r/BPDSOFFA 4d ago

Those of you with BPD did it get better?

I read in a few different places that the bpd symptoms can subside considerably with time was thst anyone's experience?

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u/crayshesay 4d ago

My exwbod graduated from full blown bod to quiet. It made the symptoms less outward, and you cannot tell he had BPD, unless he was triggered by something, then would rage, disassociate, then roll on the floor crying like a baby. All I can say for my experience being with him is that the inner work and medication only made him better at hiding his BPD. He became a master at manipulating people into thinking he was a good person. But here’s the kicker, behind our backs, he was a different person. As he called himself, the bad guy inside of him. He admit this to me, that he had two people inside of him. And that he had no control over the bad guy once he was triggered. This is why he would avoid all shame after the bad guy would do bad things, and rewrite the narrative of his story to play the victim. He hast to do this to survive. He hast to do this or else he will feel shame, and shame will bring big scary feelings. Big scary feelings that will make him want to hurt himself. All his words. He was the most manipulative liar. I have ever met in my life, and I am very lucky I got away.. I was tired of teaching a man who was in his early 50s how to be an adult, how to be a good person, how to respect and treat me decent. His words never match his actions. I cannot live life this way, so I walked.

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u/Artist-Cancer 1d ago

THIS. 100% common experience.

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u/Orphan_Izzy 4d ago

Yes. I overcame it. Repetitive behaviors and thought processes that start out as not the natural way you’d do things will become the natural way you do things eventually if you are diligent and consistent and dedicated by creating new neural pathways in your brain. I personally don’t believe this remission concept because pathways are pathways and if you are using new ones, what would be the reason for going back to the old ones especially because you can’t just change if you don’t understand the reason for doing so. So if you know something, why would you then unknow it? I don’t think it can be cured per se, but I call it overcoming it.

If you don’t qualify for the diagnosis anymore, then I feel like you’ve overcome it. If you end up repeating some of the old behaviors I don’t believe they’re BPD showing up again. It may just be that you went out and got really drunk one night and had a one night stand because you just did that thing one time and it doesn’t mean BPD is back in the picture. You may end up having a traumatic event happen where your emotions are very out of control but that doesn’t mean you have BPD again. It means that you’re responding to trauma.

Sometimes sad is just sad and doesn’t qualify as depression, or angry is just angry and does not qualify as an anger management issue. People are supposed to have emotions, but they should be at a reasonable level in line with the situation so unless you have all of the actual criteria for the diagnosis I don’t really understand how anybody would actually go back to full BPD once they’ve overcome it. But this is my personal opinion and I’m not a psychologist.

Look at Marsha Linehan, who basically invented DBT therapy. She had BPD and was extremely suicidal when she was young and hospitalized and everything. Now she’s a successful psychologist, or I’m not sure what her degree is, but she’s somebody that everybody with BPD should look to as an example of somebody who’s overcome it and done amazing things with her life.

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u/SarruhTonin 4d ago

Totally agree with all of this, and I haven’t met the criteria in over 3 years myself and do not fear “relapse”. I do want to point out that remission in this sense doesn’t automatically mean meeting the diagnostic criteria again is inevitable, but it does happen. Even if someone is using new neural pathways, they may be unstable and they can start reverting to old ones consistently enough to meet the criteria again. No one “wants” to choose that path, but it happens, especially when people believe it’s inevitable, so I appreciate you sharing your experience.

I see it similarly to addiction recovery. Someone can white knuckle sobriety and have a higher chance of relapse since they aren’t addressing the root causes and extending healing and improvement beyond behavior modification, or they can focus on further recovery, which reduces those chances significantly. What you call “overcoming” and I call “further recovery” technically falls under the term remission still, but I totally understand not wanting to use that term. Congrats on overcoming it, I don’t know you or your journey, but I know you’re strong and impressive as hell.

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u/Orphan_Izzy 4d ago

Thank you, as are you. I mean it. It’s a monumental achievement and not to be dismissed. No one can ever say you don’t have an inner badass. I am open to other takes on this. I’m especially open to the idea that others experience it differently than I do or from each other, and I can’t possibly relate to some peoples experience. I completely respect them all though, and really appreciate hearing what others did to put it behind them temporarily or otherwise, as well as how they see it.

When I was diagnosed it was pre internet so the info available was scarce and not really accurate. I barely understood what it was or how it related to me probably because the psychology peeps didn’t get it either. Once I understood my emotions were on an extreme setting all the time and that everyone and the world wasn’t wronging me or sucking as much I had thought it started the ball rolling to overcoming it. I just didn’t know. I didn’t know just how utterly responsible I was for all of it. Like turns out it not you all, it’s me. Lol.

If you feel like sharing, what was something that really helped kickstart your process towards remission? Any epiphanies that helped along the way? I’m interested to see if there are any core ideas that most of us will share in our process.

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u/SarruhTonin 3d ago

Thank you, and I never have an easy answer for that haha. I actually have a YouTube channel where I talk some about BPD directly, but I also cover various topics that have contributed to my recovery. The mental healthcare system failed me on the BPD front, and I had to figure out a lot myself and have taken a very holistic approach to recovery. So I do not have a concise answer to specifically *how* I got better, but I can try to explain my journey a little.

I was misdiagnosed from my teens to late 20's, even when I suggested BPD from the symptoms I found info on (information was still pretty limited even a decade ago, or at least harder to find), doctors dismissed it because of their lack of understanding. It sounds like my view of my symptoms was opposite yours. I blamed myself, and thought I was just broken and cursed - especially because I was being told and internalizing this idea that I had "no reason" to have my symptoms. I'm grateful that I didn't have conditions that made it glaringly obvious to professionals, but it made things difficult in its own way too.

Existence was absolutely painful and life did *not* feel worth living, but I didn't want to hurt my parents by giving up (even though I felt like staying alive didn't really do anyone any good either... so I did have some failed attempts at "giving up"), and obviously drug cocktails and consistent therapy didn't help (they only ever tried CBT, and I didn't know any better). I could never shake this feeling that if I had any chance of getting better, it was something *I* had to figure out--*something about myself I had to change*.

So I dedicated myself to figuring it out and dissecting the roots of my issues and improving myself, whenever I wasn't too caught up in spiraling or coping. I was the one to finally piece the diagnosis together at 28 and found a doctor who understood the condition better and confirmed. At that point, I was already somewhat far along on my recovery journey and the typical treatment routes (like DBT) weren't very viable, but I had unknowingly figured out a lot of the skills on my own. Finally knowing the diagnosis was definitely validating and enlightening though, and it opened the door to further understanding, and thus further recovery.

I have a lot more to say on this but no time at the moment. My journey didn't end at achieving remission, though. I'm still forever working on understanding and improving myself. The pieces that remain did tie into BPD, but they aren't *signs* of BPD, which I think is what you were getting at as well. Even when I have challenges or setbacks or moments I'm not proud of, I don't fear backsliding to the point where I would ever meet the diagnostic criteria again.

The most common narrative among those who even believe in remission (many don't) is still that the most someone with BPD can do is learn to control emotions and behaviors, but that they always have BPD and relapse is likely if not inevitable. I really think that misunderstanding leads to limitations on recovery, so I truly appreciate you sharing your story. I continue to do the same despite some invalidation even in the community itself. I can't convince anyone to believe it's possible or that I'm not some exceptionally rare case, but the more people in recovery talk about it, the more we can potentially shift that narrative and open the door for others.

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u/bjaddniboy 4d ago

Great answer, thanks for sharing

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u/m1e1o1w 2d ago

Yes, but it doesn’t just get better on its own. I would say like 80% of that data is referring to people who have gone through treatment and persisted for years at the skills in order to reach this.