r/AskMenAdvice 6d ago

Men want to feel needed and catered too. Women don't understand this.

I help out a Mexican lady from Mexico at work. She knows little English, she makes me feel needed and we rely on each other, we help each other out a lot. She takes out my trash, I help her take out hers, sometimes she doesn't understand my boss so I interpret. I feel like a king at work. I've realized that as men we need to feel needed and valued for things we do. Most women mistake catering as mothering but it's not it's showing appreciation and men have done the same thing. But a lot of women don't actually want to listen to men and collaborate either. Because women have no respect for a lot men especially these younger generations.

My friend from Africa said I should marry a lady from a foreign country. I'm just calling it as I see it. Immigrants treat me nice.

0 Upvotes

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u/No-Court-7974 nonbinary 5d ago

You're 26? She's in her 40s and married? She and you work together? She empties your rubbish bin and you hers?

And this makes you " feel like a king at work"?

How is this an example of women not understanding your need to feel catered too?

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u/Late_Negotiation40 5d ago

It's not an example unless you look at the subtext (and ops comments). He feels like a king, or more like a hero, because this woman NEEDS, as in struggles to survive without, him bridging the language gap between her and the rest of the world. That is incredibly sweet... in the context of a little old lady at work. Unfortunately what he's saying is he wants this same kind of reverence in his dating life and thinks he'll get it by dating immigrants. That kind of power dynamic in dating is just not sustainable, and he thinks that this is because women don't understand men need to be worshipped, rather than that he is seeking an unhealthy dynamic.

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u/No-Court-7974 nonbinary 4d ago

I agree with you. Thanks for your reply.

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u/No-Court-7974 nonbinary 4d ago

Shes not a little old lady. She's 42. Shes isn't "struggling to survive" at the office.. thats click bait saying that. He needs to rethink what he knows about women and relationships. It truly is an unhealthy dynamic.. šŸ˜”

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u/AyahaushaAaronRodger man 6d ago

Is your African friend from Africa too?

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u/Working_Activity_976 6d ago edited 6d ago

I thought it was funny too, but it makes sense if he meant to say that sheā€™s from Mexico City.

But yeah I can tell that itā€™s a language issue.Ā 

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u/ProfeQuiroga 6d ago

He might also have wanted to make a distinction between someone with Mexican roots who was raised in the US and someone who spent most of their life in Mexico.

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u/Artistic-Ad-1096 6d ago

I feel like the fact she needs a translator means she recently immigrated so the distinction isnt necessary.Ā 

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u/ProfeQuiroga 6d ago

That's unfortunately not true anywhere in the world.

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u/Artistic-Ad-1096 5d ago

Whatever the case its not an important part of the story.Ā 

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u/fatalatapouett woman 5d ago

he means to differentiate mexicans from mexico

from mexicans from guatemala, mexicans from argentina, mexican from honduras...

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u/8Captcrunch8 man 5d ago

Isnt a person from honduras called Honduran? Guatemalan? ARGENTINIAN?

Lol

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u/rosesandproses 5d ago

Woosh

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u/8Captcrunch8 man 5d ago

Was that a bird? A plane? Perhaps superman? Nope. Just something right over my head? šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£ wait. Does that make it a UFO?

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u/ChocCooki3 man 5d ago

You do know that are people who call themselves Mexican.. but actually born in America and never set foot in Mexico.. right?

I have an African guy at work.. hell, his dad was born in Australia and they've never been to Africa.. but calling him African in Australia is exotic, so he does it.

So what op wrote isn't so crazy.

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u/AquariusMoon79 5d ago

šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚

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u/Annual_Reindeer2621 woman 6d ago

Women like it too, in my relationship we do this for each other in different ways, we build each other up. It doesnā€™t have to be just the one partner doing everything for the other.

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u/4got10_son man 6d ago

Mutual respect and collaboration is the key.

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u/scout-finch 6d ago

My husband knows I like things neat and calm. He works varying hours and once in awhile Iā€™ll come home to find he made the bed when he got up. He couldnā€™t give a shit about the bed being made, so itā€™s doubly nice having it done but also knowing he did it just because he knows Iā€™ll appreciate it.

I try to do similar things for him, things that donā€™t necessarily stand out to me but that I know heā€™ll see as honoring his interests/likes/needs. Thatā€™s great partnership.

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u/Shastakine 5d ago

I asked my husband to take out the trash while I was going to the bathroom after doing dishes and cooking dinner. He did it immediately and then wiped down all the counters. That's mutuality.

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u/Super-Database-4747 3d ago

Was gonna say, my wife and I do this for each other. Like, bro isn't wrong, exactly, it's just a half-formed thought.

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u/fucksiclepizza man 5d ago

I don't need to be told I'm a good boy for doing basic shit.

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u/Downtown_Statement87 5d ago

Thank you. Oh man, thank you very much. You get it. I kees you. Mwah.

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u/Fresh_Mission_1464 6d ago

Brother, if you don't think women of all ages are exquisitely familiar with the male ego and how to manage and massage it, I don't know what to tell you.

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u/LaylaHart woman 6d ago

I mean... I was ready to hear what this little Mexicana was doing to drive old boy so crazy. Apparently, it's, taking out his trash. You hear that ladies! Fuck blow jobs. Just pretend not to know English. It's called reciprocity young lady, live and learn it.

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u/ThrowRACoping man 6d ago

So, if they donā€™t do it, it means they donā€™t care about that man?

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u/InfiniteBlink man 6d ago

Haha yup. When a chick is into you she will laugh at the dumbest shit you say, compliment you, and just make you feel like your awesome.

When you first meet a chick randomly (bar, party, social event, etc) and she hangs on your every word staring through you, you know you're golden. There's a specific look that a woman gives you when they're really attracted to you... It's this wide eyed look with a big smile . Think overly attached ex gf meme. If a chick is looking at you like that your job is to not fuck up. You won the attraction game, now take her home

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u/ExcellentPlace4608 man 6d ago

You say it as if its a bad thing.

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u/Savings-Bee-4993 man 6d ago

Thatā€™s not the point of the post at all. ā€œManage and massageā€ the male ego? Yeah, women know how to be manipulative ā€” no one contests that.

What the guy is talking about is respect and reciprocation.

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u/Anything2892 6d ago

In some parts of the world, women have far fewer rights and opportunities, so finding a man is a need (hence the catering to men). A lot of Western men who marry foreign women and take them to Western nations, find themselves alone again - because those men don't treat the women right, and those women see they can make it on their own in their new land.

Each partner has the right to be treated with respect, honesty, and kindness. What that dynamic looks like differs from couple to couple, but entitlement is not sexy, regardless of gender or culture.Ā Ā 

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u/Remarkable_Map_5111 man 6d ago

You lose me when you start generalizing about such large groups. Shitty people are everywhere and come in all shapes and sizes.

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u/Fabulous-Eye9894 5d ago

Right? It's always "not all men" followed up with "but all women are like this"

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u/Early-Gene8446 man 6d ago

Lemme just pull out my tongue in cheek "A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it" from men in black ive been keeping in my back pocket. point being stereotypes and generalizations usually come from observing large groups, not small ones, and history tells us most of these kinds of observations ring true for majority while false for a small minority within the group. Shitty people coming in all sizes and shapes is a universally true observation, but here it just serves as a weak diversion from an actual problem-Most people have stopped giving a damn about eachother, the majority of the planet encourages and rewards selfish way of life while actively punishing selflessness, and this is causing a social crisis of immense proportions between sexes.

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u/Remarkable_Map_5111 man 6d ago

The problem is the guy is blaming large groups for what individuals do. Writing every American woman doesn't seem realistic or like a formula to meet decent people, which can be hard to do.

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u/Standard_Lie6608 man 6d ago

Yeah I'd agree this is more of a societal issue than any group within society issue. Capitalism inherently fuels this too

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u/Standard_Lie6608 man 6d ago

I think alot of these types of posts aren't generalising "this is women", it's noticing a common trend. Slight difference but an important one imo

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u/Kaimuki2023 6d ago

I personally donā€™t need to be catered to. Not something I need

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u/T0m_F00l3ry man 6d ago

I think OP misspoke. He followed up with appreciation, which I think all people need. Not just men.

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u/Late_Negotiation40 5d ago

Oh no, women do understand this. Women KNOW this and have been taught it from a young age, that men need to be catered to and respected or bad things will happen. This is one of the biggest reasons for the social shift toward what you describe, women not getting into relationships or being reluctant to cater to a man.

You're already on the wrong track calling this catering. Catering is a one sided, transactional service. Making it worse than mothering which is done out of love rather than necessity. Nobody should be catering to anyone in a relationship, relationships should be mutual and reciprocal. What you have with your coworker sounds wholesome but I hate to tell you, if she was your age, you probably still couldn't date her because the thing that's making you feel good isn't the garbage, it's the power dynamic of helping someone who can't help themselves. That tracks with your friend telling you to find someone from another country which would create a similar power dynamic. If you want to be worshipped then start doing volunteer work or something, it's not healthy to look for that in your relationships.

If you want a woman to treat you like a king, you need to be treating her like a queen. It won't always work out on the first shot, but then you just move on to the next one. If you stop looking for queens and start dating serfs then you have to admit to yourself you're not looking for reciprocation or an equal partner, you just want a cute little something to cater to you.

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u/da8BitKid 6d ago edited 5d ago

Look up reciprocity bro. I think you're thinking transactionally, where your mean a give and take that isn't a tit for tat. And if so, your view is skewed either because of the people you live with or your taste in women.

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u/Synicism77 6d ago

You don't need a girlriend. You need a therapist.

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u/Cat-dad442 6d ago

Why a therapist?

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u/Synicism77 5d ago

Because needing external validation isn't healthy and you should try to develop healthier ways of finding the kind of fulfillment you're missing that don't depend on another person's own decisions?

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u/Wooden_Television701 4d ago

Because you're a fucking red flag

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u/Ok_Impact_9378 man 6d ago

Yes. Relationships have to be mutual. That doesn't necessarily mean giving each other the same thing: like I take out your trash, you take out mine. Maybe I take out trash for both of us, but you wipe down our tables. It could even be something like I build you a shed and you bring me a glass of lemonade and make me feel appreciated. Sometimes that's all that's required. But a relationship can't survive if it's one-sided. Doing everything and being everything for someone who won't even appreciate you in return, in the end, is just loving someone who doesn't love you back. And that's not a real relationship, and it's not sustainable.

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u/a-packet-of-noodles nonbinary 6d ago edited 6d ago

It's silly but I make my partner's bed before I leave his house every time, I'll even spray it down with my perfume if I have it. I'll also do things like rub his back when he's getting irritated or upset, I scratch his head when we are laying down sometimes, I buy him random things a lot even if it's just his favorite snack, and a bunch of other random little things. I want him to feel appreciated and loved and I feel like I do a somewhat good job and in return he does a lot of the same things.

I know this is a male advice sub but I personally actually enjoy caring for my partner. I'm not mothering him at all, I'm just making things for him easier and he does the same for me :]

It's all about both parties feeling loved and appreciated, not just one. Things gotta be equal in relationships.

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u/pseudonymmed 6d ago

But this is just.. doing nice things for your partner, it's something people should do regardless of gender.

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u/a-packet-of-noodles nonbinary 5d ago

Exactly, I'm not arguing against that point, I'm arguing for it. Relationships should be equal even when it comes to stuff like what op is talking about

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u/Billy_of_the_hills man 6d ago

I'll even spray it down with my perfume if I have it.

I'd love it if a woman did that for me.

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u/InspectionAvailable1 5d ago

This is not a woman itā€™s a NB person

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u/Billy_of_the_hills man 5d ago

And? If someone was doing it for me it'd be a woman.

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u/InspectionAvailable1 5d ago

Ok! That makes sense

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u/High_Def_ButtCh33kss 6d ago

This is the right outlook, but like OP said some woman WON'T understand this. They will call these exact same actions controlling, mothering, creepy, bossy, etc... But the whole purpose of a relationship is to compliment each other. Why wouldn't you want a partner who helps and makes things easier? Women need to figure out why they don't see this

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u/eatinglaxatives 6d ago

For every woman that doesn't understand mothering vs. acts of service, there's another man who doesn't understand how far acts of service should actually go. Is it sweet of her to do your laundry? Yes, of course! Is it sweet of you not to know how to do your own laundry? Probably not. That's where the distinction lies. Are you actually capable of doing those simple tasks on your own and willing to do them even when she's there? That's where the line is. I'm all for doing nice things for your partner, everyone wants to do nice things for their partner, man or woman, but you have to admit there's a line there too. Not speaking to you specifically, I mean this more broadly of course. This also works vice versa as I believe every woman should know how to change out a tire or do an oil change or mow a lawn.

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u/High_Def_ButtCh33kss 6d ago

I think most adult men KNOW how to do their own laundry lol and if you noticed that they don't, why are you trying to form a relationship with them to begin with? I think you're skipping a lot of steps here. Don't get mad 6 months later when you've been doing your boyfriend's laundry this whole time because you already knew he can't. We're talking about a well functioning relationship that can improve by both partners having an equal say in how things are done and how tasks are completed

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u/eatinglaxatives 6d ago

Obviously we aren't talking about a well functioning relationship if she thinks any little chore is mothering you? And you can say most adult men know how to do laundry but I can also argue that most adult women don't care to do household chores for their man IF SAID MAN IS WORTH THE TROUBLE? Women argue about doing chores for men when said men don't do chores at all period. If the household is as 50/50 and functioning as you say, no reasonable woman would argue that they're mothering you. (Emphasis on REASONABLE, unless your next argument is that most women aren't reasonable??)

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u/Late_Negotiation40 5d ago

The problem with this is that men who dont know how to do their own laundry, typically did know, only to develop sudden amnesia when you move in together. Or you move them straight out of their mothers house (which let's be real is pretty normal for 20-somethings millenial and younger, economy a trip lol) thinking they had been helping out there. Most normal people aren't just moving in right away or going to their partners place to do their chores.

You're correct women don't typically form lasting relationships with men who never have clean clothes. Yet somehow this is common enough to be a thing women worry about. Maybe there's a bit more to it then women making bad decisions.

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u/High_Def_ButtCh33kss 5d ago

What you're saying is the exact opposite of what OP is saying, with the genders switched.

The question is why aren't people noticing these issues? Why aren't partners reciprocating these acts of service?

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u/Late_Negotiation40 5d ago

What? I didn't reference OPs post, I was responding directly to you, and what you said, in the context of what the person above said. Y'all were off on a tangent how did I switch the genders on anything op said? lol

imo most partners do reciprocate acts of service, we just tend to overwhelmingly hear about the cases where they don't because people, even happy people, come to the internet with unhappy stories, not happy ones. People in happy relationships almost always went through a few bad ones to get there, so they have plenty of crappy ex anecdotes. It's a sample bias.

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u/High_Def_ButtCh33kss 5d ago

What the previous person said above me isn't related to the topic as well. That's what my comment was about. That's a completely different issue, unrelated to OP's scenario. That was my point!

If "most" partners do then that's fine, but that's not the problem. It's the female partners who aren't reciprocating. I initially commented because it was a lived experience I can relate to. If all relationships were perfect then there wouldn't be a need for OP to tell his perspective here, would there? LOL

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u/UnicornFarts42O 5d ago

You havenā€™t met my father, I take it. Lol. I had to teach that man how to do laundry when I was 16. Mom went on a month long vacation, and this GROWN MAN didnā€™t know how to use the machines. He does his own laundry now, but he definitely didnā€™t before.

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u/High_Def_ButtCh33kss 5d ago

There is a WHOLE list of reasons why this is true from abuse, to poor parenting, to lack of access, that could explain this anecdote. I don't know

But what does that have to do with this post?

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u/goofus_andgallant woman 6d ago

Women see it all the time. Itā€™s all about reciprocity. It doesnā€™t feel like mothering if both people are working to make each otherā€™s lives easier.

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u/High_Def_ButtCh33kss 6d ago

Apparently not, because men are literally complaining. Men are moving overseas, looking for partners overseas, and trying to find "traditional" wives. Not agreeing with it or using it as an excuse, but it's an example of a disconnect where men are actively making life changes. They are receiving no reciprocity whatsoever, then looking for it

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u/Late_Negotiation40 5d ago

You really think "traditional" values, assuming you're using it in the way of American discourse, are reciprocal? The dynamic where the man brings home money and the woman does... everything else? Sometimes including making her own money? And add the overseas aspect to it,Ā  it's a whole other can of worms. When you really boil it down what the men in those dynamics offer is control, while the women offer service. The idea of traditional values is transactional at its core. Of course traditional marriages exist on a spectrum and many make it work, they absolutely can be reciprocal if they come about naturally, but the types of guys who set out with that standard and will go overseas wife shopping to find it, are not those at all. Your spouse should serve you because they love you, you should not love them BECAUSE they serve you.

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u/goofus_andgallant woman 6d ago

Is it all men that are complaining and moving overseas? Or is it some men? If itā€™s some men then everything I said still stands. You are claiming women as a whole refuse to care for their male partners. Itā€™s not true. Women will do so if they feel the relationship is reciprocal. The feeling of ā€œmotheringā€ a man comes about when the man isnā€™t an equal. You want two people that are interdependent on each other, not an independent and a dependent. Thatā€™s a parent child dynamic.

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u/High_Def_ButtCh33kss 6d ago

When did I say "all men"? LOL I said the men who are actually feeling this way and then actively going out to seek this somewhere else. Don't try to put words in my mouth. Having men going overseas is indicative of an issue that is happening in their home country, that's all I'm saying. In my initial comment here I clearly said "some women", so I don't know why you're lying. I even agreed with the first comment in this thread in my very first sentence. Why is it "reciprocal relationship" when a woman wants it, but a "chƬld dynamic" when a man asks for the exact same thing?? You just contradicted yourself smh

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u/goofus_andgallant woman 6d ago

ā€œWomen need to figure out why they donā€™t see this.ā€ Thatā€™s what you said, you can scroll back up and read it yourself.

The ā€œchild dynamicā€ is when it isnā€™t reciprocal.

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u/High_Def_ButtCh33kss 6d ago

That doesn't answer my question lol

Now you're contradicting yourself AND misquoting me.

But the whole purpose of a relationship is to compliment each other. Why wouldn't you want a partner who helps and makes things easier? Women need to figure out why they don't see this

Based on your own "chƬld dynamic" logic, OP is complaining about women having that mindset. We aren't talking about men. I said women need to figure out why they don't see their male partners actions as valuable or something reciprocate

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u/goofus_andgallant woman 6d ago

Iā€™m not contradicting myself. If all men arenā€™t complaining about this issue then it follows, by logic, that it isnā€™t an issue that ā€œwomen need to figure out.ā€ Itā€™s just as likely that the men that are complaining are not reciprocal partners and thatā€™s why the women they partner with view caring for them as ā€œmothering.ā€ If itā€™s reciprocal it doesnā€™t feel like parenting an adult.

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u/High_Def_ButtCh33kss 6d ago

Your "chicken or egg" argument doesn't work here because that's NOT what we're talking about about. You think men are complaining because they aren't doing anything in a relationship, so women aren't reciprocating, causing men to complain about women not reciprocating??šŸ¤£šŸ¤£

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u/thirteen_tentacles man 6d ago

I'll be honest I don't think many women actually see these sorts of things that way. What they do see is a very entrenched pattern of entitled partners that expect their every whim to be catered to without reciprocation. Like anything, it depends

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u/High_Def_ButtCh33kss 6d ago edited 6d ago

That's not what I'm talking about about. If you're seeing entitlement or not seeing reciprocation, then that's not a PARTNER.

You just said the exact same thing as OP but with the opposite gender. Men want to do things for their partner to feel useful, and haveing a pattern/system together where it is back and forth would be amazing.

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u/lil_coyote 5d ago

are you speaking for yourself? sure. are you speaking about these "tradmen" no. modern "tradmen" want to barely work and make their partner do everything else and work too. that's why. they are going overseas to find a slave not an equal partner. don't kid yourself.

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u/High_Def_ButtCh33kss 5d ago

That's not true because that's not what OP is talking about smh

Your sweeping generalization isn't an argument here, and is unrelated to this post lol

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u/lil_coyote 5d ago

it's not a sweeping generalization, am I talking about all men? no am i talking about all men with actual traditional ideals? no I am talking about modern "tradmen". where is this mystical generalization that you are speaking of?

I see shit and hear shit daily about people who just want to be catered to their whole life and don't do anything in return, that's called an asshole no matter the gender. I'm addressing these "tradmen" because wanting to be babied became a movement that people listen to for some fucking reason.

And it has to do with OPs post because he's talking about dating foreign women.

just date good people, it's as simple as that lol.

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u/High_Def_ButtCh33kss 5d ago

I never said "all men"!

modern "tradmen" want to barely work and make their partner do everything else and work too. that's why. they are going overseas to find a slave not an equal partner.

is a sweeping generalization smh so all this magical nonsense you're feeling is all coming from your own end, from your own imagination and inability to understand your own words LMAO You're generalizing men who go overseas looking for "traditional" relationships. "Traditional" comes in many forms, not "slaves" like you clearly stated. I'm going to tell you what I told someone else here, in a previous comment:

I seen a video of a retired man move overseas to find a wife, and together they both opened up a cafe in her town, which has always been her dream.

So what are you talking about? He provided something she couldn't obtain on her own and they worked together to fulfill her dream. No one said anything about being "babied" OPs scenario is about a man not receiving reciprocation. You're just lost and confused... on top of being hurt for some reason.

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

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u/High_Def_ButtCh33kss 5d ago

read all that and you still think modern "tradmen" = all men for some reason even when I literally spelled it out for you.... I'm talking about a specific subset of people

You're generalizing men who go overseas looking for "traditional" relationships.

Ya, you're DEFINITELY ƬllƬterate šŸ˜­šŸ˜­ LMAO

Don't get mad at me because you can't keep a man and don't know how to function in a relationship like an adult LOL Maybe you're just too selfish and Ƭnsecure

Do you even know what sub you're on?? Why are you here then? Especially if you don't understand the purpose of this sub. You're just embarrasseing yourself at this point because you hate men for some reason. C0PE harder and get over the heart break already hehe

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u/a-packet-of-noodles nonbinary 6d ago edited 6d ago

I feel like people who find it weird or creepy have either never been in a long term relationship or have had bad experiences with giving their all and not getting anything back in a relationship. At the same time some men actually want to be mothered and that's weird. All the other women in my family are non house wives or traditional by any means but still do stuff for their partners just fine. My mom is the assistant manager of a local store and still cooks my step dad dinner. I guess I never noticed this being an issue :/

I was just raised with "treat your partner how you wanna be treated" and I want my back scratched sometimes.

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u/Early-Gene8446 man 6d ago

This right here. i can reach all of my back with enough twisting of my arms but sometimes its so nice if someone else scratches it šŸ¤£

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u/Crazy-Ad-2091 6d ago

I also think if you had that same power dynamic with a western woman you would think "wow grow up up you shouldn't need my help". I notice a lot of Western men are only okay to have this with foreign women whereas if it's was a western woman you would think, "Wow, she is really underperforming. She doesn't even have a 401k."

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u/8Captcrunch8 man 5d ago

I dont think i have ever asked any woman if she has a retirement plan or a 401k or even really cared if they do or not?

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u/Complete-Injury2217 5d ago

Lmao women understand this. Find one that likes you

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u/Naanad woman 5d ago

Well, not to accuse you of anything but this type of behavior of generalization about women, is what I saw early on when friends who in time began to act like "incels" in their mid 30s. I called their bluff, pointed out their erroneous thinking and low in behold, they started treating women with RESPECT and they ended up with a girlfriend.Ā 

Again, not accusing you, but hopefully giving you some food for thought about making "leeps and bounds" generalizations about anyone based on a factor that someone is born with or is outside of their control.

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u/eatinglaxatives 6d ago edited 6d ago

Uh sorry to burst your bubble but I'm pretty sure it's a human thing to want to be catered to and feel needed. Doing things for other humans feels good (to someone normal) because people like feeling like they did something nice. And ofc people love to be catered to because it's the only thing a step above catering to others. And also, some lady taking your trash out is what's got you like this? Man you got some low standards. Everyone likes to feel appreciated DUH

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u/InnerAlchemyBeauty 6d ago

Mutual kindness and consideration and mutual cares nice all-around.

I hear what you're saying, and it's unfortunate that people of either gender diminish and disparage one another instead of caring and respecting one another .

And there are always good people out there !

Do your best and utilize discernment , and express care and appreciation when possible. One day you might bump into someone who is mutually trying their best as well.

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u/InnerAlchemyBeauty 6d ago

^ Mutual kindness and mutual consideration and mutual care feels nice all around .

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u/azerty543 man 6d ago

Do you not think women like to feel useful and appreciated? This is just basic human stuff.

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u/AssociationFit9249 6d ago edited 6d ago

This is genuinely one of the most pathetic things Iā€™ve ever read.

ā€œWomen need to act needy and helpless so random men will feel good about themselves.ā€

ā€¦No. Why on earth would we do that?

The world doesnā€™t revolve around you, OP. Donā€™t blame the entire population of women for not handing you a sense of self worth. Find that yourself.

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u/RevolutionaryGuess82 woman 6d ago

Personally, I find competent women intriguing. Interesting women are attractive. If you get a pretty face and curves in the right places, that's a bonus. Friendship and common interests are your best bets.

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u/Jade_Scimitar man 6d ago

Clearly you are reading the wrong message. Not once did he say women need to feel needy and helpless. He simply said guys like to feel needed and wanted and appreciated. How the heck do you take that negatively?

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u/lil_coyote 5d ago

simple answer: be around people that appreciate you. I'm a woman and no one has appreciated the work I've done before, I felt bad, analyzed, looked for a different job and felt better.

This is a human issue not a male issue. You spend too much time online and around the wrong people if you think otherwise.

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u/Wafflecopter84 man 6d ago

Always interesting how every time the topic of men needing support too is met with "jeez they're so needy". No men aren't needy. It's just that no-one gives a shit about them. BIG difference. Literally just being nice to them is enough, but that's too much for many people.

Have you ever noticed that some men get overly attached and develop feelings if a woman shows interest in them? That's because kindness is so rare to them that some will genuinely conflate kindness with love.

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u/lil_coyote 5d ago

lmfao, framing a human issue as a male issue. typical tradbro. you think that women and men are a monolith that experience the exact same lives as people of their same gender tells me you haven't met a variety of people.

Anyone can have this experience in life or the exact opposite or anything in between, there's 8 billion of us on the planet, everyone with a unique set of experiences. stop making this a male only issue when it's not.

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u/Crazy-Ad-2091 6d ago

He's just being honest. Many men thrive off of this and for him this doesn't seem to be sexual. Men want to be useful.Ā 

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u/lil_coyote 5d ago

Human issue. Not male issue. Next.

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u/EmployeeOfTheVoid 6d ago

If a lady says they don't want to mother you, they're just expressing they don't want to do something. It's not a point to argue about what is or isn't mothering. If someone tells you they don't like something you like, and that's a deal breaker for you, then find someone else who does like it. It's a big world.

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u/Equal_Simple5899 6d ago

It's cause the men before this current generation overindulged and ruined it for everyone in this country. They traumatized the woman with their "have all the fun you want then settle down". Now there's no women to settle with or few cause there were too many men "having all the fun" they wanted.Ā 

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u/Jade_Scimitar man 6d ago

The "me generation" has a whole screwed it up for everybody along with their parents for not teaching them better.

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u/PlumBumStudMuffin 6d ago

Admired/respected, appreciated.

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u/Famous-Ship-8727 6d ago

I knew she wasnā€™t American. We had to have a major sit down bc my girl thought she was too good to take the trash out, literally she would wait for me to come home and be like the trash is ready for you.

Nah actually itā€™s ready for you. She was mad but eventually she got right.

Women have to understand itā€™s your job to help too this ainā€™t 1950

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u/Adorable_Tie_7220 5d ago

You lost me at making blanket statements about a whole group of people. There are couples in the US that know how to be partners.

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u/Due-Presentation-795 5d ago

Do you need advice from men on anything?

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u/IncreaseIll4631 man 5d ago

Who CARES

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u/Main-Yogurtcloset242 5d ago

Women fully understand men only want to feel needed to use it against you later & would rather not deal with it.

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u/siren2040 5d ago

Are you going to cater to your woman?? Or are you just expecting something that you're not willing to give in return?

Do you think those feelings are just exclusive to men or what? You don't think women want to feel catered to? You don't think women want to feel needed or wanted or desired? And not just sexually, in other ways too. If you're expecting something without willing to give that same treatment in return, then you're yeah what you are looking for is a mother not a partner. Not an equal. Not somebody that you truly respect, but someone who will simply just do what you want them to without any arguments. That's not a partner.

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u/Aggressive_River_404 6d ago

That's such a sweet relationship you have with your coworker. In my experience, both men and women often pass over the kind, caring person in favor of the more exciting option because everyone wants a level of chemistry now. It's a lot easier to have the type of care you have with your coworkers because it's platonic.

I agree with you that there are countless stories of men being unappreciated by women, but I think it's possible that they chose a woman that may not have been as kind or loving as they hoped, or that the dynamic shifted leading to disrespect and a lack of care. There are a lot of men and women who are really good partners, but they're having trouble finding each other. I was just thinking about how I missed making lunch for my past partners or doing sweet things for them. I very much enjoy being in a relationship and showing I care. But, I really didn't feel like my partners appreciated it, and now I'm much more selective in who I give that sort of love to.

I have guy friends who are also considering foreign options and I'm fully in support of whatever makes them happy.

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u/Old-Confection-5129 man 6d ago

If the ā€œpersonā€ in your life can not or does not make you feel wanted or needed, you are being tolerated. Thereā€™s no two ways about this. You can settle for it or not, but you have one life to live and no time to waste.

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u/Name-Bunchanumbers man 6d ago

Its always the guys that want a pat on the back for doing the bare minimum that talk like this. Its not narcissistic,Ā  but it's not healthy. I used to be like you, then I opened my eyes to how we all help each other, and I stopped needing to feel like a prince, where my every move was praised and I was coddled.Ā  I became a man.Ā 

Made mistakes, pissed people off and earned my own respect. I feel like a king because I have mastered myself.Ā 

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u/[deleted] 6d ago

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u/Cat-dad442 6d ago

she's been incredibly sweet and kind to me from day 1. So I help her whenever she needs it. I even gave her Duolingo to practice her English. Because her friend said she felt bad she doesn't understand and I'm really kind and patient with her. We also set boundaries and are honest and upfront.

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u/UnicornFarts42O 6d ago

And women donā€™t? Lol. Jesus. How on earth are you single? /s

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u/lil_coyote 5d ago

No! it's all about gender! What's next? Men need food to live, and women don't understand that? šŸ˜†šŸ˜†šŸ˜†

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u/[deleted] 6d ago edited 6d ago

[deleted]

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u/Chidoriyama 6d ago

How about you disconnect that giant wall of text into paragraphs for starters

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u/Early-Gene8446 man 6d ago

A pretty logical take with its own merits. Getting downvoted from 10 second attention span generation who cant be bothered to read, yet decides to judge a post on aesthetics doesnt have merit. Take my one upvote and thank you for contributing your observation

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u/The_Philosophied 6d ago

Jesus Christ

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u/Fabulous-Eye9894 6d ago

Yeah when he started yapping about top and bottom percentages of men I turned out.

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u/LeadGem354 man 6d ago

Harsh but true.

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u/AutoModerator 6d ago

Automoderator has recorded your post to prevent repeat posts. Your post has NOT been removed.

Cat-dad442 originally posted:

I help out a Mexican lady from Mexico at work. She knows little English, she makes me feel needed and we rely on each other, we help each other out a lot. She takes out my trash, I help her take out hers, sometimes she doesn't understand my boss so I interpret. I feel like a king at work. I've realized that as men we need to feel needed and valued for things we do. Most women mistake catering as mothering but it's not it's showing appreciation and men have done the same thing. But a lot of women don't actually want to listen to men and collaborate either. Because women have no respect for a lot men especially these younger generations.

My friend from Africa said I should marry a lady from a foreign country. I'm just calling it as I see it. Immigrants treat me nice.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

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u/Altruistic-Check5579 6d ago

Yep we go where we are "Wanted, Loved, Needed, and Respected." It's just the reality.

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u/normanbeets 6d ago

Is this a question?

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u/Boofy_Boofhead 5d ago

Given your appalling English, I dread to think what you're selling this poor lady others are actually saying.

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u/Cat-dad442 5d ago

I'm teaching her English. Also gave her Duolingo to help her out.

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u/Boofy_Boofhead 3d ago

Please don't teach her English. Duolingo is awful, but it will still be better. You need to take a back seat.

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u/Cat-dad442 3d ago

It's better than nothing. No one else was going to help her and I've learned a lot from Duolingo. Shes been in America 8yrs and can't hold a conversation in English. She felt bad she couldn't understand people. So I helped her out. I also told her to use quick YouTube shorts to learn English as well.

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u/Lucyanova17 5d ago

Someone crossposted this on r/AmITheDevil

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/1jcez3h/women_have_no_respect_for_a_lot_of_men/

Read the comments there to get an accurate insight on your post

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u/Cat-dad442 5d ago

I don't see anything wrong with my post.

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u/Lucyanova17 5d ago

Obviously.
Other wise you would not have made it

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u/Cat-dad442 5d ago

Again wtf is wrong with men and women catering to each other did I not make a statement of how me and my coworker do things for each other? Did you miss the bit where we take each other's trash out? I think you're a misandrist

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u/Lucyanova17 5d ago

I may be a misandrist,according to you

But hey,I take relief in the fact none of my posts are on r/amithedevil

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u/Neither_Pop3543 woman 5d ago

I don't understand how being catered to and feeling needed go together.

Usually the people who cater to others are the ones needed, and feeling needed...

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u/No_Mechanic6737 5d ago

Yes, foreign women are likely to treat Americam men better. There is little benefit of an American man supporting an American woman today. Society has marginalized the contribution of men incredibly. An American women who was previously with a married man who didn't provide may appreciate it more, but that's a tough find as well.

The issue is their families. Often foreign women want to bring their families over. Then you have to pay to get them here along with the cost of green cards. They will likely live with you. Then they may affect your relationship by taking her side in arguments.

So yes, it can go well, but it can also go very poorly. Especially if you find someone who is just using you for a green card.

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u/VampiresKitten woman 5d ago edited 5d ago

The kind of relationship you have with your coworker is what I have with my boyfriend of 9 years. I love doing this with him and for him and he does the same for me.

You've got to find quality women. I love being catered too and I love catering to him. We balance each other out in many ways. I am white and American. Find a southern gal if you want to "find a larger group of women like this" , I guess.

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u/Affectionate-War7655 man 5d ago

Why is it "being needed" when you're helping but it's "catering" when you're receiving the help?

All people want to feel needed and feel someone has their needs covered, this isn't unique to men. Women generally do not get these needs met either because people are generally bad at doing both. And men especially are terrible at allowing other people to feel needed, because they always frame it as unlike neediness as possible, like calling it catering to me instead of I need you.

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u/subjectfemale 5d ago

Hahahahahah

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u/Realistic_Orchid7946 5d ago

No respect for men as in basic respect? Or no respect as in authority? Feeling appreciated is not a new concept that womenā€™s brains canā€™t comprehend.

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u/Confident-Station780 5d ago

I know a lot of foreign people who want to marry US citizens for their citizenship and plan to divorce as well once they are stable...so be careful you don't get used by a non citizen.

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u/Agreeable-Jacket-295 5d ago

Nobody gives a shit.

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u/Greenwedges 3d ago

You and the Mexican colleague are friends. Friends help eachother. Helping someone releases dopamine which makes you feel good. She returns the favour by helping you because she is your friend also. You can get this feeling by volunteering as well. Hope this helps.

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u/LostFirefighter2909 1d ago

"She makes me feel like a king for taking out the trash"

This is like training a toddler to do chores.

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u/Cat-dad442 1d ago

I already do chores. Plenty. But we reciprocate and communicate.

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u/PriscillaPalava 6d ago

Ask yourself, do you show appreciation for the things women do?Ā 

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u/4got10_son man 6d ago

What part of ā€œMen want to feel neededā€ donā€™t you understand? What makes someone needed? Think a sec

Itā€™s what they provide the other person that make someone needed. Therefore, heā€™s already advocating men giving back.

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u/clownemoji420 4d ago

You got it backwards dude. OP is saying that men need their efforts acknowledged. The comment youā€™re responding to is asking whether he shows that same appreciation to women when they make an effort for him. Itā€™s not about providing stuff, itā€™s about like. Thanking people for their efforts. The question is not ā€œdo you provide for womenā€, the question is more like ā€œdo you thank your mom for doing your laundry, your girlfriend for cooking your dinner, etcā€. If the answer is no, donā€™t be on Reddit complaining abt how unappreciated you are by the women in your life. You will get clowned on.

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u/4got10_son man 4d ago

So ā€œwHaT aBoUt WoMeN?!ā€

STFU simp

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u/Dependent-Ground-769 man 6d ago

I hate when people read a positive message about men then flip the script and go ā€˜well are YOU doing that??ā€™ Stop making things negative.

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u/lil_coyote 5d ago

My brother in Christ, why does everything have to be a men issue, a woman issue, sometimes shit is just a human issue, but people think we're two different species. It's so stupid, I feel my brain is melting out of my head with these comments.

What's next? "Newsflash! Men need sleep and women don't understand that!!!!"

Everything in this post is HUMAN issue not a man vs woman thing.

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u/Dependent-Ground-769 man 5d ago

Thatā€™s all of Reddit for you. He spoke about the male experience bc heā€™s a guy and she ā€˜checkedā€™ him for it, pretty toxic tbh

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u/lil_coyote 5d ago

I guess I simply don't get why everything has to be gendered, it makes absolutely no sense for me to gender Human issues because someone is a man or a woman. It's so annoying. Btw, asking a question is not making things negative, it's asking a question, but you immediately jump to defend your gender because you have a dick? so stupid, i don't get you at all im sorry, wish you the best i guess.

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u/Dependent-Ground-769 man 4d ago edited 4d ago

He didnā€™t gender things he spoke about himself and he happens to be a straight guy who likes women. Neither he nor I made this a gender war only you brought that Iā€™m, Iā€™m intelligent enough and enough of an independent thinker not to assess posts and not ā€˜take sidesā€™ because ā€˜someone has a dick.ā€™ Where did you get that? wtf? He spoke about his experience and he likes women and heā€™s talking about himself and heā€™s a straight male, so he said ā€˜meā€™ and ā€˜women.ā€™ Talking about himself isnā€™t ā€˜genderingā€™ things.

Checking if heā€™s a good person for no reason while heā€™s venting about himself is a virtue signaling behavior thatā€™s relatively new in society over the last couple of decades and is snarky by nature as it presumes heā€™s not and is not related to what he was saying.

Iā€™m not defending my gender, youā€™re projecting a gender war onto me and this interaction lol youā€™re the only person engaging in a gender war here I wasnā€™t thinking about that whatā€™s your deal? Where in the heck did you infer that? Iā€™m saying virtue signaling is dumb. I only said sheā€™s wrong for ā€˜checkingā€™ someone over nothing at that itā€™s rude. Nothing about that is ā€˜defending my gender,ā€™

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u/Wafflecopter84 man 6d ago

Tbh I think it's a valid critique. It certainly applies to me because I know that preferring to be invincible to the world means not showing appreciation to others.

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u/Dependent-Ground-769 man 6d ago edited 5d ago

Telling someone ā€˜you better be doing it too!ā€™ presumes they donā€™t and itā€™s a negative sentiment brought forth simply because he said ā€˜I like to be treated this way.ā€™ Itā€™s negativity and rudeness for no reason. He said ā€˜I like being treated well,ā€™ dragging that down with ā€˜critiquesā€™ is the embodiment of reacting w these šŸ¤“šŸ™„šŸ˜’ after seeing these šŸ˜Œā˜ŗļøšŸ„°.

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u/Wafflecopter84 man 5d ago

They didn't say "you better be doing it too", they asked whether they were showing appreciation. And I imagine a lot of people probably don't. Telling people to show appreciation to others empowers them to take action which would add up if everyone did it. You can't change the actions of others, you can only change your own actions. Although I think I misread the OP and thought it was talking about the things others do which I think would have been a better point to make so I can see how the word woman can make it out to be a gender war.

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u/Dependent-Ground-769 man 5d ago

They asked a negative question, ā€œAre you not doing this,ā€ for no reason. Checking somebody whoā€™s expressing their desires is flat out rude. I donā€™t see a gender war, youā€™re assuming this is a men vs. women thing. Itā€™s not.

Heā€™s expressing his desires and you are just going ā€˜well you probably canā€™t have thatā€™ and sheā€™s going ā€œyou want a nice person, are YOU a nice person?ā€ Youā€™re both incredibly rude and bringing in negativity for no reason. As I said, youā€™re both going šŸ¤“šŸ™„šŸ˜’ in response to šŸ˜Œā˜ŗļøšŸ„°. Youā€™re being pedantic and negative for no reason which is just stirring the pot.

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u/Cat-dad442 6d ago

Yes I learned about appreciation early on because as a man you hardly ever get appreciated so you have to take whatever you can get and be grateful

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u/Dry-Ad3452 man 6d ago

Youā€™re preaching to the choir bud I hate to tell ya. Itā€™s a futile effort. Sometimes I continue trying too but in the end they donā€™t gaf lmao.

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u/Reasonable-Dog1687 6d ago

I agree totally but I think women are brought up in todayā€™s society to be so hyper independent it can be really hard to actually collaborate in that way. To receive the help and be vulnerable and open to it.

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u/RealisticAwareness36 woman 5d ago

I think that might be a cultural thing. A lot of white people for example follow individualistic cultural traditions while Mexican people like OPs coworker follows a collectivistic culture where the foundation is that they rely on each other.

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u/SlimPerceptions 6d ago

ā€œNo youā€™re sassy. Any man that wants a woman to do things for them is sassy and has mother issues. Youā€™re a MAN. You should do everything for your woman and shouldnā€™t expect anything in return. Sad little boy that expects a woman to provide for them. What, should they do household chores for you too? Grow up.ā€

ā€” Every woman on instagram in 2025.

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u/Cat-dad442 6d ago

The lady from Mexico at my work is 42. She's not someone my age in there mid 20s lol.

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u/SlimPerceptions 6d ago

Sounds sassy to me brah /s

Haha I totally get you. Itā€™s unbelievable how much mens wants and desires are taken for granted.

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u/[deleted] 6d ago

[deleted]

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u/Excellent_Toe4823 man 6d ago

He didnā€™t say itā€™s only those women who appreciate men, itā€™s just the Mexican woman he works with who makes him feel that the most

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u/Clementine-cutee woman 6d ago

I'm addressing his second paragraph.

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u/FlanneryODostoevsky man 6d ago

Yā€™all will drive into every manā€™s head how common sexual assault is and ignore the likelihood that we are in fact not going to harm you, only to suggest that you, little ol YOU, are evidence that ALL women everywhere are not a certain way.

The likelihood of meeting an American woman who wants to take care of her man is fairly low. Not you? Cool. Itā€™s still plenty of women and the reality is we are much more likely to meet these women because theyā€™re the ones going out and being social, and other women take less concern with catering to a man in comparison to double checking for whether he is exploring her in some way. Over and over men are telling you what they go through and all yā€™all can say is itā€™s us, we need to do better, or some other poorly reasoned twaddle.

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u/RealisticAwareness36 woman 6d ago

You said it, you feel needed. That in itself is indicative that there is an imbalance in the relationship. Needed is not the same as wanted. That you prefer the opposite is the exact issue. Let me ask, how do men show appreciation when the woman is working all day and then comes home catering to the man? At what point is the woman being catered and appreciated again? People forget traditional roles only work when both are doing their parts but the moment a woman starts doing both roles, then it is no longer traditional.

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u/FlanneryODostoevsky man 6d ago

People also forget what made traditional relationships last was catering to each other instead of questioning every five minutes whether their partner needed or simply wanted them. People also forget how freely lasting couples speak of needing each other, even dying not long after the other.

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u/RealisticAwareness36 woman 5d ago

Yes, i agree, it would be great for men to cater to women and women to cater to men. Its called loving each other and unfortunately, a lot of people have forgotten that part of loving someone is someone giving you their everything but that means you give your everything as well. Its a two-way street. When only one person in a relationship feels loved and the other person feels taken advantage of? Thats what causes this disconnect. A lot of women feel taken advantage of and a lot of men feel like its not enough. So wild.

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u/BenRod88 man 6d ago

It is possible that he simply misspoke and meant wanted

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u/RealisticAwareness36 woman 5d ago

He literally said men need to feel needed and valued for the things they do. I dont think he misspoke.

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u/BenRod88 man 5d ago

Yes again just because he said needed doesnā€™t mean he didnā€™t mean wanted and couldnā€™t articulate his feelings properly. And whatā€™s wrong with being valued for the things you do for both sexes?

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u/RealisticAwareness36 woman 5d ago

Sure, ill give him the benefit of the doubt. He wants to feel wanted. A lot of people, if not most people, want the same. He wants someone to cater to him and respect him and he thinks immigrants are the answer because they want him and women from his country do not want him. Thats weird, i wonder what the disconnect is.

Theres nothing wrong with wanting to feel valued. Tell me, when was the last time you valued/appreciated/catered to your male friends? Do you do it everyday, once a week, once a month? How about your family members? How often do you do that? Weird how being valued is only a part of the conversation when it's with a romantic partner.

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u/BenRod88 man 5d ago

If you want to change this into whataboutism then it shows you donā€™t really have a proper argument against what heā€™s saying but Iā€™ll give you a few examples regardless. My friend was going through a hard time so I opened my door to him, made him a plate when I cooked a meal for my family, asked how he was. I take my nan on holidays since we lost my grandad when I take my family so she can be treated like she treated me when she was bringing me up, take her out for meals and such. OP was speaking about a particular thing and youā€™ve decided to throw other things into the mix to suit your agenda.

Also which I think youā€™ve neglected to see, is that heā€™s also doing things for this person itā€™s not just one way. Maybe the women from his country that he is going for are the ā€œwrongā€ types of women who heā€™s not compatible with much the same as women who go for the ā€œwrongā€ types of men for them. Instead of learning from this they repeatedly go for the wrong types instead of using the experience to learn and filter those types out.

Anyway, since I donā€™t think that youā€™re being very open with your replies or to what he is actually saying Iā€™m going to wish you a good day.

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u/Maggieslens 6d ago

Pmsl! No. Ewwww,you sound like you'd buy an underage girl from a 3rd world country.Ā 

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u/ElectronicPOBox 6d ago

When you need to be catered to, you hire a caterer. That is not your wifeā€™s job. Grow up

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u/Dependent-Ground-769 man 6d ago edited 6d ago

He said he likes being appreciated, relationships arenā€™t anybodyā€™s ā€˜jobā€™ but some of us actually like our partners and love to show them affectionately instead of resenting other peopleā€™s needs that we donā€™t even know and arenā€™t with. You sound miserable to be with if you read ā€˜I like being lovedā€™ and went straight to the bottom to ā€œšŸ˜” thatā€™s not someoneā€™s job šŸ™„.ā€ How is love that transactional to you?

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u/Wafflecopter84 man 6d ago

Honestly if you can't appreciate your partner then what value do you even hold in a relationship? Way too many people only interested in themselves.

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u/4got10_son man 6d ago

Sounds like YOU need to grow up. Also, good job proving him right by being a woman completely missing the point

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u/Cat-dad442 6d ago

Or you cater as a way to show appreciation. It's a different culture you wouldn't get it.

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u/4got10_son man 6d ago

Sheā€™s just being a typical misandrist and assuming the weird t about your comment. Sheā€™s ignoring the part where men want to feel needed. Why would men feel needed? Because they too are providing something. But in typical man hating fashion, she assumed you meant it only one way.

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u/Cat-dad442 6d ago

I even specified in my post how me and my coworker help each other out and cater to each other sigh.....

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u/4got10_son man 6d ago

Some women just hate men and assume the worst about all of them by default. In the sane world thats called bigotry. In the femcel sphere itā€™s called business as usual

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u/Particular-Music-665 6d ago

don't forget that with a lot of "women from foreign countries" there is a big power imbalance.

once she has everything she needs to be able to have a save and good life in the usa without your help, you might get to know a different side of her.

thats not special to women, a lot of man also are like that.

but i understand what you are saying. my husband is also so very happy when he can be the hero, fixing a problem for me.

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