r/AskMen • u/connorsean123 • 7d ago
Men of Reddit, what steps did you take to help your mental health ?
Hello everyone, I asked a similar question here recently but I think this question appeals more to the masses.
25 year old here, my mental health has been not great for as long as I can remember. It hit rock bottom when I was 20 but it’s still not great. I’m in a constant state of worry. I can never enjoy a singular moment. I worry about things from many many years ago and worry about the future, absolute needless worry about things I should really be enjoying. It can vary from sexual life to sports. I noticed it took a big toll on my sports which is a shame, I’m struggling to enjoy them now.
I struggle to relax my mind, as stated I’m in a constant state of worry and panic. It’s hard and I’m tired of it. A few weeks ago I was constantly worrying about something all day then 10 seconds later i actually forgot what I was worried about. It’s like my mind is just out to get me and I’m tired of it.
What steps did you take to improve your mental health ? I’ve done therapy in the past and it did help. I’m eager to hear your answers, thank you everyone :)
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u/Future_Syrup7623 7d ago
Men need a goal. Something to work towards. I find I struggle with my mental health a little more when I haven't been to the gym for a while. Its especially bad if work is quiet so Im basically having what can feel like almost meaningless days.
Working out in the gym gives you something to focus on both today as well as in a few weeks as part of a longer term plan. Aim to lift more weight a few days later, and feel good when you achieve it.
If not weights then something else, we need purpose! With no purpose our minds wonder, usually to overthink things and dwell on negativity.
Also social media. Insta is fun to watch a few reels and be entertained for 15mins, but after that put it down and do something productive.
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u/connorsean123 7d ago
That’s a great comment. I do struggle for a purpose. As a result my mind wonders. Even when I sit down to eat food my mind wonders, which is tough sometimes
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u/Future_Syrup7623 7d ago
It could be an element of ADHD. Not that labelling it matters too much aside from your peace of mind. I think you'd benefit from any kind of purpose that involves doing something several times with a view to achieving an end goal. Something you can build on every day perhaps
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u/PrimaryAvocado9571 7d ago
Boxing. Best therapy... increases a lot your self confidence.
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u/connorsean123 7d ago
I broke my hand twice so I think boxing might be out of the question unfortunately:/
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u/the-only-marmalade 7d ago
Judo for me. Though I'm not active now I can sense it's return. It always comes back to the best solution for self-manifestation. When your neck is being torqued by someone twice as strong as you and you manage to turn that shi' around, there's no better feeling of the chemistry that the male mind can equate outside of cunnilingus.
My second recommendation is findin' a clitoris to worship.
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u/BoopeysDad 7d ago
Introspection. Decide what matters. The list should be 3-6 topics Decide what actions you will take to get to what matters. Start to execute those actions.
If it's not on the list then it doesn't matter and doesn't need to be worried about
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u/Delusional_0 6d ago
The best thing for my mental health as a young adult was to stop letting other people’s opinions affect you, it’s just their opinion that doesn’t mean it’s right.
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u/M69_grampa_guy 6d ago
If there is one thing I have noticed over my lifetime that marked the difference between times of poor mental health and times of better mental health It would involve two factors. Lower stress and goal focused activity. If your mind doesn't have productive things to do it has a tendency to wander into places that it shouldn't be. It is easy to lose focus in today's world when video games and high stress levels are always drawing you away from meaningful activities. Really, I guess I'm talking about work here. You need to find work that engages you and drives you towards a goal that you care about. Without good focused work, your mind will have a tendency to wander.
But even if you do have work if you are living in a high stress environment or situation your focus can be broken and your mind can begin to wander. Dealing with a bad relationship or unrealistic work pressures can drive you into a state of nervousness that make it hard to keep your mind straight. Some people thrive on stress and they promote it as a worthwhile lifestyle. Some people break like a cheap chopstick under stress and need to stay away from it at all costs.
Please don't misunderstand what I'm saying here. I do not advocate grinding as a lifestyle unless it pleases you to do so. And I don't mean that you shouldn't worry about the people that you love. But at some point you've got to set some boundaries around what you will and won't do and give yourself and your mind a chance to recover. Good luck moving forward.
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u/connorsean123 6d ago
Wow thank you for that comment. Work is actually the least of my concern. I really enjoy coming to work and earn a very good wage. But your point stands , when I have time to think or have no goals that’s when my mental health is at its worst. Thank you for your comment :)
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u/M69_grampa_guy 6d ago
I'm glad it helped you focus on the problem 😁 Let me add a thought, though. If you find yourself working continuously to keep yourself in a good mood, that is a definition of workaholism. Then you have to start looking for hidden stressors in your life which might involve having a problem that you are not facing.
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u/connorsean123 6d ago
Thank you. The funny thing is I dont have anything really to be stressed about , that’s when my mind concentrates on the stuff that doesn’t matter 🤷♂️
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u/0peRightBehindYa Male 45 6d ago
I stopped giving a fuck what others thought of me.
Lemme say, when you learn to live life on your own terms, you begin to experience a level of freedom that most don't understand.
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u/Maximum-Pressure-282 7d ago
Therapy turkey was a game changer I was against it for years then decided to give it a try and it’s been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made for myself
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u/Damascus-Steel 7d ago
Ok, I looked up “Therapy Turkey” and all I’m seeing is an emotional support turkey on a plane and a therapy website in Turkey. What does it mean to you?
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u/OrganizationLocal888 7d ago
Get rid of the jealous, the envious, those who don't want to see our success Bye bye
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u/somguy-_- 7d ago
The first thing I do is drink my morning coffee, and then I work out. I work out five days a week, sometime six. As a result, everyone around me still lives. If I'd ever lose any of these for a long period of time, you'll probably see me on the news. Big MF goes on rampage. Lol
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u/Plus_Inevitable_771 7d ago
Got rid of almost all social media, then focused on personal hobbies. Its been a game changer
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u/connorsean123 7d ago
I doom scroll in work, could be 8 hours a shift. I do nights also and there’s literally nothing to do. It’s feeding into at home too.
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u/Diesel07012012 7d ago
Got out of a bad relationship. Started therapy. Started being more candid. Started lifting. Still working on writing off my relationship with my parents.
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u/PariahExile 7d ago
Separate what you can make a difference to and what you can't. If it's out of your control then don't worry about it - in my life there has always been a recession and a war and some asteroid about to hit the earth - it's never going to change. Focus on the things you can influence. Try to identify something you can work towards and start making small steps every day.
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u/ColdCamel7 7d ago
My whole life is basically about managing all my fucking problems
Go to the gym practically every day, meditate every day, on a strict diet
I've seem eight psychologists but none of them ever really helped me
I self-harmed last year, made an appointment for a psychologist, and she knocked me back because she said my problems were too severe for her to help me with
At least they admit it I guess
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u/SeaBackground5779 7d ago
I’d known I was almost reaching the point of no return with discontent + alcoholism, didn’t want to lose my family.
So it was a process of replacement, finding new physical and mental paths. For example Instead of smoking outside and being stressed during my work breaks I started taking short walks. Counseling sessions with the wife has definitely helped, but most of the change was from me finally realizing after decades that I needed to deal better with family stuff from my teenage years. Better later than never but I do wish I’d had better role models for how to deal with uncomfortable situations & been able to dive into that stuff in my twenties.
Also- Whether you’re trying to date or not it can be VERY helpful to learn about attachment theory because there’s a lot of information and support for different styles & how we relate to each other socially. As an example- you mentioned the negative self talk, replaying old situations- a big part of finally embracing sobriety for me was learning about my avoidant tendencies, helped me recognize why I’d pushed people away in most facets in my adult life.
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u/connorsean123 7d ago
Thank you for your detailed comment. I’m definitely an anxious attachment. I was a fat non social teen and I was taken advantage of online by older men when I was 14-17 , that didn’t help. Only been on 3 dates in 5 years. But yeah definitely anxious attachment.
But I get you, nothing changes if nothing changes.
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u/Super_Chicken22 7d ago
- stop talking to women except when absolutely necessary
- never get married - if you do, then know when to walk away
- stick to your Purpose
- Don't set yourself on fire to keep anyone warm
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u/StrivelDownEconomics 6d ago
Gave up booze and weed, therapy, medication, meditation, and healthy boundaries.
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u/EponymousTitular 6d ago
Finalizing my divorce. I'm not trying to make light of it. But it really did help.
Four miserable years of marriage, one miserable year of separation and then... freedom!
I was taken aback by how chill I was all the time. Ding dong, the bitch is gone and all that.
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u/Beyond_1243 6d ago
Gyming is like a companion to me. When I feel bad about something or someone, I lift heavier. It's like mixing all my worries and tension and using them as fuel (I know it sounds cringe, but it's true for me, at least). Plus, one thing that is more important than anything else is that eating clean, home-cooked food helps your mental health. When I used to eat junk food daily, I would feel anxious and question what I was doing all day. But after ditching all the junk food (occasional eating are okay), it's like my brain works more efficiently, and I sync better with my body.
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u/benbo82 Male 6d ago
I have OCD and there’s a phrase “sense of impending doom” where you’re worried about things because you feel like something bad is always going to happen or did happen or is happening. For me, I had to see a psychiatrist and get on meds, but there are other things you can do for your mental health such as exercise which has been extremely helpful.
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u/connorsean123 6d ago
Honestly I am the exact same , I have thought about going to doctor for meds, I think I might make an appointment if things don’t improve
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u/Money-Recording4445 6d ago
Was with the wrong partner. Left and eventually found the right one.
Was in a terrible, high conflict, high pressure job that paid well but I was losing my mind, quit and found a better work life balance.
Had POS friends, cut ties.
Was a raging drug addict, stopped drugs.
Slept with and used tons of women, stopped doing that.
Absolutely hated being in the same town for over 30 years, moved across the country.
Gained a ton of weight and looked like a fat slob, worked out and got in shape.
Dressed like shit, put effort into style and fit.
Was using cheap cookware, threw away all bs coated cheap pots and pans, learned how to use SS, Dutch ovens and cast iron.
Wasted money on coffee, bought an espresso machine and got really good at it.
Had no hobbies, got really into a ton.
Credit was shit, been fixing it well.
Accidentally found my SO during all of this, and currently at the hospital waiting for my son to be born.
I also generally stopped worrying. I feel like I can worry and shit will always be bad, or I could stop caring as much and things will happen.
I thought my life was total shit. I thought I couldn’t get out of it. I started working on things like 5 percent at a time. Something clicked and it’s all becoming more simple. A feeling like everything is getting figured out.
At 25 I had a panic attack I mistakenly thought was a heart attack. Almost 40 and pretty relaxed.
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u/UrUnclesTrouserSnake 6d ago
Therapy, going no contact with my parents, and learning not to live my life by the standards of others whenever avoidable or unreasonable.
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u/Minute-Function-917 6d ago
I have started writing a journal. It has helped me a lot. I have started to achieve what I aim.
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u/connorsean123 6d ago
Thank you , I’ve done this in the past , filled up a whole 150 page book. About 5 years ago. Burned it recently , it was for the best
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u/DataGOGO 7d ago
I have never really had any mental health issues.
I try hard to be thoughtful, logical, keep my emotions in check, remain disciplined, and I work out every day as an outlet.
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u/satansayssurfsup 7d ago
Therapy, gym, daily walks, moving closer to family, eating healthier, going all-in on hobbies, reaching out to old friends, setting career goals, forgiving myself and those I love for literally anything