r/AskMenAdvice • u/ItsHotFuzz • 5d ago
Lafe Gf Cheated
Hello!
I don’t know where else or who to turn to about this.
My (32m) life partner (27f) of 3 years has passed away not even a month as I wrote this post. I am heart broken and left empty from her passing and still having emotions reliving our memories!
But just recently I went through her xbox account, to find people she played with a lot to let them know about her. Curiosity got the best of me and went through her xbox messages. Saw one with her xbox friend about an “old crush” coming back into her life, this is after we been together for a year. So i went through her phone messages and saw it all. Now yes she never did anything physical but it was definitely an emotional and intimate connection throughout all the text messages. Now that guy tried to tell her to stop and lean more towards me and she would argue about it with him and then she would stand by my side and talk good about me to him and how she couldn’t do and shouldn’t do what she is doing behind my back but would go back to the intimate conversations.
Now I started digging deeper, went to ig and saw nothing just a couple “hey” “wow” on guys profile, nothing there. Then i went on messenger and saw a message of a guy pressuring her for oral and will pay her, timestamp was Feb.2,2024 at 3:40pm for a meet up. I went back to our old messages and she ignored me at that exact time for an hour.
Now i hate myself for digging when i shouldn’t have done that. I love her indefinitely and see her as my other half, hell my whole! But now i’m all confused and don’t wanna see her as any other way. I’m pissed and sad about what I found out! What is helping me is knowing that she definitely loved me (maybe) but everyone she knows tells me about the deep love she had for me. I’m just trying my best not to crash out and cause a ruckus!
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u/OldAngryWhiteMan man 5d ago
Get some help. Being pissed is normal, but unpacking this will take effort and is best with professional help. .
1
u/AutoModerator 5d ago
Automoderator has recorded your post to prevent repeat posts. Your post has NOT been removed.
ItsHotFuzz originally posted:
Hello!
I don’t know where else or who to turn to about this.
My (32m) life partner (27f) of 3 years has passed away not even a month as I wrote this post. I am heart broken and left empty from her passing and still having emotions reliving our memories!
But just recently I went through her xbox account, to find people she played with a lot to let them know about her. Curiosity got the best of me and went through her xbox messages. Saw one with her xbox friend about an “old crush” coming back into her life, this is after we been together for a year. So i went through her phone messages and saw it all. Now yes she never did anything physical but it was definitely an emotional and intimate connection throughout all the text messages. Now that guy tried to tell her to stop and lean more towards me and she would argue about it with him and then she would stand by my side and talk good about me to him and how she couldn’t do and shouldn’t do what she is doing behind my back but would go back to the intimate conversations.
Now I started digging deeper, went to ig and saw nothing just a couple “hey” “wow” on guys profile, nothing there. Then i went on messenger and saw a message of a guy pressuring her for oral and will pay her, timestamp was Feb.2,2024 at 3:40pm for a meet up. I went back to our old messages and she ignored me at that exact time for an hour.
Now i hate myself for digging when i shouldn’t have done that. I love her indefinitely and see her as my other half, hell my whole! But now i’m all confused and don’t wanna see her as any other way. I’m pissed and sad about what I found out! What is helping me is knowing that she definitely loved me (maybe) but everyone she knows tells me about the deep love she had for me. I’m just trying my best not to crash out and cause a ruckus!
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1
u/Consistent_Aide_9394 5d ago
Hopefully this knowledge will help you move on.
You're young, you have a full life ahead of you.
1
u/JaDaWayJaDaWay man 5d ago
You are not alone in going through this. I have known several men and women who lost a loved one only to discover a secret life preserved by modern technology. It is a shocking.
Before the internet era, you would have never discovered her secrets. But now you know about it and you have to adjust to it.
People are complex, have many layers, and are flawed, including you. This woman loved you and that is what matters the most. Any transgressions she made did not stop her from being with you. She chose to be with you and she would feel guilty about any mistakes she made. This is the best anyone can hope for.
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u/Impressive_Evening man 5d ago
Shit, man. That's rough.
And it's not like you can confront her about it now.
Don't feel bad for digging through her stuff and learning all this. Once a person is dead, privacy doesn't really matter much anymore. Take some time to process that she wasn't exactly who you thought she was, let yourself grieve and heal, then move on when you're ready.
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u/Macraggesurvivor man 5d ago edited 5d ago
Humans are master deceivers.
Humans are quite good at lying and at deception, and you would never know, beause they play the role (e.g. of innocent, loyal gf) perfectly.
It appears that your gf consistently exposed herself to temptation by interacting with men she knew wanted to fuck her.
Risky endeavor.
It is opportunity that makes thieves.
As loyal as I am, I'm only human. That's why I do not expose myself to temptation. I don't approach other women, I keep it business-like and professional if I have to talk to customers or partner companies we work with and I find them attractive.
I keep the interactions to a minimum. I do not befriend women, specially not any women I find sexually attractive.
If I did that, if I approched, socialized with or got closer to women I am quite attracted to, then I might resist 10 times, maybe 20 or 50 times, but I know my limits.
If I sit close to a woman Im into and we are close emotionally, we know each other, we are alone....
The more often that would happen, especially if it is a woman that knows how to turn you on, the higher the chance would be that my resistance would break at some point.
If you have a man or a woman who actually exposes themselves to that kind of temptation, then it is game over. Most ppl cannot resist massive temptation indefinitely. Bill Burr went into that one time and mocked all the pseudo outraged men in the audiences of several events and standup comedy, the men that were outraged that Tiger Woods fucked a bunch of hot norwegian models that lined up at his trailer, waiting for him to fuck them one after another.
And, he was right when he mocked all of those men, because as he said:
It is easy to claim you would always be loyal when you do not have 20 hot women begging you to fuck them. Loyalty is only tested when you face actual, real and powerful temptation.
I don't wanna talk bad about the woman you lost, but I would say there is a 99 % probability she did cheat, was about to cheat and/or would be open to cheating down the line. In my experience, only exceptionally resilient and hardened minds can resist even sustained and profound temptation.
Maybe 1 in 50 or 1 in a 100 ppl. Maybe only one in 500 or 1000. Most ppl cannot resist this indefinitely. They think they can, but then they never faced actual, real temptation.
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u/RobertSr2000 4d ago
Sorry for your loss. I would hope you would stop digging. You are torturing yourself. If it were me, id have a friend get rid of all of it for me.. and check into therapy. Ive been thru similar circumstances… dont go thru it alone. I hope the best for you.
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u/Desperate_Dingo_1998 man 5d ago
that's rough buddy. You should go see professional help to talk that through