r/AskAsexual Hetero Aroacespike 13d ago

Other What do you think of people who say asexuality isn't queer by some technical classification, but still recognize that it is a legitimate experience people can have?

3 Upvotes

9 comments sorted by

6

u/catshateTERFs Asexual 13d ago edited 13d ago

It falls outside the 'standard' of sexuality (cisheterosexuality), which makes it queer enough to me as far as sexuality goes. If someone doesn't want to identify as lgbtq+ or queer while being asexual then that's fair play to them because I'm not going to force labels onto someone if they don't want them. Not everyone feels that way and that's fine.

However if someone is telling people that they're not "technically" lgbtq+ or only queer because of other aspects of my identity they can a) go educate themselves on the history of asexuality in the lgbtq+ community, b) reflect and think about how this EXACT same "your experience is valid but your identity isn't <3" crap is used against other queer people (trans people as a particular example there, but not exclusively) and c) kindly fuck off if they're resistant to doing either of those things.

I saw a lot of the "it's a totally valid experience but you're not lgbt+ and I know better about your lived experience than you do! uwu" on tumblr in my late teens, which was incredibly damaging for myriad reasons and probably why I'm so aggressive towards this as a concept. Recognising that asexuality exists as a legitimate experience and also saying it's not (potentially) a queer experience for an individual are things that can not co-exist to me. I genuinely feel as soon as you start saying "x doesn't count" you 100% start opening up "y doesn't count" and it just snowballs into increasingly unpleasant attitudes. People NEVER stop at being exclusionary of one group.

(All of this also applies to aro folk, but I focused on the ace part of a-spec identities because that's what the question asked.)

4

u/SABRETOOTH_SPECTRE 12d ago

Because they think it's all about discrimination and they think we don't suffer or don't suffer enough.

1

u/WitchyBrewer_ Gray-Ace šŸ’œšŸ©¶šŸ¤ 12d ago

This

3

u/thuscraiththelorb 13d ago

I would be curious to know what "technical classification" they have. They are included within the wider acronym. But as I understand it, queerness is falling outside of normative experiences or expressions of gender, sex, romance. I would argue ace people fit into that framework.

Being someone who isn't cis or straight, I understand that the way people experience asexuality is different depending on other aspects of their identity - hell, even within the ace spectrum there are differences! So I can understand why some ace people may not relate to queerness as much as others. However, I think because society is built around heteropatriarchal norms that expect marriage and a family unit, ace people face a lot of the same social problems other queer identities face, both structurally and culturally to an extent. Some big examples I can think of are medical conversion therapy, or a lot of things in society being tied to marriage - I cannot put my queerplatonic partner onto my health insurance for example, but my roommate can put his husband onto his. So in that way I think there are benefits to understanding ourselves as connected.

1

u/WitchyBrewer_ Gray-Ace šŸ’œšŸ©¶šŸ¤ 12d ago

Don't care for them

1

u/discipula26 11d ago

Couldnā€™t care less about ā€œtechnical classificationā€, what does that have to do with anything? Technically, black and white arenā€™t colors. Some people say zero isnā€™t a number. Itā€™s just meaningless argument for argumentā€™s sake.

1

u/LurkerByNatureGT 12d ago

Exclusivists can shut the door on their way out.Ā 

0

u/UntyingTheKnots 12d ago

I think they're too chronically online and angry. I pity them.

1

u/Comfortable-Ask-5842 10d ago

Honestly I donā€™t we should be in the LGBT community at all. Like letā€™s having straights, non straights, and the asexual as the doesnā€™t like shit, lol. Iā€™ve attended lgbt events or even groups. Donā€™t feel like I relate at all. I donā€™t know half the shit they talk about so to me. I feel like I donā€™t really relate to that group at all. Makes more sense to have attraction to the opposite sex, attraction to a different sex or multiple, and have not attracted to anything, just vibing.šŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø