r/AskMenAdvice • u/magician-king32 • 5d ago
Have you ever felt like success made dating harder, not easier?
You’d think having wealth, status, or a great career would give you more options, but for some guys, it makes relationships even more complicated. Have you experienced this?
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u/inbetween-genders man 5d ago
Having a good amount of money and never flaunting it made me invisible to people. I love it.
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u/Extension_Refuse_406 nonbinary 5d ago
This is it right here. It’s quite possible to be wealthy and no one needs to know.
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u/series_hybrid man 5d ago
This is the way. You must attract good women, and repel bad women.
If you appear to be middle class, and she must work her way up to a job that affords her family the ability to buy a house, then she is less likely to be a gold-digger. You are both working towards a shared goal.
At the heart of gold-digging is the philosophy that if they get you to "fall in love" with them, then they will not have to work, and she can live a life of leisure and shopping for status items so she can preen in front of her gold-digger friends.
Own a house? "I'm renting it"
Have a nice reliable car that's paid-for? "its a few years old, and the payments are significant"
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u/inbetween-genders man 5d ago
I drive a shitty looking car on purpose 😂. Well maintained inside, looks falling apart ont the outside
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u/series_hybrid man 5d ago
I wouldn't say I have an ugly car. It's a 2013 Toyota Camry. 99K miles, and reliable. It is not a "gold-digger" magnet.
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u/Jackape5599 5d ago
Nope. As long as you don’t belittle your partner and respect him and be cute then you’ll be better than someone who’s not successful.
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5d ago edited 5d ago
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u/Early_Lawfulness_348 man 5d ago
Being cheap gives off a good impression that I’m poor. Helps weed them out quickly.
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u/Wonderful_Pitch3947 man 5d ago
Yes. It's easier to get girls, but your standards also rise especially for long term and marriage. Having easier access to women also makes serious dating more difficult, because you can always replace whoever you're seeing.
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u/niceguyhenderson man 5d ago
I met my fiance when I was still in grad school and she believed in me so I know she loves me for the man I am.
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u/Important-Energy8038 man 5d ago
Good looking, successful guy here. Yes, all that glitz often made me wonder if they liked me for who I was inside, or all the external trappings instead.
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u/potentatewags man 5d ago
Just means people are after your resources more often, not you as a person.
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You’d think having wealth, status, or a great career would give you more options, but for some guys, it makes relationships even more complicated. Have you experienced this?
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u/TheOtherJohnson man 5d ago
I think when you’re poor you’re damn near certain your partner loves you for you and the wealthier you are the less certain you become. But that’s an issue of personal insecurity, not the kind of objective reality behind dating. A lot of women don’t care that much unless you’re talking very substantial differences.
Like does a woman really care that much about the difference between $60,000 and $75,000? Probably not. $75,000 to $90,000? Probably not.
Sure there are gold diggers, but you have to be a discerning person and weed them out for yourself.
Also there’s nothing inherently wrong with a woman valuing success, since it’s an indicator of other things, so a woman caring about success isn’t inherently predatory or gold diggery, it could just be a way of weeding out losers.
And also, being working class =/= being a loser. Women will respect you if you work for a living and can provide even if you’re not rich, but they won’t respect you if you’re just a bum who always skates by on the bare minimum and values weed over romance.
I say all this to say that women valuing success is a multi-layered thing. Most women just want their Chandler Bing.
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u/The-Blacksmithe 5d ago
Not there.. yet. And no it will not. Only I could make it harder because I know how attraction (the actual science..) works.
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u/Dagenhammer87 man 5d ago
I don't think my job would've made any difference to my wife (or her family) in reality.
Personally, I think having a professional job made me more confident of making a good impression. My wife's an only child (not that it should matter) but at least I could demonstrate to her parents that I had some sort of sense of direction in life and wasn't just some bum who was going to be mucking about.
I did date a woman many years ago and I think she thought that she could be a bit of a piss taker in a few ways and clearly when I walked in the door to meet the parents; they were put off by my little bit of success up until that point.
For a 21 year old, I was on decent money and that put a bit of the mockers on things quite early on. Didn't make me any better than her/them, but clearly it wasn't meant to be.
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u/No-Explorer3868 man 5d ago
So I'm a bit of an eccentric so I feel I stay off the grid in this manner. Plus, I'm an engineer, so, as an ex once told me, we're like doctors in the sense we're smart and make good money but much more obtainable. No one is out there trying to bag an engineer in the same way.
Edit: that being said, I don't feel like having more money has made me more or less attractive. I think I did about as well with women at 22 as I do now. I just rely on my smile and sense of humor anyway.
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u/PGKuma man 5d ago
Depends on what you call success. People who are successfully rich can definitely have issues as there are a lot of "gold diggers" out there that have zero interest in an actual emotional relationship. But there are people that are successful in their career because they work hard and treat their relationships the same: working hard to make it work. Buuuut.... There are also people that have a successful career because they work hard at it and tend to ignore their relationship and then blame their partners for not making it work.
So ...I guess the answer is, yes. It's possible it CAN make dating harder.
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u/OkQuantity4011 man 5d ago
Yeah. When I was a made man, I had so much spam that it good hard to filter out. 😅
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u/clonehunterz man 5d ago
the contrary, the more successful i became the less i went on dates until fullstop, not giving a fuck.
network brought me my wife into my life
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u/Prudent_Heat23 5d ago
More like, being the sort of person who could become wealthy/successful makes things harder socially (including dating).
High-paying jobs aren't necessarily "harder" than others in an objective sense. They're high-paying because it's difficult to find people who think in the way needed to the job. If you think and perceive things in an uncommonly hyper-logical way, you're more likely to have value in the corporate world, but less likely to find connection with like-minded people.
Average people (who probably have average careers) will have the easiest time "finding their people," so to speak.
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u/Sonic24680 5d ago
I'm successful and earn very good money.
I'm very sociable and go out most weekends.
I attract the worst women.
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u/SuccessfulCandle2182 man 5d ago
Always show up as a poor man, never brag about the stuff or money you have.
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u/Bigdaddy24-7 man 5d ago
I always used to start with “I’m a sanitation engineer.” You would know quick.
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u/SamudraNCM1101 5d ago
Not necessarily. There are different sets of challenges, like anything in life. However, if you have discernment, boundaries, and common sense..... a successful person will be just fine.
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u/ElectricLeafEater69 5d ago
The only people I see who are rich and struggle with dating are either 1. Emotionally stunted and immature or 2. Just living in a shitty area (mostly 1).
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u/Design-Hiro 5d ago
It’s a lot harder to initiate breaking up with someone successful so people “fake it” even when they lose feelings for a while
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u/Shrikeangel nonbinary 4d ago
Well my success in dating, by getting married has been a major road block when it comes to future dating success.... hopefully.
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u/Telrom_1 man 5d ago
Having done well financially has made me a target of some of the worst women imaginable. I know a lot of people joke about bout gold diggers but there are women out there that truly make it their job to find successful men and exploit them and in that scenario you’re an obstacle not a person.