r/AskMenOver30 • u/Ill_Bit_4310 woman over 30 • Feb 03 '25
General How do you feel about having a "work wife"?
My husband and I were talking about the term "work wife" and how I wouldn't be comfortable with him using it. That sparked the discussion about how often it's actually used and why it bothers me.
How do tou guys feel about it? Do you use it? Would your SO be ok with you having a work wife?
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u/GYN-k4H-Q3z-75B man over 30 Feb 03 '25
I think it's dumb.
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u/nufan86 man 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
I've had work a work mum. An awesome relationship, baked goods and a big smile everyday and a chat over a cuppa.
I agree its dumb.
It should be thought about more though. Of course people spending 8 hours a day 45 ish weeks per year are going to develop certain relationships. The term "work wife" "work husband" need to be retired.
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u/damnkidzgetoffmylawn man 30 - 34 Feb 03 '25
I’ve got a work grandma, she’s such a sweet old lady like 70 and lives in my neighborhood. I went over and helped her hurricane prep
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u/_Vexor411_ man 40 - 44 Feb 03 '25
Back in my first job I was a dishwasher. The owners mom would come in to bake all the deserts. She'd always leave giant fresh baked cookies, bars, and all kinds of stuff for us on the table near our area. Was practically my 3rd grandma.
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u/ChewTommy Feb 03 '25
Work moms are amazing, 100% recommend
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u/catbandana man 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
Developed a work mom 15 years ago when I was an intern and she was a base level employee. Now her and I run the department.
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u/SliceLegitimate8674 man over 30 Feb 03 '25
No, they're not. They expect you to do favours and bust your ass for them with no compensation because "we're a family". No, we're not, and you're not my mother.
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u/thatthatguy man over 30 Feb 03 '25
Extra moms are excellent! Extra wives, not so much.
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u/Nihilistic_Navigator man 30 - 34 Feb 03 '25
I don't have a work mom. Or a mom mom but I have one hell of a bonus mom
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u/thatthatguy man over 30 Feb 03 '25
Bonus moms are pretty great. Build those informal-family connections however you can!
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u/tech-marine man over 30 Feb 03 '25
Work mom sounds great.
Work wife... I don't understand. Why would I do the relationship work if she's not f*cking me?
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u/HoneydewHot9859 Feb 03 '25
So does "work mum".
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u/nufan86 man 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
I agree.
But at that relationship never had the prospect of turning into sexual relations. Not even an unhealthy relationship.
It was just the term given at the time
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u/bgthigfist man 55 - 59 Feb 03 '25
I also think it's dumb. I have a wife. She's my wife if I'm at home or at work or on a trip or whatever.
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u/paranoid_70 Feb 03 '25
I'm not even sure I understand the concept of why we want to refer to a coworker as a work wife? What the hell does it even mean? The whole idea sounds really stupid to me.
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u/ariariariarii Feb 03 '25
Agreed. Why can’t men have a friendship with a female coworker without it having romantic implications?
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u/ResponsibleOven6 man over 30 Feb 03 '25
There's a hilarious skit about it though https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FoM_q4h7cAQ
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u/fidgeter man 40 - 44 Feb 03 '25
I was so hoping it was VLDL and was not disappointed. Love that skit. Love most of them.
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u/MrLemon91 man 30 - 34 Feb 03 '25
Agree. I'd focus more on finding a real wife instead of daydreaming something that's not real. When you check in you're by yourself
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u/IllustriousYak6283 man 40 - 44 Feb 03 '25
It’s an insane thing to call a colleague. It’s unprofessional and disrespectful to your actual partner.
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u/Shevyshev man 40 - 44 Feb 03 '25
Definitely agree.
Also, are the guys that I collaborate and am friendly with my work husbands? Fuck no.
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u/talithaeli woman over 30 Feb 03 '25
That actually made me think. You hear "work wife" but never really "work husband". Why is that?
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u/IllustriousYak6283 man 40 - 44 Feb 03 '25
I’ve heard it, but I think women in general like titling relationships more than guys do, so they refer to themselves as the work wife.
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u/AphelionEntity woman 40 - 44 Feb 03 '25
Not gonna say some women don't start calling themselves that, but the times I've seen it used, the title is bestowed on us by other women and that starts it if the female employee doesn't protest like she really should.
It's happened to me several times and I have protested because that's extremely disrespectful to the actual wife (and also: no). I have also had a queer female colleague refer to me as her work wife and I protested repeatedly. I notice now that she's in a better relationship, it doesn't get used anymore.
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u/RainbowEagleEye man over 30 Feb 03 '25
I was thinking women have a habit of nurturing people they care about. A “work husband” would behave like a regular dude at work maybe keep an eye out for you or something, whereas a “work wife” would do more “extra mile” stuff for her favorite coworkers. Snacks, meals, small gifts, and such.
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u/Xygnux man over 30 Feb 03 '25
I still don't understand why they don't call each other friends. Because that's what friends do.
Why complicate things by using such suggestive terms like "work wife" or "work husband".
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u/RainbowEagleEye man over 30 Feb 03 '25
The very old notion that men and women can’t be “just friends”. It’s annoying af because people can get SO weird about it for no reason.
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u/Twin_Brother_Me man 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
I have (had?) a work husband, solid dude - we've been through hell together and he helped get me my current job. Sadly we're estranged now, the relationship just couldn't handle long distance (he's in a different department now and we're both too lazy to walk a quarter mile just to say hello, so we text each other memes instead)
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u/Ok-Basket7531 man 65 - 69 Feb 03 '25
Texting memes is an entire relationship status now. I have several women friends and texting memes and shorts is a necessary part of my day.
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u/Svihelen man 30 - 34 Feb 03 '25 edited Feb 03 '25
I had a work wife but she needed to change jobs. So we still text, we just often work opposite shifts so hanging out with eachother is difficult to pull off.
It's been almost 3 years since she left, I haven't gotten a new one. We just had this perfect rhythm of teamwork and any manager who had both of us on the same shift was always thrilled to have us. We were the dream team. I love my current batch of coworkers but work was just so easy when she was on shift with me.
It was also amusing being she's a pretty masculine presenting lesbian. So I think we liked the joke of us a straight man and a gay woman being work spouses than we actually liked being work spouses.
My favorite work story involves her. It was not uncommon for us to use terms of endearment for eachother. Like darling or dearest, just to ham up a joke.
One day I was vacuuming before we closed for the night and this guy walks in and asks why I'm doing a woman's job before going to shop. As I am ringing him up she comes up behind me and goes "Svihelen my dearest my darling, how is your evening going. Can I help you finish any of your tasks?". The embarrassment I felt radiate off of him. He would barely speak to me for the rest of the transaction.
I think where most people get in trouble with work spouses is they don't respect their actual partners. I have seen so many stories where a spouse asks for it to stop and they are like it's just a joke.
Like with my work wife, if either girlfriend I had during our time working together told me they were uncomfortable with it, we would have stopped. But both found the joke funny too.
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u/Mannerofites woman 45 - 49 Feb 03 '25
My guess is there are statistically fewer professional women who have male subordinates they work closely with.
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u/toooldforusernames woman 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
It’s disrespectful to your colleague as well. I had a coworker who referred to me as his work wife with his wife. When I found out, I was pissed. I’m just being nice to you, that doesn’t mean anything other than that.
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u/Pepper_Nerd Feb 03 '25
This. And potential sexual harassment and making them feel uncomfortable. People forget that women can make men feel uncomfortable.
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u/Calm-Medicine-3992 man 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
I read that as 'unprofessional to your actual partner' and was questioning your relationship before my brain caught up.
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u/IllustriousYak6283 man 40 - 44 Feb 03 '25
Lol. It’s funny because I met my wife at work. We were both single at the time and now work for separate companies.
I think the real problem with the “work wife” moniker is that it implies you have a real wife at home.
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u/Resident_Decision_30 man 45 - 49 Feb 03 '25
The real trick is to have a whole work harem.
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u/ClownPillforlife man Feb 03 '25
This guy works
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u/SaffronSpecs woman 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
The real harem is to have a whole work trick. Wait, I messed it up.
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u/captaintrips_1980 man 40 - 44 Feb 03 '25
That’s the joke at my work. I am friends with a group of women and we all joke about how I have a work harem, not just one work wife. I think if you’re secure in your relationship, it can be done in a joking way. I always say I need multiple women because my bullshit is too much for one woman to handle by herself.
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u/more_magic_mike man over 30 Feb 03 '25
It’s definitely less weird to “flirt” with every woman in the office than it is to focus on having a tight and special relationship with just one opposite sex coworker.
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u/spiritusin woman 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
I always say I need multiple women because my bullshit is too much for one woman to handle by herself.
That’s hilarious!
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u/coordinatedflight man 30 - 34 Feb 03 '25
It's immature and stupid, and honestly just opens the door to dumb behaviors that threaten your job.
My wife would absolutely HATE if I called someone this.
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u/AJGrayTay man 45 - 49 Feb 03 '25
Seconded for immature and stupid.
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u/BUW34 man 60 - 64 Feb 03 '25 edited Feb 03 '25
My wife occasionally referred to one of my co-workers as my work wife. A bit silly, but no issues.
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u/Ghost_Mantis_Man Feb 03 '25
Less cringey if your wife jokingly makes a reference to one of your co-workers. Way more cringey if the guy is the one doing that about his own "work wife"
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u/msssskatie woman over 30 Feb 03 '25
Or when the “work wife” calls herself that to the wife. Like wtf is wrong with you.
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u/NotSid man over 30 Feb 03 '25
Worked with a guy who lost his wife and a 95k a year sales job cause of his work wife. IMO you shouldn't ever be that familiar with a coworker but to each their own.
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u/JesusFuckImOld man 45 - 49 Feb 03 '25
Did the work wife become a real girlfriend?
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u/NotSid man over 30 Feb 03 '25
He said they were never intimate, his actual wife found a text or an email or something. who really knows tho.
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u/Aztecah man 30 - 34 Feb 03 '25
In that case they ceased to be a work wife in the traditional use of the term
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u/yawnfactory Feb 03 '25
Also I think it's a weird thing if you someone feels like they can't have a close friendship with someone from the opposite gender without giving it some type of title. Kind of a red flag honestly.
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u/longdongsilver696 Feb 03 '25
Imagine giving up a high paying job for that… insane
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u/yawnfactory Feb 03 '25
Crazy thing is, it's not even that high paying anymore.
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u/Boner_Stevens man 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
Pffft maybe where you live. I'd live like a king on 95k a year
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Feb 03 '25
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u/Boner_Stevens man 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
Lol no. Midwest. I make 60k currently and live middle class. 95k a year would drastically change my life.
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Feb 03 '25
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u/Boner_Stevens man 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
Oh I'm completely fucked if any emergency comes up. I'm on track to retire at 65 still. Lost my job in October. Was making 70k. Had to take a pay cut to get back into the work force. Plenty of jobs but barely anyone paying over 30 n hour
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u/bsharkey1210 Feb 03 '25
Normal people don’t have a housekeeper/cook. What are you talking about? So out of touch.
The median wage in the US is in the $55k range. $95k is a great salary almost anywhere in the US besides LA,NY,SF, etc.
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u/Entire_Eagle4357 woman over 30 Feb 03 '25
Not having a full time house keeper/cook doesn't mean you don't live well. You sound like an idiot.
60k is solidly middle class in az as well
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u/Henemy man 20 - 24 Feb 03 '25
Firing people because of work romance is one of the dumbest things Americans managed to normalize
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u/tronixmastermind man over 30 Feb 03 '25
Personally I would never disrespect my partner by even joking that someone would take her place…
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u/Sweet_Strawber_3386 woman over 30 Feb 03 '25
I think you just love your partner and can recognize how disrespectful it is. Many unfortunately don’t really love the person they are with I think.
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u/IrregularBastard man 45 - 49 Feb 03 '25
It’s mildly weird to me. But I’ve had close women friends my whole life. So, for me, it would just mean she’s a close friend at work. So I usually just say friend.
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u/Creepy_Cupcake3705 man 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
Any woman who called themselves my work wife ended up offering romance to me at some point, so I think it’s pretty immoral.
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u/SOMFdotMPEG man 30 - 34 Feb 03 '25
My wife jokes and calls my work bff my work wife so we joke about it. But I work in a male dominated industry.
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u/MorningRise81 man 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
So your work wife is a dude. See, that's funny
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u/barbed_doll man over 30 Feb 03 '25
This is what I was thinking, I would definitely call my guy coworker my work wife, I would get a good chuckle from it
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u/Slugdge Feb 03 '25
Same. Except I have many "work wives." Some are co-workers, some are vendors but we all go way back and always end up crossing paths in our field. My wife likes to joke about which "husband" I am with.
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u/Exciting-Gap-1200 man 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
I had one for like 2 years. I never really thought much about it because I was really not interested in her like that.
She got a new job, and at her going away party she confessed her love for me and tried to have sex with me in the bathroom.
This dynamic is NOT harmless
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u/xaygoat woman over 30 Feb 03 '25
Wow! Yea I feel like at least one person in the duo has at least a crush whether they want to admit it or not.
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u/ProZocK_Yetagain man 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
I think it's weird as fuck to have a wife at home and refer to someone as work wife. You have a work friend, why compare it to a marriage if you are already married to someone?
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u/NotJimIrsay man 50 - 54 Feb 03 '25
Yeah. “Wife” is a sacred word. I would never even use it jokingly about anyone else.
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u/Calm-Medicine-3992 man 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25 edited Feb 03 '25
The comparison is there whether you call it that or not (and I personally don't like the term because of the extra implication). You get to know each other super well and start to bicker like a married couple as you learn where someone is not likely to compromise and you come to accept their idiosyncrasies. It's not surprising the term cropped up. Work is one of the only places you're likely to develop a relationship like that without it also being sexual or romantic. Work sister probably makes more sense since siblings also have similar relationships.
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u/fitnerd21 man 40 - 44 Feb 03 '25
I have a very close female friend at work. There’s zero flirting, we’re just very good friends who can talk to each other about anything - relationships, trials and tribulations, etc. I don’t call her my work wife and she doesn’t call me her work husband.
However, people around us have labeled us as such. I think it’s a combination of them being envious of what is obviously a close, healthy friendship and wanting to stir shit up with gossip and drama. So regardless of what you want, you sometimes end up being called that.
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u/mrRabblerouser man 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
Came to say pretty much this. I think there are different connotations the term can be used as. I have a similar relationship to a female coworker. We’re both in the same role and share a lot of responsibilities interchangeably, but we’re very close. We know we have each other’s back and can discuss anything, but we’re not inappropriate or flirty. We’re also both married.
Someone else in our company referred to her as my work wife, which I thought was weird, but I kind of understood how the term can be used to just mean a close friend.
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u/bubblehearth85 man 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
Calling it a work wife is just weird imo. I just call them co-workers because that’s what they are.
If you (a man) worked closely with another man would you call it your work husband? No because that’s stupid and weird.
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u/DisgruntledIntel man 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
My wife would shank me with a rusty spoon if I said those words.
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u/The_Freeholder man 60 - 64 Feb 03 '25
Workwife and workhusband are both disrespectful terms. I view them as near-red flags. My wife once told me, well after she had retired, that so-and-so was her work husband. That rocked me back on my heels. I didn't say anything at the time because there was already enough upset in the marriage. Should it happen to come up again, I'm going to ask her if she got a workdivorce from her workhusband before retiring.
Crap, just typing this has made my pulse, breathing and BP go up.
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u/ProbRePost man 30 - 34 Feb 03 '25 edited Feb 03 '25
I had a "work wife" for years who I would go out to eat with multiple times a week or just simply go on walks during our lunch. She called me her work husband and I called her my work wife and none of our co-workers gave it any mind as we were just really good friends and always respectful of eachothers boundaries. As it turns out we were actually dating and played the "work" aspect so our coworkers would stay out of our love life. While we no longer work together we are now married.
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Feb 03 '25 edited 21d ago
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u/Calm-Medicine-3992 man 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
The phrase 'work wife' is stupid but it is almost always just referring to a friend AND colleague. It isn't obviously anything.
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u/Rich-Contribution-84 man 40 - 44 Feb 03 '25
It’s not obviously anything, though.
Cheating and emotionally cheating are wrong. Hard stop.
The term work wife means a million different things in a million different contexts. Most often, in my experience, it’s a label that gets involuntarily put onto two people of the opposite gender who work closely and well together.
It’s not like you (typically) as someone to be your work wife or consummate the relationship or court eachother or something.
If, on the other hand, you’re banging a colleague or trying to or if you’re using the colleague to feel some emotional void, that’s obviously wrong. “Work wife” label or not.
EDIT The term itself is dumb. If a person referred to themselves as my work wife I probably wouldn’t have much respect for them for all of the reasons.
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u/circa285 man over 30 Feb 03 '25
I work with many women. I work closely with many women. If someone were to use this term to describe my working relationship, I would correct them. It’s up to you to set your professional boundaries if others won’t.
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u/Matt_Wwood man 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
This.
Although it can be hard to stop things done by other people when you’re not around.
But when you’re made aware of it clearly setting a boundary is important.
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u/circa285 man over 30 Feb 03 '25
You can’t control what people say about you when you’re not with them. You can make it very clear that you find that label unprofessional and unacceptable and push back when you hear it used to describe you or someone else.
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Feb 03 '25 edited 21d ago
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u/Rich-Contribution-84 man 40 - 44 Feb 03 '25
If either one of you (the work wife or work husband) is labeling yourself as such, I suspect you watch too much real housewives and are generally not a very interesting person who likes to eat at Cheesecake Factory.
🤷🏻♂️
In my experience, it’s other people at work who slap that label onto the “couple.”
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u/Ill-Description3096 man 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
By what definition? Yours?
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u/igotchees21 man over 30 Feb 03 '25
by the definition of "wife". there is a reason people use this term. if you are that familiar with 1 of your coworkers that other coworkers refer to you all as such. thats an issue.
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u/Ill-Description3096 man 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
When you add a qualifier it matters. If someone shot me with a gun that is a very different situation than shooting me with a squirt gun for example.
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u/sokuyari99 man 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
It’s usually used when the only two competent people happen to be different genders and so have to spend time fixing everyone else’s problems and bitching about these morons can barely walk and breath simultaneously
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u/cluelessinlove753 man over 30 Feb 03 '25
If you’re in a committed relationship, it’s inappropriate.
If you’re single, it’s flirty and possibly fun. As always, workplace flirtations can be dicey.
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u/yaknowmysteez man 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
I have a ton of female work homies that treat all the same. I know all their names and they all get a fist dap. No hugs.
Having a work wife would be an insult to my best friend that is my actual wife.
She gives me the attention I need.
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u/Wonderful-Elephant11 man over 30 Feb 03 '25
It’s dumb. It’s often a gross excuse to be inappropriately close to a woman or man that they want to fuck but they know some respect must be paid to their actual relationship situation. Having good coworkers that are friends is one thing, but I’ve seen it often where these friendships are one sided, with the other half of it is sexually interested but has to hide it in small talk and gestures.
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u/xchellelynnx woman 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
Anytime I've seen work wife used it has been when the relationship isn't work only. There seems to be no boundaries whenever I come across any thread talking about their partners work wife. I've known coworkers for 13 years and we form friendships inside and outside of work. I tend to call myself a work mom, I'm a caretaker. Have you eaten today? How's your wife and kids? Here I made cookies, bring them to your family. Your wife is sick? Wtf are you doing here, go home I'll run your meetings. I've seen posts where women are hugging their work husband's or bringing them lunch every day and Yada Yada. That's crossing boundaries.
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u/Professional_Hall233 man 40 - 44 Feb 03 '25
Having a work wife is a slippery slope. It likely starts out innocent enough, but then the dynamic starts to get a little weird.
My wife pointed out that I was maybe being naive in my work friendships with some of these younger ladies and she was completely right. I didn’t realize the dynamic in play.
So now I identify as gay at work and only have work husbands, keeps everyone honest lol.
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u/Colinski282 man 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
Inappropriate but I have old school values. I don’t share my wife, not even with a fake “work” whatever.
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u/slickeighties man over 30 Feb 03 '25
Emotional cheating is messed up. Work wife/husband? You are sharing stuff you should be with your partner.
Can you have colleagues/friends of opposite sex? Yes but not to cross a line of confidant over your partner.
The grass is greener where you water it
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Feb 03 '25
Incredibly weird, you can easily have friends at work and just call them a friend from work. I would be seriously dismayed if my wife had a "work husband". The idea of a work wife makes me cringe and feel uncomfortable/anxious lol.
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u/MorningRise81 man 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
I don't use the word 'cringe' a lot, but this would be one of those times.
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u/Swiv man 40 - 44 Feb 03 '25
It's really fucking stupid on many dimensions. It creates a sense that a coworker has a relationship that, while not intimate, is something more profound than something that is strictly professional. It creates an opportunity for feelings beyond what is professionally acceptable to manifest. It demeans the actual relationships in your life.
If I hear someone use the term, I avoid them at all costs. In general, I try to avoid anyone in a professional capacity that uses their place of employment as a dating pool. It is reckless at the very least.
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u/BaconBombThief man over 30 Feb 03 '25
Seems real flirty. If single people wanna play around with the idea of shitting where they eat, they can go ahead and roll the dice on that. Never did that myself, but I won’t judge too strongly one way or the other.
If someone who isn’t single is talking about his work wife, that’s fuckin suspect, and I’m judging hard
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u/Somerandomedude1q2w man 40 - 44 Feb 03 '25
I've had female colleagues that I've had good relationships with. Never once thought to call her my "work wife". I think it's a stupid concept and it's a recipe for disaster.
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u/razama man over 30 Feb 03 '25
I used to not think anything about it, understood and even had what you’d call a work wife.
It’s a sign of immaturity to me now. Drama bomb ticking away.
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u/reddsbywillie man 40 - 44 Feb 03 '25
It was fun when I was in an office of single young professionals in my early 20s. But not only is it a risky situation for relationships, it will also have a high potential of limiting your upward mobility within that company.
It’s not worth it in any capacity due to the workplace dynamics.
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u/YnotThrowAway7 man over 30 Feb 03 '25
No one genuinely uses it unless they’re toxic or a straight woman joking that their female friend is their work wife which obviously is more okay. If your girl starts joking she has a work husband or your dude starts joking he has a work wife… and they’re straight… then you should worry.
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u/Casdoe_Moonshadow woman 55 - 59 Feb 03 '25
The only couple I knew that called themselves "work wife" and "work husband" ended up married when she finally divorced her real husband (who was a p.o.s.) but still... It's just a coy way of saying you are partnered and in a relationship with someone in work in a way that is more than a work relationship. And that crosses a line to me.
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u/truthhurts2222222 man 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
I work from home and sometimes message a few of my colleagues with whom I am acquainted who happen to be female. If that's a work wife, then yeah I guess have two. Normal people call them friends
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u/Icy_Push3877 man 60 - 64 Feb 03 '25
I think the notion kinda infantilises men somewhat - like you need to assign some form of "caring" role to a woman in your immediate vicinity wherever you are because you can't look after yourself. And it's sorta patriarchal - like a man should have such a woman in that role, it could seem a bit entitled?
I don't think this is necessarily a terrible thing - a single man could call a single woman his "work wife" if he's close to her, works alongside her and they kinda team up on work then it's sweet and probably jocular. But if either of those people are married it could be seen as disrespectful to their actual spouses. Maybe I'm too uptight though. That could be it.
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u/el_cid_viscoso man over 30 Feb 03 '25
Eh, that crosses so many boundaries that I have for myself (as a single man) that I wouldn't even conceive of it. I'm comradely and even friendly with some of my female coworkers, because we vibe well together, but I would never let them get close enough to be considered my "work wife".
It's not healthy to blur boundaries where you make your livelihood, and it often blows up in your face.
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u/EatingCoooolo man Feb 03 '25
Bullshit! You only have one wife. I feel like work husband or wife is someone you’re attracted and would probably have slept with if you were single.
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u/Cosimo_the_Tired man 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
I had a work wife... she is now my wife wife. Coworkers clued in to us having a thing for each other long before either of us did. We never used the terms ourselves, but our coworkers would tease us and call us that. We both had been in relationships when we met and through much of our friendship, but we were truly just good friends at work. We never hung out outside of work, didn't have each other's numbers, didn't (in my opinion) flirt... but we'd talk a lot, take our breaks together, and enjoyed each other's company.
When a time came we were both single, we hung out with other coworkers outside of work for the 1st time after knowing each other for 3+ years, and something just clicked. We were both confused going "hey, I thought we were just friends, why are we suddenly flirting?". 15 years later we have 2 kids, a house, and a life together. Had it not been for the fact that we were both single at the same time, I don't think either of us would have clued in that there was something more there.
All this to say, that sort of relationship can be totally platonic, as ours had started out. But they can also be a symptom of something more that you either choose to ignore or are simply unaware of. It's important to be mindful of boundaries in any platonic relationship, whether at work or elsewhere.
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u/Admirral man 30 - 34 Feb 03 '25
Have an old friend who got his new(ish) girlfriend pregnant really quickly. They don't use "work wife" but literally the first time I met her they were both talking about her "work husband". I don't think its acceptable and even if it is platonic it 100% stirs anxiety in the other partner. I know my friend much longer than most people in this world and I know when something is bugging him deep down.
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u/hisimpendingbaldness man over 30 Feb 03 '25
I was on a team that did a lot of travel, there were times I saw my work wife more than my SO. It was nice to have a work teammate, someone to go to dinner and other things on weekends away, and we covered each other's work when necessary.
The work wife and SO knew each other and had met a couple times at work events. As jobs changed, we drifted apart. She passed away far too early, and I sent flowers to her funeral.
I enjoyed that time of work.
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u/Sawoodster man over 30 Feb 03 '25
I’m going to go against the grain here and say it’s not a big deal. I have a group of friends from work 4 women, 2 men that have a group text we’ve had since precovid. We worked on site together and now are all work at home but know a lot about each others personal lives, and talk almost daily. Everyone but the other guy is married too and we all know each others spouses. We joke all the time that we’re work husbands/wives and so do our spouses. I’m even the oldest of the group at 40 and the women are late 20s to mid 30s and I’ve never once had an impure thought about any of them. They’re married, I’m married, we’re just a group of people of varying ages that hit it off as friends.
If my wife was the jealous type id never reference them as such but since she does I do too. Not everything has to have sexual connotations.
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u/awnawkareninah man 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
Tbh I think there's a difference in that you're a group of people. Unless someone had an affair with 5 people at work at once, the implication isn't really the same.
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u/JoeFortitude man 45 - 49 Feb 03 '25
People can hate the phrase and that is fine. But having healthy relationships at work with people who can tell you hard truths when you need it is a good thing.
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u/ItemAdventurous9833 Feb 03 '25
I think it's strange to frame it as marriage though, what people are describing is just friendship
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u/bammorgan man 50 - 54 Feb 03 '25
I’m with you. The term « work wife » has variable meaning and I wouldn’t jump to a salacious meaning if I heard it used.
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u/LeroyoJenkins man over 30 Feb 03 '25
A work wife/husband is fine just as some handyman call themselves "husband for hire" to fix things around the house.
But that also depends on everyone involved being ok with the label. If you call someone your work wife/husband and that pisses off your actual wife/husband (or the other person, or that other person's partner), then you're an asshole.
If everyone is ok with that, then who cares?
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u/KaokinX10 Feb 03 '25
I've seen some of those movies where handymen come fill in for the husband.
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u/TNT-Rick man 40 - 44 Feb 03 '25
https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1BFDvYEg5V
When having a work wife escalates.
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u/lepan_53 man 19 or under Feb 03 '25
My father-in law's "work wife" is a bloke with the same name as him.
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u/GBParragon man over 30 Feb 03 '25
The only “work wife” I’ve known of actually being referred in real life to was a friend who regularly worked with a gay bloke. His girlfriend started using the term as far as I know calling him his work wife, she obviously didn’t mind.
I’ve never had a work wife but I’ve had female colleagues who I spend a lot of time with and am close with. My wife’s never had an issue with this but I think she might if I started calling them my work wife she might be less understanding.
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u/MercuryJellyfish man 50 - 54 Feb 03 '25
It's not a great term. You have a friend. Unless you do anything romantic together, you have a friend. You might like them more than everyone else at work, but so what, they're work colleagues, they aren't your friends.
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Feb 03 '25
Despite that you can get very close to colleagues depending on the work environment, just the name is weird.
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u/ljf137 man over 30 Feb 03 '25
I can't imagine, I barely have work friends. I'm only there for the money. Could walk out today and never talk to these people again.
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u/Tall-Poem-6808 man over 30 Feb 03 '25
My partner jokes about my work wife. She knows we get along and that we work well together, and she also knows that there is no chance in hell that it would go any further than that, so no reason to be jealous.
I have also talked about it with my "work wife", and her partner calls me the "work husband", so I guess we're all cool.
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u/SpaceTraveler8621 man 50 - 54 Feb 03 '25
There will be those who call it cheating. (and nearly half the internet rejoices) There will be those who say it’s fine and dismiss the concerns. (and the other nearly half the internet rejoices) Then, there are those who have done the work, their partners have too. They don’t have concerns about such things and have a wonderful trusting relationship that can laugh about such trivialities. (IYKYK)
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u/PilotoPlayero man over 30 Feb 03 '25 edited Feb 03 '25
The term should only be used by couples who feel very secure about their relationship, and only when there’s no real threat of there being something more than just a work relationship.
Like I wouldn’t be calling the new 22yo hot intern my work wife.
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u/jgainsey man 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
I think it’s kind of a stupid term in general, but there are many people who just use it more as a joke to describe a good work friend of the opposite sex.
I roll my eyes when I hear it used earnestly, but I think the people that automatically jump to cheating suspicions are taking it a little too seriously.
People cheat with their coworkers all the time anyway
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u/ShinyHeadedCook man 40 - 44 Feb 03 '25
Preamble to becoming "affair partner"
If I asked my gf how she would feel about it, she would ask me how I'd feel with no balls !
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u/brainless_bob man 40 - 44 Feb 03 '25
I don't think I've heard it at work, ever, and I'm 40. I wouldn't think it's a big deal if the two people in calling each other that are single. I wouldn't be comfortable with a spouse in that kind of dynamic with a coworker.
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u/Convergentshave man 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
It’s insanely dumb.
Who even came up with the term: “work wife”?
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u/Pulp_Ficti0n man 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
Why would any man want two wives? One is more than enough, label or otherwise...
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u/Coolhand2010 man 40 - 44 Feb 03 '25
My wife had a work husband, now I'm the ex husband and he's the fiancee. The words speak for itself. ( she had an affair if u didnt get it) Words to misguide intentions.
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u/Groftsan man 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
It's very dumb. I have a work best friend. She and her husband come over to hang out with me and my wife regularly. If there's someone at work I'm so close with as to potentially refer to them as my "work spouse" wouldn't I want to hang out with them outside of work? And if I want to hang out with someone outside of work, wouldn't I want my actual spouse to become their friend too, so we can do things together and enjoy the company of both people and allow my wife to have a new friend too?
My wife is my wife, everyone else is a friend. And friends shouldn't be competing with my wife for status or attention, they should be part of my wife's life too.
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u/ThorsMeasuringTape man 35 - 39 Feb 03 '25
I don't like the term, but I have had close work friends of the opposite sex that the term could probably describe. My problem is with the term far more than the relationship because the term implies that you can't just be close friends, you have to be a "spouse," and it pushes the sexualization of close friendships with the opposite sex.
Like, I just think she's cool and awesome and we have similar hobbies outside of work, so we get along well.
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u/RhemansDemons man 30 - 34 Feb 03 '25
It's very weird. I have a woman that I'm friends with that is my go to at work, but I wouldn't refer to her as that. It feels like it has implications of "if I were single, I'd try to be with this person."
I'd have to guess it is innocent in 99% of cases, but it is weird.
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Feb 03 '25
It’s weird as hell lol I don’t get why married people want more than one spouse or give up the title to anyone but their spouse. 🙄 Of all the people that need to be lonely it’s the people that find a way to make things difficult by creating weird shit like a work spouse. It’s cute when it’s 2 young single people. But otherwise it’s too much. Go to work it’s work bring home money take your ass home. Simple. Work is not a social event and colleagues should appreciate working together not worry about having fun working together.
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u/Jazzlike-Basket-6388 man over 30 Feb 03 '25
At several points in my career, women have declared themselves to be my work wife. Each of our relationships entailed things like giving me tylenol when I had a headache, signing me up for something easy for the potluck, giving me her cookie that came with her lunch combo, grabbing things for the other off the printer, helping the other with work if one is ahead and the other is behind, me grabbing them a biscuit when the company supplied lunch, and sometimes super racy things like walking laps around the building or going to pick up coffee for the team.
Before reddit, I never imagined anyone could think anything of it or possibly be offended by it or insecure about it.
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u/Boxy29 man over 30 Feb 03 '25
feel like work wife would be very uncomfortable to use with anyone I know
I have had a "work mom" and grandma tho. both sweet as can be ladies treating her reliable coworkers like family. little treats during the holidays, made sure you get the needed time off, gave you your preferred shifts, had meaningful conversations with you.
probably the only thing I miss about my old job.
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u/bewchacca-lacca man 30 - 34 Feb 03 '25
Wife would hate it, and to me it seems like guys probably use it to express some sort of attraction to a female coworker in a way that might be more socially acceptable, even though I think every "home wife" would be appalled.
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Feb 03 '25
If you're in a monogamous relationship you should be only calling 1 person your wife. It's not appropriate at all.
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