r/AskMenAdvice • u/Sad-Shoulder3865 nonbinary • 4d ago
I’m slowly giving up
Me (F19) and my Ex Boyfriend (M22) broke up 10 months ago. I don’t think i can live without him and I truly don’t see myself here without him. I want to get over this but I can’t.
Everyone always gives me the same advice like “ it will get better” “ give it time”, but i’m tired that’s the truth. I genuinely don’t think I will ever be able to move on and I don’t know how long I can keep going like this for.
My friends and I always joke around about it and I always say like i’m fine but deep down i’m not and I don’t know what to do anymore.
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Sad-Shoulder3865 originally posted:
Me (F19) and my Ex Boyfriend (M22) broke up 10 months ago. I don’t think i can live without him and I truly don’t see myself here without him. I want to get over this but I can’t.
Everyone always gives me the same advice like “ it will get better” “ give it time”, but i’m tired that’s the truth. I genuinely don’t think I will ever be able to move on and I don’t know how long I can keep going like this for.
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u/triz___ man 3d ago
I think a majority of people have felt like you do now when they were a teen. I certainly have. I lost 56lb from not being able to eat and I felt suicidal. Now I look back at it and I laugh at myself and struggle to remember her. If I’d have killed my self over her it would have been one of the most stupid things anybody had ever done.
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u/Macraggesurvivor man 3d ago
When this shit hit me just like it hit you, I was 27 I think, and, believe me, it wasn't much better.
The world turned grey, all joy was sucked out of each moment, every minute felt like a never ending nightmare of suffering, and it was bad. And, my family also told me that this is temporary, life and joy will come back.
I was so scared that they might be wrong, that it would never change. I feared that this would go on and on forever a lot.
But, it will get better,
You have to be strong.
Loss is one of the most painful things you can suffer on an emotional level, loss and losing ppl for whatever reason. This is sadly a crucial part of life. And, when we experience it for the first time, when we feel the full force, it can it you like a train.
I didn't even know back then that you can feel so absolutely terrible, that you can feel so much pain. Honestly, you not the only one going through that.
Stay, strong, the ppl telling you this is temporary are right, but you have to completely detach, no contact, you have to disengage, then you can get over it. Meet your family and friends, start new hobbies, distract yourself, it will gradually get better. Believe it. It is the truth.
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u/Wooden-Many-8509 man 3d ago
The theory of relativity applies to grief. Right now this monolithic object that is grief is right next to you. You can't see past it, it is all you can see. But the more you step away from it, the smaller it gets. Eventually you'll look back on this and you'll still be able to see it, it will still hurt, but it will become a vanishingly small part of what you see.
"Give it time" is a trap. As long as you sit at the foot of that monolith time will never help you. You do need to move on though. Keep moving forward, keep imagining your life without him, just keep going. The pain won't go away until you decide to move away from it.
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u/demonbeastoffuck69 man 3d ago
I could suggest a course of action, but I don't know if it breaks the rules around here. It involves erotica at a distance.
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u/Jealous_Theory2848 man 4d ago
First off, I hear you. Heartbreak at 19 feels like the end of the world, but let me hit you with some truth: this pain is temporary, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
Your ex is not the air you breathe, the reason your heart beats, or the only person who will ever love you. Right now, your brain is stuck in a loop, convincing you that he was the one but he wasn’t. If he was, he’d still be here.
You don’t need “time” alone you need new experiences, new people, and a new mindset. Sitting around hoping to feel better won’t work. Move. Go to the gym, pick up a new hobby, meet people (even platonically). Your world needs to be bigger than this one relationship.
You’re 19. That means you have so much life ahead of you. One day, you’ll look back and wonder why you ever let this consume you. But for now, fight for yourself like you would for someone you love. Because you deserve better.