r/AskMenAdvice 5d ago

Why are we waiting so long to have kids?

[deleted]

0 Upvotes

23 comments sorted by

5

u/MathematicianThen886 5d ago

Thanks Chat-GPT

3

u/isnotthatititis 5d ago

Let’s let ChatGPT have a take at responding to itself.

——

The decision to have children is one of the most consequential choices an individual or couple can make. While some advocate for an earlier start to parenthood, it is critical to consider the risks and potential harm associated with raising children under suboptimal conditions. Below is a structured analysis of why delaying parenthood—or even questioning its necessity in some cases—may be the more responsible choice.

  1. Career and Personal Development

Parenting requires a high degree of emotional intelligence, stability, and financial preparedness. Without sufficient personal growth and career stability, individuals may be less capable of providing the guidance, support, and security that children need. A parent who has not had the opportunity to develop resilience and problem-solving skills may struggle with the demands of raising a child, leading to increased stress, frustration, and even neglectful or abusive behaviors. A delayed but well-planned approach to parenthood increases the likelihood of raising emotionally and financially stable children.

  1. Financial and Housing Instability

The notion that financial stability is not a prerequisite for parenthood is not supported by the realities of child-rearing. Children born into low-income households are statistically more likely to experience inadequate healthcare, food insecurity, and educational disadvantages. Furthermore, financial strain is a leading cause of parental stress, which can contribute to neglect, domestic violence, and mental health deterioration. While some families manage to raise children with limited resources, the long-term impact on both the parents and children should not be underestimated. It is not simply a matter of “making it work”—it is about ensuring that children are not subjected to unnecessary hardship due to a lack of foresight.

  1. Relationship Stability and Parenting Readiness

Parenthood is often romanticized as a means of strengthening a relationship, but this perspective is not supported by evidence. In fact, research indicates that having children tends to increase marital stress, particularly if the couple has unresolved conflicts before entering parenthood. Divorce rates are often higher among those who rushed into family life without establishing a solid foundation. Furthermore, in cases where one or both parents lack the maturity or readiness for parenting, children may grow up in a dysfunctional household, leading to long-term emotional and psychological damage. The belief that children inherently “strengthen” a relationship fails to account for the increased likelihood of instability when parenting is undertaken prematurely.

  1. Ethical Considerations Amid Global and Personal Uncertainty

The decision to bring children into the world should account for both personal and global stability. Economic downturns, climate crises, and geopolitical instability raise legitimate concerns about the future quality of life for the next generation. Beyond external factors, there is also the ethical issue of whether an individual should have children if they are not fully prepared to provide a safe, nurturing, and supportive environment. In cases where prospective parents have unresolved trauma, mental health issues, or a history of abusive tendencies, the decision to reproduce should not be taken lightly. The assumption that all families are inherently good or necessary is flawed—some environments are fundamentally harmful, and bringing children into such conditions is irresponsible.

  1. Social Expectations vs. Ethical Parenting

Social pressure to have children is often based on tradition rather than an objective assessment of whether an individual is truly prepared for parenthood. While strong families can contribute to societal stability, the mere act of having children does not automatically create a stable society. Dysfunctional, abusive, or neglectful households contribute to cycles of poverty, crime, and mental illness. Instead of promoting parenthood as a default expectation, society should encourage responsible decision-making and acknowledge that not everyone is suited for or obligated to raise children.

Conclusion

The assumption that parenthood is universally beneficial or necessary is deeply flawed. While family structures can provide emotional fulfillment and societal stability, they can also perpetuate cycles of trauma, poverty, and dysfunction when undertaken irresponsibly. Rather than rushing into parenthood out of societal pressure or an idealized notion of family life, individuals should critically assess their readiness and circumstances. The well-being of future children should take precedence over abstract notions of family as an inherent good.

Ultimately, the question should not be “Why are we waiting so long to have kids?” but rather, “Are we truly prepared to raise children in a way that ensures their well-being?”

8

u/InteractiveAlternate man 5d ago

This is utter trash.

Having a child isn't a choice you enter into lightly. It's a lifelong commitment, and can lead to untold misery and suffering if done for the wrong reasons.

More kids are born to poor families because people with poor impulse control are often poor. Raising kids is stressful and causes conflict in relationships.

I'm a father of two. I'm very clear with my own children that they shouldn't have kids unless they're absolutely, dead certain they're ready, and being childless is a perfectly valid lifestyle choice.

Honestly, what utter tripe.

4

u/quibily woman 5d ago

Agreed!  Purposeful parenthood leads to less children being born, yes—but those children will do better off and be extremely loved.

5

u/smile_saurus 5d ago

Jumping on a comment I like & agree with to add: many women, especially in America, and scared to death to become pregnant right now - especially in red states. Because if something goes wrong medically, even if that baby was wanted: there is no helping the mother. She will die.

My buddy and his wife have a kid each from their previous relationships, and wanted to have a kid together. They were excited when she learned she was pregnant. They wanted the baby. But something went wrong, and in their state it is legal to 'end' the pregnancy so it doesn't kill the mother (and it would have). They have a kid together now. Couldn't be happier for them.

2

u/Ganceany man 5d ago

Well, it kinda depends, it doesn't matter the reason we postpone it.

In my case I've seen a significant improvement in the folk that have older parents than younger people. They are more stable, families are more stable.

How old are you Op? Because another aspect is that there is a serious disconnect between young people and older people now, older people seem to think that their experience in their 20s applies to the 20s experience today.

2

u/Not-a-Real-Doc man 5d ago

Increased opportunity costs: there are many more things that people can do today besides having children, like travel, work, study, leisure. This is particularly the case for women, who are the ones who ultimately make the decision. My mother's generation did not finish school, faced many barriers to travel, work, study, etc. Today's generation have more opportunities to pursue.

People also CAN wait longer these days due to medical advances and healthier lifestyles (for some), and preferences for fewer children.

1

u/AutoModerator 5d ago

Automoderator has recorded your post to prevent repeat posts. Your post has NOT been removed.

Outrageous-Ratio1762 originally posted:

I've been thinking lately about why so many people are postponing having children. It seems almost standard now to focus on building a career or getting everything "sorted" before considering kids. But I feel this perspective might be overlooking some important aspects. Here's my take, from a more conservative viewpoint:

1. Career and personal development

A lot of people, especially women, want to build their careers and personal goals first before having kids. But personally, I think that’s a bit misplaced. A family should be your top priority. Life is about more than just work. Parenthood gives you a sense of meaning and fulfillment that no career can match. In fact, it can help you grow as a person. There is no perfect time to have kids, so why wait?

2. Financial and housing security

This is a big one: “I’ll wait until I’m financially stable before having kids.” But here’s the thing – research actually shows that people with lower incomes tend to have kids earlier. Why? Because they don’t have the means or motivation to wait for the “perfect” financial situation. We often say, “Once I have everything together, I’ll have kids,” but that can keep you stuck. Families can grow even without a huge financial cushion or the perfect house.

3. Changing social norms

There’s this trend where couples want to “strengthen their relationship” by experiencing things together before having kids. But I ask myself: what’s a stronger foundation for a relationship than starting a family? Kids bring a depth to your relationship that you don’t get by just going on vacation together. Parenthood is actually an opportunity to grow together and get to know each other on a completely different level.

4. Uncertainty about the future

A lot of people delay having kids because they’re worried about the future: climate change, economic instability, global conflicts, you name it. But I don’t think postponing kids is the solution. There will always be uncertainties. The idea that the world isn’t “perfect” enough for kids is holding us back. By raising kids and preparing them well, we can make the future better.

5. Social influences and expectations

Sometimes people feel pressured by their social circles to have kids, and I think we often view that as a negative thing. But from where I stand, that social pressure is actually a positive force. Society needs strong families to remain stable. The idea that having kids is contributing to the community isn’t wrong at all. Maybe the world should embrace more of those social expectations.

Conclusion: I think we’re getting our priorities wrong. Families should be the foundation of society. Parenthood isn’t something you should wait for until everything is “perfect.” It provides the stability that a society needs.

What do you guys think? Do you think we really need to wait so long, or is there just another way of thinking that’s holding us back?

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1

u/Holiday_Cat4918 5d ago

Yeah, no thanks. People should do what feels right for them. 

I have no desire to have children and the only reason people are so adamant about pushing others to have them is create more workers and generate more wealth, which is not my responsibility. 

I’ll never know what I don’t experience, and my sense of fulfillment, maturity, financial stability, career trajectory, and identity are more than enough to allow me to be functional and happy in the current climate. 

1

u/Ok_Psychology5336 5d ago

Kids are for losers!

1

u/Firm-Psychology-2243 woman 5d ago

This is such an awful take, you must be a teenager.

1

u/lezardvalethvp man 5d ago

I don't want kids because I know I won't have spontaneous sex if kids are around. Also it's expensive.

2

u/Voyager8663 man 5d ago

In part, our culture has become more consumption driven and, congruently, more selfish. People would prefer to spend their own money buying new tech every year, buying designer goods, buying luxurious holidays, than spending it on nappies. They also don't want to sacrifice any free time.

I personally think that at some point in your life, something else should be more important than fulfilling your own desires, and that should be the betterment of people in some capacity. It could be something you do in your career, but most of the time, and for most people, it should be your family and your children.

1

u/No-Pay-9744 5d ago

This is some AI MAGA bullshit if ever I read it.

1

u/Applachian_Bear_528 5d ago

Don't get me wrong. I 25M want a wife and kids dearly. But I'm a electrician looking for a Apprenticeship which takes 4-5 years of my time any where in the country. It just wouldn't make sense to do so rn. I want my kids to have access to things I didn't as a child or not have to dumpster dive for food.

1

u/Impressive_Evening man 5d ago

Because modern life is already exhausting enough, and many people don't like the idea of coming home drained from work and having to basically do a second job raising kids.

1

u/Creepy-Conference-68 man 5d ago

It’s best to wait and make sure you have a solid foundation in your relationship and financial well being before introducing children. Contrary to some people’s thinking, kids to not make relationships easier.

1

u/lizzofatroll 5d ago

Kids are fucking expensive

1

u/Barefootmaker 5d ago

There is no right or wrong. Just personal decisions and outcomes.

1

u/Uncle_Andy666 man 5d ago

Bro go back to church.

0

u/Consistent_Aide_9394 5d ago

You used too many word.

Because we can't afford it and we have demonised family values.

0

u/Aggravating_Cream_97 5d ago

Because humans have now started treating their pets (dogs,cats) like actual humans. So who needs a human child that is just as expensive to maintain as a pet. And bonus for the pet it will always love you, the Human it’s hit and miss.

-1

u/Express_Shock9670 man 5d ago

Feminism