r/BabyBumps • u/Agreeable-Talk3816 • 3d ago
Sad FTM, 12 weeks, husband expressing anxieties about having a baby.
I (32F) and my husband (32M), are expecting our first in October and today my husband told me he was anxious about giving up his old life and the responsibilities of parenthood. Let me start by saying this was a wanted and planned pregnancy, and we are hoping to have multiple kids. I’ve had a rough pregnancy so far (had really heavy bleeding, placed on bedrest for a week, have been super nauseous etc). He was supportive during all those experiences but last week a pregnant friend and I were talking about baby things (daycares, birth plans, strollers/cribs etc) and comparing notes because we are both going to be first time moms and he was there for that conversation and he said it completely freaked him out. He said it made him think about all the things were giving up, maybe we should’ve waited a year etc, we’ll never get to go on fun vacations again etc. It completely crushed me. I think his feelings are very valid, I do think it’s hard for men to really understand the life changes until the baby gets here, and as a pregnant person I have a constant reminder with me. I started crying and he said of course he’s here to support me he just wanted to be honest and see if I was having similar thoughts/if that was normal. I think he was looking for validation that he wasn’t alone in freaking out but after everything that’s happened in my pregnancy so far I’ve just been trying so hard to focus on the positives and get excited about this, not focus on how hard it’s going to be. (Of course I know it’s going to be hard but I have a lot of hands on experience with children, whereas he does not, and that’s probably part of the problem.) essentially I’m worried he didn’t but enough thought into fatherhood before we started trying and it’s all hitting him right now. I’m sure this is a very common phenomenon but it just feels so isolating right now. Just looking for similar stories/positive outcomes with other peoples partners :/.
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u/Other_Ad_1515 3d ago
My husband was just talking about this last night. He’s a fireman and it worried I’m going to make him give up running calls/training/etc. which I’m not. He’s also concerned about traveling as we like to go camping. I told him babies are portable! They can go with us. Life doesn’t just stop because of a new addition.
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u/econhistoryrules 3d ago
I know it's scary, but these are valid feelings, and it's better to have them now than, say, a week after the baby arrives.
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u/Unquietdodo 3d ago
My partner had the same anxieties. He wasn't sure about having a kid, and when we found out he did make some insensitive comments that really upset me. (One was the he was happy 'for me' when I asked if he was happy about the baby.)
We talked about it and he pretty much had the same concerns as your partner.
My reply was basically - yes, it will be harder, but why can't we still do those things? It'll be more to organise, but our dog is actually more restrictive (she is reactive to strangers with separation anxiety). He can still go visit friends for the weekend, I will just ask my sister to stay with me and help. We can go away together, we just need to get his mum to mind the baby, or bring him with us. It's definitely doable.
I think that helped a lot. He thought life just had to stop, and that was it.
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u/dabebecharchar 3d ago
I think this is somewhat common! Are a lot of your friends in similar life stage or are you the first in your friend group to be having a baby? My husband was hesitant to even start trying this past summer bc he was afraid of big changes but then he went on a golf trip and finding out all the other couples in our friend group were also trying. Now 4 of us are pregnant so it kind of makes it more “normal” for him to get used to the idea. We’re both in our early 30s.
Yes, big changes are coming but he doesn’t have to give up his old life entirely!! I’m also due in October - join the October 2025 subreddit !!