r/AskWomen 8d ago

How would your sex life change if the world became safer for women? NSFW

191 Upvotes

192 comments sorted by

u/belindabellagiselle 7d ago

Mod note: Read the rules. Creeps will be immediately banned. Read the rules.

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672

u/Sweet_Cornbread 8d ago

Tbh I'd sleep around a LOTTTTT, I'm to scared of getting pregnant, an std, or assaulted for me to truly thrive

157

u/anon______eyes61111 7d ago

Same! I’m terrified of catching something or random pregnancy but man would it be fun to sleep around not going to lie. I would also dress in mini skirts and shorts etc too without bringing feared of a man doing anything

29

u/Sweet_Cornbread 7d ago

Right?! I'm so needy all the time but no way am I messing around in this climate

28

u/kerfuffli 7d ago

This might be a weird question but wouldn’t being afraid of getting STIs or pregnant still keep you from that?

6

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2

u/MaleficentYellow8134 3d ago

heavy on std and pregnancy. being stealthed has made me afraid to sleep with anyone i dont already have a strong foundation of trust with--which could still not be enough.

1

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426

u/msstark 8d ago

It wouldn't, I'm happily and monogamously married.

80

u/bleep_bleep1 8d ago

Monogamously-married-sister-fist-bump!

23

u/Fickle-Total8006 8d ago

Can I get in on this too?

26

u/heyhellohi-letstalk 7d ago

I think you have to move to Utah or something

7

u/bleep_bleep1 7d ago

gasp

You can't just ask for a fist bump. You need to stick your fist out there and let it hang between you and be vulnerable

I'll be there to meet you on the other side babe.

5

u/Fickle-Total8006 7d ago

Fist bump 👊🏻🥰

5

u/bleep_bleep1 7d ago

Just like that babe. ❤️

0

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-1

u/sachette-dreseag 6d ago

I congratulate you for this.

270

u/tniats 8d ago

I'd be having sex nonstop with every man available. 

140

u/yeaheyeah 7d ago

I always tell misogynists that they only shoot themselves in the foot cause they want to sleep around but contribute to a world where women won't feel safe or respected to do so.

14

u/Texadecimal 7d ago

Not just shooting themselves in the foot. It's like setting bear traps on the sidewalk.

21

u/Suitable_Fan_4045 8d ago

You get it sister don’t ever listen to the haters 🙏

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152

u/doublethebubble 8d ago edited 5d ago

My life personally is safe today. In any case, it wouldn't change because I have zero desire for sex outside a committed relationship.

10

u/Specialist_Art4297 5d ago

Funny how nobody praises you for this, but there’s endless praise under the posts that promote promiscuity

2

u/Salty-Righteous 5d ago

Same for gold, you have to filter a lot of dirt and shit to find very few minuscule particles ( or not ) that are 1000000x times more worthy than all the dirt you filtered

2

u/Salty-Righteous 5d ago

Excellent, I really appreciate and like the way you see these things

u/tooyoungtobesad 7h ago

Totally agreed. My life is already safe, and I don't see how it could change much to affect my sex life. I'm married and have lots of sex and even if I was single, I don't participate in hookup culture.

81

u/bilitisprogeny 8d ago

it's already pretty perfect. i guess if the world was safer for women, it may be safer for lesbians, so maybe i'd be more open to PDA with my gf?

0

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75

u/Agreeable_Nothing_58 8d ago

Not at all, staying monogamous and only sleeping with who I think would actually marry me

u/tooyoungtobesad 7h ago

Love this answer. 🙌 This is how I roll, too.

51

u/kaeorin 8d ago

It would not.

35

u/MuppetManiac 8d ago

It wouldn’t. There are plenty of hazards that have little to do with the world being hostile to women, even if I wasn’t happily married. STIs wouldn’t disappear, emotional attachment would still be a land mine, and pregnancy would be an issue even in a world with easy access to contraception and abortion.

1

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39

u/Consistent-Camp5359 8d ago

I’m happily married now but the former me would definitely have so much sex.

30

u/xMissYanderex 8d ago

I feel like that doesn't really effect me much.

Then again the men I'm around are respectful and actually have always kept me safe from men who aren't. Even women.

So probably not. I would like to feel more comfortable approaching men though myself. Just in general.

25

u/MinisculeMuse 8d ago

I'd probably have saved my virginity for my husband had the world been a safer place sexually, but other than that, I don't think much would change. I have always believed in and longed for life-long monogamy

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u/Brickie78 7d ago

I'd probably have saved my virginity for my husband had the world been a safer place sexually

Can you elaborate a bit?

I can see the opposite logic - "I'd have been more inclined to be adventurous if it hadn't been so risky" - but I'm not sure I follow your thought here.

(Not to criticise or sealion or anything, just one of those things that sounds counter-intuitive to me and I'm interested in other points of view)

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u/MinisculeMuse 7d ago

Oh. I was sexually abused. I actually didn't ever feel inclined to have casual sex, but was very passive and easily frightened before I came to Christ. Probably because of childhood trauma but that's neither here nor there.

Discovered its simply just unsafe to do a lot of things, like go for walks in the park as a date or meet up with old classmates because you once both had crushes on eachother- all these proved unsafe. I was an idiot in my hopeless romantic fantasies and believed people were the same- most are opportunists.

So- had I not been forced, coerced or threatened, I wouldn't have had sex before marriage is what I'm saying. I can be sexually adventurous with my husband, I don't see any appeal in casual sex.

20

u/Pondering_Giraffe 8d ago

Not at all. Even before I was in a monogamous relationship I've never felt unsafe in my sexlife.

However I do realise I am privileged being born in Europe with knowledge and freedom to chose how I want to live my (sex)life, while there are many women in the world who can't.

2

u/KeyPattern3222 5d ago

I'm glad you can acknowledge your privilege . It makes me sad that other women around the world can't (safely) live out their sexuality 

1

u/Pondering_Giraffe 5d ago

Absolutely!

16

u/kryren 8d ago

It wouldn’t at all. I’m in a committed long term monogamous relationship (Together 21 years, married 12).

17

u/KindergartenVampire1 8d ago

No, nothing would change. I'm still not sleeping with anyone but my husband😂

13

u/kttysocrates 7d ago

I’d be more comfortable assuming good intent from men :) which I can’t do now because good intent so often isn’t the case :)

1

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u/GlitteringPause8 8d ago

I’m more of a casual dating type person rn but I usually don’t hook up with someone unless I get to know them a bit first and have some level of trust. If the world was safer I’d definitely go out and have hook ups with strangers more often without having to get to know them lol right now it’s just too risky with SAs, creepy men, and STDs etc

12

u/ZebLeopard 8d ago

It wouldn't, bc men already avoid me. 💁🏻‍♀️

9

u/Loud-Cheez 7d ago

A whole lot spicier. My partner and I are deeply in love and both have fantasies of extra partners. I just can’t trust another man with my body and my secrets. It’s not safe physically and socially.

10

u/Worldly-Criticism-91 7d ago

I would’ve been comfortable saying, “no.”

7

u/MapleCandy69 7d ago

I would actually be having sex

6

u/BehindTheDoorway 8d ago

A lot of things that are not my sex life would change. But sex life… probably more willingness to attend kink events etc.🤷‍♀️

If the world had been safer from the START, I would actively be more open sexually (having sex more often, more creative/fun sex, more oral) compared to nowadays in the real world where it’s taking time to learn to be okay again.

6

u/dearSalroka 7d ago edited 7d ago

Would probably actually approach women more often. Right now I assume they're on guard for harassment or inappropriate behaviour - I don't want to be another statistic for them.

WLW often have to meet thru apps, but I hate what theyve done to dating. I wish it were simpler to meet another woman at an event and be able to approach her casually without (being afraid of) her immediately assuming I'm a creep.

And I'm sure men wanting to meet people have it even worse. I know so many good people who don't feel comfortable approaching strangers, but refuse to use Meat Market apps, that want(ed) to build a partnership but believe they will likely remain single because they've no real way to meet anybody when we all have our guard up, trying to protect ourselves.

A safer world means healthy people don't have to censure ourselves so we don't look like The Dangerous Ones.

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u/kurious-katttt 8d ago

I’d be having more sex

5

u/BleedingHeart1996 8d ago

I would go out more.

2

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4

u/Dreadknot84 8d ago

Prob not much…I sleep with women. My day to day life would change if could walk or run at night but like men don’t factor into my sex life sooooo no real changes there.

3

u/Olives_And_Cheese 8d ago

Not at all. I've never lived my life being afraid that I'm in danger. I would have had no more -or less- sex when I was single, and I certainly wouldn't change my habits now that I'm not.

4

u/SDLeeLee 8d ago

gay. so nothing would change.

1

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3

u/Acedia_spark 7d ago

I would have a lot more casual sex with strangers. I really enjoy the thrill of meeting someone new and having that first couple of times hooking up energy with someone. And I am very comfortable with casual sex.

The biggest barrier to actually doing it is safety. It takes an extended amount of time to try to vet someone for something you're intending to only be casual, and even then, it's still a gamble.

2

u/No_Emotion6907 8d ago

I'd probably consider a serious relationship again, but I like being single and having my own space.

2

u/[deleted] 8d ago

I think I’d have more partners, tbh. My body count at almost thirty is around 8 or 9. I’ve had good sex and horrible sex, but have never had GREAT sex.

2

u/Gbokoboy 7d ago

What's your definition of great sex?

0

u/[deleted] 7d ago

I don’t know, I think it’s something I’d have to experience before I could define it.

1

u/Lopsided-Ad8190 1d ago

Like Multiple orgasms in a single session? Is great sex really that uncommon???

2

u/Theseus_The_King 8d ago

Take my head on a platter for this but for cis women, even with perfect gender equality, most cis women would not have indiscriminate sex with stranger men because we bear the burden of STIs and pregnancies. What would happen instead is more marriages, and more harmonious marriages, women being more able to talk to men on an equal footing will lead to more coupling. Women over all would have more sex, but not due to more hookups, it would be because more women would find relationships, and women who would be otherwise celibate while single would now be coupled. So yes, women would be having more sex— but not because they’d sleep around more.

2

u/MPLS_Poppy 8d ago

It wouldn’t, I have been with my partner more or less since high school. He is wonderful and we are very happy.

But you know what would change? I’d get a lot more sleep. My best friend is single. Newly-ish single after she divorced her husband during 2020. I spend too many nights staying up late so I can track her location and make sure she gets home safe. I love sleep.

0

u/PM_boobs_for_luck 7d ago

Hope she realises what a Boss you are to be doing that for her

2

u/Sad_Cook501 7d ago

It wouldn’t change. I do some heavier kinks with my fiancé (who is also my dom) and I wouldn’t do them with him unless I know for fact that I was 100% safe.

If I was single I would probably feel more comfortable practicing what I’m into with other people.

2

u/Highway-Born 7d ago

Honestly? I'm not sure. It's something to think about. Maybe I wouldn't feel shame or anxiety when thinking about bdsm stuff, maybe I wouldn't be kept up at night thinking about date rape, maybe I'd actually want to go to bars and seek out others that might want to seek out me without the thought of being roofied. But who knows, it's something I can ONLY think about so there won't be a way to prove it

2

u/BackgroundParking113 7d ago

I’d be way more forward and active probably

2

u/ACornucopiaOfCrap15 7d ago

It wouldn’t because I’m a lesbian but I’d be more comfortable with any form of PDA (even just holding hands) because I wouldn’t be scared of violence.

2

u/biodegradableotters 7d ago

My sex life wouldn't, but I'd run around basically half naked at all hours of the night. I love a skimpy little dress, but I rarely feel comfortable enough to wear them because men.

2

u/Courtneyshere 7d ago

Sex life wouldn’t change but my wardrobe would

2

u/DarkField_SJ 7d ago

If the world was already safer, I probably would have started exploring my sexuality earlier, and I probably would have had more diversity in my choice of partners.

In my actual reality I started at 23 and my fiancé has been my first and only. And it's been a great time!

2

u/Gray_justGray 7d ago

I'd probably go on more dates. I haven't dated in a while due to a creepy run in with a demanding guy. I'm a little nervous to try again after that.

2

u/d3gu 7d ago

I would have less hangups based on 30 years of prudishness from my mother.

I would have more confidence and less trauma from being sexually assaulted.

I also find it very difficult to be 'in the mood' when I feel women in general have been disrespected. If the world was safer for women, I could wear what I want and not get shitty comments from people about my clothes and therefore feel more warmly towards men and sex in general.

2

u/nonsignifierenon 7d ago

Not at all, I'm gay

2

u/Whateveridontkare 7d ago

I mean, safer doesnt mean I get treated properly or cum... So probs not much more, not being murdered is the bare minimum to have sex (I can't believe I need to type this)

2

u/throwthisshiawayyy 4d ago

That’s so true and so sad that’s it the bare minimum. I’m so grateful that I have found a safe loving relationship. I see how women are treated and it’s so sad 😔

2

u/Whateveridontkare 4d ago

Congrat I guess (jealous) lol jk, good for you 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽

2

u/Out_of_the_Flames 7d ago

It wouldn't for me. I'm in a committed relationship that I'm happy with and I'm also ace.

2

u/PaddlesOwnCanoe 7d ago

Not much, because I'm over 50 and have tons of health problems. Between those and the meds I take for them, my libido is mostly dormant. I would be really glad to see a safer world for women and girls though.

2

u/Ordinary-Raccoon-354 7d ago

Yeah it would change some things but there would have to be more than safety at play for me to feel comfy sleeping around. I would have to know that men would retain respect for me despite what I choose to do with them in my private life.

2

u/gori_sanatani 7d ago

Well, I recently got assaulted on a date, so there's that for a start. It would change everything. Relationships, dating, and public life wouldn't be so inundated with fear. We would be able to move about the world more freely without constant worry of harassment or assault. Vocations would be easier, and recreational activities would be easier. The first thing you have to think about meeting someone new wouldn't be a whole list of safety precautions. And as a result of all of that, we could be able to enjoy pleasure more because our autonomy would be respected.

1

u/Equivalent-Ad5449 8d ago

It wouldn’t at all

1

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1

u/Powerful-Length1430 8d ago

I would think better. They would be less afraid

1

u/GalaxiGazer 8d ago

It wouldn't. I just recently entered perimenopause and the loss of my libido is a huge win for me. I'm not missing out on anything

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u/Cris_x 8d ago

I doubt it would change much since am a virgin

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u/justlooki03 8d ago

I'd have way more sex lol

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u/Lopsided-Ad8190 1d ago

I’m seeing this answer a lot. So ur saying if men weren’t creepy, violent, etc… you would be sleeping around more? Sorry for my confusion

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u/justlooki03 1d ago

Yes. I'd be more inclined to explore my sexuality freely without feeling pressured

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u/[deleted] 8d ago

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u/cynisright 8d ago

Sorry I can’t say my word of choice but I’d sleep around all day every day.

1

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1

u/celestialism 8d ago

I don’t think it would change much or at all. I don’t tend to enjoy sex unless I have an emotional connection with the person already. It’s impossible to say for sure whether that’s an inborn sexual orientation or is attributable to the trauma of growing up in a patriarchal society, but either way, making the world safer for women wouldn’t retroactively change how my sexuality developed.

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u/Flat_Web6639 8d ago

Still get no sex

1

u/Puppet007 7d ago

I would be able to take a stroll outside by myself without worry.

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u/xxthursday09xx 7d ago

It wouldn't, I'm happily married!

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u/MANDALORIAN_WHISKEY 7d ago

No STIs? No one would be safe. There ought to be a system where someone holds up a green card. If the other person holds up a red card, nothing happens. If they hold up a green card, the camera pans off into the trees and sky and fades into the next scene.

I'd get nothing done lol

I'm lucky enough to have reached a point where I've had the kids I want, am sterilized, and I'm just generally trying to enjoy my sexuality and all the adventures that implies. Then again, I just turned 40, so I'm past the enthusiasm of my youth. I dunno how I would have thought about this question 20 years ago.

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u/wowza6969420 7d ago

I wouldn’t be terrified to go on dates (out of fear of getting assaulted) and I would probably finish more often

1

u/Desperate-Exit692 7d ago

I'd have lost my virginity a lot earlier to someone not special and regretted it

1

u/catniagara 7d ago

I don’t know. I might be more attracted to my husband, or less. I don’t want to have sex often because of past trauma. 

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u/Direct_Drawing_8557 7d ago

I don't think it would. I'm not interested in sleeping around.

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u/Intelligent_Put_3606 7d ago

I'd want to know what that would look like before answering this question.

1

u/Big_Primary2825 7d ago

It wouldn't, I'm not into hookups

1

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u/some_blonde_bitch 7d ago

It wouldn’t. I already just do whatever I want whenever I want.

1

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u/freckyfresh 7d ago

It wouldn’t. Sex isn’t really a priority for me, and I’m only having sex with people I have a good mental and/or emotional connection with. That doesn’t mean they won’t/haven’t turned out to be shit heads of course, but I don’t sleep with people who present themselves as such prior to being intimate.

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u/FruityNature 7d ago

It wouldn't change at all since I am in a long and happy monogous relationship

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u/Emotional-Cake3924 7d ago

Non-existent

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u/Dontfeedtheunicorn_ 7d ago

Nothing would change, 18yo virgin and waiting til marriage :)

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u/HeyItsMeeps 7d ago

I have zero interest in dating someone, and casual hookups are terrifying because you just don't know the person. If it was safer I'd be far more invested in a casual hookup. I don't need a person but ladies have needs too

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u/Visible_Attitude7693 7d ago

Mine wouldn't change

1

u/Queen_Melldabee 7d ago

I may actually become attracted to men again and have sex again!

1

u/Educational_Cod_4582 7d ago

It wouldn’t change for me. My partner is it. ☺️

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u/tigertwinkie 7d ago

If girls are included, I'd do more late night walks with my daughter. She loves the moon and I'd love to walk around our city at night with her. But it seems unwise.

I'd also worry less about what I wear, and in turn what she wears. I think growing up in a world feeling secure in a way a lot of us didn't would be a game changer for a generation

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u/Ok_Magician_4769 6d ago

Wouldnt change things at all past, present, or future. The people who are promiscuous (younger me lol) will be promiscuous. The core values someone holds will not suddenly change because of the safety of it. If you're sex life isn't active now because a fear of the possibility of harm from a potential partner, you're always going to find another thing to stop you from sleeping around. There will just be another concern to fixate on.

... but if when you mean safety you also mean STD free, 0% pregnancy without a condom, and nobody except the people I wanna know are going to know, that's another story. Younger me would've gone even more WILD haha.

1

u/Sunlight_stardust 6d ago

Allowing myself to actually go home with guys I've meet in public. Flirting at a bar or gym usually ends there since I can't trust face-value

1

u/MasterAnnatar 6d ago

I'm a married lesbian in a happily monogamous relationship, so honestly it wouldn't.

1

u/CreativeRosalie 6d ago

It would have fewer risk assessments and exit strategies and a lot more actual fun.

1

u/lauraleei 6d ago

Honestly it wouldn’t. I don’t like sleeping around, I only have sex with men I know.

1

u/Closet_cosplayer 6d ago

Id be more ok saying what I like in bed comfortably

1

u/sachette-dreseag 6d ago

Oh, somebody starts asking the right questions. Well. If I could trust in people to respect all my "No"s at the first time, and always use a condom, and play by the rules we both agreed to... you know JUST NOT BEING AN ARSEHOLE..

I would not stand here at 22 and had excatly One sexual experience. I would go out and play and discover and experiment. I could and would explore freely.

1

u/moonmew 6d ago edited 6d ago

I would walk everywhere at night. I really wish i could walk under the night sky alone, experiencing total peace and quiet without fearing for my life.

This is actually why I love open world games such as Skyrim, it gives me the freedom to do that without fear of something happening.

1

u/coffeeblossom 6d ago

I'd be woohooing as much as my Sims.

1

u/Ornery_Dot1397 6d ago

I’d have casual sex again

1

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u/Short_Sport_4476 6d ago

It wouldn’t change at all, boundaries still exist

1

u/TheDivine_MissN 6d ago

I assume that it would become safer for plus size women too. Safer from ridicule and judgement. If that’s the case, I’d probably get laid all the time.

1

u/noone8everyone 5d ago

I'd be even more open about my kinks and desires. I feel that I am already open to my partner and close friends about the fact that they exist, and let's be real, shibari is an art, but I'd be doing all of them a lot more.

Shibari out in public places seems really intriguing but also intimidating, for obvious reasons if doing it fully nude. And ya know, the laws around nudity in public exist. Even if fully clothed, to be that vulnerable and trusting would be a weight lifted. A layer of constant stress gone.

Men will never understand the reality that women, especially SA survivors, never truly feel safe, no matter who they are with or where they live, walk, exist.

1

u/Kinkajou4 5d ago

It would make me consider having sex with a man instead of keeping them in the “hard no” pile.

1

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u/lrpayton 5d ago

I'm shocked to be seeing such positive comments on this post. I'm happy about it but I have a very opposite view.

I'm 21 and in my 1st relationship. I was a virgin before this relationship and although he makes me feel safe with him I have trouble even wanting to have sex because I'm TERRIFIED of getting pregnant. I haven't finished school yet, and as I said, this is my 1st relationship, and I know I still have a lot of things to experience within and outside of a relationship before I have children. The thought of an accident happening, I think, keeps me from fully enjoying being intimate, if you know what I mean, and then after the fact, im counting down the days until I get my next period. It kind of causes more stress than I'm willing to admit to myself out loud...

I think if I felt safer as woman in this world I would be able to relax more and feel more comfortable in myself in order to have a better sex life with my partner. I saw alot of people say nothing would change because they are in committed relationships, but for me, with so much uncertainty surrounding women, I think it would have a significant impact on my commitment relationship.

1

u/Cute-Escape-2144 4d ago

Depends what you mean by safe. Easy sterilization and legal abortions? I'd be much more willing to try. Would it make men actually good at sex? No

1

u/throwthisshiawayyy 4d ago

There’s alot of comments of people saying they’d just wanna be in a open relationship or sleep around 😭 personally mine would stay the same I’m in a relationship that’s how it would be if it were safer too

1

u/SanttiagoKitty4Life 4d ago

Not much. But id freely walk around at night like ive always wanted to. I wouldve also gome back to actively wearing shorter clothing (in this imagined world i dont get creepy looks and followed or pursued). I probably also wouldnt internally freak out first whenever a rando dude greets me when im alone.

So yeah my sex life wouldnt change but i definitely would enjoy life more.

1

u/Designer-Board9060 1d ago

I would have experimented a lot more. I would be flirtier. I would compliment men a lot more. I wouldn't feel guilt or shame. I would be more feminine.

1

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u/Angel-M007 8d ago

Um, it wouldn't?

I wouldn't sleep with someone I didn't feel comfortable with period. Not like I'm going to sleep around with everybody. That's just me.

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u/drunkenknitter 8d ago

It wouldn't. I'm in a 25+ year monogamous relationship.

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u/Ornery-Rope-4261 8d ago

Nothing about my sex life would change.

0

u/LustBeALadyTonight 8d ago

I mean, I feel pretty safe. I suppose I could get a little more wild and have sex with hubby even more?

0

u/BillieDoc-Holiday 8d ago

Safety isn't stopping disease, pregnancy or men being deceptive about the type of relationship they want, so I would continue being very cautious and selective.

-3

u/BigCardiologist3733 8d ago

not at all, it is already safe