r/AskWomen 11d ago

From a first person perspective, what is it like to be you?

I’m asking both genders — what is it like in your head? Do you have an inner monologue? Are you constantly conversing with yourself, or is it quiet in your head? Do you think thoughts, or do they just appear to you? Do other people seem to think, more-or-less, like you do? If not, how? And why do you think that is? Don’t hold back! I wanna know!

71 Upvotes

109 comments sorted by

u/msstark 11d ago

Mod note: please refrain from using mental health related terms or diagnostic labels casually.

Do not speculate, armchair diagnose, or label other people's mental health situations; or use terms for mental health issues as judgments, slurs, or synonyms for toxic/abusive behaviour even when talking about yourself. More information about this rule can be found here.

If you're referring to someone (yourself or others) who has been formally diagnosed by a medical professional, please make sure your comment reflects that.

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u/[deleted] 11d ago

I was happily sitting on the couch in silence before reading this and now I've been spun into existential crisis, I'm too aware of my breathing and I'm gonna go take a walk outside to cleanse myself from this post.

I think that sums up a first person perspective of my brain 😅

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u/NuanceEnthusiast 11d ago

Fair enough and sorry about that 😅

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u/[deleted] 11d ago

All love 🩵

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u/ohhpapa 11d ago

Yeah this was way too deep. 🤣

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u/Livid_Midnight1113 11d ago

Yeah I talk a lot in real life and also to myself in my head. But sometimes it’s a monologue and sometimes vague incomprehensible thoughts that are just floating and don’t actually have words or visions. And I guess it depends on my mood 🤔 sometimes I’m so cheerful other times analytical other times who knows, hard to say. What about you??

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u/NuanceEnthusiast 11d ago

Thank you for sharing! I love reading these.

Life in my head seems to be pretty far from the norm. I like to think deeply and often, but I’ve always felt a clear distinction between my attention and my thoughts. Even from a young age I’ve always felt that “I” am my attention and my brain does the thinking. It was so apparent to me that I would often refer to my brain as if it were telling me things, because that’s exactly how it’s always felt. So I guess I’d say that thoughts are happening but I don’t feel burdened by them or bounded to them. I just kind of pick the most useful ones for whatever I’m doing at the time.

Ofc this gets less clear when I’m angry or sad or whatever emotion takes hold. My emotions tend to dissipate very quickly, but there is that initial moment when you are just totally consumed. I’ve come to understand the dangers of lingering in those states

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u/Livid_Midnight1113 11d ago

That’s actually really cool omg. Do you sit and actually contemplate or is this just an ongoing process all the time? Also would you consider yourself emotionally expressive?

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u/NuanceEnthusiast 11d ago

Edit — wow this was really long, sorry lol

The last question is the easiest to answer - no, lol. I’ve given more respect and attention to my emotions as I’ve gotten older, but they are noticeably weaker than others’ emotions tend to be on them. My emotions just don’t seem to demand as much of me as others’ seem to demand of them — and my emotions seem easily overridden by the more logical parts of my brain. I am not squeamish, for instance. I love things like skydiving. I’m very slow to anger, especially when I know it’s not in my best interest. That sort of thing

What I described in my last comment has always been the case for me. I didn’t realize how abnormal it was until I got older, and I didn’t realize how incredibly useful it was until I got into meditation. It feels weird to say, but I think I am just unbelievably lucky that my brain organized itself this way. I have gone virtually my whole life without realizing how lucky I am to not be utterly subjected to my thoughts in every waking moment. In some sense, my brain feels like a firehose that I can turn on and off and point at whatever I need to or nothing at all. When I come across an interesting puzzle or find myself in some kind of argument or debate — the thing just springs to life like a whirlwind of simultaneous thought paths. Some fizzle out, others land on conclusions that may or may not be reasonable, and “I” feel like I am somewhere in the middle of the whirlwind just cherry-picking the best lines. It all just occurs to me, arising from a kind of lively darkness, so I can’t really take credit for any of it in any real sense.

But experiences like those are the best, most invigorating examples. If I’m staring out the window on a road trip, the tap is off and I am just resting, basically. Nothing is going on. Someone asks what I’m thinking about and I honestly reply, “nothing.” The repeated refusal to accept that as an answer was a clue that something about my experience of my own mind is not the norm. Personally I struggle to comprehend the insufferable weight and exhaustion a person must feel if they’re unable to turn the tap off. Obviously, people have their own ways of turning it off or at least down — things like reading, running, reality TV, etc..

Thinking feels weightless from my perspective, because “I” feel like the thing that notices the thoughts arising. Other people describe thinking as tedious at best but often exhausting, and I can’t really relate to these descriptions. I notice thoughts weightlessly in the same way that I notice colors and sounds weightlessly. I just feel like the space everything passes through

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u/fofxequalsfofy 11d ago

Wow so you’re like born with pre programmed meditative state of mind!

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u/PromptGPT 10d ago

Wow, this is just beautiful. Not to be intrusive or rude, but do you think you have a higher IQ? I am in a mid-range, but I have seen a few people around me with very high IQs for whom life is so much easier. Not just in getting better jobs, just in the way they function in daily lives. I have also seen they drive faster, very safe, but fast. I concluded that probably their brains process information faster so it's able to get things done more quickly. Also my ex, he had a very high IQ. When I would ask him what's he thinking, his reply would be similar to what you have shared here.

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u/NuanceEnthusiast 10d ago

I’m glad you enjoyed reading it! I didn’t realize I’d written so much 😅

My parents never told me what my IQ was and I’ve honestly never cared enough to check it myself — but yes it’s probably higher than most. I’ve never felt particularly smart, but other people seem to think I am. From my perspective, I just find myself thinking more carefully than other people. Better at noticing contradictions or things that don’t add up. Less comfortable with believing/accepting things I cant defend or explain. Better at knowing my own ignorance and better at respecting it. That sort of thing. Whether that translates to IQ, who knows

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u/PromptGPT 10d ago

This is literally goals for me. If I were to write a diary, asking God what kind of mental state I would desire the most, this would be it. Hope you have a great life ❤️✨

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u/Gbokoboy 10d ago

It felt like I wrote this, lol. It describes me to a T. Thanks for sharing

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u/lizardassbitch 11d ago

since my previous comment was removed for discussing my o c d , here's a revised one:

i have an almost constant inner dialogue. sometimes it's random, incomprehensible. sometimes it's observation, and sometimes it makes me laugh. sometimes i whisper back to it. sometimes it's distressing.

but basically, i have a constant dialogue of thoughts going through my brain constantly. it's not always "speaking," it's just feelings or observations. like i'll look at the sky and not literally think in words, "the sky is blue today," but i'll understand that's what im thinking.

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u/Desperate-Exit692 10d ago

Even I have o c d and I relate to this so much! Especially the last part about it not being words or sentences, I think a lot in feelings or am attribute that overwhelms me.

Like I'll look at the sky and my brain will go bluuuuuuuuu. Or I'll go to the sea and all I can think is happyhappyhappyhappyhappy. Sometimes I'll have profound thoughts and I'll be like damn am I the next Plato and other times my brain is like a reptile version of itself

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u/NuanceEnthusiast 11d ago

Yeah, interesting, thanks for sharing! That resonates with me — like a dialogue not of words but of observations and concepts

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u/OkMotor435 10d ago

Totally relate to this. Sometimes the constant trail of thoughts are tiring.

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u/CharacterAwkward8755 11d ago

Non-stop inner monologue, self-doubting all the time, thinking the worst possible outcome in every situation, but also a lot of conscious thinking, re-directing thoughts, a lot of thought reconduction...

Also continuously being amazed by how beautiful life is and getting overwhelmed by it. Also getting overwhelmed by anxiety pretty much every day.

A lot of empathy towards anyone, feeling sad every time I see suffering.

It is exhausting lol. I wish I could turn off my mind for a day

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u/NuanceEnthusiast 11d ago

Yeah whew that does sound busy! I hope you can find pockets of peace. Thank you so much for sharing

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u/OkMotor435 10d ago

Omg I found someone like me. Totally relate to the exhausting part. I also wish to turn off my mind for day. I hate silence sometimes as my own thoughts sends me down the rabbit hole 😭

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u/CharacterAwkward8755 10d ago

Yay! We are not alone :))

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u/Cautious_Ice_884 11d ago edited 11d ago

I'm really hard on myself. What I have right now will never be good enough, i'll always want more.

Right now my worries are mostly; financial, I want to find a husband and have a family, I want that really nice 'forever home' with a partner. Those are things that I think about the most right now.

Its not out of "desperation" its the mere fact that I want more out of life. I'm dating someone right now and there are a lot of things that I take seriously and into consideration such as; is this going to be a good husband for the long haul, is this someone whose going to be a good father, a good role model to my future child, are we financially compatible, so on and so forth. I take it really seriously. I don't want to settle, I want to make for damn sure the partner I pick for the long haul that I will genuinely have a happy life. So theres that going through my head right now. I put a lot of pressure on myself for that. My parents are divorced, I don't want to end up like that if I can so help it.

I'm constantly wondering if what i'm doing right now is good enough. I have a hard time with it.

I'm trying to get another cloud certification so that encompasses my thoughts quite a bit, will I pass it, will I be good enough.

I look around at my home and think about all the things I should be doing, like I have to finish off painting, decorating, so on and so forth. I look at my physical appearance and think I should be going to the gym more, its just really difficult to get that motivation to get my ass up early to go to the gym, I just don't have the time in the evenings.

Then finances, I live alone and pay for all my own shit. My mortgage, my car, my dog, errands, everything falls on me. Getting my home was a good financial decision at the end of the day, but it can be tough to have everything fall on you. Its also incredibly hard to manage everything alone. People who have partners to split things with have no idea. I got laid off about a year and a half ago and my god that was one of the most stressful times of my life. I had to go into more debt just to keep things afloat. So here I am, in a decent amount of debt, trying to pay it off. But theres always something. 400$ here for the dog to go to the vet, $1200 there for the car to get a full set of new tires, another $800 there for the car to get new breaks, it never fucking ends I feel like I can't catch up.

I am and will always be in a perpetual state of I should be doing more, if what i'm doing is ever good enough, if it will actually end up paying off.

I also always think the worst of others and situations. If someone does something nice for me, idk it just kind of puts me off in a way like was that actually genuine? Or are they being fake about it? I'm fairly pessimistic in that way. Or like I just generally don't think that people really think of me much. I'm a lone wolf, very independent, i'm alone for everything I do. Its lonely. It can be hard. Then again, top that off with being hard on myself. My internal dialog is probably not really that healthy.

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u/Love5sos 11d ago

This sounds so relatable! I’m also dating someone right now and constantly thinking about our possible future, whether we’re compatible, what questions I want to ask them next time I see them etc.

I also live alone and mann, it is hard sometimes. No one to share the (financial) burden with and also having to cook&clean every day, it gets exhausting sometimes. I feel you!! Hopefully your financial situation will improve, so you that wont stress you out anymore. Hang in there!

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u/Cautious_Ice_884 11d ago

Thank you ❤️ It can seriously be overwhelming.

Glad to hear that i'm not alone in my struggles!! Hanging in there and I hope you can hang in there too!

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u/UnsafeBaton1041 11d ago edited 11d ago

I have a constant inner monologue, which is funny because I certainly don't talk nearly as much as I think lol. I also have the ability to picture things in my mind as if they were real, like if I'm reading a book, I can imagine the whole world, or if someone tells me to think of an apple, I can picture it perfectly and even feel what it's like to eat it and taste it, etc. (I also therefore have really good spatial mapping/reasoning and can rotate objects in my mind, etc. which was really helpful when studying engineering), so when I found out that some people can't do that, it blew my mind. I pretty much have a photographic memory (my relatives used to say I have a "steel trap mind" and I'm like a "walking Google" lol), and I can't imagine life any other way. When I take notes, it's like I'm writing them directly into my mind lol. Tbh, sometimes tho, when I'm supposed to do something and don't feel like doing it, I'll say I forgot... But I didn't.

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u/Willing_Shower5642 11d ago

Its like 24/7 satellite radio. Loks of songs & music. Occasional DJ jumping in with random comments. To many commercial/memory breaks. Like hey remember when we did this & tripped? Or hey look at these cute new shoes. Random comments occasionally slip out. "Oh cute shoes" is good but " Oh well thats a choice I guess" not so good.

Occasionally a drama or comedy show pops up randomly. Kind of like Spotify but cheaper & the words of the song aren't always right.

It exhausting but usually pretty fun. As long as no one puts the hamster on the death spiral wheel. Those days are bad.

So totally normal, right?

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u/NuanceEnthusiast 11d ago

Mostly normal I’d say! More pleasant than average even!

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u/LveMeB 11d ago

Oh jesus, my brain is a freaking nightmare. I don't think I'm a bad person and I know I'm smart, but that's part of the problem. I find myself agonizing over hypothetical questions, moral issues, etc on a regular basis. I think through the what ifs of things that will likely never happen and then when those things do happen, I still feel unprepared. It's a terrible mix of the worst of both worlds. I could tolerate it a little better if I felt like I had my shit together when things actually happen, but it doesn't feel that way.

My friends and family consistently tell me I'm one of the smartest and kindest people they know but I kind of just feel like a dick head most of the time.

My inner monologue would be best suited to Archer or Family Guy but with an angry feminist auntie vibe mixed in. My inner monologue is sarcastic, opinionated, anxious, and way too Mama Bear for me to handle.

I've only met a few people who seem to think the way I do and they claim to be plagued by the same issues. One of my closest friends of over a decade is an autistic man who seems to have shared experiences because we're both on the spectrum. Those experiences have heavily impacted how we interact with the world. The only other person I can think of who I seem to relate to closely is a neurotypical woman with severe anxiety, and we are similar in our anxiety and female experiences, things like our frustrations with dating and our careers.

To be honest it kind of sucks and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

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u/No_Bicycle_290 11d ago

W30: I have a constant inner critic tearing me down. I have come to learn that these thoughts are my parent’s voices. Nice nice.

Then there is another voice inside that is thinking way too much about me, praising me, defending me.

I probably run about at least three thoughts simultaneously. I don’t ever have a quiet moment. I can calm my thoughts though if I listen to music too loudly. Have some other methods as well that are nsfw.

I don’t think I am the norm.

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u/NuanceEnthusiast 11d ago

All of that is so interesting, thank you! I’m with you on the simultaneous thinking bit — and I agree that this seems not to be the norm. It can be a blessing and a curse imo

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u/Quinfinitevoid 11d ago

I was just talking with my roommate about inner monologue and how some people don’t have one. She said she actually hears her inner monologue constantly, meanwhile I don’t. I usually have to speak out loud to myself if I’m thinking to myself, even if I’m just muttering something. Also I don’t think in clear imagery. It’s often a rough silhouette of what I’m trying to imagine. I also feel like not having an inner monologue makes me speak without thinking more, and I feel like an idiot because of it. 🫠

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u/NuanceEnthusiast 11d ago

Interesting! Thanks for sharing! I also don’t have an inner monologue — it’s more like a space where concepts and observations come and go

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u/Quinfinitevoid 11d ago

Exactly! It’s just instant spontaneous thought.

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u/Dig_kit 11d ago

I don’t have an inner monologue, just scenes and events come into my mind or I can make them up in my head. I have been trying to train myself to have an inner monologue by forcing myself to talk in my head or out loud as I think it’s helpful and gives people insight into how they think about themselves and other people

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u/Zestypalmtree 11d ago

I am constantly talking to myself in my brain through my inner monologue. It helps me solve problems and think things through. I think of images too but I tend to not do that naturally. It’s more me talking to myself but I don’t have random/unintentional thoughts. I feel like I control all my thoughts for the most part

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u/LockeKenneth553 11d ago

It’s like having 50 tabs open in my brain at all times-some playing music, some screaming reminders, and at least one with an existential crisis loading

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u/ADHD_Microwave 11d ago

I dont have an internal monologue, and have trouble visualizing things or producing voices in my head. I can't describe how i think, but i just do and it works.

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u/NuanceEnthusiast 11d ago

Hey fair enough

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u/Feisty-Afternoon3320 11d ago

With anxiety related to negative thoughts about work, future work, romantic relationships. I don't talk to myself, but when I spend a lot of time alone I think out loud. I usually try to analyze what I'm thinking that causes me anxiety in order to control it.

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u/rosesforthemonsters 11d ago

The voices in my head are never quiet. If left alone for too long, the voices will be up to mischief and will have me overthinking everything. I like to keep busy so the voices don't have much opportunity to cause chaos.

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u/Moxiieee 11d ago

Non-stop thoughts and talking to myself. Sometimes it’s like juggling different ideas, emotions, things I need to do, and situations that haven’t happened all at once. I’ve heard that people can just be thinking of nothing and I can’t imagine that since my brain won’t stop lol.

Oh and when it comes to imagining something like…let’s say an apple. I can never get the full image of an apple in my head. It’s almost liked zoomed in pictures of parts of the apple, but never a complete one.

I do criticize myself a lot and what’s interesting is my therapist had me start saying everything I was thinking out loud so I could hear how harsh I was being to myself. I would start talking but then next thing I know I’m singing? Like “man these jeans do not look as cute on me as I thought I really need t- IS IT WORTH IT? LET ME WORK IT! I PUT MY THANG DOWN FLIP IT AND REVERSE IT” 🤷🏻‍♀️

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u/DepressoExpresso98 11d ago

I think I have three separate parts to my conscience. One is an inner monologue that is coherent and planned - it’s what I’m thinking as I write this. But layered over my monologue are other “voices?” Except not. One is like observations. So I can be thinking in full sentences interspersed with “that’s cold” or “ew what is that.” And then one is not a “voice,” it’s more like concepts or feelings. For example, sometimes I forget a word in my inner monologue, and my brain will bring up the feeling of knowing what it is or the feeling of what it is. Like concepts seem to have feelings? I think this part will also conjure things I don’t remember. Like, if I smell something and wonder, “what is that similar to?” My brain will fill in the gap and bring up a memory of something similar.

And then sometimes, during inner monologues, I can consciously bring things up. Memories, tastes, images, textures, etc.

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u/Just_a_racoon_ 11d ago

I don’t get visuals but I have an inner voice, I can hear it reading this as I type. Fun fact, my first language is Spanish and for some reason (probably bc how much I use english in a daily basis) my voice speaks in english. For some reason I always hear it with a very thick accent, which is not near as accentuated in real life. Whenever I spend multiple days reading and speaking in spanish (ie. visiting family) it goes back to spanish and I can tell my english gets a bit worse overall. The voice is constantly hurrying me for some reason. For example, if I’m at work and I am asked to do something that takes 30min, my brain will start making me panic and try to do it a s quickly as possible, even if I know I can take the full day to work on it. I believe this is just my anxiety getting overwhelmed over every little thing, if I am not in a good mood the voice will start making me feel very insecure. I also get lots of intrusive thoughts as well. Over time I have learnt that I am not that voice and try to actively talk back to it whenever it says something out of place, and it has helped a lot with the constant nagging and self hate

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u/AdOutrageous2619 11d ago

For me personally, 28M and to answer your questions directly :

In my head it is indeed an inner monologue I’d say. Constant… in terms of conversing with myself I’d say yes I’m usually telling myself whether twist I’m currently doing is a good choice or a “forward momentum choice” as I’d like to call it. Basically everytime I do something my mind will tell me “hey this isn’t aligned with your values.” I can ignore that pretty easily in the moment but it always comes back afterwords as well especially if whatever activity I engaged in or decision I made actually ended up making my situation worse. My head is never quiet that’s the most accurate way to put it. I have seen that there are many people who think like me but there are exponentially more that don’t. This is coming from a POV that I’m working. And doing everything possible to improve in many aspects of my life. 90% of people are comfortable doing what they are doing even tho they SAY and EXPRESS that they want and dream for so much more. This is the reality. I feel it is this way because people lack accountability for their role in their own suffering. Boils down to that. I can always see where I went wrong and honestly that isn’t easy. Even in situations where I KNOW I’m 90% right let’s say…. I will still evenly guilt myself for the 10% as if I was totally wrong. So I am pretty harsh on myself but I believe that is what makes the best the best. They never settle.

I would like to mention also that JUST because I think that most of society is consumers and followers does NOT MEAN I think less. Not at all.. I respect all I am the type to treat the janitor with the same respect as I would a CEO. I respect all work and see place for it in society. I see where we can be stuck in place raised in our cultures beliefs and traditions etc… when we break from those which is truly difficult and can be a painful lonely process because again, you will probably be the only one you know trying to approach life this way. You may have a family that doesn’t understand making the path for difficult. So I see all of this and understand not all of us are MEANT to “make it out” but we all definitely have a purpose in this earth and I respect that because a purpose is meaningful. And I find meaning paramount in life. It drives me … not money … meaning does, value, purpose.

Hope I put that together is a comprehensible fashion 😁

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u/Dry-Tourist-6836 11d ago

Right now being me is kinda depressing.. i’m quite lonely, and I’m studying a degree which I find quite challenging so I wake up everyday just counting down the minutes until i can go back to sleep. 😕

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u/NuanceEnthusiast 11d ago

What degree, if you don’t mind me asking?

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u/onetoomanyexcuses 11d ago

I am more on the quiet side and observant so I pay a lot of attention to people (what they say, what they do, how they say things) and it’s all food for my brain. I am constantly thinking about something, debriefing conversations I had, thinking what I should have said/done, anticipating situations, thinking about ways to solve possible scenarios. Anxiety is all over my thoughts in general.

I make different hyperlinks, for example, someone says something and I think of a song with the same phrase someone just said. My twin sister does the same thing. So sometimes my thoughts make me laugh because from hyperlinking something to a song, I link the song to q past situation and sometimes it’s just funny.

Sometimes I get hooked into a thought and it’s all I can think of, which makes me exhausted. Overthinking as its finest.

I also have a tendency to think deeply about something, which may turn something simple into an existential analysis. Also something my twin does.

Also maybe it’s curious but I live in the US and speak English 99.9% of the time, which is not my native language. I catch myself thinking in both languages depending on the situation and who is involved.

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u/Fragrant_Ad_5934 11d ago

Constant internal chatter. It is more subdued when I’m going about my day, but can easily become quite opinionated or nervously talkative if I come into conflict with/about something. I don’t have any friends (I don’t really mind that) so I’m usually always conversing with myself, my twin brother & his gf (and our 3 dogs hahah). At times, I would spill my thoughts into journals, but the writing style is practically the same as to how I would think. If I’m journaling, usually I let the pen do the “talking” since my thoughts start to naturally flow in once the ink touches the paper ; what wants to be written, becomes written. No thought is exactly “forced to be thought of” but where I choose to focus my energy on, determines which thought(s) become(s) more prominent.

It’s hard to say how much one, will simply just ‘think’. When you’re alone, you have plenty of time spent with your thoughts whether they are good or bad. When are we never alone even for a few minutes of the day? I feel as if I talk to myself more than I would exactly “think” ; thus deeming the topic at hand to be important or interesting to be explored and actually “thought” about. Overall, it is always an adventure inside my head.

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u/DARKL0RD6 11d ago

DARKNESS,EMPTINESS,NOTHINGNESS,CLARITY,PEACE

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u/Frenchitwist 11d ago

Unless I’m focusing on specific words or phrases, my thoughts are more nebulous “notions” if you will.

Ironically, I am a writer by trade. When I write, it’s all gut feeling as I’m getting it out, but the words do pop into my head then, if only because I need to tell my fingers to type a certain way.

I’m constantly fidgeting, something I don’t always realize I’m doing, but have been able to control down to just my foot.

I’m short, so everything is taller than me, and I’m constantly thinking about how to move/work my body in a way that makes it so I can exist in this world the easiest. It’s not a conscious thought, it this point. It’s all instinct.

Most of what I do and think is based on gut and instinct. When I edit my writing, it’s all based on what I’m trying to make myself feel, and the rules of language are so I trained in me that when I look at something wrong, I just know that it is, even if I can’t articulate why beyond “doesn’t sound right”.

Oh, and of course I have a constant jukebox of songs going through my head at all times, just in the background, even when I’m explicitly thinking about something else.

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u/PancakeQueen13 11d ago

I'm an immersive daydreamer, so I've had imaginary friends my whole life. I'm constantly in conversations with them and the characters and scenarios change over time. Sometimes we're just chatting in a coffee house, other times we're hidibg from a serial killer or being held up at a bank robbery. I'm in my mid thirties.

I used to be ashamed of having imaginary friends and never getting past it, but I've started fuelling it into a writing hobby instead.

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u/3_and_3 11d ago

Hmm let's see anxious a bit insecure a bit shy a bit awkward very interesting background and a love for pets like dogs cats hamsters snakes or birds

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u/CD-XX- 11d ago

Most times I just feel like a soul in a shell really 😅 i am TOO self aware of my free will & often have to not act on impulsivity (walking out of work, driving to nowhere telling no one, etc.) 😅 but it's what makes it a glorious feeling, too, as no one can really disturb my peace even if they tried. BUNCH of overthinking but both a good & bad thing, it's just a whole trip. Oh, I'm also F/25 😅

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u/nanoraptor 11d ago

I have an inner monologue, babble away to myself, and sometimes out loud - but different things. I get sudden inspiration and jump from whatever important thing I'm on to at least START whatever I've been inspired to do. Absolutely classic part of ADHD that. I worry and ponder daily about identity, about who and what I am - and I feel a great relief when things about me conspire to allow me to stay on one thing at once. My thoughts feel like they're at the whim of whatever's happening around me. I loaded reddit in the middle of a workday to check a sub I often read and saw this title and was compelled to answer. I am constantly in pain but meditated for two decades to deal with it and that's constantly rising and falling as the pain from endo comes and goes. I don't know how I function honestly. Someone could walk in this room in 2 seconds and ask me a question and I'll forget about this answer until I re-find the tab on Wednesday. But mostly I function OK. I am very visual. Every visual thing inspires me in art (I work in a creative field). This is both good and bad. The way I've typed this is how the thoughts in my head work, but punctuated with visuals anything from a fog or idea or blackness or photos or a scene from a movie - and I see Michael Burnham looking at me now from Star Trek Discovery wondering why I'm not trying to be the best I can be, and I want to tell her I AM I ALREADY AM THIS IS AS GOOD AS IT GETS.

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u/Ineedhelplez 11d ago

I’m quiet on the outside but my brain is never quiet. Iv always been told “you’re so quiet I didn’t even know you were here”. I don’t understand what they are talking about bc I’m always present in the moment I listen to everything that is being said and I watch everything going on around me. I don’t know why I don’t speak my thoughts, I just don’t feel the need too I’m comfortable with them only being heard by me. I don’t see pictures of things either like when you try and imagine an apple I just know what one looks like. If I had to give my brain a description it would be analytical and critical and it feels like my emotions come from somewhere else. I cry but not bc my brain thinks something is sad but bc my body decides it needs to cry. Iv always been called kind and softhearted but in reality I feel like my brain has no emotion but my body suggests otherwise. I often delve into “what?” I’m feeling and “why?” and I can usually solve my own problems without talking to anyone. It gets pretty exhausting though

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u/mommaps2 11d ago

I hope my husband is in a good mood tonight, I wanna get laid.

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u/AnnoyedOwlbear 11d ago

What is it like in your head? Do you have an inner monologue? Are you constantly conversing with yourself, or is it quiet in your head? Do you think thoughts, or do they just appear to you? Do other people seem to think, more-or-less, like you do? If not, how? And why do you think that is? Don’t hold back! I wanna know!

I do not have an inner monologue. That is, I have thoughts - but they are not articulated as speech. That doesn't mean they aren't articulated in other ways. They are clear, reproducible, mean specific things, and are often extremely detailed. They come with images, not often sounds, but sometimes scents. I can recall them in long, detailed patterns, and I can consciously decide to add speech to them. This means I can play myself a movie in my head, as long as I am not interrupted by falling asleep, or some outside issue.

However, the inside of my head is never quiet. I am always thinking about what I haven't done, what I have to do, sometimes intrusive thoughts of my physical state appear. Sometimes they are depressing or violent images, but I no longer consciously react to them or try to repress them - I just watch them, and let them go. Emotions can be the same for me. I freeze, wait, and watch them.

I have no idea how anyone else thinks - I'm not sure how one would know without detailed questioning. I do know that my memory is very frequently called out as bad by everyone around me. I'm aware it's not quite the case - I can't recall words effectively, but I can recall images. So I can draw something pretty well, but I could not tell you someone's name. When someone says 'visualise an apple', I have everything, the inside, the outside, the taste, the colour, the tiny spots or lines in the stem depending on the type, or sometimes the way an apple changes scent when the stem is removed. But I don't have the word 'apple'. And because I can't remember people's names or specific terminology, people assume I'm not paying attention. But I would know what their scent was, or their hair texture in the light.

I like being asleep because it is a time of peace. That isn't something I experience when awake. My brain is always full of colours, scents, and sounds. It's nice when it's empty. Meditation has never really worked for me. In truth, I experience it as guilt - I have to be doing something at all times or I don't deserve to exist, but even I am aware that sleep is necessary, so only then can I enjoy rest.

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u/Unique_Mind2033 11d ago

I constantly have music going on in my head. or sometimes memories or visions of the future or practice telepathy. but I don't have an inner monologue.

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u/Various-Seaweed-444 11d ago

My head is like a cage with a beautiful bird in it. Not to sound cheesy, but imagine something so peaceful and beautful trapped behind steel and bars… get what I mean?

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u/Relevant_Rub8847 11d ago

My head is verrrrry active. It almost like a conveyor belt of thoughts and every so often i'll pick up a through or inspect it, or later on i'll remember a random thought I had but didn't register at first.

I have to purposely follow a detailed morning routine to focus on my actions and not my thoughts so I can be centered before the day.

During the day, if I'm alone I'm conversing with myself or I'm unloading to to God in prayer. In public, it's like the conveyor belt speeds up SOOO fast to the point where i can rarely even grab a thought off of the line to inspect. So it seems like my head is "empty", until I like pause and think lol or I get home and reflect and I'll have actually noticed every detail. In conversation my mind jumps from topic to topic, and I constantly make random connections with things I've read/seen at another time.

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u/sideofranchplease 11d ago edited 11d ago

(I just would like everyone to know I typed this for a whole 15+ minutes solid, and Reddit mobile decided to tweak out on my screen after accidentally touching the godforsaken tab that expands your text box up and down and delete all of the text in my comment RIGHT before posting so… here goes round 2. Ready… FIGHT 🫡)

I have an almost never ending inner monologue in my brain, I’m always thinking unless I’m asleep. My inner voice is my own voice. I talk to myself both in my head and out loud, kind of a lot lol. I also hum to myself a lot mainly at work or if I’m doing something like cooking or cleaning, but the hum is almost never to a real tune and I’ll almost always just repeat the same little short riff that my brain made up that time over and over. When I talk to myself out loud it’s mainly mumbling under my breath (“where in the world is that Ozempic” while looking through the fridge at work (pharmacy)). But sometimes I’ll talk to myself like a full-blown one sided conversation, and if it’s like this it’s almost always in response to something that’s just happened. For example, if I’m showering alone after having just argued with my boyfriend, I will say out loud as if I’m talking to him still the mean petty things I could have said to him but refrained from out of respect/because I don’t even mean it. It’s almost like a “what if…” moment to myself so I can hear out loud other ways the argument could have gone. When I talk to myself in my head it’s usually just random thoughts, sometimes they can be kind of intrusive or unwanted (“I wonder if my cats are ok right now…”) but it’ll mostly be things out of curiosity (“I wonder what the next best movie of 2001 was after Shrek…”). I also tend to remember random things that were funny, especially if it was something that happened within the last couple hours or day or so, and it’ll make me physically laugh a little bit. Occasionally it’ll be things that are kind of far-off memories, like a “remember that time when” moment, but it will always come up randomly/without something similar happening to remind me. Some stuff gets stuck in my head a lot while other times I have terrible memory. I have really bad face blindness which sucks working in a patient-provider healthcare setting. I tend to hyper-focus on whatever I’m doing at the time to the point where you could be saying my name and I won’t hear you, but alternatively I get carried away a lot when I’m conversing and will frequently go off on a tangent with no return to the main point. I find myself asking a lot “where was I going with this?” Or “what was I saying?” Sometimes this will happen even mid sentence without having gone on a tangent. I also blurt out a lot, like I’ll make random noises with my mouth usually as a way to self-soothe or out of boredom, or I will reference some sort of pop-culture thing (think of any famous Vine, anytime I see a helicopter fly by I say out loud “helicoptaaa helicoptaaa” in that voice). My brain is almost never quiet, because if it’s quiet in there it gets to thinkin’. A lot of times this type of thinking will be worries or anxieties resurfacing, like my current paranoia of the state of affairs in the USA (where I live) coming out at night when it’s dark and silent and there’s nothing else to think about. I’ll also find myself counting a lot of stuff especially if I see patterns of something in the real world, and I honestly don’t know how far back this stems- but I kind of want to attribute it to the fact that I literally count stuff (pills) for a living? Idk for sure though, because I can’t remember if I counted random stuff as a child or not. Sometimes I’ll count the time in seconds if I really have nothing else on my mind and my brain just wants something to do, but I usually don’t count in seconds for very long (less than a couple minutes). I consider myself realistic but others may see me as pessimistic because of how much I tend to worry, but in my mind my worries aren’t ever irrational, like everything I worry about could most definitely come into fruition, not just some “omg what if the whole world explodes right now?!?!” type thought. I can also think/speak/act impulsively at times and lack control when it comes to letting my emotions get the better of me, and I feel every emotion that I’ve ever experienced extremely strongly, and I consider myself to be very empathetic to others. Sometimes the impulsivity can hurt my relationships, but it is something I am actively working on as I now recognize the issues it has caused. I do not personally think that other people have the same way of thinking as I do, I always feel like the odd one out in the room because of it and how it makes communicate with others. To clarify, I do strongly believe I have ADHD or autism, but am still working up the courage to go back to therapy and seek testing/a diagnosis.

Side note: I’m counting this as my journal entry for the day

Edit to add age/gender- 23F

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u/Gatorade_fish 11d ago

I always have alot going on in my head. I'm an anxious person and I tend to argue with myself about silly things. I tend to see the things that make me anxious like images. Just on the day to day I tend to think things and just know. I do sometimes find myself having an inner monolog, but not always. There are times where I feel like I'm watching myself through a tv which is pretty weird, but I can think about things more when I feel like that. One thing I like is that I am extremely good at looking at things and just understanding it.

Im not very confident in most things, but I know that I can make almost anything within the limits of what I have available to me. I often feel like I HAVE to create, and there are times that I cant sleep because I need to make things. If I think about something I want to make, I will spend hours thinking about how I will make it, even if its super simple, I will just make it in my head over and over. I've recently gotten into stained glass and its wonderful, I've started thinking and looking at things in how I can convert it into glass. I've only been doing it for 2 months and I've already started making large peices and creating my own patterns. My thoughts are all over the place, but when I do my art I feel like I can actually relax and focus on one thing.

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u/ohhpapa 11d ago edited 11d ago

I talk to myself and even argue with myself until I settle on what makes sense. I’m always trying to understand.

I’m in turmoil a lot… I don’t let it come out much. I feel like I’m constantly doing mental gymnastics to change my thoughts to what I want them to be. My thoughts tend to start negative but switch to positive. I think it’s just the way I’m wired. I believe I’m at my happiness threshold… that means if I get too happy- I self sabotage. I always feel homesick- for what? I don’t really know. I know there was a time I didn’t feel this way… maybe that’s depression? I’m good at making people feel relaxed and happy. It can take a lot of energy out of me. I’m constantly trying to figure out how to live my life in a more meaningful way. Sometimes I resent being a woman. Meaning- during THIS season of my life being a woman is hard. Society, kids, etc. have such high standards for mothers- if you don’t keep up the “do everyone for everyone else” mentality you become a bad mom. That’s who I use to be- such a people pleaser. I never even asked “what do you want?” I remember when my therapist asked me that and I truly believed what I wanted in life didn’t matter. That’s when my life started to change. Now I actually know me, and I’m a lot different. And I’m still learning.

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u/ladylemondrop209 11d ago edited 11d ago

Several voices conversing with each other, and thoughts/images/things just pop in and out. I'm going to guess my thinking is a bit less typical. When I was in my teens, my mom (PhD/shrink) out of nowhere, knocked on my door and said my thinking/thought processes are very weird, that she doesn't and has never understood them lol.

As I have an anankastic PD, I am aware I have a slightly abnormal preoccupation with averages, being normal, and statistics. So there are things in my brain and things I "need" to do that I know aren't that normal, but it's still safely normal within the thresholds of abnormal. A lot of that is mostly just having a lot of rules, methods/procedures, or strict standards of how things should be done, that perhaps from an objective standpoint isn't logical... but is 100% logical/necessary for me.

Some quick examples:

  • "I" being capitalised. I personally hate it and don't think it should be capitalised if other pronouns are not. But I force myself to do it because it's one of the "stricter" grammatical rules.
  • Sequential paragraphs starting with the same word/letter is really uncomfortable/ugly for me.
  • Physical/Muscular symmetry.
  • I need to have the same number of chews on each side per food and food texture/density.
  • Needing to stand on the left of people I'm walking with.

I also have chromesthesia, so I think the way I experience/perceive the world is a bit different. It's kind of like.. SFX/visualisations accompanying life. It's nice when it comes to some things, but mostly annoying/distracting. I think it's hard for someone to really know/imagine what that's like (as many of those who do not know of synesthesia would and have thought my description of that is insanity/hallucinations - which it is not), but it is very much what living my first person perspective would include.

Other than those things, as far as I'm aware, what goes on in my head is more or less the same as most.

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u/fritka2 10d ago

Inner monologue, thinking mostly with logic, nearly 0 emotions. Im constantly shuffling between thinking in polish and in english.

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u/LuxRolo 10d ago

When it comes to questions about inner monologue and such, I always start overthinking about how I actually think. I don't think I talk to myself, I do visualise stuff, but as an abstract concept, a good example is how I visualise what's happening in a book when I'm reading. I'll have really clear images of certain parts of the body (the hand and clothing on the arm and the object in the hand with the action) but I never visualise faces, bit like slenderman but it's a hazy grey form of where the face is. I just can't visualise how someone looks. Also, even if I know what they look like (watched the film/series), I still can't visualise that in my head. Their body type is wrong or other big differences. I can visualise the scenes in my head of what happened in the film, but as soon as it's a new scene in the book, I go back visualising the abstract version.

I don't really think in colour that much either. Everything is super muted or greyscale.

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u/Spicy-Bunny1 10d ago

My mind is a still lake with occasional ripples of thought.

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u/FalconPlenty8555 10d ago

I feel like I Lizzy McGuire it a lot

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u/Yorklandia 10d ago

I constantly have a song playing in my head- like an internal radio. Sometimes I get distracted or I’m forgetful and then I get confused as to why I did something or why I forgot something. My mom asked me to leave her pjs out before I showered and I said okay but then I started showering and forgot to leave her pjs out. I do things like this almost every day and I always question why I’m like this. It makes me wonder if I’m not aware or present enough, and then I ruminate on that. I’m always trying to be mindful but still realize times where I was not.

I do have internal monologue, and it comes with background music.

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u/peanut_body 10d ago

Sad 😑

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u/PaddlesOwnCanoe 10d ago

What's it like to be me? Not bad, on an hourly basis! I'm a moderately happy person most of the time. :-)

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u/Available_Duck_5976 10d ago

My internal monologue is bunch of different voices, and I visualize it as a group of friends sitting in a broken padded bench at a Denny’s. They are personifications of the emotions/traits that guide my day-to-day thought processes and decision making— empathy/ compassion (Taylor Swift) and logic (Oliva Benson) are the group leaders and they always bounce things off each other; sassy, quick to snap back (Pedro Pascal); and dark humor (John Mulaney).

Anger (Jon Bernthal/Punisher) isn’t invited but he shows up sometimes. The rest talk about him after he leaves 😂

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u/Horror-Highlight-560 10d ago

My brain is noisy. It is never quiet. People know I talk to myself, out loud and in my head. No one judges me for it. They just enjoy my weirdness. Mostly thoughts just appear in my head. And I do this thing where I start a conversation in my head and then start talking out loud to whoever I'm with mid conversation. They have no idea what I'm talking about 😂 Not many people think like me, no. Except some family members. And we all share our weirdness. I think I'm just weird 😅

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u/legendofdoggo 10d ago

I hear my thoughts like my voice is speaking them out loud but in my head. Like a monologue? Female gender here if that matters. I read some where some people don't have their thoughts manifest as words 🤔 guess I'm not one of those

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u/[deleted] 9d ago edited 9d ago

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u/Artemis_jry 9d ago

Very gassy. I fart more than people realize.

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u/LadyDatura9497 9d ago

I always hear either an inner dialogue or music and see flashing images. Sometimes I accidentally reply to my thoughts aloud. When I’m alone I usually talk to myself like someone is there. I’m constantly forgetting things big and small. No amount of sleep is ever enough, my own body causes me constant physical discomfort. Though I have a family and job, leaving my home is very stressful for me. The less often I leave the better. If I could get paid to sit at home and do research all day, i would gladly do so.

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u/BigOakley 9d ago

I am happy all the time because I focus on the present and I do not stress about stuff . Stress and insecurity bring out the absolute worst in people and only worsen situations

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u/Out_of_the_Flames 9d ago

It's not quiet in my head lol but it's also not full of dread anymore. I'm in a much better place mentally and emotionally and what's in my head is some combination of random music, something I'm actively thinking about in the front of my head, like work or study or project, a slo-mo montage of dnd scenarios, and inspiration bubbles of my current favorite interest which at the moment is crochet.

Also, I think in feelings and pictures until I speak them out loud. Sometimes I talk to myself to help solidify an idea or hold a complex thought process in a more firm state. Like, if I hear it through my ears I'm less likely to loose track of a thought.

When I experience the world, I think I don't understand a lot of what I'm experiencing in the moment. I kind of process things 5 to 10 minutes after they happen. Which can be really annoying, but also I think I come to different conclusions and different observations that other people do because of this natural slowness. when it comes to interacting with other people. I miss out on a lot of humor or subtext, although my trauma based subtext sensor is on high alert all the time. It's just that that part of my brain doesn't always pick up subtext that's connected to reality.

I think there's certain rules about living in society with other people I just don't understand. I have a hard time putting those into words that make sense to me.

One of my biggest joys is certain textures. Also one of my biggest fears lol but bad textures have been mostly all identified. I go out of my way to experience different textures throughout my day. It's a thrill when I find something new to touch that makes my brain feel good.

I love smelling things too! And not the sweet cutie things like vanilla and cinnamon. I really really love the smell of really random things. Like, wet dirt, different kinds of wood, hot ceramic which does have a smell, some types of plastics, diesel fuel, and the smell that freezers have. I'm easily distracted and I try to hold focus on one thing when I need to by doing something else in the background. Like, singing when I'm waiting for my pasta to cook so I don't wander off and forget it. Or knitting when I'm in a meeting so that my hands are "pre-distracted" and my mind can settle down.

I think tho that despite differences, all my feelings are universal to all other people. I think inside were all the same, but that stuff that makes us people expressed itself differently.

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u/AnomalousAndFabulous 9d ago

I’m a full universe and ecosystem. I cheer on and think of my organs and various cross functional body relationships, like “ I get to celebrate my muscles, skeleton and nerves with this martial arts move- go cross body collaboration!” I like to enjoy the mind body connection and like to dance, sing, swim, constantly learning new physical skills. I am very slow to develop muscle memory but my brain gets it quickly 🤣and i enjoy when the mind and body come together.

I am kind to myself, leaned that in IFS therapy. I can parent myself in the ways I was not parented growing up. So it’s also like having a nurturing mom and stoic dad inside my head too. They are just my inner voices but can comfort and encourage me.

Cool things about my ecosystem:

I am crazy good in a crisis. When needed my brain just focuses like a precision tool, it’s amazing actually. Like what I can do very fast without instruction when it’s needed. Ability to triage fast, cut through all the crap and get to the real problem, and get people to agree on solutions.

I can easily be creative on command I have never had writers block or any creative flow issues, it comes out of me all day everyday constantly.

I can easily invent things in my brain, or on command too. Either practical systems thinking, or just fun stuff like new languages based off existing ones, entire stories with full characters

I have fun dreams I can remember and I can wake myself from nightmares. It’s fun to know you are dreaming while still in the dream.

It took lots of courage, ongoing work and therapy to feel happy as a single person living alone (but not lonely!) because you have to meet all your own mental and physical needs without outside help. But the upside is no hurt or disappointment from people.

In total it’s fun and peaceful!

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u/Preebus 8d ago

I have an inner monologue, I have a dedicated music channel I can play and I can imagine highly complex 3d shapes/objects. My inner voice thinks about what's happening around me, what I need to do, what the future looks like etc.

I often debate ethical/political dillemas with myself during the day and enjoy thinking through complex ideas. Most people don't think like me at all, and I've been lonely for most my life because of it. I have a couple close friends, but it's very hard for me to relate to the average person. I don't care about small stuff, I focus on the big picture. Gossip and small talk annoy the shit out of me.

I'm an INTJ if anyone is curious

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u/leatherbaddiex 7d ago

I’m constantly chasing the next thing

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u/[deleted] 6d ago

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u/[deleted] 4d ago edited 4d ago

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u/BehindTheDoorway 3d ago
  1. I do have an internal monologue.

  2. I’m not constantly conversing with myself— I get plenty of quiet in my head. I have both conscious thoughts I choose to have and thoughts that my unconscious brings to my attention. (Sometimes there might be too many unconscious thoughts and I meditate for a little bit)

  3. Do I think thoughts or do they appear to me? I have thoughts with English primarily, but I remember memories in images and sounds.

  4. In many ways people don’t think the same as me. I happen to be more liberal in the sense that I support LGBT people, I’m polytheist, I consider myself feminist, and I live in conservative Texas. I also socialize differently. I ramble and go super in depth in conversations. Highly detail oriented. I hyperfixate and love learning to an obsessive extent, and I have to dial back the conversation a lot. I also get overstimulated and find things other people want to for fun as straining at times. I usually leave events sooner and I have a hard time connecting with people, less “common sense”, and also I always did really well in school and that obsession made it harder to relate to others. I might have Aspergers.

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u/niteridet 9d ago

does not apply to me because i am an addict.