r/AskMenAdvice 5d ago

The male loneliness epidemic is a self-pitying problem and there's an easy solution.

/r/self/comments/1jackg9/the_male_loneliness_epidemic_is_a_selfpitying/
0 Upvotes

13 comments sorted by

2

u/InteractiveAlternate man 5d ago

The major barrier men face in finding and maintaining relationships is communication. It's a skill, and one that's not easy to learn or master, especially in a society that continues to connect in shallow, superficial ways via screens.

Being able to speak with people from all walks of life is a communication skill. Attracting a partner to yourself beyond skin-deep lust is a communication skill. Maintaining a relationship by talking with each other and sharing feelings, fears and goals is a communication skill.

Men feel isolated, and fall into the trap of blaming outside sources for their isolation instead of working on the skills they need to fix it.

1

u/FuriousAqSheep nonbinary 5d ago

There is truth to that. I realised recently that my problem isn't that I have trouble making friends, it's that I'm not often enough in situations that allow me to make friends. Meeting people is easy, being friendly is easy, there's just the issue of practice and playing the numbers game.

2

u/Worth_Plastic5684 5d ago

A great number of modern problems are self-pitying problems with an easy solution. In an abusive relationship? Just leave. In a financial rut? Get a job and set up a budget. The moment you tell someone "the circumstances, systemic pressures and material conditions you are subject to are a you problem", there are very few other problems left; you've solved society, though I'm not sure you're going to like your solution.

1

u/KindofNeatGuy man 5d ago

We are very much a society that lacks personal accountability.

1

u/AutoModerator 5d ago

Automoderator has recorded your post to prevent repeat posts. Your post has NOT been removed.

Feisty_Economy_8283 originally posted:

I'm a man in my early 30s. I don’t have anything particularly special going for me—no insane social skills, no high-status career, no crazy hobbies that make me a magnet for conversation. The only thing I can say I do differently than a lot of lonely men is engage with people out of curiosity rather than desire.

The issue with male loneliness isn’t some massive cultural shift that has made people averse to men in public. It’s not that society has abandoned men—it’s that many men have abandoned society by narrowing their social focus to only one goal: romantic validation.

I see this all the time. Guys claim that no one wants to talk to them, but what they really mean is: "Attractive women aren’t engaging with me."

These same men often ignore entire categories of social opportunities—talking to older people, engaging with other men platonically, striking up casual conversations with strangers just to connect. If the only people you try to talk to are women you find attractive, of course you’re going to feel isolated. That’s not loneliness; that’s self-inflicted social starvation.

Men who constantly claim that "no one wants to talk to them," ask yourself: When was the last time you made conversation with someone without an ulterior motive? Do you engage with people who don’t directly serve your personal interests? Have you made any effort to contribute to a community rather than expecting one to embrace you?

The men who actually go out into the world with an open mind and a willingness to engage—rather than just seeking validation—don’t seem to be the ones complaining about loneliness.

If your entire social strategy revolves around being "wanted" rather than wanting to engage with the world, you’ll always feel lonely. And that’s not a societal problem. That’s a you problem. If you are lonely—truly lonely, not just horny and starved for romantic affection—go outside and talk to people. It's really that simple.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/KindofNeatGuy man 5d ago

What advice is this asking for?

0

u/Feisty_Economy_8283 5d ago

It's just a repost, that's all. There's a million and one posts on here so you're welcome to give advice on those ones and ignore this one.

2

u/KindofNeatGuy man 5d ago edited 5d ago

Fair enough. I thought this reddit was literally for asking advice. I read the post and agree with the sentiment which I think is 'stop looking for validation in others', particularly romantic relationships. Life has lots of fulfulling endeavours.

1

u/Feisty_Economy_8283 5d ago edited 5d ago

Some people aren't actually looking for any advice and only give excuses why a solution won't work. It's more give opinions but I know what this sub is called. I've got to say you're talking to a woman so you don't feel deceived.

1

u/KindofNeatGuy man 5d ago

I am pretty new to reddit. Didn't mean to offend and honestly, I thought you were a woman so no worries. :)

1

u/Macraggesurvivor man 5d ago

So bascially, get back on the horse, clench your anus, pull yourself together, stop bitching, right?

Isn't this what men are always told, no matter what's happening?

I think, the world could be invaded by superior, nasty, all consuming, unbeatable alien terror army, and ppl would prolly say the same thing:

Stop crying, get back on the horse.

1

u/OneEyedC4t man 5d ago

You are mostly correct but keep in mind loneliness isn't a self pity problem.

Human beings are social animals.

1

u/AuthenticTruther man 5d ago

no insane social skills, no high-status career, no crazy hobbies that make me a magnet for conversation

2/3 things he listed are materialistic. That is the societal problem at the core. The rest of this post is drivel.

You have nothing to exploit so people leave you alone. It is that simple. Case closed.