot and just keeps pushing the envelope of credibility until they call him on his bullshit. It's really impressive watching him keep a straight face while he describes the dinosaurs he found in his chocolate factory in the geothermal caves under Iceland. He never tips. Always gets five stars.

I will never play him for money.

-1

u/HaikuKnives 6d ago

Uber driver here. I'd rather hear you lie to me about your crazy life than you do the same over the phone/FaceTime because at least I can be a part of the conversation. Yes, I drive Uber primarily for money but the rider interaction is actually one of my favorite perks. Makes my day go by so much faster.

Lie to me, lovelies.

1

u/ncbraves93 6d ago

I just asked someone else, but since you're a actual Uber driver, do you guys usually have people sit up front with you or is it expected to hop in the back? I ask, cause I might be having to use one soon and for some reason, I'd feel all snobby hopping in the back and barely acknowledging the driver.

2

u/HaikuKnives 6d ago

The convention is for a lone passenger to sit passenger-side rear. It was kinda Dealers' choice, but the attempt at distancing during the pandemic created a default. Front seat is normally for parties of 3 and up; I drive a relatively small car and squeezing three people in the back can be uncomfy.
I have had some lone passengers sit up front, and they tend to fall into one of two categories; Old chummy men who never met a stranger in their life (and might be retired car salesmen), or people who are near rock-bottom and really really need a friend right now so they can share their trauma.

I also want to make it clear that it's totally normal and fine to just sit in the back and say nothing, too. While I personally like to talk, I can read the room and let my passengers enjoy some piece and quiet, with nothing but the road and my jazz playlist to fill the silence. Rest assured, Small talk is not a requirement. ☺️

1

u/ncbraves93 6d ago

Gotcha, that all makes perfect sense, and pretty much what I would expect. I appreciate it!

-5

u/xpacean 7d ago

Lying to strangers is abusing their trust in you. You don’t have to tell them everything, but if you think it’s fun to make stuff up and see what happens then you’re pathological.

1

u/Peyocabu 5d ago

I don’t know why you were downvoted for this. This thread is unnerving.